Wealth and status factor into how attractive you are, but maybe not in the way you think. In this episode, we'll talk about what money and reputation really mean, and why your preoccupation with both may be making you less attractive.
Wealth and status factor into how attractive you are, but maybe not in the way you think. In this episode, we'll talk about what money and reputation really mean, and why your preoccupation with both may be making you less attractive.
Dan:
Good morning, Charles. how are you?
Charles:
Good morning, Dad. I'm well, thank you. How are you?
Dan:
I am well as well, You know it's weird. I, I
Charles:
What's
Dan:
always
Charles:
weird?
Dan:
want to say good and I know that's not gramatically correct. and but I feel obligated because you've got better vocabulary and grammar than I do. And so you say well, You set the bar really high every morning and so, but it just doesn't risinate with me. I don't know.
Charles:
Yeah,
Dan:
I, just when I say well, I feel like I'm trying too hard. You know, I don't
Charles:
There's
Dan:
know.
Charles:
there's
Dan:
it's not
Charles:
a.
Dan:
me,
Charles:
there's a.
Dan:
but
Charles:
There's
Dan:
I don't
Charles:
a
Dan:
want
Charles:
joke.
Dan:
to be. I don't want to be cretin either. I don't wan to be a cretan. A good.
Charles:
There's
Dan:
Yeah,
Charles:
a
Dan:
Go
Charles:
great
Dan:
ahead. what?
Charles:
joke in Thirty Rock where Tracy is meeting two. For who's the other black guy that works for the show on Thirty Rock and he goes. How are
Dan:
Okay?
Charles:
you doing and the guy goes, I'm doing good, and Tracy Morgan's character goes. No Superman does good. You're doing well, And laughing at that joke really drilled it into my head that I that I always say that I'm doing well or fine instead of good.
Dan:
It's amazing What sticks with you?
Charles:
Yeah, absolutely, um,
Dan:
Yeah,
Charles:
all right. So here's here's what's going on with me right now?
Dan:
So
Charles:
I
Dan:
I'm
Charles:
am
Dan:
doing good.
Charles:
okay, good, good, good,
Dan:
eh,
Charles:
I am smack in the middle
Dan:
yeaheyeahyah,
Charles:
of my. I'm in the middle of my qitosis honeymoon phase where last last three days I've dropped about half a pound a day, because you know I'm
Dan:
Oh
Charles:
really restricting my
Dan:
nice.
Charles:
carbs and so the weight is, The water weight is just fallen off right now and it's always. It's always fun when that's happening, but it's also difficult. You know when when you get to the point where it doesn't fall off quite that easily, and I know
Dan:
We'll
Charles:
that that's
Dan:
take
Charles:
going to
Dan:
take
Charles:
come.
Dan:
all your bikinimodeling shots. Now you know,
Charles:
I'm not
Dan:
go
Charles:
quite there yet,
Dan:
get those done.
Charles:
not not quite there yet. but yeah, it's It's good right now, and this morning I had one of my favorite low car breakfasts, which are the fake pancakes I do with two eggs and two ounces of cream cheese, and I just blend them up in my Inga and then make pan. Just grill them in a pan, like like a pancake, and with a little bit of sugar free maple syrup
Dan:
M
Charles:
and about a tablespoon of butter And it was delicious. It's just uh, you know, I'm trying to do about five hundred calories per meal Between some shakes that I'm drinking and and and low, local zero karb stuff, And what I was? I was. really what blew my mind last night was I was doing some research on Know, going to chica tonight for Happy Hour and I'll just stick this sachem and I was like, I wonder how much sash I can eat. You know to be around in five hundred calories. Holy cow, If if I stuck to tuna or salmon, I could eat about a pound of such and still be around five hundred calories.
Dan:
Right now. You changed that to right or the fish right now. If you change it to actual such roles
Charles:
No,
Dan:
with the
Charles:
no,
Dan:
rice,
Charles:
just a semi, just a Simi.
Dan:
What
Charles:
so just
Dan:
I mean
Charles:
just just a cut up fish.
Dan:
right, right, right, right, right, right right right now. If you changed it, How much? how many little roles would you get For Five
Charles:
That's
Dan:
hundred
Charles:
a
Dan:
calories
Charles:
good
Dan:
instead
Charles:
question.
Dan:
of curiosity?
Charles:
Let's check.
Dan:
Did you look at that?
Charles:
No, but I will right now. Let's see. Let me google real quick. How many? How many
Dan:
My, my
Charles:
calories
Dan:
guest is? It's probably
Charles:
California
Dan:
a
Charles:
role?
Dan:
Probably two roles. I would think
Charles:
Okay, so says a
Dan:
Fight a guest.
Charles:
a
Dan:
but
Charles:
seven piece
Dan:
yeah,
Charles:
California role is around a hundred and sixty calories, So I would be good for three of those three roles, three roles, or
Dan:
So
Charles:
you know, twelve pieces of sachem,
Dan:
okay, Um, yeah, I'm curious. The problem I've looked at with looking at such on some
Charles:
Hm,
Dan:
of these. these appsnutrition information is the roles, and also when you go to restaurants, the roles are so different terms of sizes. Um,
Charles:
Yeah,
Dan:
I think I think it's It's tough without having like a little digital scale there, or being able to eyeball it and figure out how much you're
Charles:
True,
Dan:
actually being served. It's really tough, you know, And it's it's tough because such goes down Really easy For some reason, Man,
Charles:
Oh yeah,
Dan:
when whenever I eat that that that such rice makes it, I mean, Besides being delicious for some reason, it just doesn't fill me up. I mean, I could sit there and eat them all day long. you know, like like pop corn.
Charles:
Yeah. it looks like most pieces of sachem, though are only between forty and fifty calories a piece, And so I'm going to probably go with. I'm gonna. I'm going to start with ten and see how I feel
Dan:
Nice. Yeah,
Charles:
And then
Dan:
yeah,
Charles:
go from there
Dan:
that's good thing it's happy or you get a good deal.
Charles:
Exactly. Yeah. that's
Dan:
Otherwise
Charles:
that's
Dan:
you
Charles:
the
Dan:
be
Charles:
only reason.
Dan:
break
Charles:
Yeah,
Dan:
it. breaking the bank.
Charles:
exactly yeah, and ten pieces of sashiilike if you just got a like, a chef's choice platter of ten pieces of sashimi, you know, in a lot of places you're talking thirty or forty books for that. Well, maybe at least I'd say at least twenty five bucks for
Dan:
Yeah,
Charles:
a
Dan:
easy.
Charles:
ten piece of the chef selection. But yeah, that
Dan:
Yeah,
Charles:
Chaka happy hour man in that place is some good deals.
Dan:
Yeah, I have heard that the service can be hit or missed. Fortunately, we've I've not had that experience. I've heard from other people that during a happy hour it can be a little little crazy there, so the service
Charles:
Yeah,
Dan:
can be a little bit spotty. but fortunately we've we've been. I haven't run.
Charles:
Yeah, it's you can. I've noticed a couple of times where we've had to wait a little while for our drinks to get refilled. You know stuff like that, but you know when you're talking,
Dan:
Yeah,
Charles:
I mean, like the
Dan:
yeah,
Charles:
avocado
Dan:
yeah,
Charles:
role in the sweet potato role that I like, which you know, those are just vegetables on Happy Hour. They're like three dollars. So you know how much. How much can you complain about the service when you're getting a decent vegetable role for three bucks?
Dan:
Right, right
Charles:
All
Dan:
right,
Charles:
right,
Dan:
I
Charles:
so
Dan:
mean, at the same time, you don't have to go back there and make it for yourself.
Charles:
Very very true. correct. that's that's true.
Dan:
Go ahead.
Charles:
So yea, what else is going on with you? How's the? How's the coaching business going, or any other? Any other updates for us?
Dan:
Uh, yeah, coaching business is going well, getting some traction. Actually starting to build website, and to basically looking into actually doing a little bit of bartering with the web designer for for some coaching with for an exchange for getting the website built, and it's actually come down to a reasonable price, And you know it's flattering when I tell people about the habit, coaching and why I do it, And you know,
Charles:
M.
Dan:
basically, you know How it works and that they're willing to know that they say Hey, I need this right. So
Charles:
Right,
Dan:
for me, regardless of whether you know a deal happens or you know whether it's a barter or or, but the fact is it really feels good when somebody is like. You know, I feel like this is needed, and then it's an even bigger compliment when they say it's needed for me and I want to try to see if we can you know, make this work together. So that's been. you know, a little win. same thing you know with you know, similar to your your wins. Now you know you just star Ing out with the quito stuff, but you know you're seeing that that change on the scale. it's feeling good. You're getting excited about it and I mean that's the whole principle around tiny habits I've been working with, also with my sister on a couple of habits, and it's nice to see her identity start to change too, so for example,
Charles:
Yeah,
Dan:
she's she's walking on. She's working on a walking habit and basically she hasn't done it every day, but you know I'm kind of coaching her through the prac. S of realizing. Hey, look, it's not your fault. it's just the situation. You were running low on time. It was. you know. Basically the weather wasn't you know, conducive to that, but then she found herself walking a couple of extra Iles and target because she wanted to kind of make up for it from the morning. And so if she hadn't been you know, aware of and trying to make this change, she wouldn't have really thought of going a little bit further and target walking around. And So she realized Hey, this is something that she wants to do. Starts to like the very beginnings of that identity shift. And that's what I get excited about
Charles:
Yeah,
Dan:
when you know, and she'll text me at randomly every once in a while and go. Hey, you know, I'm going to whole foods now and I'm looking for this. you know, all natural honey, and these things that she wasn't doing before, And so that's where I can really start to see that that the habit starts to spread in an other areas. So yeah, I've been. I've been pretty exci. And to see that transformation start to happen with my sister at least
Charles:
Yeah, I can. I can see how that would be exciting to participate in that, and also, M y exciting at a different level than when you're just doing it for yourself. You know, when you're doing it with somebody else, it's definitely.
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
there's another dimension to it For sure.
Dan:
Yeah, and it's an it's you know, kind of like you get to see things through another person's perspective and eyes, and how they're
Charles:
Right,
Dan:
going about doing things, And so I'm getting my stimulation from learning about how she's thinking about things, How she's approaching things in the road blocks that she's hitting. So it's you know. it's It's kind of cool. So my, my It consultant, you know, M fix, type of
Charles:
Right,
Dan:
personality That that? that kind of gets stimulated here As well, Because now I get to trouble, shoot and look at things and figure things out and solve things. And those things all make me feel really good and valuable. so it's just little
Charles:
Good.
Dan:
different twist on it. So yeah,
Charles:
Yeah,
Dan:
so that's been going
Charles:
I can
Dan:
well?
Charles:
see that good. Excellent. so let's see what else is going on that I wanted to share about. Oh, I lost my my book shelf the other day that I had installed over one of the windows in my camper. I used the There's very limited methods
Dan:
Who
Charles:
you
Dan:
would
Charles:
can
Dan:
steal
Charles:
use from.
Dan:
a book shelf?
Charles:
I didn't well, the guy that stole my bike. I didn't.
Dan:
Yeah,
Charles:
I didn't lose it. That way. I lost it where it fell out of the wall
Dan:
Oh
Charles:
and my, my options for there was a lot of weight up there and my options for fixing things, heavy things to the walls. The interior walls of of an r V are quite limited, and so I don't know what I'm going to do next, but right now I got my my pile of books sitting next to me on my, my chair here that I'm sitting in, and that's that's not a long term solution, so I got to figure out something I can do to store my books in a very small place. I'm thinkin And I may have to switch exclusively to E books, because it is a lot of. it's a
Dan:
Yeah,
Charles:
lot of
Dan:
I was about to say
Charles:
a lot of volume. You know, all. the I'm a bit of a book. Nord. And so it's a lot of volume with all these books that I that I tend to collect, And I got a nother one. I got a hold on a book at the library right now that my way out of town today I'm going to go buy and pick up, and then I'll have a you know, another one that I'm just borrowing that I have to find a place for, But you know it is what it is. That's you know. One of the challenges of living in a in a very small place
Dan:
Yeah,
Charles:
is finding room for everything. So, but yeah, and let's see there was something else I wanted to mention before we started recording that I don't remember what it was, but well, we'll see if it comes back to me. I certainly am not shell when it comes to interrupting you or me to go back to something I wanted to talk about. So Oh, I remember what it was… right. Yeah, I told you when I was at your house a couple of nights ago, I told you that I was. I was on a red thread with a guy who was Ou know asking the question. Should he completely give up on dating Because he is five foot seven and he wasn't getting any matches on the datingapps, and I was just blown away that somebody. would you know? Five foot seven is certainly within the range of. It's not the average height A man, but it's certainly within the average range. Certainly in the probably what? sixty or seventieth percentile? Yeah, maybe maybe it goes the other way, forty per cent, But it's not unusual for a guy to be five foot seven And you know, part of me I want to respond to this guy and be like, maybe we should all get together and send Tom Cruz letter that he's not allowed to be famous or attractive to women any more because he's only five foot seven
Dan:
Great
Charles:
And
Dan:
point.
Charles:
now look obviously,
Dan:
yeah,
Charles:
and well, we'll get into this this week. About this episode. We're gonna talk about money and status, But the thing is Tom Crews before Tom Crews was Tom Crews. he was just a good looking kid who makes out at five seven, right, Yeah, and so
Dan:
Yeah, It's It's so naive. It's unbelievable how naive that is Because there's so many factors. Maybe your profile sucks. Maybe you don't have good pictures. Maybe you're on the wrong dating as, maybe the women that you're going after are giving you indications that they are looking for taller men and you're ignoring that. Whatever,
Charles:
Right,
Dan:
There's so many other things for you to say, It's this one thing that's preventing you from getting dates is a cop,
Charles:
Yes, And you know, unless it is, unless it's something that is so extreme and outside of the norms where it's like Okay, if you were the first guy to you know, get a face transplant because of some accident or disease, and your appearance is extremely unusual and it's not something that people are used to seeing. then I could say Okay, you're not without hope, but you're going to have some unique challenges that other people haven't experienced, And that is going to Something that you know you. You better work on these other areas because yeah, you're going to. You're going to experience some unusual challenges that most people hanging on advice haven't experienced, And so yeah, you, you're going to have a tough time, but not an impossible time, but just the idea of I'm you know, I'm five foot seven. I'm two inches shorter than the average American man. So do I need to give up on love? It's like even somebody who would ask that question. Clearly, there's other things going on in this person's life. Things that are not going well for them, And I would say it's probably a mix of their upbringing. It's a mix of their mind set. It's a mix of the messaging they've received from society and culture. There's there's a lot of things going into why they're not having good luck, and there's a lot of things going into why they want to blame their height exclusively for their lack of luck. Would you agree?
Dan:
Absolutely absolutely. so, I think that makes a nice segue into the next couple of chapters After clothes make the in and atomic attraction they dive into a little bit about money and status, which is another big, I guess topic where a lot of us are feeling like. Hey, if we don't have money or status, we're not going to be attractive or we're not gonna. You know women aren't going to want us.
Charles:
Yeah, And and that that brings me to a point I thought of when I was reading. Re reading this chapter this morning, which is you know. there are really. There's two myths that I think we should address that are just really sold hard by modern society. And and I find them to be not true at all, in any of my experience with my own relationships or my friends and their relationships. one is women do not enter into and seek. Now, Hold on, let me say there will be outliers and exceptions to this, but you will. probably you, and I will probably not encounter them, and either will our listeners. So let me let me put that out there first. It could exist because you know anything you can think of pretty much will exist when it comes to personal relationships between human beings, but again, in my experience, women are not seeking out long term relationships with men based solely on the fact that somebody has a bunch of money in Buy them whatever they want. If if somebody has a lot of money and can buy a lot of things, and they are miserable to be around, it's possible they could get into a relationship. They could get a chance to have access to a relationship, but it's just hard to see that if if that person has nothing going for them except for a bunch of zeros at the end of their bank balance. If they're not fun to be around if they don't, You know if they don't have, if they don't project emotional, regular Ation, intelligence, strength of character, strength of body. If the only thing a guy has working for him is a lot of money, then I, I don't know any guys in that situation that have had success in long term relationships with women, and and even less success and short term relationship with women. So that's th number one myth. Number two is the idea that guys are looking for just very, very pretty women with nothing else to offer and getting into long term Ationships with them. You know. it's Those are two things that I think, the media in particular, and entertainment sells us on the idea that men just care about a pretty youthful looking women, and they'll hitch their trailer to them for the rest of their lives if they just find one that'll have them, and all women care about is finding a man with a lot of money and resources, and they will you know, stick with anybody as long as he's got enough money, and in my own life experience, both of those seem to be Bull crap.
Dan:
Yeah, and I think like, for ninety nine percent of the population, I think that's exactly right.
Charles:
Yeah,
Dan:
My experience as well, and you know, as you're speaking about it, I had some some thoughts in terms of on both sides of that. So for women who are the thought that women are only looking for money, it's no different than having a job that you're not passionate about, right, so so
Charles:
M
Dan:
all of us can kind of relate. I'm sure at some point most of us have had some sort of Job that we're just like I need the money, so I'm going to do this for the time being, but I'm not happy here. I'm not
Charles:
Right,
Dan:
exactly enjoying what I'm doing. I don't really. Maybe I don't like my co workers. I don't like the actual tasks that I've been asked to do. It's to demanding whatever it is, but it's you know. it's paying the bills to me. That's It's the same thing as a woman going after a guy just for the money. It's you know, if there's no other attachment, there is no other enjoyment things that they appreciate than. It's no different than having a crappy job Don't like. So that's
Charles:
Right,
Dan:
so, and that it's doomed. That relationship is doomed Because that's not why people are. You know. That's why people get together. It's if it's not there. If the financial, you know, I'm not saying you have to be, you know, made of money, but there should be like a base level of support that you do are able to provide. If that's not there, That's different. That's not saying being wealthy, but that's being. you know basic needs. That's that's different. but and then anything else really is going to have a tough time growing from there. But I feel like That's why women aren't aren't after just that right. And the reverse holds true to where guys, if guys are just looking for beauty All right, So that's going to satisfy maybe your sexual needs. But then how how good is it going to be to be with someone where you know you can't have a good conversation and you don't enjoy being with them and you can't connect with them on on a level when you're not having sex, so basically you're just. It's no different than just looking at port on on on line. Then That point? if you're just after beauty right So
Charles:
Right,
Dan:
same same thing in the the reverse Here. it's one dimension and it's not fulfilling and it's a very fleeting. basic type of I guess, trade or character that attribute that that you're really looking for. So to me, logically it it just doesn't line up and that that kind of helps when you know everybody. I think, has you know insecurities from time to time in terms of all right, When you've got like a dip in your income or something, you know you're struggling a little bit and which is you know, I think
Charles:
M.
Dan:
we've all run into that you feel a little bit. you know, ittle bit insecure about things, and maybe that translates into your confidence with women. But Just remember that, just just like you're a multi dimensional person, so are the women out there, and probably even more so than you, and are looking for more than just your money and status.
Charles:
Yeah, and I would say you know, Keep in mind that money is you know. Status has been around as long as you know. we've been humans. You know, From the day we we, we turned into Homo Sapiens Status has been something that we use to evaluate and judge each other and decide. Um, you know who who do? I need to be around so that I can stay alive, and you know, have food in my belly and in a roof over my head, or whatever. Uh, where, money is a relatively new construct in human civilization. So
Dan:
M.
Charles:
the idea that you know money is going to be the thing that gets in your way of finding a mate? No, it's what money is now when it comes to mate selection is. money is a tool that we use to keep score and determine how successful and how good a person is at working System that they live within. So whether that's you know, capitalism, communism, I mean, the amount of resources a person specifically a man has is just a way to. In many, most cases, not all cases, but in many cases it is a way to know. Okay, how good is this person at thriving in the system in which he or she lives? And so money, money doesn't tell us. You know what somebody is? Uh is going to know it doesn't it doesn't. This is how much a person is worth because of how much money they have. It says, this is how much the person in question is kind of able to maximize his or her ability to thrive in the system that they live inside, which again, there are exceptions to that. there are people who inherit a bunch of money and didn't really do anything to earn it, And there are people that come by their money in dishonest ways that you know will catch up with them eventually and he not have any money any more. But for the most part, the thing Is attractive about men with money is the money that they have testifies to the skills that they've developed that they use to get that money. And that could be. you know. mathematical skills. Engineering skills are just really good into personal skills. With you know, you know how to work with other people in a way that they are willing to reward you from the effort and time that you expend. I mean, that's that's how. that's how capitalism should work In a situation where it's not being, you know, manipulated and exploited, but you know, as systems go, it's still. It's still one of the best ones hat. we've tried so far and so I don't. I don't bash on it too hard,
Dan:
Yeah, and one of the one of the interesting points that he makes in the book is that oftentimes the people who do have some money have the skills like you just mentioned to get that money, and that can translate into like you said, Inter, personal skills. And those are things that are attractive to other people. Right is are those those other skills that help make that money? So it's not necessarily the money per se that is making them attractive. It is The skills that they embody, and the personality traits and the qualities and the values and the morals that they're basically using to H to earn that money.
Charles:
Right
Dan:
And that is those. those are all attractive qualities to people and he even talks about. It's not necessarily that you have all the money, but you have the potential to make money. So even if you now, you may possess some of these skills and you just may not have made it yet. You're working on something, but you don't. You haven't had a success yet. You're not you. now rolling and do, But according to Mason it, basically this is. this is what people are looking forward. What women are looking for Is the potential more than the actual end result.
Charles:
Right And and that that seems to jibe with what we see, I mean a lot of people meet their their spouses and their mates in college and in college. you know not. Except for those people that come from
Dan:
M.
Charles:
certain kinds of families. For the most part, you know, women are looking at somebody based on their intelligence, their ambition, their potential, not what they've already accumulated. So for really anybody who's meeting their their partner as a younger person in their early, Even late twenties, you're going to be evaluated. You're going to do your evaluating based on the potential that someone has, as you know, an earner as a father as a mother as a husband as a wife. you're you're looking at the things that they're doing today to give you a clue into the potential that they have for the future, and you're making your decisions based on those and on those things. And so yeah, it's I mean, He mentions in the book here that an ambitious poor man is far more attractive, A lazy rich man, and when when I hear lazy rich man, my mind always goes right to somebody who inherited a bunch of money that they didn't work for. And so you know, when you see a person like that,
Dan:
My mind goes to Billy Baddison,
Charles:
Oh, there you go. Yeah, Billy Madison at the beginning of the movie, as opposed to Billy Madison
Dan:
Yes,
Charles:
at the
Dan:
when
Charles:
end
Dan:
he's
Charles:
of the
Dan:
like
Charles:
movie.
Dan:
lying in at the at the pool, I am always
Charles:
Yeah,
Dan:
yea at the beginning. For sure. That's that's exactly what I'm thinking about,
Charles:
And and I would say that the message of that movie gives with that too, because the teacher Verona Cavan,
Dan:
Right
Charles:
she was not attracted to him while he was just the screw up, you know, playing laying by his dad's pool all the time. It was only after she started seeing him working hard for his the school challenge that he was in, and also the way that he react related to the
Dan:
N
Charles:
other students. That was when she found him attractive, not when he was just you know, a screw up laying by the pool all day
Dan:
That's right. He needed to graduate Kinder Garden before she was even interested in him. So
Charles:
Exactly exactly.
Dan:
you know that's you got to work.
Charles:
Yeah, So the big message I would send to guys out there that think that their, their economics are getting in the way of their ability to date people and form relationships with women. Is it's you again? You what you think is your problem is probably not your problem. Um, I mean, even in cases he mentions in the book, you know, in those limited cases where men and women do get together because the man has a lot of money. What do those relationships look like? For the most part, they look like a guy I, who is constantly worried that he's going to lose his girl as soon as a guy with a little bit more money comes along. And that doesn't sound fun to me. That's not a. That's not a Mary. Go around that I'm looking at getting on where you know I'm going to. I'm going to use my money to get women, and then I've got to be worried that as soon as a guy with a little bit more money comes along, you know I'm going to lose her. The The thing you got to do is you know,
Dan:
I mean,
Charles:
build.
Dan:
Yeah,
Charles:
Go ahead,
Dan:
I was going to say is who wants to be around a wor reward the whole time to
Charles:
O.
Dan:
right.
Charles:
Yes,
Dan:
That's your. your. You're basically self sabitaging
Charles:
Yeah, for sure. that's that's absolutely true. It's if you, if you one in on one thing and say this is the only valuable thing about me. this is the only attractive thing about me. This is the only reason that someone want to be. Someone would want to be with me. Then what's going to happen? If it's that one thing that you believe attracts women, then as soon as a guy comes along and looks at your girl, and he's got a little bit more of that one thing that you think is the only reason you're attractive. You're going to immediately be Overwhelmed with anxiety and jealousy and and worry that. Okay now now this guy could have her if he wants her, and I'm going to be out of luck. And then that attitude and that thinking is going to translate to how you behave with your wife or girl friend, and it's going to instantly make you less attractive than you would be. otherwise. So the thing is when, when we say Ther's a lot on this podcast, Curate a life for yourself that is fun and interesting and that you are happy with, and you know, Don't Worry about one thing that you can do for yourself to make you attractive, But have a, have a life that other people look at and be like man. I kind of kind of wish I had a life a little bit more like Charles, or a little bit more like Dan. And then the friendships, the relationships, the romantic partners. they will just be drawn to you and you don't have to worry about. Oh no, what happens if you know what happens if a guy comes along and he's got a twenty foot camper that he lives in instead of a nineteen foot camper? Am I going to be worried? Hell, no, that is only a small Small piece of what makes me the dynamic and attractive man that I am.
Dan:
Now Now. If that, if that campers got a book shelf now you could be a
Charles:
Oh
Dan:
little concerned,
Charles:
yeah,
Dan:
Charles.
Charles:
that's
Dan:
I
Charles:
true.
Dan:
think
Charles:
but but what books? but what collection of books is he keeping on that book shelf? See, that's another thing that makes me more attractive.
Dan:
There's the yet. You know that it all comes down to you are your own best selves person. If you don't love yourself, If you don't think that you know, you enjoy the things that you do, and you're You're proud of the things that you do, and you're confident in the things that you do. Nobody else is going to come from the outside. Think that either they're going to tend to believe you in the way, they're going to see the way you treat yourself on a day to day basis. He way you talk about yourself the way you carry yourself. That's going to come through what you, what you really believe about yourself. So look at you, now, look at yourself. Take some time you know. if you need to go, see you know, a coach or a therapist or whatever that is, To learn to love yourself a little bit more. That's going to make such a difference in the outside because you need to be. You are really your best sales person and that's something to keep in mind is don't necessarily do these things. and like you were talking about these one off Things trying to do to make yourself more attractive, do them so that you learn to love yourself a little bit more, and maybe do a little bit more self care, and then that will shine through.
Charles:
Yeah, I was. I was giving the guy some advice on one of the the subbredits that I enjoy lurking on and occasionally contributing to, And I said, you know, if if you want to be more attractive, think about it this way. If you had to build a guy best friend from the ground up, and you were like Okay, the kind of person I want to spend my time with I want to hang out with. I want to you know, Enjoy doing stuff. with. What. how does that guy dress? What kind of job does that guy have? What kind of Obbies does he have? What kind of vacations does he go on and get that
Dan:
Oh,
Charles:
sort
Dan:
I like
Charles:
of
Dan:
it.
Charles:
a get that avatar in your mind and then just become that guy?
Dan:
That's great. I love that. I really like. I'm going to use that. I've never thought
Charles:
Okay,
Dan:
about
Charles:
Good,
Dan:
it that way, But that's exactly that spot. That's a great idea. I like it
Charles:
Yeah, and just just use him
Dan:
because
Charles:
as your
Dan:
it takes
Charles:
as
Dan:
you.
Charles:
your temple,
Dan:
It takes you. it steps you. It steps you, because what it does it takes you. You know. it brings a little bit more self awareness Right and it kind of takes
Charles:
Right?
Dan:
you out of thinking. Hey, this is Know me and you can apply that to to this avatar. and yeah, you can slowly again. Don't Everything at once. I'm gon. my tiny habits
Charles:
Right?
Dan:
is coming
Charles:
yeah,
Dan:
through
Charles:
yeah,
Dan:
here.
Charles:
for sure,
Dan:
Just start small, don't you know? Don't all of a sudden start, you know, mountain climbing when, when you've never even gone for a hike, you know, so just take it one step at a time
Charles:
Yeah, And and there could be, you know and look, my everybody's avatar for that is going to look different. I mean, there could be some some guys that have a best friend. That's into some stuff that I'm definitely not into. But you think of this scenario Is your best friend going to be a guy who wakes up, Um, throws on some, you know, sort of dirty. ill fitting clothing. Uh, gets, gets in his car, gets on the bus. Goes to a job that he hates, works there all day is mean to his co workers, And you know the customer that he deals with, He's just not pleasant. Then all he does when he comes home is bitch and mon about this job that he hates. Then you know, has a few drinks or smokes some weed plays. You know, video games and you know, yells at people and tries to call them names, and tries to feel a little bit better about himself by putting other people down, and then you know when he's finally a little too drunk or a little too high, he passes out on the couch and then wakes up the next day and does it all over. That's not what my best friend Looks like. That's not the guy that I want to hang out with and that's you know, also
Dan:
Right?
Charles:
not the guy that I want to be. And so if that is the guy that you want to be, and that's the kind of guy that you don't want to hang out with, you know you need to look at that. that difference between who you are and who you like to be around and start start small. but make those changes and start letting go the things that you're like Man. If my best friend did this stuff that I do on a daily basis, I would not want to hang out with him very much at all. And so Just yeah, pick picking area and start Tiny. And you need some help with that, You can, of course contact Dan directly at Dan. It, mindful masculine dot com. and even before that, you can just listen to our episodes about tiny habits, and as we go through the books, look at the different pieces of that that you can. you can start. You can make huge changes by starting small. And and I would definitely encourage you to use that model Us. Use the, What kind of best friend do you want? And then and then look at being that kind of guy.
Dan:
Yeah, that's that's a great tip. For sure.
Charles:
All right, I think we're about out of time. So this week we covered status and money and again, they don't matter as much as you might be obsessed with thinking that they do. Next week. we're going to talk about sexual market value, and what that means is basically how do you measure up and compare to the other people, other guys that are out there looking for short or long term relationships, And What is the reason that a girl that you would be interested in would choose you instead of choosing somebody else? And so we'll start getting into some of those economics of dating and mating, And it's a. It's an interesting topic that I enjoy talking about.
Dan:
Yeah, it's the first kind of economic that I'm excited about.
Charles:
I like all kinds, but this kind is definitely the most fun. All right Dan. Well, you have a good week and I will talk to you again soon
Dan:
Yeah, you too, sir. have a good one. Take care
Charles:
By bye.
Dan:
by bye.