Grey Matters: A Man's Hair and His Attractiveness

The furry stuff on the top of your skull can either be a source of strength or weakness,  depending on your mindset. In this episode, we'll talk men's hair and hairstyles, and how much you should (or shouldn't) worry about going grey.

Transcript

Dan:
Good morning, Charles. how are you?

Charles:
I am well, Dan. how are you?

Dan:
I'm really good this morning.

Charles:
I appreciate you granting me some hospitality. I'm recording from your dining room today

Dan:
No problem. five,

Charles:
as I have.

Dan:
five dollars an hour.

Charles:
Okay. Put it a. Yeah, I put it on my tab.

Dan:
I will.

Charles:
I'll whatever, whatever we, whatever monetization we make on this episode is all yours,

Dan:
Oh,

Charles:
so

Dan:
nice.

Charles:
don't don't spend that six cents all in one place. Uh, yeah, I'm headed to see a client in Jacksonville this morning or early afternoon,

Dan:
M.

Charles:
and your houses right on my way from my current dwelling down in the Kasemi area. Lake Maris is on the way up to Jacksonville, so it made sense to make part of the journey before we recorded this morning. So thanks again for that,

Dan:
Yeah, no problem.

Charles:
All right. What's what's going well for you?

Dan:
Let's see what's kind of well for me So dry, January is gone very well for me Last

Charles:
Yeah,

Dan:
last January is a little bit more of a struggle I felt for me. I mean, I'm not a huge

Charles:
M.

Dan:
drinker by any means, but you know, I definitely, when I'm out at the bars and you know, just meeting friends and stuff, which is at a restaurant. I definitely enjoyed glass of wine, and You know I like to relax a little bit with smoke. Also this, this January has flown by and I haven't had

Charles:
M.

Dan:
really any cravings whatsoever And it's not like I drink my face off in December or anything, so that's not Yeah.

Charles:
Yeah,

Dan:
So you know it was it. Definitely it was. It's been a lot easier and I really thought it was going to be. so. M. yeah, I'm enjoying it and I think I'm gonna you know, keep going a little bit. Probably at least until then Times day. Um,

Charles:
Oh,

Dan:
I

Charles:
nice,

Dan:
might might treat myself couple glasses of wine with with the lady at that point. So how about you? What's what's what's going on? What's going well for you?

Charles:
Well dry. January has been pretty pretty easy.

Dan:
Yeah, bet after

Charles:
keep.

Dan:
after a dry twelve months, Yeah,

Charles:
Yeah, I keep a little countdown app on my on my phone that has both past events and things I'm looking forward to in the future, and I created one when I stopped drinking and I'm at three hundred and eighty seven days since since my last alcohol

Dan:
Nice

Charles:
and and again I don't know. I don't know if that's a lifelong decision. you know. Just just like I tell people about living in my my tiny house, I may not want to keep doing it forever, but right now I'm enjoying it. I'm going to keep doing it and that's that's where my my dryness is

Dan:
You're trying us.

Charles:
falls into that. It falls into that category as well. It's working. It's working for me right now and I'm enjoying it right now,

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
so I, I don't see any reason to stop, but okay, in addition to that, I am back to having pro pain at my camper.

Dan:
Oh,

Charles:
I

Dan:
congratulations.

Charles:
replaced my.

Dan:
nice. you can function

Charles:
Yeah.

Dan:
now.

Charles:
Thank you now I can. Yeah, I took one cold shower. because Yeah, when when you have no hot water, either shower cold, or when you're staying in our V park, you can go to the shared facility or when you're staying in R V Park, that your girl friends also stay, and you can just shower at her place. But so far because you know, my, my schedule is a bit different from hers. I. I still, I mean, I wake up before five o'clock pretty much every morning. You know, my alarm sets at five. I set up for five, but I'm usually up around four forty, and you know going to bang on her door like

Dan:
Okay,

Charles:
I'm here for my daily shower. Does?

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
I wouldn't want someone to do that to me, So the golden rule says I shouldn't do that to her either, so it's either go to the shared facility or just shower cold. And but those days are behind me,

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
I did find out that I'm going to have to. I replaced the hose and then found out that the the new hose I got didn't have the right size nozzle on it, so I had to go to

Dan:
Oof,

Charles:
an auto part store and then a home improvement store to try to find in it. Apter and I finally found that, And then when I got back and got the hose and the adaptor installed, then it looked like the regulator. Just from being, you know, The regulator is just a little a little piece. that is similar to the regulator that you would have on a pro pane grill, but it goes on the outside of the camper, and just being you know, exposed to the elements for the last seven years as soon as I went to work with it at all all the brutal plastic that sort of covers, it just broke apart and fell on the ground just like dust. Now I've got a new regulator being delivered today, But the old regulator I was able to. I was able to make it work. It's just I know that it's not in condition that it should be. you know there for the long term, So

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
Amazon is going to bring me a new one today,

Dan:
Nice.

Charles:
and then I'll take everything apart again and replace the regulator, and then and then hopefully my my gas heating issues will be done. but you know, compared to when something goes wrong with your house, I mean this is going to be out the door. Probably A seventy five dollar fix and I'll not have to worry about it again for another five

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
years,

Dan:
that's fantastic.

Charles:
so yeah, I remember when I owned a house and it was. you know you couldn't go to Target or loads or Home Depot without spending two hunderd dollars,

Dan:
Bright.

Charles:
just every single every single trip.

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
But yeah, thankfully, camper life is is not like that. At least in that regard, I mean, there there are other challenges and and other concerns. But yeah, having to just spend lots and lots of money on little things is not some I have to deal with and that's nice. I like that

Dan:
Yeah, I'm glad you're You're appreciating that you're seeing that that side because you know not being able to lie with that prop without propan. you can't cook right you can't.

Charles:
Right

Dan:
you know? there's no hot water. There's I mean, it's no heat if you needed it right, so

Charles:
True. Yeah,

Dan:
yeah, that can. That can definitely affect a lot. a lot of my. I'm a princess man. So when it's first when I'm sleeping, so

Charles:
You hot food, an hot water

Dan:
yeah,

Charles:
and hot and hot

Dan:
yeah,

Charles:
air when it's cold,

Dan:
yeah, exactly

Charles:
Yeah,

Dan:
Fran, Princess, so yeah,

Charles:
I am, too. I am, too. I, you know I can. I can rough it for a couple of days, which I did and it wasn't a big deal. I would,

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
just you know, eat, eat food that was prepared at stores or restaurants for a couple of days, and you know, deal with the showering situation, but I'm glad those days are are now behind

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
me and I'm up and running and it didn't take me. It was a little frustra. And because I've never done it before where it's like Okay, I buy one part to fix it and then I replaced that part like Oh no, Now I need another part. Okay. now I've got those two replaced. Okay. now I need a third part and that's just kind

Dan:
M.

Charles:
of comes along with, you know, doing something you've never done

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
before. you don't know what you don't know,

Dan:
exactly

Charles:
and so having to run around town to different stores was a little bit frustrating, but again it wasn't that expensive and in half a day I got it fixed so I will count my blessings.

Dan:
Yeah. it's not too bad. it's not too bad.

Charles:
No, no, I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna whine and complain too much. Now in the moment I was whining and complaining a lot was like man, I can't believe I got to go find a adapt or this is ridiculous. But when the project was all done and I was enjoying the hot water and the shower, I was like Okay that that could have been much

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
worse. I'm glad that went as easily as it did.

Dan:
yeah,

Charles:
You know.

Dan:
yeah,

Charles:
Um,

Dan:
probably made that that shower feel a little bit better.

Charles:
Oh, yeah, absolutely hundred percent Okay. So before we get into some Nwapps or little purchases that we're happy about, let's talk about our Our book Here,

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
Atomic Attraction by Christopher Can, Well, and we're going to start on the section on hair styles, and before we do I will ask you, Dan. what's going on with your hair And what's been going on? Like What's what's your?

Dan:
Is this a concern? Is this

Charles:
No?

Dan:
okay?

Charles:
No, No, not at all. I'm going to answer it to. I

Dan:
Oh,

Charles:
just

Dan:
gotcha okay.

Charles:
like what has been your approach to your hair style since you were a kid up through.

Dan:
Oh, yeah,

Charles:
you know, your

Dan:
so

Charles:
high school

Dan:
sure,

Charles:
college years, And what do? what do you do with your hair

Dan:
I mean.

Charles:
now?

Dan:
it's funny because I've got my my sister made me for my fortieth birthday party. She basically made a montague of many years of pictures of me throughout. you know, since I was a little kid, and I'm looking at a lot of my hair styles

Charles:
Hm,

Dan:
here. so this is so. if you really want to see this, you

Charles:
Nice,

Dan:
can come into the office and take a look and I went through some funky periods. Definitely in college. I went through a lot like I grew my hair out Really long. Really long. meaning, I mean, just you know. Kind of you know, like hanging here or whatever, And so I've got

Charles:
Hm,

Dan:
naturally curly wavy hair, but as soon as it gets a little bit long, it really turns into a frow. and

Charles:
Okay,

Dan:
yeah, I believe. Yeah, so the I believe that's affectionately called the Jew fro. I am. I do have some Jewish ascendency in ancestry. I mean, so yeah, that did not look very well. Always never made it Pa The awkward

Charles:
Yeah,

Dan:
stage because it always was just like

Charles:
oh

Dan:
long

Charles:
yeah,

Dan:
enough to be like, you know, maybe a little greasy or a little bit, you know, frizzy and stuff. I just never really looked good, and you know back then I really didn't do a lot of research into how to how to style and I didn't go to, You know, somebody who knows what they were doing. A kind of keep it growing long, but make it look good. So and then and then I shaved my head. I mean, shaved shaved, And that was right before I had a passport picture taken, and that less intently Ten years. you know. So

Charles:
Oh, wow,

Dan:
so I mean, I look like a convict, I swear, man, and that that picture

Charles:
Yeah,

Dan:
and yeah, and then I remember, we're traveling through through Europe with my family, and at that time they were still checking passports. It was before the U. And so we were just driving to another country. And remember we had a show our passports to the to the the border patrol there, and my mom, As like you look like a terrorist. It was like they looked at me a couple of times because I had Growing my hair out pretty quickly after I realized the mistake I made by by

Charles:
Yeah,

Dan:
going that short. It just didn't look good on me, and the problem was I was pale, like like, I had no color to my skin, so that definitely didn't work for me and then and then afterwards, you know, Basically I kind of grew out, maybe a little bit longer than this, but recently you know this is probably one of the my favorite hair styles Because it's it's easy to maintain. it's short and I don't need a lot of product. Kind of keep it where you know where I want it. It takes me like less than thirty seconds to get ready in the morning for that so M. yeah, this is. This is probably my favorite terms of maintenance and look for sure.

Charles:
Nice. I've I've I've always had some sort of variant on a traditional sort of business man haircut where you know I, it would be short over here and then parted part on the left, and then I would kind of sweep this

Dan:
Okay,

Charles:
over and um right now it's

Dan:
even, I

Charles:
It's

Dan:
mean,

Charles:
a little

Dan:
remember

Charles:
bit different

Dan:
seeing.

Charles:
cause

Dan:
I've

Charles:
right.

Dan:
seen a picture of you as a little kid and you had that business

Charles:
Yes,

Dan:
man

Charles:
yep.

Dan:
hair cut like.

Charles:
yep.

Dan:
Probably, I think you went a suit too. Yeah, was very formal.

Charles:
Yeah,

Dan:
It was very formal.

Charles:
I know what picture you're

Dan:
Yeah.

Charles:
talking about. Yeah, and so

Dan:
yeah.

Charles:
right now it's a little different. It's a little more extreme in that I'm keeping this side of it very very short.

Dan:
Yeah.

Charles:
Like my. My style is, does like a number one on the side in the back and then this. I'm trying to grow out the top of it, but I've also done sort of know, just kind of military hair cut like high and tights, and you know, crew cuts and stuff like that, and usually pretty short when when my hair It's longer, it starts to get a little bit wavy, which is what

Dan:
M.

Charles:
I'm doing right now, and I'm going to see how how long I can grow the top. I mean, this would still be considered short or medium, I think, but I'm going to see. Let the top keep going and see what. I, if I like that and then if I do, I may decide to go a little bit longer on the sides as well. I don't know. It's but yeah, that's I've not done anything. I've never had long hair because as it starts to get long, it kind of just go straight out. It doesn't really

Dan:
Okay.

Charles:
Go long

Dan:
yeah,

Charles:
and lay down at all.

Dan:
right,

Charles:
But you know

Dan:
my mine as well. And that's when I was just like. I don't know how long I can keep this up.

Charles:
When you went real short, Did you did you actually like take a blade to, or did you like use clippers without a guard?

Dan:
It was just clippers without a guard. It was never like skin, you know,

Charles:
M.

Dan:
but it was. Yeah, it was.

Charles:
Yeah,

Dan:
I

Charles:
we.

Dan:
mean, it was preserved in history because it was on my past port for for so many years.

Charles:
We did that a few times in college where the guys would just get together on. You know, one guy had a pair of clippers and we would just go no guard, just all the way down. And uh, yeah, I don't. I don't think that's a great look for me, but

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
I don't know it's It's not bad, but I like a little more going on than just that you know. it's certainly easy to take care of. I mean, Other than you know, scrubbing your scalp when you take a shower,

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
you don't really have to do any that you can't do anything to it. You know, putting product in when you have You know, just six teeth of an inch of hair all over your head. Product does nothing. so

Dan:
Yeah, you know, and the thing was too. I think it was in the winter time for me, so like I said, I was really pale and

Charles:
M.

Dan:
for something you know, I just I don't think it looked did not look good on me being so pale and having no hair. That was just I feel.

Charles:
Yeah, well, we'll talk about

Dan:
M.

Charles:
that in a second

Dan:
hm.

Charles:
about when one is bald. What are the things you can do? You know what is the? If you don't do anything, what does that do to make it look worse? And what are the things you can do to make it look better? So well, we'll talk about that here in a in a second. But yeah, I just wanted to talk a little bit because the guys guys in their hair style. it's something a lot of guys do take seriously, or Feel like they should take seriously, even though they don't M. How long does it take you to get your hair looking the way that you feel comfortable going out or going to work? What kind of I mean Outside of just washing it in the shower,

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
what else do you do?

Dan:
so really you know, to be honest with you, I might once in a while I've got like a leavin conditioner that I like

Charles:
Hm,

Dan:
everyone. If it's like a little dry. sometimes I'll use that and then once a while I have this this clay mat paste. Basically, it's pretty thick and I just kind

Charles:
M.

Dan:
of wet my hands. rub the paste on there, and just kind of flip that through my hair with Fingers, And I mean that's that's really it. Um that, Besides, besides beswyes washing my hair, that's that's all I'm really doing to it.

Charles:
Yeah, I, I don't really have a I use shampoo in my shower, as one usually does, but then I, I also have a leaving conditioner that I use and that's pretty much it. I've got a couple of little jars of different kinds of palm ade by the Paul Mitchell tea tree and Paul Mitchell, Mitch. Um, but hardly, since this has gotten longer on top, I really don't use those anymore. I just do like a little Pump of the leaving conditioner.

Dan:
Okay,

Charles:
It's the T tree hair and body moistureizer, I'd do one pump of that and then just kind of run it through my hair and let my hair dry. and that's it, and I'm sure this is remarkably interesting to many many people. But I thought

Dan:
Yah,

Charles:
before we talk about, choose the right hair style.

Dan:
Right.

Charles:
We should you know, put our cards on the table. S Are is what we're up to.

Dan:
Yeah, yeah, something. I mean something I did learn from my hair style is that you know like some leaving conditioners, Because if you have like a slightly curlier wavy hair that will tend to keep, make the curls kind of come out and Nan

Charles:
Hm.

Dan:
cling up. Whereas like the paste and stuff, because I like a little bit of my hair naturally to curl, so I like it a little bit straighter, so it can kind of stand a little bit. So like the pomade

Charles:
Hm.

Dan:
and stuff that stuff. Will you keep it straight? But even if I use leave in before that the pomade doesn't hold up, but just might. It just makes this just its. everything kind of curls up. And so um, you know, depending on you know what what the occasion is, and how high I want my hair or hair to stand up will determine what I use. You know.

Charles:
Got a M. Okay? Well, let's talk a little bit about what the author's opinions are, Um on men's hair, and what

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
what our options are. So the rule he kind of opens up with is that based on you know modern society, at least short hair, medium hair projects masculinity in a way that long hair does not well again. You know you can Site individual cases and an anecdotal evidence to say Well, I know this guy, An he's got long hair and he's extremely masculine. Like Okay, We, we don't dispute That is just across the board. You know, we are kind of stuck with some esthetics in this country, and probably in Western society. In general, we've got certain esthetics from. you know the military background where, back when all men had to put some time into the military, Because that's how we maintained our societies and our governments, As well as some of the more conservative looks from you know, the forties and fifties, and up into the early sixties, that some of that stuff still remains. And so for whatever you know, confluence of those factors, it still does seem to be that shorter hair on men does communicate higher levels of masculinity than longer hair. Generally speaking,

Dan:
Yep,

Charles:
right,

Dan:
yep,

Charles:
Um, now there are certainly other you know. certain careers and interests that long hair, Um may suit you better. you know, if you're in a particularly creative career than you could be surrounded with lots of guys that have longer hair, and that could be working just fine for you. And you know it's not our job. We're not coming out here to say, and everybody should, Every guy should have short hair. We're just given some of the information from the book that says you know, for the broad Level of appeal and

Dan:
Hm.

Charles:
the broadest perception of attractiveness, Um, short hair communicates masculinity, and longer hair can look more feminine. Um, let's see. Oh, I was like. I lost my train of thought. We'll edit this out.

Dan:
That's fine.

Charles:
Um, yeah, I didn't. I don't know. I had some place I was going to go after that and I don't remember what it was.

Dan:
Were you going to say creative guys aren't masculine? Is that what you're going to say?

Charles:
I

Dan:
Because

Charles:
definitely wasn't going to

Dan:
because

Charles:
say

Dan:
they

Charles:
that.

Dan:
have long hair

Charles:
Let me let me note the time around here around minute nineteen. I need to clean this up a little bit.

Dan:
Right,

Charles:
Um, Okay. I remember. I remember he was goin to go next. Let me make a note here. Nineteen forty five ish, Okay, One thing I do want to say one thing I would. I would recommend guys sort of steer clear of, and Dan and I are kind of living. Examples of this is, Do not adopt a hair style that requires an excessive amount of grooming, where by your friend, your significant other has to wait for you to be

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
ready to leave the house, Because you have such an elaborate hair situation going on that you have to you know, spend a lot of time with a lot of differen Kinds of product That will take you a very long time to get get ready for the most part. You know. In addition to short hair, Um, women seem to respond to hair styles on men that don't look overly produced. They can look a little bit a little bit rough, a little bit maintenance free. Where you know, if you're spending your time getting every single hair just exactly where you want it to be, Or sticking up in very particular ways, then that could communicate. Okay, this guy has got a an unnatural level of interest with making his hair look perfect. What's going on with that? Like why?

Dan:
So yeah, just

Charles:
where's that

Dan:
yeah.

Charles:
coming

Dan:
yeah,

Charles:
from?

Dan:
give me some idea. So okay, what would be? What would be? the wild Be a problem. Where do you see that bleeding over into an issue potentially in other parts of his life? If he's very meticulous about his hair.

Charles:
I would say that that could communicate Either a distraction or a obsession.

Dan:
M.

Charles:
even with trying to control details to a level that they can't naturally be controlled. You know what

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
I

Dan:
maybe

Charles:
mean.

Dan:
some perfectionist tendencies. perhaps

Charles:
Yeah,

Dan:
yeah,

Charles:
yeah, maybe perfection is, and maybe also, um, it could communicate a level of belief that your your image that you put out in the world is so important that you have to M. you have to sort of really put a iron grip around around that because you need people to perceive you a very specific way. And if they don't then you know your your image falls apart.

Dan:
Just okay. all right. Yeah, I could see that.

Charles:
Um, let's talk about. Well, the the last thing is you need to have a hair style that you're comfortable with it that you like, Because if if you are grooming yourself in such a way where your only goal is to look more attractive at any cost, or for people to like you, that's going to come across in the things you say and do, and people are women included, especially are going to be turned off by that, So don't don't choose a hair Style just to please other people. You got to pick something that you like and you think looks good on you as well.

Dan:
Yeah, I mean, I think that that's kind of the running theme throughout this part of the book. Here is that it's really the boils down to your confidence level in terms of how attractive you are to the other to the opposite sex. Um, you know, a lot of that has to do with you know how you feel about yourself. So if you have a hair style that you're not, you know you're not digging you're doing for something else, or you know. it's basically you know you're not. You don't feel like you're you're bet. S. M. just same same thing. If you're not, you know. we'll get into this. You know, in other parts to, in terms of clothing and other things like that, you know. there's there's a balance here between. you know, finding something that's that stylish, or you know, same thing with a hair and something that you know you enjoy makes you feel good about yourself And that's that's That's something to really, something that I didn't really pay that much attention to most of my life until like little bit older, I kind of de valued my own opinion about stuff you know, just kind of like Making decisions

Charles:
M.

Dan:
like. Oh, well, this is what is in style, or this is what you know other people said that they liked So okay, I'll go with it even though I think it looks a little weird on me or it doesn't make me feel great. You know it's okay. I'd kind of like you know it's not that big. Know, kind of settle and then just and kind of like brush it under the table a little bit, you know, pushing on the rug and say it's you know,

Charles:
Hm.

Dan:
and then, and in all fairness, I was kind of brushing my own value, my own opinions Of myself under the rug, and and kind of making and forcing them to not be as important as they should be. so just something to kind of keep in mind that you know, as I've learned now from myself over the years is um, you know, give yourself a little bit more credit.

Charles:
What anything going on? as far as your turning gray yet?

Dan:
M. Yes, a little bit. I got a couple of hairs,

Charles:
Yeah,

Dan:
you know, on the side every every near my, my side burns and I have a few of my, my little, my little kind of beer. my little, go t hear. I've got a couple of them, so I mean, I can't say that I'm really going gray. There's a couple that you know.

Charles:
M.

Dan:
I feel like, you know, when when I hear that my mind is like you know. There's there's patches. you know. But

Charles:
Yeah,

Dan:
so, but it's starting. It's starting. I like you.

Charles:
Yeah, I

Dan:
I mean, you

Charles:
am.

Dan:
got a little bit there in the beard.

Charles:
Oh, definitely in the beard.

Dan:
Yep.

Charles:
Yeah, for sure, in the in the mustache and the beard. I definitely have some gray. Occasionally. I'll get very, very little like right upper side burned area.

Dan:
M.

Charles:
I haven't noticed much up top, but you know I'm not really that obsessed with looking for it. So it could it could be there and escaping my. my. My. My vision occasionally will notice a little bit in the eyebrows. but yeah, it's It's a matter of time. I think it's gonna you know at some point you're going to deal with your hair going grey or you're going to deal with your hair falling out

Dan:
Yep.

Charles:
or something. It's gonna. It's going to change and you know we'll cross that bridge when we get to it, probably with very little intervention. Um, I have. Have you ever dyed your hair?

Dan:
Yeah, I did once after college and that was

Charles:
Yeah,

Dan:
not a good choice. Ah,

Charles:
What would you frost your tips

Dan:
no,

Charles:
or what? what you do?

Dan:
no, no, that probably would have been better to be honest with you. I,

Charles:
Yeah,

Dan:
I went to went to a salon in the mall at the time, and because it was ladies hair salon, because I justly didn't do that, Barber's right. In't think they did anyway. anyway. So

Charles:
Hm,

Dan:
I was like, Oh, What I really like When my hair when I come out of the shower, my hair gets really dark, Gets like a jet black. I think I think that's what you should. That's what I want to go with. Nd'like. you? Sure like, Yeah, definitely,

Charles:
Oh,

Dan:
and they tried to stop me. They really were like. I don't think you and I was like No, do it, you know, and oh,

Charles:
Wow,

Dan:
they did. And it really it was there was. Ah, there was no like high lights or low lights or whatever. it was. Just, I mean, it looked literally like a helmet. Almost it was. I mean, it Did not look good. And yeah, so I remember. yea. I was working. I was working at Panasonic at the time, and you know,

Charles:
Uh,

Dan:
the the ladies I worked with were very kind and did not they. but I could. I could, you know I could see on their face, you know that

Charles:
Yeah,

Dan:
they couldn't help but like you know, you give that that smile like. Oh my God, what did you do? It looks so funny but they were so. they were very sweet about it. So yeah, I ended up. that was. That was one and done.

Charles:
Wow,

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
that's I can't imagine. I can't imagine how that because I think of you as having black hair already. Anyway.

Dan:
Yeah, it was. I mean, you know what it might have been during the summer where my my Harriet

Charles:
Okay,

Dan:
gets like a natural brown or whatever, or a lighter brown. And yeah, I looked. I mean, it was like a. It was kind of like a goth. Like a really bad got look. It was not a. not for me. How about you you? You ever messed around with that?

Charles:
I have. I have frosted my tips. Yes,

Dan:
Okay?

Charles:
back in the You know, back in the Insinkryan Sea Crest days, this would have been probably like ninety nine or two thousand. I played around with that and then I, also, the first time I grew a beard, I died my beard because I didn't have any gray back then, but I had a lot of blond and really red hair. I mean, I had my beard was mostly ginger.

Dan:
Oh, wow,

Charles:
It's probably the hair that's gray now was probably red back then

Dan:
Okay,

Charles:
because I think that's probably the first hair that turns. and uh yeah, it was just like man. I looked at my bear and I was like I wish this looked. I feel like this would look better if it was just brown instead of all this red and blonde. So I died the beard. You know A thing just for men from, you know wall greens.

Dan:
Okay,

Charles:
And it. it looked pretty ridiculous. It was so dark and I look like a pirate. You know. Like, Like the way that pirates have that make up on that looks like they have thicker stubble. I mean, you dressed up as

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
a pirate last

Dan:
yeah,

Charles:
year for

Dan:
I

Charles:
all,

Dan:
do.

Charles:
O, wee,

Dan:
Yeah, I needed

Charles:
you know

Dan:
it.

Charles:
what it looks like?

Dan:
I can't. Yeah, I can't grow anything here. Yea, so I have that done. I had the stubble put in.

Charles:
Yeah, so that's what. That's what my Just for Men beer dying experiment looked like. But

Dan:
Uh, uh,

Charles:
yea so yeah, we're currently not dealing with going gray much. just a little bit of it and it is a problem for guys. I mean, there's some guys that when they start noticing they've got some gray hair, they start tweezing and plucking and dying almost immediately, because I mean dying, their hair, not dying. like dying. They start Going to work

Dan:
Life's

Charles:
on it

Dan:
over.

Charles:
almost immediately

Dan:
I'm done.

Charles:
exactly

Dan:
I'm done.

Charles:
because they think that that's that's the end of something, but quite the contrary, that is, that is not the problem. And uh, yeah, this is something that the next time we have Andor Richard on we'll talk with them about because I mean, I started hanging out with them six years ago now, and they're the same age as me and I've only known them as having at least grayish hair, if not gray hair,

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
And Never have I once seen it gotten in the way of any of their social interactions with people.

Dan:
No,

Charles:
It's

Dan:
absolutely

Charles:
uh

Dan:
not,

Charles:
and I can't really think of it. I don't. I don't know anybody who you know has really gotten in the way of their social

Dan:
And

Charles:
interactions.

Dan:
I mean,

Charles:
There's

Dan:
if anything, based on what Ken well is talking in the book, I think it may be helping their social interactions. Actually,

Charles:
Yes. M.

Dan:
you know,

Charles:
Yeah, he cites a match dot com survey that seventy two percent of women found gray hair to be categorized as either distinguished or just outright hot,

Dan:
So

Charles:
Which

Dan:
hey, do they have a gray hair dye? I'm thinking

Charles:
That's a good question.

Dan:
I'm sure they do. Yeah.

Charles:
if they don't.

Dan:
yeah,

Charles:
At the very least we can, just

Dan:
yeah.

Charles:
we can just get some baby powder and comb that through

Dan:
Oh,

Charles:
your

Dan:
there

Charles:
hair,

Dan:
you

Charles:
and

Dan:
go.

Charles:
that will make it

Dan:
right.

Charles:
look a little bit. you know. grayer. Um, yeah, I, I don't know if it's possible. I imagine what you would probably have to do and you probably don't want to do this at the mall like you did your first experiment.

Dan:
Do not,

Charles:
But I would imagine you would have to die it like super light. First, take all the you know, take all the dark color out of your

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
hair, and then maybe you could make it look gray. But that Be

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
that seems like it would be risky to

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
try to make yourself look gray when you're

Dan:
yeah,

Charles:
not.

Dan:
I think. I mean, I'd like the you know, like the streaks, kind of. I don't know about the whole thing gray. but yeah, apparently it shows some some sort of wisdom and experience that seems to be valuable for some reason,

Charles:
Yeah, and we're gonna. Yeah, I mean, I can see why it would be. We're going to hit quite a few topics in the next couple of episodes Here about guys, make this mistake where they think such and such is going on with my body and I can't. I can't do anything about it or the things that I can do about it. You know, the the prescription s worse than the disease, and well, they don't realize is their problem with their problem is actually their problem.

Dan:
So

Charles:
And well,

Dan:
comes

Charles:
we'll talk

Dan:
out to

Charles:
about

Dan:
confidence

Charles:
that. Well,

Dan:
again.

Charles:
we'll start

Dan:
right. yeah,

Charles:
exactly exactly when when your hair starts to change. In this case we, we're talking about it going gray and you let that become a source of anxiety. And you know difficulty in your own life, and and insecurity. Then the things you do to deal with that could very well end up making you less attractive Because you're so you know, distracted by hyper focused. Oh no, what am I going to do about my gray hair? That thinking about your gray hair becomes your problem, and you know trying to deal with that is the thing that distracts you from all these other areas in your life where you could be making yourself better,

Dan:
Yeah, you know it. really. I think it really comes down to being mindful of of your mind. Basically, you know what we've been, you know, taught and programmed up to this point in our lives about or our feelings about people with gray hair. What kinds of things are we associating with them? And I think some of us you know from you know, from movies you know, and and and you know, T V shows and things like that, and you know you associated with with people who are you know, retired and ore Are sick, or are you know at the end of their life, things like that. And then you know,

Charles:
Right,

Dan:
and you, some of us. That's not the case. you know. Maybe you, you know, you grew up around very active. you know, people who went gray really young and they still you know we were. you know, maybe successful and Nd and active. And and you know, did all these? you know incredible things, and so subconsciously you're associating. You know that gray hair with you know accomplishment and experience and success and things like that. And and you So just use this as an opportunity to take a step back and evaluate what. where you're You know where your brains at what you know. what, what you're How you're thinking about some of these things you know. and I think that's It's a good thing to do throughout the different chapters of this book as well as he brings up different topics. Is you know, take a step back and say Okay, You know what you know? What are my beliefs around this? How do I feel about the specific topic? Um, because a lot of the things he talks about the book really are our, based on studies that kind of take those opinions out of out of the equation

Charles:
M

Dan:
or your own biases out of the equation and helps you perhaps think of it a different way and think of it a new way.

Charles:
Right,

Dan:
And that's one of the reasons why I really like the book is just like. Oh, wow, like, so you know, Hey, this isn't you know. this isn't just one of the person's opinion. This, this is. you know this. You know, he's pulling this information from a study of thousands of people, So maybe there's a little bit more validity here. You obviously don't dismiss your own opinions at Lias, but at the same time it's like Well, Okay, there might be another way to think about this.

Charles:
Yeah, and I think on one thing that we as men, and and maybe even more generally is humans tend to do is you know if we're not getting the results that we wish we were getting Um ou know, particularly in this domain of romance and an attraction. M. it does feel a little bit easier to just hyper focus on one thing that we can say. Here's what my problem is. And if it's something we can't do anything about all the better, Because then that takes the pressure off of us. But you know If if your hair is thinning and going gray and you're wearing clothes that don't fit you right, and you're carrying around thirty extra pounds, you know, and you're working a ridiculous number of hours in a job that you hate, and you don't have any kind of meditation practice and you don't have a hobby that you're passionate about. So if you have all these things that stack up and make you Overall a less attractive person, it's It's a lot less pressure on yourself to say, Oh, it's because my hair is going grey. That's that's my problem and I can't do anything about it, So woe is me

Dan:
Yeah, I mean, you know, one of the one of the things fog talks about in tiny habits was when he was looking at himself about his tidiness habit, and he didn't really think he was that. You know, he didn't really think he made that much of a mess. And then you know, after you know, thinking about it and looking at these things, Nd, I think his partner and stuff, he realized how much how many different ways he makes a mess around the house and how sloppy he is, and he sort of feel bad about himself and he started an. He kind of puts a warning out there in the in the book and says, Listen, you know when you're trying to change a bad habit, and you start looking at you now, so you know eating. you know, eating junk food or whatever, And then you start looking throughout your day at the specifics of when you do that, and the same thing applies here is you might start to beat yourself up, because like, Oh, my God, didn't realize I was doing it so often, And you know you still, How could I be so blind to it? You know I'm a bad person because I'm doing all these things and I think the same what you just right Aloft there. you know, it's not if it's more than one problem here. just just kind of behind yourself and hey, listen, you got to start somewhere. but but now try not to let it. You now spiral into a you know, a vicious downward spiral and

Charles:
Your

Dan:
make

Charles:
right?

Dan:
yourself feel bad about it. You know. at least you are now aware of it. That's the first step to its changing things and getting and getting better results

Charles:
Yeah, So before? well, we'll cover the specifics of going bald on the next episode, But I did want to share one thing about your hair style. This is some advice that I got from Robert Glover's book Dating essentials for men.

Dan:
About my hair style.

Charles:
Um,

Dan:
You said about your

Charles:
what's

Dan:
hair style

Charles:
that?

Dan:
and I was like about my irons. Though,

Charles:
No about one's hair style?

Dan:
okay,

Charles:
Um,

Dan:
this one

Charles:
if you decide that, settle

Dan:
Yea

Charles:
down If you decide that you you want to do something Differ And the the best way to go about that, At least the best advice that I've ever reat is go to a professional like the best you, whoever has got the best Google reviews or yelp reviews in your town for doing men's hair, and almost, I would say, regardless of costs, because I'm going to tell you how this is going to actually save you money. Go go to the best place and say hey, I'm open to do something different with my hair based on the shape of my head in my face. What do you think I should do and then just Let them do that to you and then assuming that you like it, which you probably will if they're if they're professional and they've got the reputation for being the best, you'll probably look pretty good. Um, then, after you get your hair cut, go home and have your friend or your spouse or whoever, take all kinds of pictures of you and your hair from all different angles, and then once you've got that, you can start going back to the cheap place that you get your hair cut, Usually the barber shop or whatever, and say hey, I decided to do something different with my hair. Here's a picture. Here's several pictures of it. Swipe through these and just make it look like this and again, it will be bit of an upfront cost originally because you're paying somebody who's really good and has a reputation for being really good to do something new. But then you don't have to keep going back to them over and over again if you can't afford it now. If you really like what they did and you you know enjoyed the relationship that, maybe it's worth spending some more money on your hair, and depending on the style you know, maybe you don't have to get your hair cut that often. Good for every two weeks I have, because I keep this part of my

Dan:
M,

Charles:
hair so short. you know, after two weeks, it's two or three times as long as it was on the day that I got the hair cut, so it starts looking like it needs. It needs to get tended to.

Dan:
Hm.

Charles:
But yeah, so that is one thing I would definitely say, Keep in mind when when you're not happy with the way that your hair is looking, and you think it might be time to switch it up, go to some place really really good, Get a bunch of pictures of it and then you don't have to keep going to that same expensive, really really good place all the time, Because it's a lot easier for your corner barber shop guy to reproduce something that you're showing him a picture of than it is to create something really good for you from scratch.

Dan:
Absolutely. that's a great tip. You now think about. It's a one time investment and you know that's going to reap rewards. You know for years to come. And how much can you? You know what kind of price that can you put on feeling good about yourself and giving yourself a little bit extra confidence Because you, you really enjoy the way you know your hair came out, and that's just going to translate into so many different little interactions that may not be obvious throughout your day.

Charles:
Yeah, the other thing I would say about gray hair specifically is it does look better short than long for the most part, Because if it's if your hair is very long and very gray or white, then you do run the risk of looking like a witch, and

Dan:
Hm.

Charles:
that is usually something to be avoided for most men looking to attract women. The other thing is if if you're getting a little bit of gray and you just you choose not to like that and you want to do something about it, you know, don't Don't just buy the cheapest die off the off the shelf, and and use that on yourself and think that it's going to look great, especially if you've got more than like twenty percent gray coverage in your hair. I would say experiment with maybe going to someone, and say you know like somebody good, the same person that we talked about in the last story, that that person that has the best reputation for doing men's hair in your town, go to them, let them diet, and then you can see what you think of it, and if you like it or not, and then decide, In most cases I'm going Recommend against dying your hair.

Dan:
M.

Charles:
Most of the stories

Dan:
M.

Charles:
of men dying their hair. I mean, I think people like Paul Mc Cartney and Bob Costas both come to mind where you know. if you see them any time recently, they have seventy year old faces with thirty five year old brown

Dan:
Oh,

Charles:
hair, and Castus in particular, looks like somebody just rubbed shoe polish through his head. It's uh, yeah, it doesn't. It doesn't make. They would make their Their appearance would make more sense if they had some gray in their hair,

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
because as humans were where we've evolved to notice those things that appear a little bit off, whether it's plastic surgery or hair dye or whatever, know there's something when when you see that doesn't match that. you know a lot of women. politicians feel the need, especially on the national level, feel the ned to do the same thing

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
when you look at some of the women who are in the Senate or in the House, or you know even Hillary Clinton, when she was running for President. It's like you know He's not a bad looking woman, but that he, the condition of the wrinkles and age on her face did not match the blonde hair that she you know, is constantly showing off at these town halls and all these campaign stops. It's like there's you know, and I can understand why women in particular feel a need to look and appear as young as they possibly can, But there when you look at someone and you see you know, the what's going on with your face and what's going on here with with your hair doesn't match up. There's there's something going on there that doesn't seem now, Tural

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
to me, and I think with men it can. it can be even more pronounced when you know when you're as a guy, you're getting older and you're your male facial features are starting to sort of soften a little bit on account of the lack of testosterone. And then you have this bright brown hair that I would say, under most circumstances do not dye your gray hair. Just keep it short and keep it conservatively styled, and you'll look your best

Dan:
Unless you get a face lift or bow to, so, just keep that in mind. Got to match it.

Charles:
Again even even with those, Dan. I mean, when we talk about surgical interventions for for youthful appearances,

Dan:
Yes,

Charles:
it has more of a chance of going wrong than it does going

Dan:
It's

Charles:
right

Dan:
true

Charles:
for both men and women.

Dan:
it. so I mean, here's a question though, I mean we always notice when it goes wrong. I mean you know, maybe there's a lot of right out there and we just don't know because it's so good, but I don't know. I can't answer that question. You know. Are we only noticing the wrong ones and all the

Charles:
Yeah,

Dan:
is there?

Charles:
I mean

Dan:
Is there

Charles:
Isis.

Dan:
a lot more right ones out there?

Charles:
I suspect that I mean there could be. but

Dan:
M.

Charles:
yeah, like, I suspect, that Nicole Kid Man probably has work done, but she still looks amazing because she has Nicole Kid Man

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
money, and she has Nicole Kid Man photographers.

Dan:
Now she had a little Tom

Charles:
And

Dan:
crews money, too. Did she ever get any? Was

Charles:
That's a good question.

Dan:
there ever that

Charles:
I don't

Dan:
get out

Charles:
know

Dan:
of that?

Charles:
she she may,

Dan:
I mean, she. sure,

Charles:
but

Dan:
she doesn't need

Charles:
I

Dan:
it,

Charles:
mean

Dan:
but

Charles:
she's She's making plenty on

Dan:
exactly

Charles:
her own,

Dan:
exactly

Charles:
so, but you know, don't know if Tom Crews money gets you a better plastic sursion than the Colkidman money. but either way, most of people who are out there considering plastic surgery don't have

Dan:
Yeah.

Charles:
that kind of money

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
at all, So you know, getting getting plastic surgery through a group on doesn't seem to be the move. Because we could got to. We kind of spot that All right, So hey, you got any apse or tips that you would like to talk about before we close today?

Dan:
I do. Yeah. So one

Charles:
Okay,

Dan:
when I have actually been ramping up using a lot more lately for try to just get stuff done. it's called Brain dot f M. And it's It's both an Ap and a website that you can use. So if you, if you're not using your phone, you're sitting on your computer. you can't have headphones in. You can play it in the background and it's great because it uses basically different patterns Of of sounds to basically make your brain the brain and trainment so well your brain will start to match the waves of its brain waves will match the sounds in the background and you can use this for focus for sleep for meditation For and and

Charles:
M.

Dan:
then you can actually really customize, So for focus you could be for studying and reading and memory retention. another one for creative expression And ideation, another one for. if you're doing really detailed work, you know, Look, I'm working on spread sheets, number crunching things like that and starts to work within like ten or fifteen minutes. I've been using it for years and it works just as well as you know. Some of these, you know, I d d medications. At least from me, it does

Charles:
Wow,

Dan:
and I just have it playing in the background on my computer. You got even more of effect if you've got the head phones in and you're listening to it from from From your phone. so brain dot f. M. and it's not crazy expensive. It's definitely worth a try. Um, so yeah, it's It's definitely kept me focused for sure. And then I used a little bit last night for some sleep. Um, and you know it's pretty detailed in terms of the specific situation you're in, so let's say you're trying to fall asleep. They've got a specific track for that, whereas, if you want to stay

Charles:
M.

Dan:
asleep, they've got a different track for that. So Um, I highly recommend it.

Charles:
Okay, cool and I've been threatening to share my some of my travel tips for an episode or two, so I'm down to do that now. So the the app that I use for finding cheap flights is called Sky Scanner, and I believe it's available for both Is and Android. And uh, yeah, I use it all the time. Now I typically don't actually book my flights with it. I use it to find the best deals on flights, and then I go directly to the airlines to the book, Because I just find that easier to deal with in case you have a problem or a customer service issue or something like that. If you just buy your tickets directly from the airline instead of through a third party. M, essentially a travel agency website. I find that to be easier to deal with things, but Sky Scanner lets you find those good deals and then you just go straight to the the website of the company that's offering the deal and the straigt to the company of the airline and you find the same prizing, so I don't see a reason not to do it that way, But you open up the sky, skinner, Ap, and there's a button that says Explore everywhere, and once you click on that then it will auto detect your closest airport, which, for me right now it's Orlando Sandford, but they don't have enough flight, so I change that to Orlando International, And then it gives me a list of a few buttons by country or territory. So first is United States, and I've got round trip trips in the United States from thirty seven dollars. Round trip to Porto Rico for seven dollars, Mexico, a hundred and thirty seven dollars, Canada, hundred and forty one. And then let's see where's the first European trip? I'm gettin a lot of Latin America, and then I keep scrolling down to Denmark, round trip ticket for three hundred eighty five dollars. Um, so again and then you've got to decide if the dates that are coming up as the cheapest dates will work for you or not, And you know I've got to work situation in a career that. I can usually juggle things around quite a bit to make certain days of the week work for me that other people might not, But yeah, I rely, Love this app and I find it all the time. Sometimes when you go to view the actual details, you'll see that the the cheap plain ticket price isn't actually available. It was when they pulled, but it may go up a little bit like. right now, this says, in the Us, the cheapest flights are thirty seven dollar round trips, and that's for Atlanta, Durham, North Carolina, and Philadelphia, then with Washington, D, C, shortly behind at thirty nine dollars. and then you click on it and then you can see the actual Days and days of the week and stuff that these flights take place on. And uh

Dan:
Nice.

Charles:
yeah, every time I open this app, I almost buy something because it's so inexpensive and then then I'll talk about on the next podcast the app that I use for cheap accommodations, but sky scanners might go to for for cheap flights.

Dan:
Fantastic,

Charles:
All right, Anything else for today, Dan,

Dan:
Not for me.

Charles:
All right, let's you and I, we'll take a quick break and refill our coffee, and then we'll record a second episode where we talk about going bald.

Dan:
Nice can wait.

Charles:
All right, See you soon.

Dan:
Have a god one by bye.