Some myth-busting in this episode! What have your parents and/or the media taught you about attraction and sexuality that might be dead wrong--or at least an incomplete version of the story? Join us this week as we discuss.Support the show
Good morning Charles, how are we today?
Good morning. We are great Dan. Thanks. How are you?
Isn't that weird when people say that? Oh, we'll see you later. And it's one person. I get that a lot every once in a while. You know, it's like, we, yeah, I guess, you know, um, yeah, I've heard you do it once in a while. And I know I've done it once in a while too. It's just, I don't know where that came from. I just noticed that though. Yeah, we'll catch up with you later. It's just, yeah, weird.
the royal wee, yeah.
I don't know, seems kind of folksy I guess. Yeah.
It's kind of like sports teams, right? It's like, you know, when we talk about, you know, how bad the Yankees did, oh, we really sucked last night. Oh, did you? Were you on the bench?
Yeah, I always enjoy giving people a hard time about that.
Thank you. Bye.
Oh, so you're more than a fan.
Oh yeah. All right, so what's going on with you?
What's going on with me?
did another round of the Tapit and Rudden Club last night and ran a little further ran around all the way around Lake Yolo a couple times. Beautiful night, wasn't too hot, lots of sun, not too many wild animals or wild people I needed to run around. And it was actually it was the same time they were doing a make a wish. It was a, I guess they were doing a walk for make a wish. And I know Kurt had just completed that.
And he's a nut man. He doesn't stop moving. I don't know where he gets his energy from And this is not an endorsement for five hour energy by any means, but Kirk could probably write one. So he just done that and then he goes into the Bangs out another 5k with the tap and run afterwards. So that was great You know ran into ran our new friend Neil who graciously promoted the podcast without me doing anything So thank you Neil
Thank you. Thank you.
that. Very kind of you to spread the good word. I'm glad you're enjoying it. I'm glad you're enjoying the new sense of truck hard nor and aqua-valva that you mentioned to me on the way over there. So that was kind of funny. But yeah, I'm really enjoying it. And I've met a lot of great people there already and more so than I could have ever imagined. And I'm always pleasantly surprised when I push myself
more social and talking to people. And I'm always more than pleasantly surprised in terms of how much I have in common with other people and how kind and generous and willing and that people want to be to help with, you know, whatever I'm into or whatever I'm interested in. So it was that was a great experience last night. And, you know, I want to thank Kurt for pushing me a little bit to get out there and do the run group. And even though he does 12 groups a day
week every night and pushes me to do these other ones. I don't have that kind of bandwidth, but I do like the Thursday night tap and run at Anthony's down in Thorne Park. So that's my little endorsement for that. Yeah. And you said you've gone, right? You've been a couple of times.
It seems, yeah, yeah, I've not gone and run, but I've popped in a couple of times after they were done with the running, just to check it out. And at some point I may have to get back into running because I need the cardiovascular conditioning, but I'm not there right now. So we'll see what develops. But I was thinking as you were describing it just now and before we started recording, there is something about hanging out with,
something like that, you're socializing with a subset of people who, the one thing you know about them before you even show up and meet any of them is that they're into something enough to get up off the couch and go do something on a weeknight. And that's not everybody, you know? And I think just because somebody's willing to put that effort into going out and doing a thing with other people, it's like, yeah, you're a little predisposed to already like them because they've got something they're into enough.
to make something happen on a recurring basis. And so many of us, it's like, you know, thinking back during COVID and even just before that, what life was like, you know, right after college. And we'll talk about it a little bit in this chapter. It's just there's a very, very strong default setting and at least, you know, modern American society to just go to work and then get home and plop yourself down on a couch and let that just become your life.
And so, seeking out people who are looking for a little bit more going on than just that, it's like, okay, there's already something I like about you because you're not content to just let your life be, punch a clock and sit on a couch.
Yeah, no, that's a great point. And you know, the other thing I realized was everybody kind of does their own route. And so as long as you're kind of back, I mean, really, the connecting the socializing isn't while we're running or walking for most people, it definitely isn't for me. I go by myself. And so as long as you're kind of back, you know, I you could like literally just like walk around Lake Yolo, which a couple people did do. And then as long as you kind of come back after about a half hour, that seems to be when everybody kind of comes back and sits down and eats and hangs out.
that's, you know, you're in the group. So you, you only actually have, I didn't think about it, but you didn't even have to run. You could just do a hike, you know, it just couldn't be that long. But, you know, and so it's nice. And there's, and there really isn't any kind of, you know, penis measuring or anything like that. Oh, how, you know, how far did you go? How fast did you go? It's not competitive at all. It's all kind of just like, Hey, you're here. That's great. And you get, you know, you get praise
as you're running around or walking, they're cheering you on and stuff. And it's nice. It's really nice. So I'm happy I did it. So I saw you had a little trip to DC this week. How did that go? I didn't have an ass to buy that yet.
Yeah, it was crazy. It was a little...
When I do it again, and I will certainly do it again, the one day trip was fun. There was not quite enough time. My flight up there didn't land until almost noon. I think it was like 1150 something when I landed. And then my flight home left BWI at 750. So I really only had about five and a half hours of just walking around the city. And that was a little light.
to do some of my favorite things. I walked all the way around the title basin from the Mall to the Jefferson Memorial and back around again and saw a lot of really pretty cherry blossoms. That was my first time getting to go during the Cherry Blossom Festival and it lived up to the hype. It's really pretty when all those blossoms are blooming. I went to a few museums. I visited
around a little bit more, went and walked back to the train station, got on the train, took it back to BWI, got on my plane and came home. It was one of the first spirit flights in a long time where I couldn't sweet talk my way into a better seat. I had to actually pay for it like a normie. And I texted my girlfriend. I was like, I think I wore clothes that were too loose to really, really, you know, bat my eyelashes and get a better seat. I need to, I need to wear a bit more trim of an outfit.
All right. All right. I need to ask, okay, so when, how does this normally go down? You sweet talk, I've never sweet talked in terms of airline seats. I've never been able to pull that off. Not that I've tried, but what's, what's the method here?
Usually I usually I'll get either an exit row or a seat up front that That the value carriers charge a lot of extra money for just by going up to the as soon as I See that the gate agent has logged in logged into their computer at the gate. I walk up and say hey there I got this seat if it wouldn't be any trouble could you maybe give me a an aisle instead and Often they'll be like, okay. What which aisle would you like? I was like, you know, whatever you can do I'd like an aisle close to the front would be amazing
and then they'll either be like, I can give you an exit row or I can give you, you know, one of our bigger, better seats in row one or two. And that's happened the last three or four times that I've flown Spirit, where they've just bumped me up. And...
And they don't ask for a credit card right then and there on the spot. It's just because you were nice and asked.
The gal on Wednesday night did, yeah, I had to pay $34, but I was in ILC Road 2, so, and my flight was landing at almost midnight, so I was like, yeah, I wanna be able to stand up. I didn't have any luggage, so, checked, carry on anything. I had my phone and a couple things in my pocket, and that was it. So I was able to pick up and boom right off. But yeah, this time I had to pay 34 bucks for what usually is free. And I think it's because I was wearing
jacket instead of my skin tight hoodie, which is what I usually travel in.
We'll have to do some experiments and find out.
Or maybe this one just didn't like the look of me. Maybe she felt like I looked too entitled or something. I don't know. Yeah, usually put on the old cap. Maybe, I don't know. She didn't look me up yet. So she wouldn't know that at this point. But I don't know. Maybe old Calibri to Charm is starting to lose its value. Or maybe the previous gay agents were into dad bods and mine is
You've had too many free upgrades.
continues to go the way of the dodo So I don't have I don't have that dadbot appeal now. I just have regular hot guy appeal
Oh, that's terrible. Sounds miserable. Poor thing.
I know, I know. But the diet is going quite swimmingly. I posted a picture on Instagram on, I believe, Wednesday morning. I am now in the 150s, which I've not been in the 150s since the 90s. Thank you. Yeah, not since the way up, back around my, I don't know, probably freshman 15 back in 96, 97 is when I was in the 150s. So yeah,
Wow, wow nice.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Wow. Wow
to fall. I continue to enjoy my keto chow protein shakes. They're still experimenting with new flavors and new fats. Today for lunch I will be enjoying the blueberry pie flavored shake and for my chosen fat I went with cream cheese instead of butter or heavy cream. So I'm looking forward to seeing how that tastes. I bet it's going to be amazing.
Oh, that sounds delicious. So are you melting the cream cheese down first, I'm guessing, right? To kind of get it all liquidy, soft? Okay. Yeah. Okay.
Soften it up, yeah, put it in the microwave for about 30 seconds Just to soften it up a little bit and then you know, I always blend mine with my ninja I don't use I've got a blender bottle but I don't use that I use my ninja and so it can take even if I was to put in you know Refrigerator cold butter. I think it was probably still be able to chop it up pretty good in my ninja But I still warm it up anyway No, no it would not But but next month when we go to Austin I'm gonna be stuck with just using the the blender bottle for that
yet the blender bottle wouldn't cut it. The blender bottle would leave it nice and chunky. No, that would not work out very well.
So I think my first my first stop after you and I Uber from the airport I'm probably gonna have to find a grocery store And I think I'll probably do heavy whipping cream during that trip So that it'll be a little easier to the the place I'm staying I'm staying at the firehouse hostile and it appears that they have a nice big kitchen with a shared refrigerator and a microwave and all that stuff So I think heavy whipping cream logistically will just work better for me You know, I'll just I'll bring a magic marker and write my name on my
of heavy whipping cream and just keep that in the fridge and then mix up my, I may bring two blender bottles so I can always have one in the refrigerator getting cold for me. So I'm gonna go ahead and get my blender bottle. I'm gonna go ahead and get my blender bottle. I'm gonna go ahead and get my blender bottle. I'm gonna go ahead and get my blender bottle. I'm gonna go ahead and get my blender bottle. I'm gonna go ahead and get my blender bottle. I'm gonna go ahead and get my blender bottle. I'm gonna go ahead and get my blender bottle. I'm gonna go ahead and get my blender bottle. I'm gonna go ahead and get my blender bottle.
Yeah, I think the next fight you should experiment with is beef tallow. So yeah, I think a little blueberry beef tallow that sounds delicious, doesn't it?
There are some hoop.
The, it sounds disgusting. There are people that do it though. There are people that use avocado oil, olive oil, beef tallow. I mean, pretty much if you can think of it. I haven't read anybody in the Facebook group using lard, but you know, who knows? I'm not sure if you can see it. I'm not sure. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
Well, that's what beef tallow is. That's really, it's lard. That's what that, I mean.
There's a difference though, isn't there?
That's a great question. I don't know. I thought it was the same thing. I thought beef tallow was large. Maybe we got to look this up. Hold on a second. Okay. Yeah.
Well, I've got I've got the internet here. Let's let's check real quick. Yeah, Lard versus beef tallow.
It's usually pork, I'm saying, rather than beef.
Oh, Pallows from Beef and Lard is from Pork.
So, lard sounds more disgusting, but also I'm a little tempted to try it.
I mean, I maybe try some bacon fat. I might be add a little bit of a funny little little taste, you know, because, you know, do the. Yeah.
I don't know about that. I think that would be probably a little too flavorful. Although, you know, one of the, one of the shake flavors that I've ordered that has not yet arrived is a maple waffle. And that could be, could be an interesting, combining that with a little bit of bacon fat. That could be interesting.
I, yeah. I think so, man. And here's the thing too, right? You don't have to do all bacon fat. Maybe you just do a little bit just from the flavor and then butter might be the second one, right? So you get a little bit of, right? Because, you know, you do the on the waffles a lot of times it's the butter and maple syrup and they get a little couple slices of bacon. Now getting hungry. Damn.
Yeah, the the shakes have been have been very good. I bought my first bulk container of peanut butter flavor because I'm a sucker for peanut butter flavor. And I will probably be ordering another. I ordered a four pack of these. Better homes and garden brand storage food storage containers from Walmart. And I've got four of them now so that I can I can support up to four big bags of my mix. And because it's a lot cheaper when you buy the big bags.
me by the individual servings. So that way I can have a four flavor rotation. And I am really considering staying on this for the long term. I will not be doing two meals a day for the long term, but I just the convenience of having something that tastes so good and I know exactly what the nutrition is. I think doing one meal a day is probably something I will do for the foreseeable future. Again, just taste and convenience and knowing exactly
Yeah, if you're feeling good.
Exactly what, yeah, I'm feeling great. I'm feeling, yeah, being skinnier than I've been in two decades is definitely agreeing with me. I'm enjoying going out for, I've done some days at Disney where I really ramp up the walking way past anything I would do normally on a park day. And yeah, I've had some six, seven, eight mile days just trying to get some extra steps in. And one thing that,
blows my mind is the amount of effort it takes to burn 500 calories versus the amount of effort it takes to eat 500 calories. It's like, what kind of... It is so insane, Dan. It is like literally two and a half hours walking in the sun. I'm gonna burn 500 calories or I could have a donut and completely undo all that work.
Oh, it's nuts.
And you're getting the dopamine hit from the donut. I mean, and you might feel like you're just gonna be pretty tired from all that exercise, right? So, yeah, you get a little bit of that, the high from exercising for sure, but it's not that quick fix, not that quick hit of that donut by any means. Yeah, that's why we've got a problem in this country or in the world.
which is, it's complete, I know, and it's completely reasonable when you think about it. It's like, okay, you know, for so much of our history, under eating was the problem. And so we had to evolve a body that was able to, you know, take in and hold on to nutrition in any form in any way that it could and be as efficient as possible when it came to burning it so that we didn't run out of energy and die. And now, you know, at least in the West,
Our problem is eating too much and not moving enough, but we're still running off some old hardware.
Yeah, yeah. And the unfortunate thing is that our processed garbage is making its way into the rest of the world too, so it's not just the West anymore.
Yeah, it's hard to, and you don't make money off keeping people skinny. I mean, obviously there is a health food industry and a health industry that is doing well, but it's not doing as good as, you know, the processed food in the sugar industry. They're doing real great.
Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah.
But yeah, so I'm enjoying being much more mindful and deliberate about my eating, tracking everything I eat on my phone. And yeah, it's become pretty much automatic that I'm, you know, when in the evening when I'm feeling a little hungry, I am making informed, calculated decisions, not just grabbing something that will feel nice in my mouth.
Yeah. Yeah. And it's, you know, it takes a little bit of time and results to really feel that motivation or feel that excitement and wanting to make those choices. You know, a lot of us will not get that level to where you're going to be, you know, keep up with it, but it does get easier over time as you're finding out. And, you know, you find ways to enjoy the results.
it's nice to have different results to enjoy at this point too, right? It's, I mean, you know, being, you know, being in shape, you know, is better than, tastes better than, you know, than that donut at the time, right? So you kind of have to think about, you know, it's one or the other, you know.
Yeah, and that was a premise that I disagreed with for a long time. I thought, okay, anybody who says that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels has not had the birthday cake cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory. But it... .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ..
Yeah, the, I mean, the right now, and this may not always be the case, but right now the, the why and the, and the repetitive behavior pattern I've created is stronger than the desire for ultra rich, ultra sweet food. And so as long as that keeps up, and as long as I, you know, keep working it in ways that it makes it easier for me to eat right and go for walks, and it does to eat crazy and sit around, then I'm going to have the results that I, that I want. And that's, it really, it really just.
Yeah. Yeah. And I think part of it is, is.
And I gotta give a lot of credit to you. Go ahead.
Go ahead, you're about to give me credit for something.
Yes, I was. I was gonna say I was gonna give you a lot of credit and and BJ Fogg a lot of credit because I mean tiny habits really does demystify everything that goes into this process. It's like this isn't it's not magic and it's not super complicated science. It's really just learning. I forget how many chapters his book has, but it really comes down to learning only three or four sort of ideas and this all just comes together and makes sense.
It's all one, okay, guys.
why you do the things you do and why you can't do the things you want to do and why doing the things you don't want to do are so easy. It's really only just a handful of topics or a handful of concepts that you have to get. And then you understand why it works the way that it works and you're a lot more empowered to change it.
Yeah. And even with that, you know, and, you know, I find myself forgetting some of those things, not realizing it until you start talking to somebody else about it and go, Hey, you know, did you maybe you're being a little harsh on yourself, you know, or maybe a little bit. And so it's nice to be able to talk to somebody about it who knows something, you know, about the principles and stuff like that. And you kind of see, Hey, look, you know, you're setting a different standard for yourself than you would somebody else. Maybe take a step back, you're not a piece of junk. You know, maybe
routine a little bit, maybe make an adjustment or a change, you know, don't don't just blame yourself because, you know, you, you know, you had a tough day and you couldn't do it. So what I was going to say is, um,
Oh my God, I lost my complete train of thought there because you gave me all this praise.
You were just talking about what we were just talking about before that. It was...
I was talking about doing things deliberately. I was talking about...
Oh, right. Yeah. So what occurred to me was, I think it's important as you're going through the journey is to, because we're eating constantly throughout the day. And so we're used to doing that multiple times a day. So the whole, you know, skin, you know, what skinny feels is, you know, skinny feels better than your cheesecake. The we're getting that experience that that pleasure that dopamine hit of that cheesecake or that that food that we, you know, isn't
Yeah, oh yeah, yeah.
multiple times a day. If you can find a way to appreciate your, your progress and the way you feel right now, and, and, you know, and feeling, you know, like you're in shape, I feel like if you can be more aware of that and take more time throughout the day, and do more things where you appreciate the progress that you've made, that's going to help. I could think tip, tip the scales a little bit towards, you know, you know, continuing with that, that progress and on that plan.
versus, you know, if you never really take this. So and one of the things I think you said you were doing was you're weighing yourself every day. And you know, you get that dopamine hit from seeing the progress on the scale. So that's, that's one point that that is weighing in favor of continuing with the plan. And then another thing is, you know, you're able to walk a little bit more, and you're feeling you've got a little bit more energy, and you've got, you know, you're going a little bit longer, but you're, you're being aware of that because you're able to track that somehow. And you then you appreciate it again.
like what I'm hearing from you is like you're doing all these trips and all those things. So you're finding ways to really appreciate the progress that you're making. And so there, your feelings are definitely over weighing the or out weighing the good feelings from those, the temporary bliss that you're getting from the crumble cookie.
Right. Heh heh. Boy, they got some good flavors right now, uh, too, but, uh, so far, I, I haven't, I haven't had one in months and, uh, you know, I, I really don't think about, I mean, I miss how good those, those crumble cookies are, and, and I miss how good a lot of things are, but I don't miss it nearly enough to, uh, you know, go out of my way. And then, you know, part of that is about prom.
and behaviors and things. I have to get in my car and go to a crumble. If there was a crumble right next door to me, we may be having to work a little harder on our celebrations and our prompts and things like that. Yeah, we would have to move. But yeah, and again, the other thing is these, some of these shakes that I'm, and I swear I'm not even talking to them about their affiliate program, but I probably should when we see them out there in Austin, should be like, hey, I'm talking about this on my podcast
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
These shakes are amazing and they yeah, they're some of them feel so much like I'm eating a dessert and like I'm cheating like I'm getting something for nothing, you know what I mean and and that makes it that makes it real easy I mean, I'm staring right now in my kitchen I'm looking at my chocolate toffee shake pack that's sitting on my counter and man it is so good and I'm looking forward to eating the next one, but oh, I did want to also update I have started putting five grams of creatine in every shake
I make. So, and I got it from Amazon. It's a brand called Nutricost Performance, and I've used them for some other supplements and stuff too. They're just a very plain white looking bottle or jar. And it's, it's billed as unflavored, and it has not made a bit of difference to the flavor of my shakes, which I'm very protective of, obviously, it's got to taste good. It's got to be yummy, or I'm not going to continue doing it. And so yeah, it's I'm, I'm adding
Yeah. Yes, yes.
Right, yes, no.
to every shake and I do expect that will impact my ability to see the weight on the scale go down every day because as you build up creatine in your muscles it starts to main, it starts to attract water to your muscles and so there's a possibility I may see some upward progress on the scale and I've made peace with that. I'm not going to assume that the sky is falling just because the number starts going up a little bit.
Yeah, I'm curious to see if the suit with Zozo suit you've got shows any kind of differences as you're taking the creatine. I'm wondering how that's
Yeah, and I'll start looking at my, and all my, because it gives me all the measurements. I mean, right and left bicep, right and left thigh, waist, chest, neck, I mean, it measures everything. And so I will, I will track those to see if both of the body fat percentage continues to go down. And if some of those measurements start to go up, that'll be, that'll be interesting to see. And I have thought I may get some way from the same company when I'm ready to start, you know, getting back in the gym and, and getting a little bit
bigger on some of my muscle groups after I hit my my ab goal and start adding a little bit extra protein powder to my my keto chow shakes as well and I've been really impressed with how flavor-free the creatine is so if their flavor-free way is the same way then I'll be able to It feels like I'm getting something for nothing You know where I can add these little add-ins to my shakes and get some benefit without having to have to taste it
Yeah, no, you are a food scientist dream. You could, in terms of, in terms of the experimental crowd and the experimental group. Yeah, your sense of taste and smell is second to none from my experience. So, yeah, stuff that I don't feel like has any taste, you're like, Oh, my God, this is horrible. Like, Oh, boy, boy, I'm, I'm, I'm either really numb, or you're really, you know, you're really sensitive to, to taste. So could be a little both, actually. So
Yeah, so I'm definitely looking forward to learning about more of this stuff out in Austin next month. I just had another idea for something fun you and I could do while we're out there. Man, I can't remember what it was now, but we've talked about doing a food tour. We've talked about doing a ghost tour, which I love doing those, and especially in new cities where I haven't really been before for a vacation. I love doing ghost tours. Those are usually a lot of fun. There was something else in Austin.
It's nice when the ghosts don't recognize you.
Exactly. Yeah, they haven't seen me before. But yeah, there's something else I thought that would be fun to do. It turns out my hostel is right around the corner from 6th Street or 6th Avenue, whatever like that really cool live music and bar street is in Austin. I'm just like right around the corner from it. So I'm excited about hope. I mean, hopefully it'll be fun to to walk around and browse, but they want the music won't keep me up at night. We'll see. But yeah, anyway. All right. So I think we've talked
enough about what's going on in our super exciting lives. Let's talk about creating attraction. We're starting part two of Atomic Attraction and this is where we get a little bit deeper. So this chapter starts out of tempting to rid men of a couple of myths, well one in particular, which is, I don't know if you came out of childhood and puberty with this idea,
certainly did. The idea that many, most, perhaps all women are willing to tolerate sex, but they don't really like it. And so as men, we just chase them around for sex, and maybe they'll say yes to it if they like us enough.
Yeah, I absolutely did come away with that impression and probably also into adulthood as well. I mean, and to be honest with you, it was...
A lot of it was from, I feel, media, from TV shows, movies, where it was really guys chasing girls and girls going, eh, you know, not interested, not interested, not interested, pushing away, pushing away, and almost kind of demonizing any woman who did like sex or put them down in some way or make them look like they are not respectable. If they enjoyed sex,
not that was taboo. And, and, you know, guys, I mean, there were, you know, obviously, there were, you know, there were guys portrayed as, you know, being horned dogs, and that's all they were interested in. And then, you know, and then there was also, right. And then the, and then there was the other extreme where the guy was, you know, you know, the, in the romcoms, where, you know, he was, you know, the new emotionally supportive and, and he was, you know, basically the dream
Correct, yeah, I was gonna say that.
first and you know and and and then happen to you know kind of sex was like a byproduct of that you know which I think is also a little bit of an extreme point of view.
Yeah, there were really, yeah, now that I think about it, they're really kind of four extremes. It was, you know, when on the woman side, either she was, you know, a puritanical virgin that sex was nowhere, nowhere to be thought of or discussed, or she was, you know, a whore. And it, you know, it was one of those two women, women are either good or they're bad, they're either sexual or they're not sexual. And on the guy side, it was, you know, either you're a weak,
nice guy, you know who is constantly being friend-zoned and never has any luck with women or you're a rude jerk asshole that all the women love and you know life life exists in the grays not in the extremes, but those are those are stories and and myths that We all kind of are familiar with so they sell and so the media tends to propagate those right Because that's that's the way
we work as humans. So the bottom line is, yeah, go ahead.
Yeah, when you go to those extremes, that's where you got a lot of tension. That those extremes cause tension. And that's what's interesting. People, people like the gossip, they, you know, right? Yeah. You know, and, and same thing, people, that's why people watch the reality shows. And then when the people who are on those reality shows are prompted to do these extreme things, because that's, that's entertaining, right? And that's what people, that's what humans are drawn to. If everything was, you know, just humdrum, you know, daily, daily life, we wouldn't, we wouldn't.
Right. Tension's dramatic.
watch. We, you know, we live that life, right? So, yeah, I get it.
Right. Yeah, so the idea that we as men have to accept or should accept is that, and really, like you said before, there are two sides to this. There's two thoughts that men and women, I guess, should accept. Number one is women want sex from the right kind of guy, and guys want commitment from the right kind of woman.
And what that right kind is is, you know, is varied and diverse. It really depends on who you are, what you're into, what it does that, you know, turns you on, what attracts you. But yeah, this idea that women don't want sex and men don't want commitment is nonsense. It's the opposite is true. Men want commitment and women want sex. And it's just a matter of finding the partner that will provide that for you in the way that you want. So let's talk a little bit about the logistics of that.
Robert Glover and his date and essentials for men book, I believe that's where it was, where he said, you know, magic's not going to happen in your living room. You have to go out into the world to meet people if you expect romance to happen. And just by sitting around and waiting for your dream guy or gal to ring your doorbell and walk in your house, that's not how it's going to happen. You have to be out there in the world.
Well, that's the danger of apps though, right? And our digital world these days is, it kind of alludes that, yeah, we could sit literally in our living room and kick our feet up, eat our bonbons and watch TV and, excuse me, swiping people and find that person that way. And I have found a couple of girls that have ended up in long-term relationships that way, but
wasn't just from the match didn't happen until I met them a person. And and that's that's the bottom line. Yeah.
Yeah, no, and I, you know, those those apps, you know, are the results you get will be for most of us a little skewed from from how real life works in that, you know, things, depending on the app you're on, I mean, your physical appearance could could be much more of a factor than, you know, your conversational skills or how charismatic you are stuff like that. But yeah, I mean, I've had quite a bit of success meeting interesting people on.
on apps and having some relationships that definitely enhanced my life. But yeah, it's not, even when you think it's as simple as just sitting on your couch and swiping, it's like, no, you've gotta have a life going on that is still, and this is one of the things, now that I am spending a little more time on Reddit, reading some of the advice groups and contributing to them. Yeah, so many guys still just don't get
their problem is. And, you know, and guys will guys are constantly looking for things to be to blame for the reason that they're not having the dating relationships or the lives that they want. And, you know, oh, it's my hair, it's my weight, it's my, you know, I'm not good looking enough, I don't make enough money. It's like, in almost every case, and I can tell just from reading a short post on Reddit, it's like, no, you're just not an exciting guy to be around. And
women want to be around men that are exciting. And the good news is there's a million ways to have an exciting life, and there are only two ways not to. Don't have anything going on, and don't talk about what you do have going on. If you have either of those two problems, where you are just, you punch a clock at work, then you park it on the couch for the rest of the night, if that's all your life is all day, every day,
fun stuff that you're into, but you just never talk about those things with any women, then you're not going to have much luck. But there's a variety of hobbies and interests and sports and movies and pot. I mean, there's so many things to be into and be excited about. But if you're not into any of those things and you don't talk about being into any of those things, then nobody is going to be excited by you or your stories.
Yeah, you're not adding any value to anybody's life by, you know, punching a clock and sitting at home because anybody can do that on their own, right? Another guy, another woman, they can do that on their own. That's not exciting for them. But if you are out doing things that they may not have experienced, you know, even if it's, you know, you golf or you go bowling, or you're in a league, or you go running, or whatever it is, that they, you know, maybe they do that. So now you've got that in
or maybe they don't and they're interested in that. And now this is something to talk about and discuss and to learn from. And now there's all of a sudden, there's some stimulation, there's some connection, there's some respect that's happening, right? And so the more you do and the more varied of a life that you have, and again, you know, as long as these are things that you enjoy and are good things, right? I think the more opportunities and ways people
connect with you in general. And not, not, you know, you can, in addition to women, but also men too. And it's just kind of the same way as you don't want to come across as being perfect, where, you know, something in my mind, I think of, there's no flaws, right, there's no edge to anything, right, people can't grab on to that, they can't connect with that. And it's the same thing is if you aren't doing different things, you have you have less places for people to grab on to
So then, you know, what is here, right? What is here for me to connect to? I don't, I don't, I can't even get my mind around it.
Yeah, and part of this is, yeah, you should engage in some activities, not all activities, but certainly some of your activities should have some appeal to the kind of women that you're attracted to, where if the only things that you're into are things that only you and your guy friends are into, then that is going to probably impact your ability to meet dating partners. And so, but just because something has
20 split on men to women, you know, there will be women who are into the thing you're into as well, but there's gonna be a lot more guys competing for their attention. Whereas if you are open to some hobbies or interests that are a little bit more evenly matched or even biased toward women such as dancing, for example, you know, your ability to meet people would be quite a bit higher than if you only spend your time playing video games or card games that are
here toward a male audience. But I do want to talk about the logistics a little bit more where your geography has something to do with this too. Where if you're in a small town where you already know everybody, or even you're in a larger city, but that larger city's population is skewed heavily toward men instead of women, you will have a harder time meeting people. And so the book made by Jeffrey Miller, you and I have both read. One of the things it recommends
If you're in an area that's a bit of a desert when it comes to eligible women, consider moving. Because, and you're like, well, I've got my family of origins here, my jobs here, blah, blah, blah. Let me tell you, the person you choose to marry, and especially the person you choose to have kids with, is going to have a bigger impact on your quality of life than the particular job you have right now, in the city you live in right now.
And so if you can go somewhere where you increase your chances of finding a suitable partner and you're young and you're not tied down because of a family situation that you've created at this point, I would certainly look at being open to the idea of I'm going to move to a place where the dating pool is more advantageous for me than just where you happen to be born and you happen to grow up because that's a place your parents chose.
Thank you for watching. Have a great day.
Yeah, for sure. Yeah, absolutely. I think it's important to realize that, you know, you probably have a little bit more flexibility these days, especially with all the remote work out there, to allow you to move to a new location. And, yeah, you know, it's work is definitely an important part of of your life. But you have to ask yourself, is that all you want? Right? And, and so look, do it.
you know, take the action, go for what you want, you know, and it doesn't mean you, you know, and the other thing too is, you know, go on, you know, go on trips, you know, you go on a lot of trips, you know, explore cities and stuff like that, you know, go on, you can do it fairly inexpensively, you know, spend, you know, a week or so or a long weekend in a couple of cities or places that you're thinking of, of moving to first and see, maybe reach out online and make some connections with people or some groups that are happening in the
cities and then you go on a trip and you attend some of those groups and just see how some of the people are. Make some connections on a friendship basis first and dip your toe in the water that way.
Yeah, and so taking it from sort of the macro to the micro level, yeah, the geography you live in is definitely a factor, but the places in your own town where you think about, oh, this is where guys go to meet girls, you may have some, there may be some myths that you're buying into about those as well that we should dispel, which is clubs and bars are typically not a great place
start relationships even
What? Why not Charles? Why?
And this isn't judgmental at all. This is not number one. Well, yeah, we'll start with it. Okay, so let's say your goal is a short-term relationship. You wanna go on a weekend and meet a girl to hook up with. And so you go to a bar or club with your friends to find that. There's a lot of guys who are going to that bar or club with their friends who are looking for the same thing as you. And the more conventionally attractive a woman is,
interest that she's going to get from guys that are looking for that. And the other thing is, the more attractive a woman is, the more likely that the reason she's going to a bar or a club is to hang out with her other attractive friends and get attention from attractive men that she may not have any interest in pursuing a relationship with. Furthermore, as I complain
my life constantly, bars and clubs are too loud to have conversations in anyway. So you know, bars and clubs are kind of like, you know, Tinder, where your, your impression is going to be severely limited to how you look and not who you are as a person. It's going to be, you know, a snap judgment based on what it is that you're physically presenting.
Right. And unfortunately, in that situation, women value physical appearance less than men do when it comes to attraction. There's a lot more that they consider. And if you aren't able to show that through some sort of conversation, that's that's that's because it's too loud. It doesn't weigh in your favor, you know, guys tend to be a little bit more
know, not being able to hear anything is a mind usually typically like a minor inconvenience. But I feel like if you are trying to make a connection with a woman, you are severely hindered. If you're not able to hear each other and have a conversation, if it's just purely based on looks, I think I think it's negative. I mean, look, it's not that they don't care about looks at all. But at the same point, I feel like you're really kind of swimming upstream here making life difficult for yourself if you're trying to connect with the
Right. Right. Because if you're in environment, and again, that could be Tinder or that could be a loud club, if you're in environment where your, the first impression you make with your physical appearance is the only thing she has to work from, then that's going to be the thing she has to work from. And similarly, that's the only thing you have to work from. So you're basically, you're two people going into this interaction on a very shallow surface basis. And I'm not
I say that I'm just saying the only thing both of you have access to information wise is How someone looks and possibly how they dress and a little bit of their body language But and in body and those things are important. It's not that they're not important It's just you don't have the ability to go any deeper than those things in a loud club with loud music where everybody is probably At least a little bit intoxicated maybe a lot intoxicated It's it is just not an environment where it's
And, yeah. Yeah.
easy to work in. It would be like, you know, if you were trying to, you're trying to meet somebody to foster a relationship, or you're trying to study for a test, a loud club is probably not the best place to get either of those things done.
And, you know, the other thing to think about too is women walk around typically feeling unsafe in this world. They are, you know, usually a, you know, physically smaller and weaker than the average man and live in a state of being very cautious and careful. And so if there's no, there's not an easy ability to convey that you are make a connection and convey to her that you are safe and that she can trust you.
if there's no words being exchanged, that's really difficult to do. So now that's another thing to think about is she's already on guard a little bit and, and, and you need or a lot and you need to make her feel safe and trust you. And now you're asking, and then if you want to get physical with her at this point, wow, you're asking, she doesn't know you, she's just met you. And you're going to try to, that's, that's the result you're going to try to get out of this. Good luck. Good luck. And I'll be honest with you, I, I have, I don't think I've actually, to be honest with you,
ever had a one night stand from somebody that had met on the first night out at a bar. I maybe maybe college one, maybe in college, but that was like a college party one time maybe, but it wasn't so and I came with people that she knew it wasn't it wasn't we weren't like complete strangers, right? So it was like, you know, friends of friends kind of thing wasn't like a complete so I mean, I know there's some guys out there who do it and, you know, but I feel like if this is not something that you maybe
Oh, I definitely have not.
you do or feel comfortable doing, that should not be the outcome that you're looking for when you're going out to bars and clubs or if you're looking to meet women, that's not the place to do it. Kind of.
Yeah, and if you are, if you're dedicated to that pursuit, then it is definitely going to be a numbers game. And you have to be, like somebody who does business development or cold calling, you have to be very comfortable with rejection and understanding that it's a funnel just like the sales process where you have to talk to a ton of people, hundreds, maybe thousands, before you get the result you're looking for.
And most guys I know, certainly myself included, I'm not wired for that frequency of rejection. I mean, I understand what rejection is, how it works, why it's not an insult to me personally or anything like that, but still just being able to put myself through that where I'm talking to dozens of women per night trying to establish rapport with them to the point where I can go home with them. I mean, yeah, it's gonna be for most guys, depending on your level of physical appearance,
going to be dozens to thousands of women that you have to try this with before you're going to get the result you want. And again, I think most of us fellows were just not wired for that.
know, I mean, and knowing it intellectually that it's not personal is one thing, but being able to not feel it emotionally is completely different. And yeah, it's just go to the bars with with your friends, have a good time and and leave it at that. That's, that's my, that's my advice.
Yeah. Yeah, mine as well. We agree on that. And okay, I would say that when it comes to approaching women, if that's your thing, and I don't think you have to be into that necessarily to find a good relationship. But if that is what you're into, I think doing that during the day in environments that are less openly hostile
to those connections is a better thing. I mean, going to meeting people at grocery store or at the coffee shop or a bookstore, something like that is definitely going to be an easier place to make a connection with a stranger than trying to do it in a club or bar environment where everybody's armor is kind of maxed out. You know what I mean? And so, I think that's a good point. I think that's a good point. I think that's a good point. I think that's a good point. I think that's a good point.
Hmm, yeah, good point.
But even that, I don't, you know, the gym, the park, the coffee shop, I still am not just wired in a way that I'm going to see some a woman and based on her physical appearance, just feel like, okay, I need to interrupt the thing that I came here to do to go and introduce myself to this stranger. Like that is just not a, and maybe it's because I'm shy, maybe it's because I'm a nice guy. I've just never felt that compulsion where I've seen a girl in public and been like,
I need to go talk to her because I would like to date her. I would like to know her I would like to have sex with her I've never been that compelled by the appearance of a stranger that I felt like Okay, I'm going to disrupt what I'm here to actually do to go do this instead
the same way, 100%. And I have, I have dabbled in making attempts at sometimes a woman that was, you know, really beautiful, whatever, but it was so uncomfortable, so not. I felt like I was so transparent, you know, and it just, I stumbled, I didn't, you know, I wasn't very smooth at all. And so even, even if she was interested, I squashed that right away with how uncomfortable I
So I think, you know, as I've gotten older, I realize is, you know, don't don't necessarily shy away from things, but at the same time, you know, it's important that you find ways to be comfortable. And when you are comfortable, you will bring that energy to other interactions, whether it's one on one or whether it's in a group setting or whatever that is. And and you've been put people at ease if you are comfortable. If you are uncomfortable, it will be obvious.
will make other people uncomfortable and then that just kind of escalates everything else and that's no good either. So, you know, kind of coming back to this is, you know, do things in your life that bring you some confidence and then bring that confidence with you wherever you go as much as possible and just try to be comfortable in your own skin. It's difficult to do these days with all the stuff that we have to process and deal with and, you know, the anxiety and everything else that we all have to deal with on a daily basis.
basis. So it's really, I think the key is being focused and finding things that you enjoy and and you becoming confident and that will then lead to comfort, I think.
Yeah, and I think a big part of it too is even more than cold approaching women at Whole Foods or at Starbucks. Put yourself in social situations where the kind of women that you're attracted to like to hang out and like to have fun. And they offer the example, you know, if you're into being fit and being healthy, then meeting a girl at the gym is probably a better choice for you than meeting a girl at your local Golden Corral.
just for an example. Now one note I will give is approach women at the gym with caution because most of them are not there to be hit on by you or anyone else. So I would say if meeting a woman who's into her health is important, I would do that through a class setting
an individual woman who's working out with some free weights or on a machine by herself. If you go to a yoga class or a spin class or something like that, there's far more natural opportunity to have a conversation with somebody than walking over to somebody when they're in the middle of a set on the squat rack to say, hi, based on your appearance, I thought you might want to meet me.
Yeah. And right. And it's a great point because, you know, also with those group settings, when you go to the group class, everybody who's going to that group class knows there's going to be other people there and that they will need to have some sort of social connection and interaction, you know, make some more than others, of course. However, a lot of times when, you know, you're at the gym, there's a reason people, you know, listen to their headphones and are focusing, maybe they're focusing on the workout. You know, that being said, I think, you
out, you know, you happen to run into somebody or you're walking in and you talk to somebody, you know, I think, I think that's, that's fine there. But I'm the same way, man, I don't want to interrupt somebody. I don't want somebody interrupting me in my workout. I don't care how hot you are. I'm in the middle. I'm focused on, I'm there for a reason. I'm paying attention. Don't interrupt me. I'm here to work out. I'm not here to meet people. So that's me. But and I give everybody else the same respect.
Yeah, so the sort of philosophical underpinning of this chapter as I see it is, you know, you really got no, no control over the exact specific people that you're going to meet or run into on a daily basis. So all you can do is prepare yourself to be open for opportunities when they arise, which means you've got to put yourself into places where.
interactions are possible that would be beneficial for both you and the other person. And so a lot of that is like you said about being comfortable. I mean, learn to develop positive body language, eye contact, things like that. It's important to be ready for when you do meet somebody in a situation, whether you're hoping to meet somebody that day or not, you are going to run into and have interactions with people all day.
And the important thing for guys to understand is that, you know, to make eye contact with a woman and smile at her, you're not going to be perceived as creepy or some sort of a sex fiend just because you looked at someone and made eye contact with them and smiled. What's more likely for you to be considered creepy is if you look over at a woman, she sees you looking and you immediately turn away. That's the kind of thing that is creepy. But if you confidently look at somebody and smile or shake your head
continue on your way, those are not the guys that are perceived as creepy. The guys that are perceived as creepy are the ones who constantly look like they just got caught doing something wrong. And that is what
I mean, it's almost like a peeping Tom type of situation, stalker, like looking at somebody through, from the outside of their house, through a window kind of thing. And they're like hiding in the bushes when they catch you. You know, it's, yeah, not good.
Yes, attractive people are used to other attractive people looking at them and they enjoy that.
not staring, not gawking, but if you're walking around and you put in a priority into your grooming, into your style, into your appearance, and you look better than average even, you don't even have to look amazing, just if you look better than average, then when you see another person who's better than average, and you're just passing them on the sidewalk, and you lock eyes with them and give a smile or a nod, and this is sex apart from it, just looking at men, women, whatever,
just being cheerful and friendly and looking at people in the eye, that does not turn people off. People like that.
it's you showing appreciation, right? It's, hey, I recognize that you've made some sort of effort. You give a shit about something. I recognize that, and I am acknowledging that, and I think it's always a co- I think it's always a co- I think it's always a co- I think it's always a co- I think it's always a co- I think it's always a co- I think it's always a co- I think it's always a co- I think it's always a co- I think it's always a co- I think it's always a co- I think it's always a co- I think it's always a co- I think it's always a co- I think it's always a co-
Yes. So that's one of the biggest things for guys, especially younger guys to integrate is this idea that pretty women know that you like the way they look and that you might want to date or have sex with them. And so going out of your way and over the top to pretend like that's not the case, that's a further thing from your from your mind is disingenuous and it's creepy. Now, you don't go over the top and you don't do things that are, you know, outside of
norms to, you know, you don't stare at women, you don't stick your tongue out at them, you don't do crazy things like that. But you also don't do crazy things in the opposite end of the extreme by pretending like, oh, no, you know, I don't, I'm not one of those guys that cares about sex. I just want to be your friend and get to know you. I mean, maybe you do want to be their friend, maybe you do want to get to know them. But you also can acknowledge that you're attracted to beautiful women, even if you are just friends with them.
And here's something to think about.
being a beautiful person, woman, man, or whatever, that's, yeah, you know, depending, you, you could be blessed with nice genes. There could be a minimal amount of effort that you've put into your face. Right. I mean, so if you're going to try to connect with somebody, give them a compliment, look for something that you do appreciate that they've had to put some sort of effort in, or it's obvious they've put some sort of effort in. So if it's, you know, if it's, you know,
if it's the type of shoes that they're wearing, maybe it's the way they coordinated their earrings and their bracelet. You know, maybe it's the dress they're wearing or maybe the tie the guy is wearing or whatever that might be. You know, that is something that they've chosen that reflects their taste, their decision making, their effort. And that's something that they're going to appreciate from you as a compliment because that's something that they've put
effort into versus their face, their body. It's not quite as obvious. Maybe over time, maybe they work out, things like that. But it's not like a decision that they've made recently that they're going to then appreciate from you.
Yes, I agree. A thousand percent when possible, when you feel like you need to compliment someone and that can be, you know, a little bit, there's a skill involved in that too, where you don't want to start complimenting too soon an interaction because that can come across as a little strange. But when you do compliment, especially at the beginning, compliment on choices people make, not things that happen to them, you know, not, oh, they just happened to, while you're so tall, like,
I worked real hard at being tall or, you know, you know, there's
or just, you know, a generic, yes. Yeah, just generic, especially men to women. Just don't.
I- I hang from-
My, I hang from my inversion table every day. Yeah, yeah. God, sorry.
Just don't just tell women that they're hot, that they're pretty, that they're beautiful, right out the gate, because in the case most of them are gonna be like, yeah, I know. Exactly, exactly. They've been told that their whole life.
Yeah, come on. And it's not creative. Right. And they've probably heard that their whole life too. Yeah. But tell me something new. You're wasting my time here. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah.
Yes, like we both know I'm hot and you telling me that I'm hot doesn't that's not you're not bringing any new information to this interaction.
And, right. And I mean, what are you supposed to do with that in terms of an interaction? Like, oh, yeah, yeah, my parents have really good genes. And I come from good stuff. Like, that doesn't happen. It's but but if you say, but but if you, you know, compliment her on her shoes, basically, oh, yeah, I got this on my trip to Greece, you know, a couple years ago. And all of a sudden now, you know, there's a story behind that, or there could be perhaps, you know, and then you can actually start building a real connection.
Yeah, like I enjoy walking up to women who are wearing Christian Louboutins and saying, oh, I like the red bottoms of your shoes. Did you get that pain at Lowe's or Home Depot?
Thank you. Thank you.
I've never done that, but I promise next time we're out and you spot a girl wearing lupitons, I'm going to do that and see what happens.
Oh, that's great. That's great. I love it.
Is that an oil or a latex based red paint that you put on the bottom of your pay less shoes?
Is there scuff guard in that?
Yeah, that scuff guard paint is expensive. Not as expensive as a real pair of Louboutins, but it's expensive.
Good stuff. All right, Dan. Anything? Definitely. No, I agree with that. Anything? Our next chapter is Approaching Women and there's a couple of interesting. There's at least one case study. I remember reading in that one. There's a couple case studies in that next chapter. And I like the chapters of the case studies because it gives me plenty of stuff to riff on and go off on tangents over. So we'll talk about that next time.
It's gonna be on the bottom of the shoes. It should be a scuff card. Yeah, good, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it'll be fun. Yeah, it'll be fun.
Alright, I will chat with you later sir, have a good one.
Yeah, you too. Talk to you later. Bye-bye.