Mindfully Masculine: Personal Growth and Mental Health for Men

We Can't All Be "10s"

April 17, 2023 Mindfully Masculine Media LLC | Charles Calabritto & Dan Littman Episode 80
We Can't All Be "10s"
Mindfully Masculine: Personal Growth and Mental Health for Men
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Mindfully Masculine: Personal Growth and Mental Health for Men
We Can't All Be "10s"
Apr 17, 2023 Episode 80
Mindfully Masculine Media LLC | Charles Calabritto & Dan Littman

We frequently use a 10-point number system to describe how attractive people are. This number often refers to our "sexual market value"--the higher the number, the more options a person has. In this episode, we'll share two specific things that men can do to look and be more valuable in their dating market.

Support the Show.

Show Notes Transcript

We frequently use a 10-point number system to describe how attractive people are. This number often refers to our "sexual market value"--the higher the number, the more options a person has. In this episode, we'll share two specific things that men can do to look and be more valuable in their dating market.

Support the Show.

Dan:
Hey, hey, good morning, Charles. How are you

Charles:
Good morning, Dan. I am very well. Thank you. How are you?

Dan:
As well?

Charles:
Excellent? I, I've got some exciting plans to share things that are going well with me. but let's start with you. Let's what's been working for you lately.

Dan:
What's been working for me lately? Actually, I, we talked about this briefly before I got on the show. I had a bit of a You, probably hear my voice, a little bit, a little bit of a sore throat yesterday, and

Charles:
Yeah,

Dan:
just really kind of knocked me out and I battled my brain back. the part of my brain that was feeling guilty about not doing anything all day

Charles:
Good,

Dan:
and forcing myself to rest, and part of it, Part of what you know, I was a little cloudy in the head, so that you know I knew I was gonna be operating efficiently, but you know I kept going back and forth like feeling guilty, because I was a little bit behind on stuff until I was just the other part of my brain was like Hey, listen, you need to rest. You're not going to do it. Well, you can have to probably re, do anything you do right now over again anyway. Just suck it up. It's okay, rest and you know, and that would be good for like an hour or so, And then I start feel a little bit guilty again. And so it's

Charles:
Yeah,

Dan:
just this constant, you know, loop back and forth with one part of my brain, the other part of my brain. But the Is where I was able to rest and not feel guilty. Start to e ittle bit longer, so practice makes perfect. I guess you know, and because I rested, I was able to do the podcast with you this morning, so that that went well for me, so I'm patting myself on the back for talking myself down

Charles:
Yeah, well done. I'm proud of you. I fight

Dan:
And you,

Charles:
those same.

Dan:
thank you.

Charles:
I fight those same instincts when when I'm not feeling good like I still have to get stuff done And you know how many of my colds or flues do I do? I punish myself with an extra day or two only because I didn't take it seriously at the beginning. You know that's that's the thing you run into.

Dan:
Yeah, yeah, it's you know, and you kind of cross your fingers as you wake up a little bit healthier the next day. Who knows right? So who knows how long it could potentially last if you don't get enough rest and Ntlc, So anyway, how about you? What's what's coming? Well for you this week?

Charles:
Okay, Well, I am happy to share a few things with you. First, you know, a little inside baseball for the people that appreciate it. I am about to turn on low data mode for a podcast because I'm still working from my phone, so when I disappear on your screen, that's the reason why.

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
Okay now, so let's

Dan:
All right.

Charles:
let's let's talk about what's going on with me. I found M quito compliant replacement meal shakes that I've been doing for the last eleven days, and I've been on average replacing two of my meals a day with a milk shake or well, I guess it would be a cream or butter shake. Technically speaking, and that's been going awesome. I found I finally found something. We've talked about this before you. You can eat what's good for you. almost, regardless of how it tastes. In my opinion, where I need to, I only eat things that are good for me when they're yummy And so I have found a A, a, very, like, at least half a dozen flavors of the

Dan:
M.

Charles:
shakes that I've been trying ordering like one one serving at a time from Amazon, trying all the different varieties and I found some that I am absolutely crazy about and they are just really, really good and really filling. and as a result I've been able to keep my daily cars and calories right where I feel like they need to be, and the scale has been confirming that I've been correct on that. And so I'm really Excited about this, and that has prompted me to look into, You know, the Quito community a little bit more in general and seeing what people are doing what's working for them. And you know when, whenever I can spend money on gadgets or conventions, I'm always excited to do that, and so as a couple of days ago, I now have plans to go to Quito Can in Austin next month and learn a whole lot of stuff about. Primarily, I think the thing I'm looking for is more More foods and and shakes and solutions that will will make it easy for me. you know, keep that, keep that behavior line where it needs to be for me to still stay excited and keeping this working for me, so I want to mostly learn about cooking stuff and mix and stuff that will make staying in qitosis easy for me. I've had. I've had some days where my, my net carbis for that day are like five to eight. I'm really. I'm really in the in the Ktogeniczone right now, and even on days where I go a little bit over, I think my biggest day may have been twenty two or twenty three netcarbs in a day, so I'm feeling pretty good about my level of compliance right now, and so I made the arrangements to go to to can share him with you, and now you're going with me. So where we're both going to go? And I'm really looking forward to the only other

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
time I've been to. I've been to Austin once on a job with your company and it was during South By Southwest, but all I did was work all day and then go back to my hotel room and sleep at night and watch T. V. And so I'm looking forward to having a little bit more fun in Austin this time around next month when we go out there for a weekend.

Dan:
Yeah, I'm excited. I've never. I've never been there. I did. I've never been to a qitocon. I've been dabbling with it on and off for many years. I did do a low car cruise one time and I think

Charles:
M.

Dan:
it was out of Houston. We actually left out of there,

Charles:
Interesting.

Dan:
but I'm excited for this. Gonna see some people I haven't seen in a while from the primal health coach space that I was involved with for a while. And yeah, so I'm excited, but I wanted to congratulate you more on. Not just now, the weight lost the progress there, but the habit that sounds like you're forming, which is being able to track your food and it's not quite as painful as you've you alluded to in the past, so

Charles:
Yes,

Dan:
it sounds like you found ways to make that a little bit easier. And as we talked about, I think you know where you are weight wise. In terms of making any more progress. You really need to do a lot of that track. And it sounds like you found an easy way to do it. It's starting to become a little bit more automatic for you, So that's

Charles:
Yes,

Dan:
what I wanted to kind of give you some kudos for the most. actually, So

Charles:
Yeah,

Dan:
that's

Charles:
I really.

Dan:
that's going to make a difference.

Charles:
I think hand in hand, you know, discovering the shakes that I like and tracking everything that I'm eating. Um, Really, The two. The two of those things together is what is making this feel like, Um, different than you know. other times that I have decided you know. Oh, I should really start. you know. watching what I eat, you know, little, be a little bit more attentive. It's it's like now. The thing is. Once I put it in my mouth, I immediately look it up and put it in the food tracker, and then, as a result, And the one I'm using right now is called Chronometer, and I like it because Qitochal, the company that makes the shakes that I that I'm having they release. they frequently release excuse me new new versions of the mix for these shakes, and whenever they have a new version, they update all the nutrition information in this in this app. so I know that I'm always you know, using very, very targeted, very accurate information for the shake that I'm having, and it has a pretty good Data based of other foods as well. And the thing I also like is it it's able to import all the data from Apple Health. So if I have a day where I walk twenty five thousand steps, as opposed to a day where I only walk eight or nine thousand steps, it does the calculation for me, you know, in almost real time to say Okay, it's dinner time. you've walked twenty thousand steps today, so now you've got this many calories remaining that you can have for dinner, and you know it's just right there for me in black and white, Based on the actual calculations it's doing based on the activity that my Apple watch is reporting, so it feels like it feels more informed than just you know. plugging into a macro calculated that says, Okay, I'm this age. On this way. On this height, I consider myself to be moderately active and it just spits out. Okay. here's how many calories you know you should eat a day. Um, you know it's I'm not. It's not a. I know that there are probably more sophisticated and accurate ways to track it, but I like that it's given me this. It feels a little bit more, just a nudge more than just working off of a calculator. That's telling me okay. Here's here's what you should be doing for the rest of the day today.

Dan:
Yeah, if nothing else, it motivates you to.

Charles:
M.

Dan:
maybe you know, do a little bit more physical activity right, because you know

Charles:
Oh, yeah,

Dan:
it's going to count and it's going to count in a way that that matters, which is you know the tummy right. So Yeah,

Charles:
Exactly,

Dan:
for sure,

Charles:
and I'm doing a.

Dan:
I like. I like that up. too.

Charles:
I'm doing a step a step challenge right now With way better where it's I only have to do. I think five days a week where I've got to do four active days and one power day. but you know at this point I'm just I'm just making I'm hit my goals every day because it's uh, it feels better to hit him than to take a day off. And so I'm gonna. I'm not gonna beat myself up if I take a day off, but I'm you know, if I, if my schedule with work and what else I got going on with me allows, I'm like Going to hit my at least my active goal every day of this week. Because why not? it feels good. So that's that's what's going on well for me, And oh, the other thing is, I've got another trip that I booked in twelve days. I decided to. I got a hand up date from one of the Instagram accounts that I follow. I've always wanted to go to Washington D, C. at the peak of the cherry blossoms, and so I got a great deal on a flight and I am going to fly up early one day and then Fly back late that same day after a day of walking around and taking pictures of the cherry blossoms all over downtown D. C. So I am super excited about that.

Dan:
Wow, very cool, very cool. Yeah, An went to see those pictures.

Charles:
Yeah, I'm looking forward to it at the. They're supposed to peak between March, twenty second and twenty fifth this year, which is a little earlier than usual, but yeah, I found. I think it's a spirit flight where I'm flying up early in the morning, flying home late at night. I think it costs me seventy one dollars out the door for the round trip ticket, so all I have to do is pay for a train from two and from B w. I, and wear some comfortable shoes and maybe bring a little battery pack for my phone, and I'm just going to walk around and take a bunch of Pictures and do what I can to eat responsibly while I'm in Washington, D, C, which is a great food town. Because of all the you know, diplomats and people from all over the world that live and work there, there's a lot of great great food, so I'm going to. I'm going t ave a little fun that day. Maybe eat a meal that I would normally eat, because I'll be on vacation that day, but I'm really looking forward to it, and then last thing a week from a week from Wednesday, which is two days five. As from now on March fifteenth, I find out if I got a winning spot in the Mount Whitney lottery and if so, then I'm going to be back amongst the maniacs that run around for no reason. Five C training, possibly ten k training hitting the step step master star Master machine at my gym, getting back into squatting for endurance instead of just for strength gains. So I'll be if I, if I get a spot Lottery, I'm going to be back into training mode to increase the strength of my legs and also my cardio vascular endurance because this year I picked all good days. If I get any of them, I'm going to go out to California. I'm gonna. I'm going to hike Mount Whitney.

Dan:
Nice. Yeah, that's

Charles:
Yeah, exciting

Dan:
great man.

Charles:
exciting

Dan:
congrats.

Charles:
times, Thank you. I'm pretty excited by everything that's going on right now, so hopefully hopefully things will continue to go well toward those goals. All right, Anything you'd like to bring up before we dive into sexual market value?

Dan:
No, No, not yet. Nope,

Charles:
All right, Cool. So this is a topic that you know. We start delving into some of the red pill, sort of pick up artist, adjacent nonsense that the author of this book

Dan:
Uh,

Charles:
Atomic Attraction gets into, And

Dan:
uh,

Charles:
so yeah, there will be. There will be quite a few times where I call out things that I don't think make a lot of sense in the real world, and the next chapter is even better or worse, depending on what your perspective is. But Yeah, let's let's dive into to what what sexual market value means and how it affects your ability to create and sustain relationships. So I'll start and just jump in when when you feel the need, I know or our connection is a little bit laggy, so it takes a minute for me to stop talking before you can jump in, so I will try to give you ample opportunity. So here's a deal. Um, when it comes to select Ting mates, people have opportunities based on how attractive they are perceived by their target market, and for most cases, when we're talking about it in context of this book, it's going to be hetorsexual men and hetorsexual women, And so the more attractive you are, the more options you will have. The more options you have, the more attractive you're perceived as being by your target market. So for example, actor, Professional athletes, people like that are perceived as being attractive to women because they have lots of options And so there's an implied scarcity there. Like Okay, this guy is good looking. He's attractive. he's well known. Therefore he could probably get a lot of women. And because he could get a lot of women, that makes the women who see him more attracted to him than they would be if he was a relatively unknown stranger. Okay, The good news for guys like you and me, Dan, is we don't have to be celebrities.

Dan:
Ah,

Charles:
We don't have to be well known. in order to be found attractive by the women that are in our social circle. we just have to present ourselves, and and I would argue we have to be more attractive than most of the guys that surround us, And I like to make a distinction

Dan:
Hm,

Charles:
that the author does not like To make, or doesn't choose to make as often as I think you should, Which is being attractive and having options with women with whom you date. It's not just about looking like you're attractive, it's not just about looking like your strong and masculine. it's about being those things because you can only pretend to be those things for so long. and if you're only concerned with short term relationships, meaning you know In our night a couple of weeks, then yeah, maybe you can fake it to the point where people will think that you are something that you're not, but in all honesty, I think even on the short term level, that is not a way to go for enjoyment, meaning fulfillment on really any kind of level, If you're if you constantly put yourself in a place where Yeah, I can get girls for a little while until they find out what I really am and then they'll have no interest in being Round me whatsoever any more than I don't. I don't consider that a path to a fulfilled romantic life, even if you're young, and even if you're okay with it being short term. Um, you know, I think ultimately, and this is. This is not a moral or religious judgment. I think ultimately that churn and burn mentality when it comes to romantic partners. I don't think it makes guys feel as good as the media would have us believe that it does. So. please jump in on that. However, however, you'd like to

Dan:
You. Yeah. I mean, I think the very definition of fulfillment meaning full. Those are. those are words that really I don't feel can be met with short term or very limited amount of experiences. Right? So you

Charles:
M.

Dan:
know what you have just talked about, which is, if you are kind of faking it about, you know being being attractive because You're pretending to be something that you're not and you know to churn and burn, You might get some short term. you know some short term pleasure out of that, but that's different than long. You know a longer term type of ear, which, which was what you were using in terms of fulfillment. And I think joy is. also, It implies a little bit of a longer term experience right, And that's the. I think. That's really where you need to think about things. If you want the longer term. you know good feelings to be there, which may not be as intense as the short term, which is why I think a lot of people they go for these quick fixes that they know, do what they can to you know, to pretend that they are high value or attractive, and it doesn't really matter that they know whether they are or not, because they're after that that dopeamean, real quick, that quick fix of joy. But where does that leave you when You know when you come down from that right you know. Does that does that require than another another hit of of you know dopamean That that experience that short term experience, Or do you want to kind of get off that roller coaster and just you know, feel good most of the time in a longer term and longer term relationship, And I think a lot of that also has to do with because you are doing things that make you actually attractive. Instead of pretending to be Tractive, you're getting a lot of that joy and fulfillment from yourself. Not just the relationships that you're

Charles:
Yes,

Dan:
able to cultivate at that point,

Charles:
Yes,

Dan:
but you're feeling better about yourself one. I think it's a lot less stressful than having to you know, put on the show and fake it. You know all the time, but to you know what the truth is, what what reality is, and that kind of comes across in your brain and the way you behave and the way you act. So I feel like my opinion here is that the good feelings, the joy that that fulfillment also comes from from from within as well, not just from a more stable relationship.

Charles:
Yeah, I agree with all of that. I think I think you hit the nail on the head there, and I love that you specifically mentioned roller coaster, Because that that set me up for something I was going to, I was going to say, I've I've recently been reading a little bit about different kinds of fun and something an article I found on or a quick entry I found on Ris website. You know, they have the awesome stores for like outdoor equipment and gear and stuff, and they did an article on the fund scale, which is One fun, type to fun,

Dan:
M,

Charles:
and type three fun and type one fun. The best example of it is a roller coaster, because on a roller coaster you don't really have to do anything other than Ou. know you buy a ticket and then you stand in line. But other than that, you get on the roller coaster and it's a blast while you're doing it, but you know as far as fun goes, it's kind of empty calories, right you? you ride the roller coaster, you finish the roller coaster. It was a blast while you were on it, but you don't really come away with it with any kind of enduring. You know, contentment from a roller coaster. It's just a fun experience that you enjoy in the moment.

Dan:
Hm,

Charles:
So that's type one, fun, type, too Fun is something like going on a long strenuous hike where while you're in the middle of it, it feels kind of miserable. It's something that you have to challenge yourself to get through, but then you know years later you can look back on it and you just feel good when you think about the experience and the accomplishment, And I mean, I still go and look back The picture of me at the top of half dome, and part of what feels so good about that picture is how much work it took to to get there and the fact that there's you know, other than crack an open photo shop, there's no way you get that picture without doing the work

Dan:
M,

Charles:
first you. There's no gondola that takes

Dan:
M,

Charles:
you to the top of Half dome. There's no Hello pad up there where you can take a helicopter O the top and you know, jump off the helicopter. Get a picture, then hop back on. It's the only people that have pictures of, So the top of Half Dome is people who hiked to the top of Half dome, So that would be type too fun, and then type three, Fun is fun That it wasn't fun while you were doing it. It's not particularly fun looking back at it, but it was something you had to do and you're glad that you did it, but it still doesn't feel like fun even after the fact, and one of the examples they use is the feeling you get after you write a book. Writing a book you know, does not feel

Dan:
M,

Charles:
like a lot of fun while you're going through it. You don't look back on it and say boy, Those those weeks of sitting in front of my computer dealing with my writer's block and having to do the research and all that that wasn't fun either. but man, I'm glad that I got through writing a book and I'm glad that you know my thoughts are out there now for ever. as long as people are reading books. I went through this this project and now my my thoughts are on paper or digital or whatever, and people will always associate me with these things I put down on paper. And so yeah, I feel like relationships can be Attack the same way And it's the. there's a time and place for type one fun, and there's a time and place for type two and type three fun. But if you set yourself for a diet of only type one fun relationships, Yeah, you're gonna. it's going to be like I only eat lucky charms and snicker bars every day for five years. You're You're not going to feel great if you set up that

Dan:
M,

Charles:
kind of a long term pattern for yourself when it comes to your relationships or your diet.

Dan:
Right, Interesting.

Charles:
All right, so

Dan:
Yeah, when

Charles:
let's

Dan:
you're

Charles:
talk

Dan:
going through

Charles:
about

Dan:
a

Charles:
something.

Dan:
type one, type two, type three, I was like. Oh, you mean diabetes?

Charles:
Which one is which one's type Three Is that just being dead,

Dan:
No, Actually, so they're talking about, I think it's it's their dement, All timers. I think basically they're calling type

Charles:
M.

Dan:
three diabetes because

Charles:
Oh,

Dan:
similar

Charles:
interesting.

Dan:
to what happens with with your kidneys, you, because you have too much sugar in your blood, What happens is it damages the really small, the nefrons, the tiny little blood vessels in you now in your kidneys in your eyes. But they've also found that that happens in the brain because you have too much sugar. And so what

Charles:
M.

Dan:
they're there they're finding And I think it's all times Is that people with with all timers, they're calling it type three diabetes because a lot of the damage in the brain is being caused from having eating too much sugar and too many carbohydrates.

Charles:
Interesting. I. I did not know that. thank you for sharing

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
that.

Dan:
yeah,

Charles:
Okay,

Dan:
yeah,

Charles:
so let's let's use an example here from the book about some of the things that lead to being unattractive and and some of what that communicates now can. Well, I mean, he's a little hard in my opinion on on the example of a guy that's overweight, And so I would. I would tend to not use the term overweight, because you know that's so subjective the way I mean, you Look at two guys of the exact same height and weight, and one of them can look much more attractive than the other and you know that has to do with body shape and how you know they're lean body mask compared to their body fat percentage, and things like that. so when he talks about overweight, I feel more comfortable and tell me, if you agree, I would rather use the term out of shape. like when you look at a guy who is out of shape. That that is a little bit more concrete to me. Then referring to someone as being overweight, I know you know what overweight means is

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
there's an assumption there of high body fat or whatever, but you know, I would say somebody who is out of shape to the point where it looks like they're struggling walking around and and just getting done, sort of the normal processes of life. That is what sort of correlates with me for unattractiveness more than just being overweigh, because overweight just feels too nebulous to me.

Dan:
Yeah, I mean, I agree with that and I take it to the next level, which is, you know, when you say out of shape, I would literally say what shape do you have Because the kind of clothes that you wear make a difference, so somebody could be,

Charles:
Yeah,

Dan:
you know, have a higher percentage of body fit than someone else. But if they are wearing clothes that fit them better and don't know, show off. you know, a beer belly or you know, are areas that that you know, show that they are out of Shape. Literally shape the key here. So now some clothes will hide that some clothes won't, So I think

Charles:
M

Dan:
the impression that you are giving people. I mean, if everybody see walking around naked, then I would say yeah, we don't need to talk about clothing in the way you're

Charles:
Right,

Dan:
presenting yourself at all

Charles:
right,

Dan:
right, but at this point because clothes can really alter the way you up here, I think it's important to go okay if you're always well put together and you've got to know the right clothes and they fit you well, and your shape does not look like You are out of what a normal healthy shape looks like. Then I think you're You're okay

Charles:
Yeah, so yeah, thank you for that. I, I agree with you and I would say that clothes discussing clothes sort of brings this discussion right right where I was hoping it would go, which is now the last few episodes we've talked about developing the behaviours and practices that lead to what we could call the more superficial aspects of attractiveness, right, the the way that you style your hair, the way that you dress, Um, the things you do for your Your body, Um, the sense that you wear. I mean one could argue that Okay, those things are just super superficial markers of attractiveness, and I would. I would agree to a point that that is true. Except those markers, they do sort of communicate a mind set. and and they even a discipline and a set of priorities that a man has. So you know, just going to the gym and lifting weights so that your muscles go bigger or get bigger. Yet you could Argue that Well, that's just superficial, but someone who spends enough time in the gym to actually have an impact on the way they look. What Be that in clothes are out of clothes. That does send a message of some other, likely, not necessarily true, but likely things that are going on with that person such as they're strong there healthy. they have good gens, Um, they respect and care about the way that their body functions. Um. they have focus. they have persistence. Just all the all the good things. that sort of underlie a habit of spending time in the gym working on on your body. Um, also you know, facial hair, facial hair. you could say, Oh, it's you know. Just it's the superficial choice whether you choose to have a beard or you don't choose to have a beard. But again, what we learned in that chapter was no facial hair is sort of a communicator of masculinity Of health of the presence of testostrone in your body. So a lot of these things that we've talked about they seem like just on the surface. Okay, this guy likes to buy and wear fancy clothes. So you know big deal like well it does. It does mean that he takes his appearance seriously. He's not just buying the cheapest clothes or the most most comfortable clothes. he's actually putting some effort into cultivating or creating a style that reflects his person Ity to the world, And and I think it's very easy to just write off some of the behaviors we're talking about as well. That will only appeal to women if they're superficial and shallow, and blah blah blah. And I would. I would push against that and say no. It does more than that it communicates. These are the things that I care about. These are my values. These are the things I find important to spend time and effort on, and that is part of who I am as a man. Would you agree?

Dan:
Absolutely, and I'm going to use one of your favorite quotes. Here is how you do anything, is how you do everything and that, in this case here, it's um, if you are, If you care about your body and that shows and you care about what you wear, and that shows you may not exactly do everything where you care that much, but you are more likely to care. Then you're not right. And

Charles:
Yes,

Dan:
so you re already communicating to people without even speaking a word In terms of you are in shape. If you are choosing clothes that look good on you. smells that smell good on you, or just putting on some sort of cologne or tutor at all. It shows that you care about something and you're more likely if people are going to gamble, And we try to also make short cuts with our brains to try to figure things out to make things easier for ourselves. So

Charles:
Hm,

Dan:
we love making short cuts and so our brains immediately going to be influenced in the way that says. Okay, you care about this. You're more like likely to care about other things, So that's a good thing, but also, unfortunately, if if you are looking to kind of fake it and pretend to be attractive, these are also ways in terms of just buying like one nice outfit right and going around

Charles:
Right,

Dan:
and just faking it that way right. So some people online for their success a lot of times they'll be taking the rent a luxury automobile and take pictures

Charles:
M.

Dan:
of themselves in the car and have a landing page and say, Look at how successful I am right in front of like a mansion that they rented, You know for the week end off air, be and be whatever it is, and you know that that it. still. unfortunately, it still, It still brings in a lot of people. It still works. However, again, it's not a long term. it's not. It's not a recipe for long term happiness and success, but it just goes to show how powerful that is in terms of making that that deep impression on people. from that the positive one choice. people are going to start assuming That you do everything else very a way that you care about right and that that matters that you can be successful

Charles:
Yeah,

Dan:
in.

Charles:
no, not absolutely. that's that's a great example. where Yes, you can. you can try to cheat the system in the short term, and you, you may get some success. That way you may be you. May, it may work for you, but you know who who people are eventually comes out after enough time,

Dan:
M.

Charles:
and that

Dan:
Hm,

Charles:
seems to always be the case. You know one one. So one of the things that you know, this book is sort of keeping in mind and I would agree with based The feedback I've gotten from dating partners as well as women that I'm friends with is that most women feel like there is a short supply, attractive, high value men that are still single and available in the dating pool. Like Um, You know, I've sited the study before from. I believe it was okay, Cupid, where they had women look at pictures of men And rate them as being attractive above above average, attractive, or below average attractive. And something like eighty percent of the men were categorized as below average attractiveness, Which we know is not how averages work. The way that averages work is that

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
you know half half or below half or above. And and that's the way that it goes. But the

Dan:
Right,

Charles:
perception was that

Dan:
yeah,

Charles:
you know, looking at all these guys that they showed them Tres was like. No like eighty percent of them I consider unattractive, and only twenty percent what I consider attractive. And that is That definitely testifies to the fact that I believe men are not spending enough time doing the two things that make a man most attractive in a woman's eyes, And those two things are taking risks and investing effort in life. And the more that you take smart risks, and the more you put effort into investing in yourself, and and I, You can use these terms in the broadest senses. I mean, investing in yourself can be you know, spending a little bit more money on a nice hair cut, or it can be you know, buying a course on line to learn some new skill that you don't have. M. Both of those things

Dan:
M.

Charles:
make you more attractive than you would be otherwise, and so investing in yourself. Really, it can be wide open. so and then also taking risks, taking risks like Ou know, introducing yourself to that girl that you saw at the coffee shop that you thought was pretty On the first day that you saw, instead of the third week that you saw things like that, taking those kinds of risks make you more attractive. And so that that's really the differentiator between a man in the you know mating market that is perceived as being high value versus low value. It really does come down to Okay. What kind of risk is this man willing to take, And how much is he willing to invest effort in making his his life better and Thereby making himself look more attractive?

Dan:
Yeah, well said

Charles:
All right, so um again, we've We've talked about the the sort of superficial things up until this point or the surface things. The things that you can pretty much look at a person or walk by a person, immediately tell how attractive they are compared to the other men in there in their mating market. but now we're going to start transitioning to bit of more of the mind set and the specific behaviors that take place both Pre and during relationships that will will make men um more attractive. So again we're laying a foundation with you gotta, you got to worry about how your body looks. You got to worry about what clothes you're wearing. You got to worry about how you're grooming yourself. You got to worry about your your hygiene and your your preference is for. Um again, things like clothes accessories, um, styling products. I mean, all those things are important because bad decisions in any Those areas can sort of eliminate you from being considered as a potential dating partner. so what you don't want to do is is make decisions or fail to make decisions that immediately eliminate you right off the bat of Okay, the way this guy's dress, the way this guy doesn't care about his hair or his grooming or his hygiene. I mean, those are the kind of things that will immediately take you from being a potential dating option to just being some guy that's hanging out Starbuck. So once you kind of get those in place and you give some serious consideration to what message you know what first impression you want to put out there. Now we're going to start getting into the the nuts and bolts of what it takes to Have attractive behaviors that really drive everything else. It's it's how attractive you are in your interactions with people that matter for both long and short term relationships. It's your your first impression can disqualify you from having a chance with some people. And so let's get those on point. and then after your first impressions have been kind of worked out, then it comes down to Okay, how do you actually act? How do you behave? How do you interact with people? That will? You make people and women specifically want to be around you more than they already are, Because that really is the foundation for any kind of romantic relationship. You need to have a woman feel like I'd like to spend more, not less time around this guy. and the way that you act is going to define your success in that area. So the next chapter in the book, which we're not going to get into yet, but I want to kind of just set the table for it. It's entitled Good guys versus Bad guys, and again, we're going to get into some real red pill, pick up artists horse ship in the next chapter and I will be disagreeing

Dan:
Yeah.

Charles:
with the author frequently and saying Okay. here's here's what I wish he meant. Here's how I see this based on my life experience, and here's what I've seen you know, work for me as opposed to some very cliche sort of cookie cutter ideas that you can. you can pick up on Some of the darker subredits online and I'm looking forward to it because you know you and I have talked about this before Dan. The thing that I enjoy more than almost anything is dispelling myself of a myth, like learning a way to a new way to think about things that I've thought about the wrong way for a long time, and you know, the more of the sort of problematic chapters that we get into the more opportunity. I think there is to say. Okay here, What you may have heard, And here's how I see that the world actually works and I'm excited about getting into that.

Dan:
Yeah, and I think a lot of it. A lot of that red pill stuff comes from a place of people initially starting out being insecure and kind of building up a fake type of persona of confidence, and I think that's where it kind of comes across as an authentic. A lot of these topics and a lot of these methodologies from what I've read in the book, as well as what I now learned from from Place, is about a lot of these red pill ideas and I think I don't know if that ever translates into. You know the faking it until you make it. If that actually does translate in a confidence down the road, but I feel like if you're coming across in a confident manner, no matter what you're doing, that is going to be. You know the bottom line, it's goin t be an authentic, confident way. people's insides are internal, spiky senses. Tuition, whatever you want to call, it will pick up on that And so I think you know. My thought here is really. you know, find things that you can be good out to build that that true confidence and then let that carry over into other errors of your life.

Charles:
Yes, Absolutely. I mean, real confidence only comes from competence, and competence only comes from deep thinking and and deep practice. you know, getting good at the things that you didn't use to be good at is what makes you competent, and then once your competent, then you'll feel that confidence and that will come across in everything you do. so, whether that's

Dan:
Yeah,

Charles:
you know, lifting weight to the gym or you know, approaching a a stranger because you think she's attractive, you'd like to get to know or better. The the only way that you Can get actually comfortable and confident and competent by those things is by practicing repetitions, and you, when you try to short circuit that by you know what I, what I often describe is doing an impression of A of a strong confident man. Um, you know you can, you can do an impression of of somebody who's strong and confident for a while, but you know after not too long, or you know, in the lie Of day, especially when you think of it, you know, acting like a a confident man who's good at picking up women in the club at one a M. when everybody is drunk is probably pretty easy. But when you get that number and you want to invite her out for a day date or a picnic or something like that, and your behavior is no longer convincing, that's going to be very apparent and good luck on getting date Number three. When you know you've just been exposed as a faker. you know what I mean, So we're going to get into some of that stuff and I

Dan:
Yep,

Charles:
and I look forward to it, and because it's exciting and I think it can dispel a lot of men of some of the myths that they are so easy to pick up on Youtube videos, and an unread it, which, which I'm looking forward to,

Dan:
Yeah, sounds good. Can't wait.

Charles:
Alright, Dan. I will talk to you again soon. Take it easy. Hope you keep feeling better

Dan:
All right, thanks, man, Have a good

Charles:
Robber

Dan:
one,

Charles:
by.

Dan:
But.