Most of the romantic interactions that men have with women are initiated by women--but not because she walks up and compliments you, or introduces herself. Non-verbal communication is how women usually signal their interest, and--if you're like us--you probably don't know which signals to look for.
In this episode, we'll discuss how a woman's body language can communicate romantic interest--or just as importantly--disinterest.
Most of the romantic interactions that men have with women are initiated by women--but not because she walks up and compliments you, or introduces herself. Non-verbal communication is how women usually signal their interest, and--if you're like us--you probably don't know which signals to look for.
In this episode, we'll discuss how a woman's body language can communicate romantic interest--or just as importantly--disinterest.
Dan:
Good morning, Charles. How are we?
Charles:
Good morning, Dan. I'm doing great. Thanks.
Dan:
I'm well, I'm well. Should we do take two? Should we just repeat the conversation we just had that we forgot to record?
Charles:
Nah, I got other stuff I want to talk about anyway. It's fine.
Dan:
Alright, cool. Let's get into it.
Charles:
I went to a Typhoon Lagoon for the first time yesterday, but my, uh, upgraded my
Dan:
That's
Charles:
dis
Dan:
right, I
Charles:
yeah,
Dan:
forgot,
Charles:
upgraded
Dan:
how
Charles:
my,
Dan:
was
Charles:
my
Dan:
it?
Charles:
Disney pass. Well, it was awesome, but it was also very crowded. So we, we didn't end up going until
Dan:
So...
Charles:
like one 30 or two. And so, uh, finding a parking space was a problem because they're unlike all the other Disney parks or were no parking attendance. It was, which I guess, kinda after a certain point in the day, they don't have parking attendance. own but
Dan:
figured
Charles:
we
Dan:
nobody's
Charles:
went to
Dan:
gonna
Charles:
the first
Dan:
come and try and park at 1 30.
Charles:
we tried we tried the first parking lot then the second parking lot we found a spot in the second parking lot and then it looks like there's a third grass parking lot that says it's for cast members but as crowded as it was I think normal people were like guests were parking there too but yes a lot of people one thing I do like is you know they have like five or six different sort of beach areas where their chairs set up and
Dan:
Oh nice.
Charles:
a sign that says which areas are full and which areas still have, uh, chairs available. So that's kind of nice.
Dan:
That's
Charles:
You don't waste
Dan:
one thing
Charles:
your time.
Dan:
that's, you know, that's one thing I absolutely appreciate about Disney is
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
they, they do think of the little things, including, you know, when you're parking in decks, like Disney Springs, they've got the overhead lights showing you which
Charles:
I
Dan:
spaces
Charles:
love those.
Dan:
or spots are available. It really reduces the agitation that you have coming into any type of, I mean, I don't understand why most companies don't think about this because if you then have a difficult time getting to the event, And
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
that happened to me last week at the live golf tournament in Orlando
Charles:
Oh
Dan:
where
Charles:
yeah, yeah.
Dan:
the parking was the exact opposite You were parked literally in a dirt, you know, it literally was like the desert because it was it was just dirt everywhere
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
30 minutes walk to get to just the the gates and it was in through the dirt too, by the way So you were completely like from the knees down like covered in sand and dirt, you know And guess what? Most people weren't a lot of white when they go to the golf course, right?
Charles:
Yeah,
Dan:
and not
Charles:
yeah.
Dan:
so much, now you're brown,
Charles:
Oof.
Dan:
right? And so,
Charles:
Oof.
Dan:
and full of sand and just dirty. And yeah, it really set a bad tone. So yeah, I just wanted to interrupt you real quick and just get that off my chest. So go ahead, no, so you gotta,
Charles:
No,
Dan:
so all right, after
Charles:
like I
Dan:
you
Charles:
can't.
Dan:
parked, yeah, yeah.
Charles:
I'm just thinking of the special kind of hell it would be for me where two things where I get to an event and the parking situation is garbage. And it's an event where I've also either paid for the tickets or even paid for the parking before I know that the parking is garbage. So I, I don't feel like I could just bail on it and leave. But I also
Dan:
Hmm
Charles:
don't feel like I want I don't want to put up with the parking situation. So it's like, what
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
do I do? That sounds miserable.
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
Um, so it was, uh, the wave pool. I forgot how awesome that wave pool is. Cause like every minute they release one giant wave instead of it being like a, uh, instead of it being like a washing
Dan:
Oh,
Charles:
machine where the waves are constantly
Dan:
yeah,
Charles:
going, it's like completely
Dan:
yeah, yeah.
Charles:
calm. And then one six foot wave comes out and just mows everybody over. It's so awesome.
Dan:
That's great, I love it.
Charles:
And yeah, all we really were doing, cause we got there late, they're only open till six. So we mostly just walked around, looked at stuff, read over the park map, see where the different rides and slides and all that stuff were. Huge lazy river that goes all the way around the total property, which I'm a big fan of the lazy river.
Dan:
So yeah,
Charles:
And the food was really good too.
Dan:
that brings me to the question, are we allowed to have drinks in the lazy river?
Charles:
Oh, you know, I didn't notice, I'm sorry. I didn't
Dan:
All
Charles:
notice
Dan:
right, I'm
Charles:
if
Dan:
done.
Charles:
people had
Dan:
I'm
Charles:
drinks
Dan:
out.
Charles:
or not. Ha ha
Dan:
I'm
Charles:
ha.
Dan:
out. This podcast over.
Charles:
I will notice next
Dan:
I want.
Charles:
time if they have, if there are people with drinks in the lazy river. But one thing that really confused me when Ariel and I were both looking at the website to see what you get with it, how much it costs, the park add on is $99 or $100 and they publish that price all over the place. an annual pass holder, they give you a 15% discount on that. And so they only billed us
Dan:
Oh.
Charles:
$85 for the whole year. And, uh, but
Dan:
Oh.
Charles:
it's like, why would you advertise an add-on that is only available to pass holders for 99 or a hundred dollars on your website, instead of just saying that it's $85 because the only people that are eligible to buy the add-on are also eligible for the 15% discount. You know what I'm saying? No.
Dan:
Well, well, well, here this is my theory is same,
Charles:
Okay.
Dan:
same thing with whole bed, bath and beyond, which, I mean, doesn't really work in that well because they're going out of business. But,
Charles:
Hehehehe
Dan:
you know, the 20% off coupons that they would send everybody every, you know, every month, you know, basically, and then just, you know, charging 30% more for their, for their products in the store. You think you're getting a deal with bringing your
Charles:
Okay,
Dan:
coupons.
Charles:
yeah.
Dan:
good, right? You know, just say,
Charles:
Yeah,
Dan:
Hey, look, I'm
Charles:
yeah,
Dan:
getting
Charles:
I
Dan:
a discount.
Charles:
can see that. Yeah, and it's a discount
Dan:
You know.
Charles:
you don't necessarily expect, which is even a bigger deal.
Dan:
Yeah, I didn't. Yeah, when I when I signed up I didn't see anything about a discount. So
Charles:
Yeah, so 85 bucks and
Dan:
are
Charles:
now
Dan:
you sure
Charles:
I get the.
Dan:
it's not because you have a certain level of pass that you got that
Charles:
No,
Dan:
15%
Charles:
no,
Dan:
discount?
Charles:
I only have a
Dan:
Okay.
Charles:
I have a pirate pass. She has an in credit pass and we both paid the exact same price. So I think
Dan:
Alright,
Charles:
it's
Dan:
okay.
Charles:
I think it's everybody.
Dan:
Cool. I'll
Charles:
So, yeah,
Dan:
have to
Charles:
that
Dan:
check
Charles:
was
Dan:
my bill.
Charles:
it was exciting to
Dan:
I have
Charles:
see
Dan:
the peasant
Charles:
that.
Dan:
pass, so...
Charles:
Yeah, I saw something about
Dan:
Go ahead.
Charles:
somebody was complaining on a group that the the weekday pass that you have, there's like a two month blackout
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
period at the normal parks. Which seems like a
Dan:
Probably
Charles:
lot.
Dan:
over the course of the year. Probably,
Charles:
Yeah,
Dan:
yeah. I mean, it's,
Charles:
yeah.
Dan:
yeah, over Christmas and New Year's, it's almost a month, at least.
Charles:
Yeah,
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
that's I'm in the middle of a two week one right now. And, you know, having having the water park situation definitely makes that go down a little bit easier because
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
and it looks like they open Blizzard Beach around September or October. And then they're I guess they're going to be like a six month, six month thing where half the year Typhoon Lagoon's
Dan:
Oh.
Charles:
open and half the year Blizzard Beach is open. I've never been to Blizzard Beach.
Dan:
Okay. Yeah, I haven't
Charles:
But
Dan:
either, but it's on
Charles:
we
Dan:
my
Charles:
also
Dan:
list.
Charles:
get free. We get free mini golf as part of the the water park pass, too. around a day or something, you can go play mini golf.
Dan:
Nice. Now, is that just that's just for you? If you bring somebody else, they
Charles:
Yeah,
Dan:
they need
Charles:
I think
Dan:
to pay.
Charles:
you have to pay
Dan:
Correct.
Charles:
for them.
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
But you know, that's still, that turns into half off. Or you can,
Dan:
True?
Charles:
I mean, do what I do and just adopt a policy of not dating people who don't have annual passes to Disney. That's another
Dan:
I'm gonna put
Charles:
move.
Dan:
that on my dating profile. One of my green flags I look for, Disney Pass.
Charles:
Our buddy Matt has his Costco executive membership on his and he says he gets
Dan:
Oh,
Charles:
some
Dan:
that's
Charles:
pretty
Dan:
right.
Charles:
good feedback.
Dan:
Oh, that's hysterical. That's right. I forgot about that. I'm going to have to steal some of that.
Charles:
So you are, you're still running around.
Dan:
I am still running. I'm still running around. Yeah. Yep.
Charles:
One thing
Dan:
I, uh,
Charles:
I wanted to
Dan:
yeah.
Charles:
mention about Typhoon Lagoon yesterday, I was noticing my fellow guests there and I saw a lot of guys, you know, it's a water park so everybody's walking around in bathing suits. I saw a lot of guys who I would think, man, that guy's in pretty good shape. I saw no guys walking around with visible abs. That reminded me how difficult this thing I'm trying to do is.
Dan:
Yeah, it's, it's, it is not right. It is not, uh, what our bodies I feel really are, are, are meant to be at that state. I mean, maybe, maybe, maybe they are just not in our food environment, in our modern food
Charles:
Right.
Dan:
environment. It's,
Charles:
That's
Dan:
it's almost
Charles:
what I was thinking.
Dan:
impossible to get there. You know, you have to really kind of go back to, in order to look like, you know, you know, you're looking through history books and you look at our ancestors, uh, and a lot of tribal, uh tribes of humans you know a lot of them are like ripped and have abs well
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
you know they also were eating different things and probably
Charles:
Right.
Dan:
doing a lot of a lot of physical activity at the same time so yeah uh you want to look like that you got to act like that
Charles:
Yeah, yeah. And it makes sense. I mean, the. For the majority of human history, the problem has not been obesity. The problem has been malnourishment, you know, so our bodies
Dan:
Right,
Charles:
have
Dan:
right.
Charles:
evolved to avoid malnourishment and starvation at all costs, not to avoid obesity. So it's it's very
Dan:
Exactly.
Charles:
easy to it's way easier to be too big than it is to be too small. And.
Dan:
Yeah, and that's to preserve. Yeah, we're built that way, absolutely.
Charles:
Yeah, gotta stay alive long enough to pass some genes
Dan:
Procreate,
Charles:
on, right?
Dan:
right?
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
Speaking of physical activity, I booked another edition of the Mammoth March that I did in Orlando last year out by UCF. There's a state park out there where you hike 20 miles in eight hours. The Orlando one sold out this year, and I didn't really wanna do the same area again anyway, because I've already done it. So in right around four weeks, I'm going up to Eastern Tennessee and I'm going to do one up at a state park close to the Tennessee North Carolina border and do another 20 miles and eight hours. At least that's the
Dan:
Wow.
Charles:
plan. We'll see how it goes.
Dan:
Nice, that's great. That's, and that's not a slow clip. I mean, you have to do a minimum of two and a half miles an hour for
Charles:
Yep.
Dan:
20 miles. You know,
Charles:
Yeah. And it's
Dan:
doing
Charles:
not.
Dan:
that, you know, I've done that for like, you know, three and that's
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
fine. Yeah, but you know, keeping that pace up for, that's, yeah, that's no joke.
Charles:
Yeah, and it's not on sidewalks, which is what I'm used to. It's
Dan:
Mmm.
Charles:
going to be on, I haven't looked at what the elevation gain is, but I mean, it's in Tennessee, Eastern Tennessee is, you know, Appalachian. So
Dan:
Oh.
Charles:
I assume there will be some up and down. So we'll see how it goes. But you know, the big thing for me is good shoes, which I have comfortable shoes and a little fanny pack or some cargo shorts with plenty of ibuprofen. Because once
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
I start hitting around, eight miles, I start getting some aches and pains and mostly my hips. My, my knees have been good
Dan:
Okay.
Charles:
to me so far, knock on wood, but,
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
uh, ankles and hips are the things that, uh, once I start doing 10, 15, 20 miles, those, those start screaming at me, but the IB proven makes it go, go away completely. So at least I got back going for
Dan:
Oh good.
Charles:
me.
Dan:
Nice,
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
nice, nice.
Charles:
At least it had, it did last year, but I'm a year older, so we'll see.
Dan:
Yeah, you have a training plan scheduled for that, or you're just kinda
Charles:
No,
Dan:
gonna
Charles:
I'm mostly
Dan:
go?
Charles:
going to wing it. I could have just see how it goes. I mean, I did it last year without really training for it. I mean, I've been walking a lot. So I've, you know, I've got that going for me. And
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
I'm also, I'm also probably 10 pounds lighter than I was last year when I did it. So, you know, I'm hoping that, and you
Dan:
Great.
Charles:
don't really get, you don't really get that out of breath doing two and a half miles an hour. I mean, you get tired, your muscles kind of whine
Dan:
Yeah,
Charles:
and
Dan:
I was
Charles:
your
Dan:
thinking
Charles:
joints
Dan:
about,
Charles:
whine,
Dan:
you know, your, yeah,
Charles:
but cardio,
Dan:
your joints and your legs, right? No cardio
Charles:
yeah.
Dan:
probably not so bad, but I would think, yeah. Um, you know, if your legs are aching and stuff, um, might be
Charles:
Yeah,
Dan:
something to think of.
Charles:
the big thing for me is going to be making sure that I got a, you know, eight hours, I got to have an engaging book downloaded to my phone or some good
Dan:
Mmm. Mm-hmm.
Charles:
podcast episodes or something like that, because just trying to do that, you know, white knuckling it with nothing to listen to. No, thanks.
Dan:
Oh
Charles:
Can't
Dan:
no
Charles:
do
Dan:
way,
Charles:
it.
Dan:
not for eight hours. No,
Charles:
No.
Dan:
I mean, I, you know,
Charles:
Alone
Dan:
I'm
Charles:
with my
Dan:
good
Charles:
thoughts
Dan:
on a
Charles:
for
Dan:
drive
Charles:
eight
Dan:
for
Charles:
hours?
Dan:
15 minutes.
Charles:
No way.
Dan:
Yeah. Yeah. You made her ear come back down. Oh my
Charles:
Exactly.
Dan:
God.
Charles:
So that's that's that's what's going on with me. And I'm sorry, I interrupted your your running update to tell you that I was I was doing that hike cows. How's that going? You? Have you got a 5k scheduled where you're going to go and run it like an official one?
Dan:
No, I don't. I don't have an official one yet. I
Charles:
You think you might want
Dan:
I'm
Charles:
to?
Dan:
still just at some point probably
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
maybe for the for the next round. So this is the second round of six weeks of the way better challenge. Basically, you know, it's just, you know, half a mile up to four miles. But the idea is it gets you ready for a five case. So what I'm noticing
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
between the first six weeks and the six weeks is that I am able to run a little bit faster than the previous ones. And also, my heart rate is a little bit lower. fitness improve, which is what I'm going for.
Charles:
Okay.
Dan:
So then, yeah, and I'm on week five, I've got my big run of the six weeks, it's four miles normally, yeah, that's the biggest one. That's coming
Charles:
Hmm.
Dan:
up for me tomorrow. So
Charles:
That's
Dan:
that's
Charles:
not
Dan:
always
Charles:
nothing.
Dan:
a little bit, that's always a little bit, right, it's always a little bit intimidating when you're used to doing half a mile, one mile, maybe two miles, you know,
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
ramp up the mileage on the last week before the week, you're going to do your 5k. So the 5k week, it's like a breeze compared to what you're doing this week. So it's
Charles:
Right.
Dan:
yeah, it's like two miles, three miles, two miles and four miles this week. And then last week it's one, two, two and 3.1. So
Charles:
Okay.
Dan:
it's kind of nice because it helps you rest for that 3.1. Um, I, and I just do that either, you know, at the gym or I do that outside here on the
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
So, um, yeah,
Charles:
Gotcha.
Dan:
yeah, but, uh, been doing the run club with, with Kurt Neil and have been having a great time, you know, meet new people and just hearing, you know, these amazing guys. I know if last time I talked about on the podcast, there's a guy doing a marathon at every state. Um, yeah. And, uh, you know, these, some of them are really hardcore runners, but they are so, you know, the, these people and some of them are like professionals. The girl Erica who runs it basically is competing to be in the Olympics, um,
Charles:
Whoa,
Dan:
for marathon. So, So,
Charles:
holy
Dan:
you
Charles:
mackerel.
Dan:
know, but, but you know, you wouldn't know based on, they're not like arrogant, you know, stuck up people, you know, like, oh, I'm, I'm this elite athlete. They don't act that way at all. It's, they're all really like down earth, no matter what level you're at. And
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
it's, it's nice. It's nice. But you know, it's funny because you think, oh yeah, they're, you know, you're talking to them kind of at your level, whatever. And then you see them take off and, and you know, they finish, you know, they finished you three miles before you're done with one. Yeah. you know, kind of puts things in perspective, but it doesn't matter because everybody's having a good time run around Lake Eola, trying to avoid geese and people and, and couples holding
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
hands, taking up both lanes. So, you know, it's a, it's a good time. And everybody comes together and has, has a nice meal afterwards. So, um, it's, it's, it's a great way to get social and, and, and do something healthy. And I got to admit when I'm coming back from the run and I'm walking back sweaty and I'm walking by all the restaurants, people sitting outside and cafes,
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
drinking, you know, and
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
eating and stuff like that. You know, I do feel a little bit better about myself because I'm like, I'm not, I'm not, you know, I don't want to, for better term, destroying my body the way you guys are on a weekday night. I'm out here running,
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
you know? So
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
I had a little bit of that yesterday, to be honest with you, but you know, it felt good. That made me feel like I'm doing the right thing. So.
Charles:
Yeah, no, I mean, definitely investing in yourself, uh, feels good. And, uh, you know, reminding yourself that you're worth doing hard things for
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
is, uh, is a good feeling.
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
And, uh, yeah, there's, yeah, I, I am. Yeah. I was watching, uh, Ariel chow down on her. Uh, she got a three pack of fish tacos at Typhoon Lagoon, you know, breaded fish with, um, like slaw, like a pineapple salsa on top, and then she put hot sauce on it. I was like, man, it's real tempting to go up to that window and get my own three pack of tacos because
Dan:
It
Charles:
those
Dan:
sounds
Charles:
look really
Dan:
good.
Charles:
good.
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
And
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
I was like, no, I'm gonna I'm gonna hold off. I'll wait till I get home and eat something that I have a little bit more control over, you know.
Dan:
And you know the thing too is you know what the tacos taste like you and and you will have them again at some point. It's just
Charles:
Right.
Dan:
not until after you've achieved your goal. That's it.
Charles:
Yeah, yeah. The other day I was thinking, I saw somebody eating a or telling a story or something about eating a slice of a New York slice of pizza. And unfortunately, I'm not that close to New York. So it's not easy for me to give in and have a real slice. But then I was having fond memories. Actually, I think I saw you posted a story and your profile pic is from that amazing pizza restaurant on Orange Avenue. And I thought, oh, that lasagna or that cheesesteak pizza that they have there. Oh, my
Dan:
That
Charles:
God,
Dan:
was
Charles:
it's
Dan:
so
Charles:
so
Dan:
good.
Charles:
good.
Dan:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Charles:
And it was like, I gave myself permission. I was like, listen, you know, give it a few days. And if you still feel like you need a slice of pizza, have a slice of pizza, and then just be prepared to
Dan:
Thanks for watching!
Charles:
work your butt off the next couple days after that to make up for it. And
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
I'm okay with that. I think giving myself permission, it's so weird, like giving yourself permission to take a little bit of a break from a diet or even just, you know, we had a situation, you and I, that I hope you don't mind me talking about, and it bothered me a little bit. And I said, hey Dan, when this happened, it bothered me and I want you to know that it bothered me. And you didn't have to do anything, just me telling you that it bothered me a little bit, I instantly felt 100% better. Where
Dan:
That's important
Charles:
old Charles
Dan:
to remember.
Charles:
would just
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
hold onto it and let the resentment build and then the next time you did something, I'd go immediately back in time to the last thing that you did and get all pissed off about it. Where if you just let that stuff go, like give yourself permission to have a treat, give yourself permission to tell somebody they did something that bothered you You can just let go of that bird instead of carrying it around.
Dan:
Yeah, no, that's a great example of, yeah, I've started to try to do that a little bit more myself. And instead of letting my mind build up all of these negative consequences that are imagined, that if I did
Charles:
Right.
Dan:
say something, if I did let it go at that point and express it, that all these really bad things would happen. And then that's one of the reasons why I would keep it in and not say anything.
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
And yeah, I would do the same thing. And I would do this with ex-girlfriends as well,
Charles:
Oh,
Dan:
onto
Charles:
me too.
Dan:
that and keep a little log in my mind and go, okay,
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
you know, and then just build
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
up that resentment and that's no good for anybody. You know, I'm feeling like crap and she has no idea. And then, and then I end up, you know, it comes out all at once and then, you know, and now it's a bigger deal over something that, and it does nothing. Yeah. It does nothing for you, does nothing for the relationship. So just realizing the value of being able to express it at that time and do it in a healthy way, obviously.
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
not explode about it, but it's a lot less, I feel like I've got a lot more control by doing it right then and there, rather than having it pressure all build up and it explodes out, right? You can just say, hey, listen, this is kind of bothering me. So yeah, I think that's a very important point, seeing the value of that and how good that feels. Yeah, just giving yourself permission, like you said, on a diet or anything else, and it doesn't even have to mean it. It just means, you
Charles:
Right.
Dan:
know, I'm allowed to and by doing that also, it means that one, it's planned, right? So
Charles:
Right.
Dan:
one of the people that I used to listen to about, you know, some diet and exercise, they would say, if you're going to have that treat, make sure you plan it in advance and it is not something
Charles:
Alright.
Dan:
that you just go, screw it, I'm gonna have it right now. If you
Charles:
Right.
Dan:
plan it in advance, then you're in control and then you can feel a little bit less guilty if you do indulge and you're a lot more likely to get right back on to the diet or the track that you've been on right afterwards because you feel like you've been in control and and Rather than just failed and gave up and said screw it. I'm just gonna have that piece of pizza right now because it looks good
Charles:
Right. Yeah. And that's, you know, the, the language that we even use failed cheating on our diet. I mean, we,
Dan:
right.
Charles:
we, we have all these words that are just have, have all these expectations and guilt built into them. So that's what stops you from, you know, if I decide, okay, today's Friday and on, uh, Monday night, I'm going to have a piece of pizza. Then whether I have the piece of pizza or I don't have the piece of pizza, I'm not going to feel like, um, doing something bad to myself. because yeah, I'm just, I'm doing the thing that I decided that I might feel like doing. And then Tuesday morning's breakfast, I'm not gonna still be dealing with the guilt of eating a piece of pizza Monday night. And
Dan:
Yep.
Charles:
so it's always easier to get back on the plan when you don't feel like you're not strong enough or not worthy enough to stick to what you feel like you're supposed to be doing. So yeah, it's just, yeah, we put all this pressure on ourselves for all the good things And we end up making the process and the journey so much harder than it has to be because we want to be perfect, but Hey, there's a great book called tiny habits that will help you out with all that stuff.
Dan:
Right. Yeah. Uh, and I just like changing that word from cheat meal to treat meal. Uh, and sometimes
Charles:
There you
Dan:
that
Charles:
go.
Dan:
helps set, set
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
that perspective. Now I'm, I'm also a little leery of even using the word treat meal, because then to me, it's like, Oh, I've earned this,
Charles:
Right.
Dan:
you know, rather than realizing, Hey, you know, this is, I might be having some feelings right now that really say that, you know, I want this piece of pizza. And a lot of times those are temporary. So by just holding
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
off a little bit, you may not have that. Whereas if you say, I'm gonna, if this is a treat meal, now it's almost like, all right, this is definitely gonna happen now, right? I'm earning
Charles:
Yeah, that's
Dan:
this,
Charles:
true.
Dan:
I'm
Charles:
Yeah
Dan:
earning this. And so I don't even wanna use treat meal, to be honest with you, because I feel really the most progress happens when you don't have any treat meals, cheat meals, and you stick to your program as much as possible. But keeping
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
in mind,
Charles:
And that's
Dan:
look, perfectionism,
Charles:
no,
Dan:
perfection
Charles:
I mean,
Dan:
doesn't
Charles:
that's
Dan:
exist.
Charles:
the thing you, yeah, you, you bring, you know, you, you change, you change your lifestyle. You change the way that you eat so that, uh, you know, you're not strict 99% of the time and off the rails 1% of the time or 90, 10 or 80, 20, whatever the ratio is. I mean, if, if you just feel like, Hey, my, my identity and my lifestyle is I eat this way most of the time and occasionally I eat this way and then, you know, that's,
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
to be the healthiest way for a long-term change of
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
not riding the guilt roller coaster and the binge roller coaster when you're trying to. The other thing, the impossible thing for me, and I'm a month into eating pretty clean and watching all my macros and my calories and all that stuff, but it would be so nice, and I think this goes against the evolution that we talked about before about the threat of starvation. I could feel like, man, Charles, you really treated yourself today by eating right all day long. You did every meal exactly the way you were supposed to, and what a treat you just gave yourself. But it does not feel that way. I wish it did.
Dan:
No, but that's why you have to use the tiny habits approach of that celebration to say that
Charles:
Yes,
Dan:
to yourself
Charles:
yes,
Dan:
so you can get close
Charles:
yes.
Dan:
to it, right? Yeah,
Charles:
Yes,
Dan:
that's that's the
Charles:
I
Dan:
that's
Charles:
wish
Dan:
the
Charles:
it was natural, but I don't know that, you know, I don't know that it's ever
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
going to be natural. That's the thing. It's, uh, you know, uh, I got an email today from our, our fine friends at crumble cookies that today is free cookie day. And if you download the app and show up at their location, they give you a free cookie. And there's two things I love.
Dan:
Thanks for watching.
Charles:
They had free cookies, well, cookies and free things,
Dan:
Yeah, yeah.
Charles:
but I'm not going to do
Dan:
Oh boy,
Charles:
it.
Dan:
wow.
Charles:
not gonna
Dan:
Hey,
Charles:
do it.
Dan:
be proud of yourself because I know that's that's definitely one of your your biggest.
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
favorite things to enjoy are crumble and those cookies. So
Charles:
Yeah,
Dan:
yeah, feel good
Charles:
the idea
Dan:
about
Charles:
that
Dan:
that.
Charles:
they
Dan:
So,
Charles:
would
Dan:
you know, to be honest, so here's something to think about, you know, by journaling every day at the end of the day, you can
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
actually just write out what went well. And you know, that's one of the things in the five minute journal I like. And a lot of times I've got, hey, I stuck within my calories and my macros today. And I'm happy about that. And just sometimes writing that out, jumping for joy and cheerleading with pom poms for myself, but
Charles:
Right. Yeah.
Dan:
it makes me feel good. And, and, uh, definitely I see, uh, when I do journal, I get better sleep from whoop. Um, at least that's what they tell me. So,
Charles:
Oh yeah.
Dan:
yeah.
Charles:
Yeah, that's, uh, that makes sense. I can see how unloading that stuff from your brain and onto a sheet of paper would, would definitely
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
help you let it go. All right.
Dan:
help you remember
Charles:
Let's,
Dan:
those wins.
Charles:
uh, yeah, absolutely. Speaking of wins, let's, uh, let's get back into our, our text for the week. Uh, we're covering
Dan:
Mm-hmm.
Charles:
the chapter in atomic attraction on body language, which, uh, gosh, is so important because the, uh, there, there's some information, it here that will blow your mind if you've never seen it before, which is the idea that 60 to 80% of the communication we have with people is through body language, not our spoken words, which yeah, that's wild. I don't
Dan:
Mmm,
Charles:
know if
Dan:
that's a lot.
Charles:
that includes like the tone with which you're speaking or if it's just body language, but I mean, I could see that the tone that you, the way that you sound, you sound is a huge portion of that as well.
Dan:
Yeah, so yeah, I would actually say that to me that implies something different. That's not body language
Charles:
Okay,
Dan:
to me
Charles:
yeah.
Dan:
at that point. That's that's part of spoken word. So yeah.
Charles:
And I wonder if, I don't know that he mentions it in this chapter, but I wonder if one gender is typically going to use body language more than the other. I could see reasons why both men and women would need to prioritize body language for
Dan:
Hmm
Charles:
threat assessment and interest, I mean all kinds of reasons that you might think, okay, body language more than the other but a shocking piece of research that he cites is that women initiate up to 90% of all what he calls seductions but I would call romantic interactions and
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
when they initiate it they don't do it by walking up to you and saying I'm interested in you they do it in other ways that we're that we're going to get into but that's crazy
Dan:
Yeah,
Charles:
to think
Dan:
I thought
Charles:
that
Dan:
90,
Charles:
it's
Dan:
that number hit me hard. And I started
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
to kind of keep my eyes open for that and looking around and I can, a lot of times it started to change my perspective on maybe somebody who tends to walk by me a little bit when they didn't need to, they could have gone
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
a different route. And in the past, and I still question it, that could mean, you know, doesn't necessarily mean she wants me to go over and talk to her or whatever, but maybe, you know, maybe more often than I thought it did. And knowing me, I most likely didn't take that, didn't take that action.
Charles:
Yeah, no, I'm sure I'm sure I've missed a lot of signals. Oh, let me, let me take a quick break to a reference last week's episode. I said that I would talk to my girlfriend who spent many years in the service industry about,
Dan:
Yes.
Charles:
uh, yeah, what, what she would do. Um, if she was interested in a guy, obviously this is before we were together, she was interested in a guy that was a patron of hers. Uh, what, how would her behavior change? the other women that she worked with, how their behavior would change if they were interested, actually interested in a customer. And she said that almost never happened. Like she couldn't even think of an example where she was working and was distracted from the duties of her job by how attracted she was to a customer. She's just like, I was not in that mind space when I was at work. When I was in work, I was being the bartender.
Dan:
So my takeaway from that is that part of her job duties was basically the interaction she would have with customers. And because
Charles:
Oh, certainly.
Dan:
of that, it was not, yeah, there was no really thought or interaction that was interest-based, it was personally interest-based. you know,
Charles:
Right, exactly.
Dan:
or washing the dishes, this was just part of her job duties. So that's something to keep in mind, you know, for most guys out there is,
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
you know, most of the time you're just part of one of their job duties. You are no different than them washing a glass.
Charles:
Yeah. And I mean, she, she was, I mean, I remember, cause I met her, uh, initially while she was on the job. Now this is, man, how many years ago now? 13 years ago when I met her, um, and I was married and she was very young and I had no interest in anything, but, uh, she was very friendly and I could tell that she enjoyed interacting with her regulars, people that she saw at work, you
Dan:
Mm-hmm.
Charles:
know, a lot. And she got, she got positive things out of those interactions, but she said, you know, the leap from that to, okay, now I've got to juggle both doing my job and my distracting level of attraction for this one customer. Now I've got to juggle both. She said that just didn't happen. That wasn't a thing that she dealt with.
Dan:
Yep.
Charles:
I said, well, okay, was that a thing that the other waitresses and servers and bartenders you worked with, did you notice anything that they, what their plan was? if they were attracted to a customer. And she said, not really, but here's, here's one thing that a guy could use to sort of gauge, you know, rather than just assume, I mean, my advice is just assume that she's not interested in you. Unless she literally writes down her number and says, call me sometime. Anything short of that. I'm going to assume there's no interest there. But
Dan:
Yup.
Charles:
one thing she said you might be able to glean a level of interest from is If the waitress or the bartender does not, does not yet know you, meaning you haven't been there a lot, they don't know that you're a good tipper. They don't know that you're funny. They don't know anything other than how you look and that you're in their place of business. So you don't, they don't know you. You don't know them, but they are objectively spending, giving you more time and attention than other patrons. Then maybe she's interested. Then maybe she would like you to.
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
introduction. But
Dan:
Okay.
Charles:
you know, again, for my own, I would say, just don't count on it. I mean, if you want to go ahead and say, make take some sort of a very, and again, I recommend a very direct introduction and a direct shot so that there's no, it's not unclear what you're asking for, what you're interested in. I mean, I would say just flat out come and say, Hey, I'd like your number and then she gets to say yes or no
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
and if she says no it's probably
Dan:
surprised.
Charles:
gonna be weird next time you go back you should you should be ready for the idea that
Dan:
Right.
Charles:
it's going to be weird maybe it won't be weird for you and the less weird it is for
Dan:
Right.
Charles:
you the less weird it'll be for her but
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
I could also make the case shoot your shot and then just if it doesn't go well just don't plan on going back there
Dan:
Right, or just learn to not get attached to the outcome. So just if you ask, you shoot your shot, if she says yes, great, she says no, great, provided you like the food there and you want to go back, right? Otherwise,
Charles:
Right.
Dan:
take your advice, yeah, don't even bother going back. But I think if you can detach yourself from the response, from the outcome, of course it would be nice, but that's the cherry on top, right? I think a lot of it is,
Charles:
Right.
Dan:
you know, getting
Charles:
But that
Dan:
it out there.
Charles:
outcome independence, which I 100% agree, but that is just a you thing. You're not able to control how her reaction is going to be to
Dan:
Bruh,
Charles:
you
Dan:
of
Charles:
asked
Dan:
course.
Charles:
her out, she said no to you. And so it could, even if you're just like, oh, no big deal, I asked girls out, they say yes, they say no, it's all good. Your future interactions with that server bartender could be weird, even
Dan:
100%
Charles:
all on her side, she might not be able to get over the fact that you asked and she had to say no. So
Dan:
Yep.
Charles:
it yeah, you're there could be a level of weirdness there that has nothing to do with you, it just has to do with how she feels about being asked out at work and having to say no.
Dan:
Yeah. And that would be another good way to kind of build your fortitude and your resilience by, you know, handling people who are feeling uncomfortable. Right. Um, and I feel, I think, I think if, if you're good at it, um, I'm not saying that I am, but I think if you're good at it and you kind of maintain your frame and, and say, you know, that really show that really doesn't bother you,
Charles:
Right.
Dan:
eventually she might get over it, might realize, okay, you know, he's not feeling weird about it. Uh, you know, it's, it's not, you know, he's treating me like a friend.
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
You're not continually asking for her number, getting creepy about it or whatever.
Charles:
Right.
Dan:
I feel like, especially if she's an attractive woman, she's probably getting asked out all the time. It's probably
Charles:
Right.
Dan:
something she's used to handling. So I think, again, like you said, it's a you problem.
Charles:
Yeah. And, uh, and again, here's, you know, just going back to the text, this is where there are things that you can notice in every interaction to give you an idea of how somebody's feeling. Are they, are they feeling good about your interaction? Are they wanting it to continue? Are they feeling, you know, safe and free to leave or say what they want to say, or are they feeling a little bit kind of hemmed in? Cause in the, uh, in the chapter, there's an example of a guy who, you know, drink sits down with her and they have a conversation and the things she is saying to him make him think like, oh, this is going great. But her body language is not that. So in this case, when the guy sits down, she grabs her purse, she crosses her arms, she doesn't turn her body to face them. She keeps her legs crossed, her feet are pointing away. She keeps her wrists on the table. So she's, she's chit chatting. She's having what seems like a light interaction, but her body language is saying, I'm not into what's going on right now. And then
Dan:
So,
Charles:
the interaction doesn't end up going anywhere.
Dan:
yeah, so I want to ask you, of all of those different pieces of the body language, which ones were, when you read that, were new to you, that were surprising to you?
Charles:
Oh, most of them. Feet pointing away, wrists
Dan:
Mm-hmm.
Charles:
face down on the table.
Dan:
That was the big one for me. Yeah,
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
the wrists. I never had heard about that, but it lines up thinking about it logically the way he explains it, right? By having
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
the wrists up, you're basically, you're kind of exposing, I guess, I guess if you go back to tribal primitive
Charles:
Right?
Dan:
times,
Charles:
Vulnerable part.
Dan:
you could, vulnerable part is the inside of the wrist versus the outside.
Charles:
Right.
Dan:
And the clutching of the purse too. I never thought about that, I think that's a little extreme. That's almost kind of like, don't rob me kind of thing, right, like holding onto that valuable. But
Charles:
Yeah,
Dan:
yeah,
Charles:
I read it more
Dan:
it
Charles:
like,
Dan:
makes sense.
Charles:
like clutching the purse makes her able to get up and leave faster.
Dan:
Maybe that's part of it.
Charles:
I kind of looked at the wrist down as part of that too. Like if I need to push up from this table and leave in a hurry, I can do that.
Dan:
Okay, yeah.
Charles:
Where I think,
Dan:
I'm not feeling comfortable and relaxed enough to want to stay
Charles:
right,
Dan:
and kind of just
Charles:
exactly.
Dan:
relax and lounge out a little bit. Right, okay.
Charles:
Yeah, where I would say,
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
yeah, in thinking back to interactions I've had where if a woman is, um, I mean, sitting straight up is, is one thing I would say that's probably not in a good indication that she's into what's going on. Like if she's sitting up very, but if she's either leaning forward while she talks to you or she's leaning back, but especially if she's talking with her hands a lot, those, those seem to be indicate. So if she's leaning forward and talking with her hands or leaning back and talking with her hands, those are both preferable to, you know, hands on on her lap just sitting straight up.
Dan:
Yeah. So if we, if we put the filter of fight or flight response over that, it kind of lines up how our body language changes based on how we're feeling at the moment. So she's probably feeling a little anxiety and that fight or flight response is probably trickling in a little bit. So
Charles:
Right.
Dan:
when that happens, our muscles kind of tense up, like you said, you kind of get prepared to flight, right? Get prepared to run. And that could be part of that, you know, also, you know, with the wrists down, want to push off away from the table, want to kind of get away. That that lines up for me when I think of somebody who's who's a little bit anxious about a situation.
Charles:
Yeah, so, um, the, the other thing that I, I feel is, is one of the most, and we'll, we'll get to it in a second. One of the most blatant signs of interest is the preening the, um,
Dan:
Hmm
Charles:
you know, touching her neck, touching her throat, rubbing her hair, things like that. Where I feel like that's one that is very clear that I've probably missed out on lots of times because.
Dan:
Me too.
Charles:
You just I mean, if you're if you're mostly thinking about your own anxiety at a situation and part of that is by going to place, going to places to quote, quote, look for women that you don't actually enjoy, they don't line up with your interest, and line up with what you find
Dan:
Mmm...
Charles:
fun, but you're there
Dan:
Mm-hmm.
Charles:
because that's where you've been told you have to go to meet girls, like clubs, like bars, like, you know, fill in the blank. Then, you know, rather than being able to see these signs, such as women who are holding eye contact with you, women who are smiling at you, women who respond positively to, you know, any communication like a nod or a wave or anything like that. If you're too busy worried about, man, I don't, I wish I wasn't here, and what am I supposed to be doing? you know, how do I look natural? How do I look like I'm having fun when I'm not? If you're consumed with all these thoughts, then you're not gonna notice any of these things. So
Dan:
Correct.
Charles:
that's another
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
argument to not go places where you don't wanna be just because you've been told that's where you're supposed to go to meet people.
Dan:
100%. Yeah, for me, I would notice them fixing or messing with their hair, but I never thought about touching their neck or... any other kind of preening that they might be doing, you know, fixing things like their clothing or, you know, whatever. Um, and, you know, and then my mind goes to, Oh, well, you know, that's that'll be a little bit arrogant if I feel like she's doing that for me, maybe she's just doing it for herself, right? Cause something feels weird for her or, you know, maybe she just wants to look good in general and not necessarily say, Hey, you know, this is something that she's doing subconsciously or consciously. obviously, you know, for me.
Charles:
I can appreciate that, but I do feel like, you know, the... biology doesn't lie. And so if you're in an interaction with a woman that she
Dan:
Hmm
Charles:
wishes was over, she thinks you're a creep, she wishes you would just pick up and walk away, then she's not going to subconsciously do anything to her appearance that makes her look better to you. She's going to do things that make her look
Dan:
Okay.
Charles:
more closed off. So I don't feel like, yeah, if you're talking to a girl and she wishes you would leave, I don't think she's going to adjust her hair,
Dan:
So
Charles:
I think it unlikely.
Dan:
that made me think of something interesting. A lot of ladies who get married and get a little bit older tend to cut their hair very short.
Charles:
Hmm
Dan:
And it can work. I'm not a fan of short hair in general, but I feel like on the right person it can work. But I think it's an exception and not the rule when it comes to short hair. people, most of the men I've talked to, they do prefer, you know, in general, longer hair on their ladies. I think it makes them look a little bit younger. But, you know, I'm just wondering your thoughts on ladies who get, you know, who cut their hair. My thought is it's, it's because they, you know, maybe they don't want to have sexual interaction with their husbands anymore for whatever reason that might be. from your side about that.
Charles:
Yeah, I could I could see how that would be a that could be a factor. I mean, you know, it's like, like Freud said, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. You know, sometimes a girl cuts her
Dan:
Yup.
Charles:
hair just because she wants to see she thinks she would look nice with with short hair.
Dan:
Of course, of course.
Charles:
But yes, there's also I mean, yeah, I could see that women who are not comfortable with sort of society or biology or whatever have have decided basically women who have gotten the message to to be a beautiful feminine woman. This is what you're supposed to look like and for whatever
Dan:
Mmm.
Charles:
reason they're like, I'm not going to sign off on this going along to get along stuff anymore. I want to I want to do something that shakes it up a little bit. So I don't feel like I'm just doing what what society or whoever has told me to do that could be a reason that they decide to cut their hair short or it could be. Yeah, they they like the lack of. of maintenance and upkeep or they, you know,
Dan:
Mm-hmm.
Charles:
I mean, have an issue with the feminine imagery of long hair that they've decided isn't working for them anymore and they want to change it. So I don't know, it
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
feels like there's a lot of reasons that they could adopt that. But in, for the most part, I would agree with you that most heterosexual men prefer women with longer hair and I would say probably prefer women with hair of a natural color.
Dan:
Mm. Mm-hmm.
Charles:
which isn't me saying women shouldn't or ought not to dye their hair, but I would say, you know, if you're single and you're interested in attracting a wide variety of men, you know, the bright colors that don't occur in nature to a lot of guys who are very traditional in their masculinity and what they're attracted to are not going to be into the bright green, the bright blue hair that some women are into. And I think the opposite is true, too. a lot of
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
girls, you know, are not going to be into a guy who's got long, bright orange hair
Dan:
Right.
Charles:
because that's just not,
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
that's not what we're used to being attracted to over thousands and thousands of years. So you'll, you'll find your person. I mean, you're going to, whatever you're into, you're going to find somebody else who's into that thing too. It's just,
Dan:
Of course.
Charles:
you know, and,
Dan:
It
Charles:
and
Dan:
might be a little
Charles:
how,
Dan:
bit more
Charles:
however,
Dan:
difficult. It might take
Charles:
right.
Dan:
a little bit
Charles:
And
Dan:
longer,
Charles:
however,
Dan:
depending on what it is, right?
Charles:
but that's okay. I mean, we, you know, I, I believe in the advice of look, if, if there's something that you are super into, is outside of what the mainstream considers attractive. Man, go into it 100% because that is going to help you disqualify people that you would find boring or vanilla
Dan:
Right.
Charles:
or whatever
Dan:
And
Charles:
the word is. And,
Dan:
yeah.
Charles:
you know, just embrace the lifestyle that you love and that you're into and you'll be drawn to people and people will be drawn to you who are into the same things that you are.
Dan:
Yeah, be confident in that choice because if
Charles:
Yeah,
Dan:
you're
Charles:
absolutely.
Dan:
not, and that's the, for me, that's the thing I look for in anybody that I hang out with friends or romantically. It's confidence in what you're doing and not, I'm doing this, but I really, I'm constantly questioning it or I don't feel good about it or whatever. Because that's... For me, that's not fun to be around. That's the, you know, all it does is like stir up anxiety and stress in me and people around that person. So, confidence goes a long way. And so yeah, whatever that might be, just be confident about it and do it because you enjoy it. And then if you don't, then change it. If you don't feel confident in it, then change it. And that's the great thing these days is there's so much ability to change what, you
Charles:
Yeah,
Dan:
know,
Charles:
the
Dan:
even
Charles:
way,
Dan:
the physical parts about you,
Charles:
yeah, yeah.
Dan:
to. You could do that.
Charles:
Absolutely, yeah, the way you dress, the way you look. I mean,
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
you can experiment with most of those things and a lot of them, there are tons of ways that you can do that without making permanent decisions about how you're gonna look for the rest of your life. So, you
Dan:
Right.
Charles:
know, you could just try stuff out and see how you like it.
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
Yeah, so again, I would say that, go through this chapter, I'll just go through the six things or five things that he names in order. Number three, communication, which communication, I don't know, feels kind of wrapped up in some of the other one. And I'll just
Dan:
Mm-hmm
Charles:
read this section. A lot of people put step four preening before communication, but in the vast majority of cases the man talks to the woman right after she's made eye contact or smiled at him. And I would say that is the order that is probably the safest to go in. You know, make eye contact with somebody. Don't look away. make eye contact and if she smiles at you, then your chances of having a, a positive interaction after she looks at you and smiles at you go, go way up. So that would usually, if you're somebody who is open to approaching women, making eye contact, getting a smile from her, that's the time to go and make eye contact or make a conversation because
Dan:
Right.
Charles:
waiting for her to preen on top of those things, start touching her hair or whatever, that may or may not happen. made eye contact with someone and they smiled at you, you're probably going to have a pleasant interaction even if she ends up saying she's not interested or she has a boyfriend or whatever.
Dan:
Yeah, and it only makes sense because they only know so much about you. So they're only going to give you so much information and feel only so much. They'll feel enough to give you a smile, but that, you know, just from the way you look and are walking around, doesn't necessarily mean they're going to start preening themselves, feel, feel that
Charles:
Right.
Dan:
level of
Charles:
Exactly.
Dan:
attraction to you. And that won't happen until you actually communicate and you then for you. And at that point, that's where you're looking, that's that indicator there. Is she interested in taking it to the next level based on the communication that you've had? That's where the preening comes in and take a look for that, right?
Charles:
Yeah. And the, um, the other thing that is, uh, very important after you've, you know, initiated that interaction and, and your behavior, you're paying attention to the preening and see in her body language while you're talking to her, uh, step five is touching, whether she touches you or how she reacts to you touching her, which is always kind of the, that's the weirdest one. At least it's always felt weird to me because I'm not a very touchy person. And
Dan:
Mm.
Charles:
so, um, initiating that contact where, you know, you touch somebody on their arm when you're saying something to them or when you're laughing at something she said, or she's laughing at something you said, that that's been something that has always been something I've had to kind of think about doing. It didn't, it doesn't just come natural to me because again, I'm just not a big toucher. And so, um, that was something that in the past I had relied on, you know, having that, that one drink before, uh, in the interaction early in the day, early in the whatever, where it would sort of lower my inhibitions at being a little feely, where
Dan:
Mm-hmm.
Charles:
I'm
Dan:
Mm-hmm.
Charles:
not that kind of guy. But, you know, fortunately I'm in a relationship and I don't drink anymore, so I don't have to worry about that. But that was one of the roadblocks to me. And I would often tell, you know, whether a date was going to go well based on whether I felt like reaching out and touching her or not. And
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
if I didn't feel like doing it, I was kind of like, okay, that's going to probably be the end of it. But if it
Dan:
Yep.
Charles:
was like, OK, now it's time. Now it feels natural to reach out and touch her while I'm laughing at something she said, then usually the date would go on and it would be a fun date and there would probably be another date.
Dan:
Yeah, you know, and I think for women, they're very much more aware of these, these body signals. So the body language. So, um, you know, if you are interested and you are testing that you're not sure if she's interested, that might be something to think about is as you're laughing at something, you reach over and touch her arm or on,
Charles:
Right.
Dan:
on her shoulder, let her know that, you know, Hey, you're, you know, you're definitely interested. Um, and, and then see if she responds, see if she then touches you back and, you know, and see, okay, she touched you back. Now, All right, there's at least some low level of interest and comfort there and you can take it from there.
Charles:
Yeah. And here's, here's some other, uh, nonverbal things that aren't exactly body language, but things that you can notice. Um, when you're spending time around a woman, uh, has she started wearing more different makeup or perfume? Um, if you guys are out at some sort of a, a group thing like a trivia night or a run club or something like that, does she tend to find the seat next to you when she comes,
Dan:
Hmm.
Charles:
you know, when you guys are hanging out in a group setting,
Dan:
Again,
Charles:
um,
Dan:
that 90% of the time they are dictating the
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
encounter, the interaction, right? There. That's another example of it. Yeah, it's great.
Charles:
Um, has she started, you know, frequenting places that you frequent? Like if you have a, a favorite coffee shop or a favorite bar that you visit after work and she knows that has she started showing up there sort of spontaneously more
Dan:
Mm-hmm.
Charles:
than
Dan:
Mm-hmm.
Charles:
she used to. Um, these are little things that, uh, the, the man of low to average self-esteem would just chalk up to coincidence. But the, uh, the man who's read this book or listen to us go through
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
the book might be willing to say, okay, these are not just coincidences. These are her efforts to be around me. And, and that's
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
something you and I were talking about the other day, where if a girl is very interested in you, and she would like to go from acquaintances
Dan:
Yes.
Charles:
or friends to romance, she will be willing to take on small inconveniences to her schedule, to her travel, to be closer to you. And so,
Dan:
Yeah,
Charles:
you know, if you
Dan:
guys.
Charles:
guys are on the other side of town, she'll start hanging out in your side of town. If, you know, you right after work she'll say hey you know after dinner let's let's grab a drink around 930 or something she'll she'll make suggestions like that that in a normal situation you would think well that's that's kind of an inconvenience you know usually I'm winding down for the night or usually I don't hang
Dan:
Hmm
Charles:
out in that part of town because I live over in this part of town but when when a girl starts advertising that she's willing to take on some inconvenience to hang out with you that's a pretty good indicator that she's interested in spending time with you
Dan:
Yeah, they're gonna make it easy guys. So if you ever have to question or ask, hey, you think this girl's interested? The answer is no, because it's gonna be
Charles:
I would
Dan:
obvious.
Charles:
say that's yes, I would say that's generally true. Yeah. And
Dan:
You should,
Charles:
if you're asking.
Dan:
it should not, it will be obvious if she's interested and you know, if it's not and she is interested, she may not be the right one because at this point then you know, if there's, if there's been some interaction and um, yeah, I think I don't know if you want to be with somebody who is that, that insecure that they're, they're, they're going to be um, kind of hiding that for so long. I don't know. That's my personal opinion. Uh, You know, that's
Charles:
What?
Dan:
just not the kind of person that I'm attracted to.
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
You know, somebody who's confident in themselves and is willing to be a little bit vulnerable, they will make it obvious and easy for you to understand that they are interested.
Charles:
Yeah, I would agree. And I think that, uh, yeah, both men and women, you know, the, uh, the plain hard to get thing. It's, uh, it's not all that we've been taught. It's not all it's cracked up to be from, you know, watching movies and rom-coms and TV shows and stuff like that. The,
Dan:
Great
Charles:
you know,
Dan:
point.
Charles:
the idea of I've got to pretend like I'm completely disinterested so that they'll be more interested in me. Uh, guys, especially, I mean, you know, guys, to approach women because they're too intimidated and too anxious to do it, or they're not going to pursue women because rejection sucks and we don't like it.
Dan:
sure.
Charles:
And it's great to get to that point where you've got that outcome independence and you've adopted this identity where I'm a guy that just walks up to women that I'm interested in and asks them out and I ask for their number and that's just how it goes. That's, man, that's a 1% of dudes type behavior. I mean, it'd be great
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
if we all got there, but most of us never will. And so the idea of pursuing a woman who is interested, but she's playing hard to get because that's what she thinks she's supposed to do. It's just like, most of us are just going to give up and say, nope, she's not into it. I'll just move on to somebody else.
Dan:
Yeah. And I think that's the thing we want to, I want to stop, you know, doing and promoting is this, you know, is, is that, is, you know, we talked about the faking it till you make it and how that's, that's a bunch of horse shit. Um, it's
Charles:
Yeah
Dan:
just to be, you know, just to be who you are. And same thing that the word that you were using before we were here, pretend, right? Pretending to be, um, you know, playing hard, hard to get and pretending to be not interested. That's the thing. You're not being your authentic self at that point, right? And I feel like you can still have a lot of, you know, a lot of fun and intention together, positive emotional tension to kind of pull one from Dr. Glover here in one of his courses and do that while you're together. You don't need to lose those feelings. You can still cultivate those feelings of enjoyment and fun and tension together, you know, together and not necessarily, you know, you are and I think you're just wasting your time doing that.
Charles:
Yeah, yeah, 100% playing playing games is, uh,
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
yeah, you, you start a relationship out playing games and you're going to find yourself playing games for the whole thing and that, uh, that does not,
Dan:
Ooh, that's
Charles:
does
Dan:
good,
Charles:
not
Dan:
that's
Charles:
usually
Dan:
good.
Charles:
go well,
Dan:
No,
Charles:
you
Dan:
you're
Charles:
know.
Dan:
right, because whatever brings you in, whatever attracts you, you need to keep that going throughout the whole
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
relationship. And one of my ex's dads basically had said that one time is whatever you're leading with, whatever you're attracting them with, you need to maintain. So if that's a part of your body, and a lot of times on these dating profiles, these girls or guys are basically just showing off like skimpy stuff, in, then, then yeah, you're going to need to maintain that throughout the whole relationship.
Charles:
Right, exactly.
Dan:
You know, versus, you know, something else and, you know, something that you said, something you talk about, something you have in common. So I've been a lot more of a fan of, you know, trying to do some of these social groups like these run clubs and meet people that way, and just being open to, to, you know, talking to people and getting to know people in person, because at least you've to both people and then everything else above and beyond that is bonus.
Charles:
Yeah, you definitely, you do run a risk of, you know, if, if you're a guy or a gal essentially trading off of your body or your wealth
Dan:
Mm.
Charles:
or your, you know, celebrity status,
Dan:
The wealth.
Charles:
whatever it is,
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
if, if that's the thing you're using to attract people, then, you know, the second that that thing dips or, or goes away, then the person, the people that you attracted with that thing are probably going to go away too,
Dan:
Yeah,
Charles:
where
Dan:
that's a great point about the whole money thing. A lot of guys think, you
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
know, you need to be rich to, yeah. And you know what, you're, but the quality of the woman that you're attracting, you know, can we say gold digger, right?
Charles:
Yeah.
Dan:
There's a reason there's a song about it.
Charles:
And there's, there's, there's nothing wrong with having money and there's nothing wrong with, uh, appreciating a partner that can provide for themselves and for you. But you know, if, if flashing money and throwing money around is the tool that you're using to get people, then you're going to get people
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
that are only around as long as the money is. And same with
Dan:
Or,
Charles:
your body.
Dan:
or...
Charles:
I mean, if, if I
Dan:
Yeah.
Charles:
use my, you know, if I get my six pack and immediately, you know, take all new profile pictures for my dating apps. it's showing off my abs, then the second that I go out with somebody and I've packed on five pounds and you can't see them anymore, they may not be as interested as they were at the beginning. So just
Dan:
right.
Charles:
be careful. Be careful trading on anything except your personality and your behaviors because anything
Dan:
Thank you.
Charles:
else is fleeting.
Dan:
Yep. Yeah, for sure.
Charles:
All right, so that chapter is in the books and that was about, you know, noticing the body language and nonverbal communication of women. In the next chapter, we're going to cover how your body language can be more attractive and what you can do to, to behave in a way and communicate non-verbally in ways that make you, you know, look as good as you possibly can. We'll get into that next week.
Dan:
Excellent, I'm looking forward to it.
Charles:
I got to throw in another quick plug for the, uh, amazing shirts that I buy from jiffy shirts.com. The next level, I believe it's the 62 10 model that are literally like five or $6 and you could buy a ton of them. And if you spend $59, you get free shipping. And they are just made for dudes to look as good as you can possibly look at a tee shirt and they're dirt cheap and they last forever. And I get no money from them. I, we don't have an affiliate link, nothing, but I just, since the gut keeps getting smaller as I'm doing this diet, I got a fresh batch of 10 shirts for 60 bucks and
Dan:
Wow.
Charles:
I'm real happy with the way that they look and the way that they feel. So I would say if you guys like cheap clothes that will look good on you, regardless of your body type, next level is the brand, jiffyshirts.com is the store and I like the cotton poly blends, they feel the best. I think, like I said, the crewnecks I think are 6210. But really anything from next level that is a tank, a crew, a V-neck, they are awesome and they are cheap, which I love.
Dan:
Excellent. Yeah, thanks. I might order some more for myself today based on that plug
Charles:
I'm probably just, you know, you and I are going to a keto con. Austin's going to be hot. We're not, I'm not completely out there to, you know, it's not like we're going to podcast movement where I'm, I'm trying to make industry contacts. I'm going mostly for fun. So I'm going
Dan:
Mm-hmm.
Charles:
to be dressing comfortable. So that's probably going to be shorts and t-shirts the whole time I'm out there. And just the fact that I just got a new bundle of them and they pack super good. The, the cotton poly ones don't seem to wrinkle when you throw them in a suitcase. And, Yeah, I'm gonna be I'm gonna be super comfortable in Austin and two was it two weeks three weeks. It's coming up and Yeah, so that's probably Austin is 13 days. Holy cow
Dan:
Yeah, yeah, we're getting there soon.
Charles:
Yeah. So I'm looking forward to that and I'm looking forward to being comfortable while I'm out there. So I will be wearing a lot of t-shirts.
Dan:
Sounds great.
Charles:
Alright man, I will shout with you again soon.
Dan:
Alright man, have a good one. Bye bye.
Charles:
You too, bye.