No, Your Age Isn't Stopping You From Dating

Over the hill? Past your prime? Nonsense! Your age (much like your height and hair status) isn't getting in the way of successful dating. In this episode we'll discuss how dating changes for men, as they get older--and hopefully wiser.

Transcript

Dan:

hey Charles good morning

Charles:

good morning dan how are you

Dan:

i'm well well what's gone well for you this week

Charles:

i had a little bit of a break through in my i was doing some calculating and some planning for the rest of my solo travel this year

Dan:

m

Charles:

i just i decided

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

a comp based on places i like

Dan:

m

Charles:

to go how easy it is to cheap it is to

Dan:

m

Charles:

travel

Dan:

m

Charles:

there and to get lodging there

Dan:

m m

Charles:

that is you know adequate

Dan:

oh

Charles:

again when i travel alone i like to stay at hostile super

Dan:

m

Charles:

cheap so i like cities that have really nice really clean hostiles and now that i've

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

also sort of cracked the code on this day passed at a co working facility i'm going to stick to cities i know have places like that so my four favorite

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

cities to visit are in no particular order new york where i just got back from so i guess that is particular because i just

Dan:

m

Charles:

went there

Dan:

m

Charles:

the other three are washington d c boston

Dan:

m

Charles:

and chicago those are my

Dan:

m

Charles:

my favorite towns to visit yeah i would say actually

Dan:

oh

Charles:

l a would be

Dan:

oh

Charles:

kind of close

Dan:

oh

Charles:

close fifth and maybe atlanta too but

Dan:

m

Charles:

there

Dan:

m

Charles:

l a is very spread out so the

Dan:

oh

Charles:

the walking around you gotta gotta take more obers there and because public transportation

Dan:

m

Charles:

l a is not public transportation

Dan:

m

Charles:

in d c or in new york it's it's a bit

Dan:

m

Charles:

of a rougher crowd at least it has been my experience

Dan:

m

Charles:

when you when you

Dan:

m

Charles:

hop on a bus in new york it's pretty

Dan:

m

Charles:

much just

Dan:

m

Charles:

a smaller version of the subway

Dan:

m

Charles:

where you get everybody from you know professionals

Dan:

oh

Charles:

to uh crazy people and everything in between where in l

Dan:

m

Charles:

a the their bus service is a little bit more like

Dan:

m

Charles:

orlando's bus service where it's

Dan:

m

Charles:

just

Dan:

hm

Charles:

people who can't get

Dan:

oh

Charles:

owning and maintinuing a car together they just can't make it work

Dan:

m

Charles:

so that's uh yeah so anyway those four

Dan:

m

Charles:

new york chicago

Dan:

m

Charles:

c and

Dan:

m

Charles:

boston are are my four favorites and i

Dan:

m m

Charles:

i'm going to try to visit one every quarter really

Dan:

m m

Charles:

at the beginning of every quarter so i did january

Dan:

m

Charles:

that means i'm

Dan:

hm

Charles:

going to do

Dan:

m

Charles:

april

Dan:

m

Charles:

july

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m

Charles:

october and now it's just a matter of me figuring out which

Dan:

m

Charles:

one i wanted to do first april probably

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

do d c because april is kind of spring time in d c where

Dan:

oh

Charles:

april and chicago could still be you know you don't know what you're going to get april chicago

Dan:

m

Charles:

because still

Dan:

hm

Charles:

it could still be blizzard so yeah that's

Dan:

hm

Charles:

my plan i'm going to

Dan:

m

Charles:

probably sometime today

Dan:

m

Charles:

see if i can get a good deal on traveling to d c

Dan:

m

Charles:

in april and book

Dan:

m

Charles:

two or three nights up there

Dan:

that's exciting that's great

Charles:

yeah yeah i'm happy about it i love looking i love being able to put trips on the on the countdown app on my phone and look

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

forward to him

Dan:

yeah that definitely would motivate me for sure

Charles:

what about you what's what's gone well for you

Dan:

so i had an accidental epiphany or minor epiphany over the weekend

Charles:

oh

Dan:

when

Charles:

yeah you mentioned that to me and don't know if i followed

Dan:

cool

Charles:

up with you to talk to you about it

Dan:

that was actually a different one that was during podfast

Charles:

you had multiple

Dan:

of

Charles:

epiphanes

Dan:

i had multiple yes

Charles:

good no hole men

Dan:

but

Charles:

are capable of that

Dan:

i know i feel lucky am i am blessed i am blessed so the we'll talk about the podcast one off off line here

Charles:

okay

Dan:

but the one that i'm happy to share is i just realized something about myself where i wanted

Charles:

yeah

Dan:

to corporate a little more hard of ascular exercise in my routine i really enjoy lifting i tend to just do that more often than not it's just something

Charles:

sure

Dan:

that i've just come to enjoy and not that i really hate cardio stuff there's certain things that i don't like as much and i definitely don't like it as much as lifting but i remember you now doing the way better challenge for

Charles:

yeah

Dan:

a five k challenge where over six weeks it builds you up to actually being able to run a five at the end of it if you've really not run before and one of the tings i really apprecia and we talked about this briefly was that it's not a straight incline of of more and more and more more miles that you're running every single time

Charles:

right

Dan:

it varies so you might do point five mile one day you might do one mile the next day then you might go back down to point five miles and then you'll go up to one point five miles nd then each week kind of progresses that way four runs a week and the reason why enjoyed it was i that was one reason another reason is it got me outside i was able to get a little fresh air but i felt obligated to do it it wasn't expensive but i had thirty dollars on the line that if you don't complete all of these and check in with your tracker on all these runs you

Charles:

right

Dan:

lose that money and i was like well you know what i want to run more i tried running and adding these runs into a normal schedule for where i'm lifting a few days running a few days and i just wasn't running i wasn't doing it so i just

Charles:

right

Dan:

decided you know what i'm going to go back

Charles:

ah

Dan:

and realize was it was this the way better ap and putting money on the line and following that schedule and being able to check in and even getting that little celebration at the end of it saying hey great job you you

Charles:

right

Dan:

accomplished your run today and i wouldn't have done four runs last week if i wasn't as part of this challenge saturday after our last day of podcast it's wonderful but it's also draining and so i

Charles:

yeah

Dan:

was exhausted i was heading i was heading over to my girl friends place and i was like well you know what normally i would just go and crash but i needed to get that last two mile run in on i'm proud of myself i went to the gym i got it done and i definitely wouldn't have if i didn't have had made this commitment and had these other benefits from it so my epiphany really was that i need to i need to really find ways to incentivize myself to do the things that that i don't really enjoy that much but the way better is a great way of helping me increase the amount of cardio that i'm doing and really as i'm getting older i realized i need to do a little bit more card vascular exercise so uh yeah it was just an easy way of doing it so so that was that was a little bit of my my wake up call over the

Charles:

oh

Dan:

weekend so i'm happy about that

Charles:

yeah we we talked about that a little bit of podcast

Dan:

yah

Charles:

about how these fitness challenging appsum

Dan:

h

Charles:

just putting

Dan:

m

Charles:

some money on the line

Dan:

m

Charles:

and they you know i'm sure

Dan:

oh

Charles:

the amounts that they chose for what it cost to start one was no coincidence

Dan:

m oh

Charles:

they probably did a lot of research

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

based on who their target market was how much disposable

Dan:

oh

Charles:

income they have and how much they have to charge for somebody to feel like okay i okay if i don't if i don't win if i'm not able

Dan:

m

Charles:

to complete it it's not going to bankrupt me but it is enough money

Dan:

my

Charles:

to make me care about it so that i'll

Dan:

m

Charles:

work hard to keep it going and i had the same

Dan:

m

Charles:

experience yesterday you know i'm fight this

Dan:

m

Charles:

head cold that i picked up at podcast

Dan:

m

Charles:

but because

Dan:

oh

Charles:

i'm in this step that challenge and we talked to

Dan:

ah

Charles:

how it

Dan:

oh

Charles:

know impacts the tiny habits method you know it both it both bumps up the motivation and i'm getting alert

Dan:

m

Charles:

on my phone and on my on my apple watch that say okay you've only got a few hours

Dan:

oh

Charles:

left in the day and you still need two thousand more steps you better get moving

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

and both the prompt and the motivation side

Dan:

m

Charles:

are definitely affected by by joining

Dan:

m

Charles:

up with these so again we're not we're not making any money off of them

Dan:

m

Charles:

yet

Dan:

oh

Charles:

but ah i do recommend both the way better app as well as step at which i believe his

Dan:

yah

Charles:

own by way better so you can you

Dan:

m

Charles:

can go either way and

Dan:

m

Charles:

i did not knew my way better annual membership so i'm just doing the

Dan:

m

Charles:

step that challenges that don't

Dan:

m

Charles:

require you to be a member

Dan:

m hm

Charles:

and so

Dan:

m

Charles:

i think you make it a little

Dan:

m

Charles:

like when you're when you join a member race

Dan:

oh

Charles:

they don't take

Dan:

m

Charles:

a cut of the prize money and so when you do win you can get a little bit more money

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

back when you're in a

Dan:

oh

Charles:

member race than when you're in a non member race

Dan:

m

Charles:

but

Dan:

m

Charles:

you know all i'm looking for is

Dan:

m

Charles:

you know even even if i got half the money back if i want i'd probably still do it

Dan:

m

Charles:

because it still is enough

Dan:

m

Charles:

of an incentive to um you know to push you to okay i gotta gotta get up and do this because i don't want to be i don't lose and so with my

Dan:

m

Charles:

current one you know it sets my

Dan:

m

Charles:

steps

Dan:

hm

Charles:

at

Dan:

m

Charles:

something in line with what i've been doing for

Dan:

oh

Charles:

the past number of weeks or months or whatever and then i have two act two power days and four

Dan:

m

Charles:

active days and one day that i can just take off from that day

Dan:

m

Charles:

was saturday after the end of podfast

Dan:

m

Charles:

i had gotten my goal every other

Dan:

oh

Charles:

day of the week and so on saturday i only had i think forty five hundred or forty six hundred steps and when i got home and i was feeling like i had a cold coming on i was

Dan:

m

Charles:

like that's it this is my

Dan:

m

Charles:

this is my day that i'm gonna i'm goin

Dan:

m

Charles:

to waste and i'll figure out somehow to get up on sunday and

Dan:

m

Charles:

get

Dan:

m

Charles:

it done no matter what and so

Dan:

hm

Charles:

i went over

Dan:

m

Charles:

to our nicest

Dan:

m

Charles:

shopping mall in orlando the malt millennia

Dan:

m m

Charles:

and i just did a couple of laps i did one lap all around

Dan:

m

Charles:

the bottom floor one lap all around the top floor

Dan:

m

Charles:

and then i had a couple of h stops

Dan:

m

Charles:

on the way there in the way back do little grocery shopping and stuff like that and by

Dan:

m

Charles:

by the end by the time i got back i was at

Dan:

m

Charles:

my ten thousand so that's

Dan:

m

Charles:

what i needed for

Dan:

perfect

Charles:

my power goal and

Dan:

perfect

Charles:

yeah it feels good

Dan:

m

Charles:

to be like okay that that forty bucks

Dan:

m

Charles:

is still a possibility and for me i'm just starting week five

Dan:

m

Charles:

and it's a six week challenge so

Dan:

m

Charles:

uh next sunday not the one coming

Dan:

m

Charles:

up but the one after that will be the

Dan:

m

Charles:

end of it hopefully

Dan:

m

Charles:

i'll be able to whip this cold

Dan:

m

Charles:

into shape enough that

Dan:

m

Charles:

i can get my steps hopefully with

Dan:

m ah

Charles:

girl friends schedule

Dan:

m

Charles:

i'll be able to squeeze in

Dan:

m

Charles:

a disney day with

Dan:

m

Charles:

her because that's that's a

Dan:

m

Charles:

that's a gimme when it comes

Dan:

m

Charles:

to an active goal day or a power

Dan:

m

Charles:

goal day

Dan:

m

Charles:

it's just yeah once once i set foot on disney property i'm getting two thousand

Dan:

m

Charles:

steps

Dan:

m

Charles:

no matter what

Dan:

so just out of curiosity when when you hit that ten thousand steps and you saw that you hit that ten thousand steps

Charles:

uh uh

Dan:

what went through your mind

Charles:

i was glad that i decided to do it even though i was not comfortable from the the walk so much as and i noticed this when i was when i was at malt millennia

Dan:

m

Charles:

um

Dan:

h

Charles:

you know

Dan:

m

Charles:

one of the things that we talked about

Dan:

oh

Charles:

from an advice perspective

Dan:

oh

Charles:

earlier on in atomic attraction was the importance of being able a hold eye contact with people

Dan:

m

Charles:

and so i tried that when i was at the mall

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

as i was

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

walking around trying to

Dan:

m

Charles:

meet hold people's

Dan:

m

Charles:

gaze

Dan:

m

Charles:

but it is so much harder when you have to breathe out of your mouth

Dan:

m

Charles:

that you know because

Dan:

m

Charles:

i was congested and my nose was

Dan:

m

Charles:

all

Dan:

oh

Charles:

clogged

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

up and so i'm walking around and i'm only breathing out of my mouth not my mouth and

Dan:

m

Charles:

nose or not just my nose

Dan:

m

Charles:

because usually i like to walk

Dan:

m

Charles:

with my mouth clothes not just hanging around you know my mouth hanging open like i there's something wrong with me

Dan:

m

Charles:

but yes so

Dan:

oh

Charles:

i my fact i was walking

Dan:

m

Charles:

around with a gaping mouth definitely

Dan:

m

Charles:

hit my confidence at a level where

Dan:

m

Charles:

i did not feel like looking people in the eye as much as i would

Dan:

oh

Charles:

have otherwise and but i did feel good that i accomplished

Dan:

m

Charles:

it i felt

Dan:

hm

Charles:

good that you know it's ten thousand steps is not earth shattering by any means but you know when you're busy when it's your last day when you feel like you have to

Dan:

m

Charles:

do it and you in your fight ahead cold yeah i felt it felt good to

Dan:

m

Charles:

say all right i decided to get

Dan:

m

Charles:

out here and do this anyway even though i would definitely have rather lay on my bed and watch you tube videos

Dan:

so i'm searching for as if you couldn't tell what your natural celebration

Charles:

oh

Dan:

is so did you say something to yourself internally did you did you pump your fist did you

Charles:

i snap my fingers

Dan:

yes

Charles:

that's that's my easy

Dan:

okay

Charles:

go to is just a finger snap

Dan:

m

Charles:

like when i realize that i've done something that i didn't really feel like doing

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

but i did it any way i just give myself one of those

Dan:

great that's fantastic that's

Charles:

yeah

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

that's

Dan:

i

Charles:

that's

Dan:

mean

Charles:

that's my that's my go to celebration for

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

stuff is just one one snap you could

Dan:

that's perfect

Charles:

you could even do that in public without looking too weird

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

people

Dan:

absolutely

Charles:

think he just remembered something

Dan:

right that's great hey whatever you know that's it's important remember those things and kind of start making like a little mental list of of what those are because as i do my habits and push myself and get more uncomfortable doing them at the

Charles:

yeah

Dan:

end that's where you want to wrap up those those good feelings and so

Charles:

right

Dan:

getting having a nice long list of those celebrations that you can whip out and do a little little bit longer do a few more snaps or whatever else you can pile on there to really just kind of pat yourself on the back and say nice job you know and feel proud about that that's that's what you want what you want to shoot for

Charles:

yeah the thing i'm trying to keep

Dan:

i

Charles:

in mind is something you and i talked about i think yesterday of the day before from the huberman podcast which

Dan:

m

Charles:

is to realize that you should

Dan:

m

Charles:

you should celebrate the effort more than you should celebrate the

Dan:

m

Charles:

meeting the goal or certainly

Dan:

m

Charles:

more than you should celebrate some abstract

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

reward you've set up for yourself in the distant future

Dan:

oh

Charles:

so honestly if i even got to the point yesterday

Dan:

hm

Charles:

where i drove all

Dan:

a

Charles:

the way to the mall which

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

you know because of orlando traffic and stuff

Dan:

m

Charles:

that's about a thirty five minute drive if i

Dan:

m

Charles:

drove to them all and i walked around one store and i was like

Dan:

m

Charles:

screw this i feel terrible and i got in the car and drove home i would feel not quite as good as getting the ten thousand

Dan:

m

Charles:

steps but i would feel almost as good because i

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

put myself through a hustle and if i put myself through

Dan:

m

Charles:

that hustle my body was still like we we can't do this you're you're fighting off something you need to

Dan:

m

Charles:

you need to

Dan:

m

Charles:

you know drink a bunch of water and lay in bed

Dan:

oh

Charles:

that i still would have felt pretty good tried but it wasn't that bad so i was able to i was able to finish

Dan:

good

Charles:

it

Dan:

yeah good ah one of the keys you know b j talks about with the tiny habits method is actually working towards an hubermanhat said this too is is working towards feeling good while year doing that

Charles:

right

Dan:

that habit or that thing

Charles:

celebrate

Dan:

that's good for you

Charles:

celebrate the effort not the

Dan:

oh

Charles:

not the end

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

not the end result absolutely

Dan:

absolutelyyep

Charles:

because uh yeah that makes

Dan:

oh

Charles:

and hooper man gets into more of the neuro scientific reasons why that's

Dan:

m

Charles:

a good idea and how it affects dopameat and stuff like that

Dan:

oh

Charles:

and yeah if you focus on enjoying the effort um then you

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

get you get that dope mean

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

trickle the whole time that you're doing it instead of just

Dan:

m

Charles:

the dopamean rush at the end when you you know are eating the ice

Dan:

m

Charles:

cream sunday that you bought yourself

Dan:

m

Charles:

because you

Dan:

oh

Charles:

you know finished your first ten c or whatever it is because the other thing is when

Dan:

m

Charles:

you put off your brains reward to the very

Dan:

m

Charles:

end of the process where you you know get yourself

Dan:

oh

Charles:

that not a reward

Dan:

m

Charles:

but a incentive

Dan:

m

Charles:

you know at the very end like you buy yourself the ice cream sunday because you re in the ten k that actually makes

Dan:

m

Charles:

your practices and the time you're running the ten more miserable on you and seem like it's taking longer

Dan:

m

Charles:

than it needs to

Dan:

oh

Charles:

because you focus your dopamendump just on the

Dan:

you're

Charles:

on

Dan:

anticipating

Charles:

the end reward yes

Dan:

you're anticipating the whole time right yeah and that's i think a lot of people talk about different people runners high and some people get addicted to exercise well

Charles:

yeah

Dan:

it's beauethy'eatually enjoying so their reward is doing the exercise it is triggered they've wired their brain to release the dopamine all those good feelings while they're doing that activity that's why sometimes for us certain things are when it comes to exercise especially we just naturally do them a lot more because we

Charles:

yeah

Dan:

know how good that feels versus having to concho we put some effort into feeling good when we're doing new things because new things require more energy and we don't want to expend energy so doing anything new but what's interesting once you are conscious about it you you really focus on feeling good and celebrating while you're doing it

Charles:

no

Dan:

and afterwards it happens so quickly when it comes

Charles:

yeah

Dan:

so for running i mean you know after one week of doing it i'm actually looking forward doing it again this week and i've only been doing it for you know for a few days so it's be patient with yourself and realize it's not going to be miserable for very long

Charles:

yeah that's

Dan:

you're starting something new

Charles:

again that's another boy we have so many good talks

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

off line i wish we were recording all the time sometimes you know i i recently

Dan:

but

Charles:

sort of doubled down on my no sugar no grain diet and

Dan:

hm

Charles:

the thing is to what makes all of these changes so much easier is the faster you can identify yourself as a person that

Dan:

oh

Charles:

does fill in the blank like i'm a person that just doesn't eat much sugar

Dan:

m

Charles:

i'm a person that doesn't eat and i'm a person that runs every day

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

you don't have to string

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

together six months of

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

doing that thing perfectly every day before you can take that identity on you can take

Dan:

right

Charles:

that identity on right now you can just decide okay i'm a person that just doesn't eat

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

sugar and you know that when i've kind of set up sunday to be my sort of

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

cheat day where i can

Dan:

oh

Charles:

not go completely crazy off the rails

Dan:

m

Charles:

but i can have a little something that

Dan:

m

Charles:

i won't let myself have

Dan:

m

Charles:

the rest of the week and yesterday

Dan:

m

Charles:

i thought of a few things

Dan:

m

Charles:

like oh i could have this i could have that i could have the other thing

Dan:

m

Charles:

what i ended up getting for my cheat day

Dan:

m

Charles:

was at wawa they sell

Dan:

m

Charles:

single like little one

Dan:

m

Charles:

counts of

Dan:

oh

Charles:

chocolate covered cherries where right under the cash register you can

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

can just get one chocolate covered cherry

Dan:

m

Charles:

and as i was looking around their store for

Dan:

oh

Charles:

horrible snacks and treats i had the thought

Dan:

m

Charles:

of i'm somebody that just doesn't eat much sugar so i got that one little

Dan:

m

Charles:

chocolate covered

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

cherry and that was that was my cheat day yesterday which was which felt

Dan:

that's

Charles:

very

Dan:

fantastic

Charles:

boring and anti climactic but that's what i went with yesterday

Dan:

but feel good about that and that's that's a identity shift and you know they you know we covered tiny habits but there's other habit books out there on

Charles:

yeah

Dan:

mick habits and

Charles:

oh

Dan:

by james clear and i actually read that one first but you know he talks about you know basically casting a vote for the identity that you are assuming in every action that we take er don't take casts a vote for who we basically are creating for ourselves and so you know by by choosing to only have that chocolate cherry you cast a vote for somebody doesn't eat a lot of sugar

Charles:

right

Dan:

and and that's the nice thing is every time you think now you fall off the wagon and maybe you know you go out you

Charles:

yeah

Dan:

have a now you have a pizza and ice cream whatever one night by accident you know by accident

Charles:

right right oh

Dan:

okay look you cast a vote for somebody who who you know eats that stuff but but you can kind of make up for that by going the very next meal saying what vote

Charles:

right

Dan:

am i gonna as for myself right from the very next meal from the very next action organ in action and get right back on it

Charles:

absolutely i think so many of us

Dan:

oh

Charles:

lose so much

Dan:

ah

Charles:

time that we could spend working toward our goals because we have to wait till monday to start over we have to wait till the first of the month to start over we have to wait till new year's day to start

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

over where

Dan:

m

Charles:

you know when it comes to trying to eat better i mean literally everything

Dan:

m

Charles:

every choice what you put in your mouth you don't have to go

Dan:

m

Charles:

off the rails and say oh i screwed up and deal with a bunch of guilt that that slows you down and gets in your way

Dan:

oh

Charles:

the very next time you have to have a drink of water

Dan:

m

Charles:

a sip of cal f or a bite of a snack to keep you going

Dan:

m

Charles:

until your next meal you can make

Dan:

m

Charles:

a better choice than than the one that you

Dan:

m

Charles:

didn't make

Dan:

m

Charles:

that you feel bad about

Dan:

yeah something actually heard for the first time this morning was um you know not doing a habit is the same thing it's basically we have we have habits that we do and we have abits that we don't do basically

Charles:

oh

Dan:

if you want to start going to the gym right now you are in the habit of not going to the gym so

Charles:

that's

Dan:

to

Charles:

true

Dan:

start that habit you need to not only you got to break the habit of not going to the gym but then you need to start an additional habit of going to the gym right

Charles:

interesting

Dan:

so

Charles:

yeah

Dan:

right and i never thought about it that way so cast the vote so every time you decide i'm not going to the jimmy casting a vote for somebody who doesn't go to the gym

Charles:

yeah that's a good that's that's an interesting way to put it and it really

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

yeah helps solidify the fact that we all were creatures of momentum and so you know we have to take steps

Dan:

m

Charles:

yuyouryou're

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

going you're going in some direction no matter what you do even if even if you're just laying in bed watching t v

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

that is putting you on a path towards something

Dan:

and a lot of times that's

Charles:

yeah

Dan:

an auto pilot a lot

Charles:

right

Dan:

we don't realize you know our habits and that the habits that we are doing which is not going to gym that is that is a habit and it is on autopilot and it takes some effort to kind of wake up and break that habit so behind yourself the motto here is behind yourself and be aware that this is you know by by going to the gym even if it's just putting on your sneakers instead of sitting on the couch and not going to the gym and casting a vote for somebody ho doen't go to the gym just by putting on your sneakers and walking to the front door and doing that that starter step that is worth a little bit more just just doing that piece there right you are then breaking the cycle and you are voting for the identity of somebody who you know who goes the gym

Charles:

yeah and there's you know almost

Dan:

oh

Charles:

almost no one is

Dan:

ah

Charles:

in such a rough shape i mean

Dan:

oh

Charles:

obviously there are some people you know dealing with really severe illnesses and things like that but even for somebody who

Dan:

oh

Charles:

eels completely out of shape and completely like i'm too far

Dan:

m

Charles:

gone i'll ever get back there's

Dan:

m

Charles:

a big difference between sitting up and watching t v and

Dan:

m

Charles:

laying down and watching t v and and that that could be the starting

Dan:

m

Charles:

point for

Dan:

oh

Charles:

some p that you know want to get there their habits

Dan:

m

Charles:

changed or get there get their body a little bit more feeling like you

Dan:

m

Charles:

know the they're comfortable and feeling healthy i mean you

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

can you can start with very very small changes like that

Dan:

ah

Charles:

where yeah just literal from laying down watching t v to sitting up watching t v

Dan:

and that's because it gives you a feeling of success and that is what has been shown scientifically at least by dr fog it's it's not the level of success that you have but it's how frequent you feel

Charles:

right

Dan:

that those successful feelings that will actually lead to more and more changes

Charles:

oh

Dan:

in the direction that you want

Charles:

yeah and

Dan:

oh

Charles:

feeling successful builds

Dan:

oh

Charles:

confidence and building confidence s what dan attraction

Dan:

that's right perfect segu

Charles:

thank you so let's talk about age and attraction from

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

atomic habits this this chapter opens up with the quote men are like wine some turned to vinegar but the best improved with

Dan:

m

Charles:

age from pope adam the twenty third

Dan:

m hm

Charles:

and if anybody knows how to get women

Dan:

it's

Charles:

it's

Dan:

the

Charles:

a

Dan:

pope

Charles:

it's

Dan:

oh

Charles:

the pope

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

of the catholic church absolutely

Dan:

hundred

Charles:

so

Dan:

percent

Charles:

let's let's take what he has to say

Dan:

yeah oh

Charles:

all right so

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

like your height

Dan:

oh

Charles:

like your hair status like your

Dan:

oh

Charles:

eye color like

Dan:

m

Charles:

the size

Dan:

your pens

Charles:

of let's

Dan:

size

Charles:

yeah that there are certain things that are going to be beyond your control and the fact that you woke up today a day older than you were yesterday is definitely one of those it's going to be beyond your control there's nothing you can do about that and what you can do something about is you can decide what that means for you how it makes you feel and the way that it impacts your relationships with other people there are certainly men with the assumption that as get older your looks your virility your physical appearance physical

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

appearance are all going to take a turn for the worst fortunately you need not look very far to find men that have had the opposite life experience

Dan:

m

Charles:

i i am certainly in better shape and bet looking

Dan:

oh

Charles:

now that i was even ten years ago and uh wow when i think about ten years ago i was kind of on the fence but when i think twenty years ago i am definitely better looking in better

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

shape than i was twenty years ago

Dan:

that's fantastic

Charles:

and yeah and that is a that is not a

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

rare story when it comes

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

to men getting older i mean when when you look at year to year the men that are considered to be the most attractive celebrities they seem to be you know every year they can i mean the the are it goes up

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

and down but some pretty attractive men are getting on that you know people magazine sexiest man alive

Dan:

okay

Charles:

list than than they used

Dan:

m

Charles:

to i mean jan conry got it while he was quite old and because he's on connery but yeah and he has you know a lot

Dan:

m

Charles:

of the things that guys would say are strikes against them he was he was he was old and he was bald and still you know more women named him as the sexiest man

Dan:

m

Charles:

than anybody else

Dan:

oh

Charles:

not not very long ago

Dan:

that's

Charles:

probably

Dan:

not nothing

Charles:

couple of decades ago but still he was he was well past his prime james bond years and he was still the guy that women

Dan:

m m

Charles:

looked up to that way all right so

Dan:

m

Charles:

while it's true that women are often considered to be in their physical prime in their twenties

Dan:

m

Charles:

which is a mix of probably societal standards as well as you know the biology of reproduction a man is considered most attractive between the ages of twenty five and forty

Dan:

m

Charles:

uh and again you can it's not hard to find examples of that number being quite a bit higher than forty we we could look at i mean tom crews start in

Dan:

m

Charles:

the second top gun movie

Dan:

m

Charles:

what thirty years after the first one

Dan:

we

Charles:

and

Dan:

oh

Charles:

still was as if not

Dan:

m

Charles:

more attractive in the second movie than he was in the first one

Dan:

all right so i'm gonna i'm going to call i'm going to call it here and say well look that's because you know tom cruse and son conry are rich and famous in the n on t and and have power and wield influence and that's why women find them attractive

Charles:

okay i will i will

Dan:

got nothing

Charles:

debate

Dan:

odo with

Charles:

with

Dan:

their age

Charles:

i will debate with you and say

Dan:

kay

Charles:

that in conori's case it is

Dan:

kay

Charles:

probably a big

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

part of it is his identification with

Dan:

oh

Charles:

james bond you know people look at the character and they ascribe many of his attractive trades to shnconery which

Dan:

hm

Charles:

i'm sure most guys that play james bond get some it from that with cruise however

Dan:

m

Charles:

i would argue i mean again in cruises you know depending on who you believe somewhere between five four

Dan:

m

Charles:

and five eight with him it goes right into

Dan:

ah

Charles:

another thing that i want to point out from the text of this chapter

Dan:

m

Charles:

i believe his avoidance of alcohol and cigarette smoking

Dan:

m

Charles:

and junk food plays a huge role in why he looked so good at

Dan:

oh

Charles:

at his age and i think

Dan:

h

Charles:

when you when you look at a lot of the

Dan:

m

Charles:

male celebrities that are in such good shape you know there could be other pharmasutical benefits that they're enjoying such as human growth hormonatestostr on

Dan:

sure

Charles:

but

Dan:

m

Charles:

yeah staying away from

Dan:

m

Charles:

drinking to excess and smoking

Dan:

oh

Charles:

cigarettes and eating a ton of junk food will also go

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

a long way to help you out and here's the other thing

Dan:

m

Charles:

let's say you're

Dan:

m

Charles:

right let's say it is about being

Dan:

m

Charles:

a celebrity it is about status when you're out there

Dan:

m

Charles:

in the world meeting women you're probably

Dan:

m

Charles:

not competing with jan connery and tom cruse

Dan:

m

Charles:

you're probably competing

Dan:

m oh

Charles:

with other guys that are in your own friend group or social circle

Dan:

m

Charles:

and what does it take to have more power

Dan:

oh

Charles:

and celebrity than tom cresorshan connery it takes a whole lot and you're probably never going o achieve that

Dan:

yep

Charles:

but what does it take to be among the most powerful

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

and the most known in your friend group

Dan:

oh

Charles:

that is probably well within your capabilities to develop

Dan:

m m

Charles:

just by practicing a little bit

Dan:

m

Charles:

more of the things that are associated

Dan:

m

Charles:

with version and and

Dan:

m

Charles:

having being a good story teller i mean there's a lot of things you

Dan:

m

Charles:

can do the way you dress there's

Dan:

m

Charles:

lot of tings

Dan:

so

Charles:

you

Dan:

these

Charles:

can do in

Dan:

these

Charles:

your

Dan:

are these

Charles:

your

Dan:

are

Charles:

social

Dan:

things that

Charles:

circle

Dan:

are not not related to physical

Charles:

correct

Dan:

attributes right or

Charles:

correct

Dan:

necessarily status right

Charles:

correct although they can be related to your status again

Dan:

m

Charles:

in your social circle and in your friend

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

group i mean you know what's

Dan:

i was

Charles:

his

Dan:

i

Charles:

name

Dan:

was referring to celebrity status like

Charles:

right

Dan:

you know where that's a different level of status here i feel like there's wo different things

Charles:

yeah

Dan:

almost

Charles:

yeah we we have

Dan:

you

Charles:

a

Dan:

know

Charles:

local

Dan:

m

Charles:

celebrity in orlando

Dan:

oh

Charles:

that you could run into frequently in downtown orlando

Dan:

oh

Charles:

john morgan who owns the nation's

Dan:

oh

Charles:

largest personal injury law firm and

Dan:

oh

Charles:

fairly frequently if you if you frequent

Dan:

h

Charles:

the bars

Dan:

m

Charles:

and downtown orlando

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

you may run in to john morgan and there may be you know some

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

women that are attracted to him based on i believe he's married

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

i don't know what that means exactly for

Dan:

oh

Charles:

for him and his relationships but there could be some women who attracted him because

Dan:

yah

Charles:

he's rich and famous

Dan:

m

Charles:

and known

Dan:

he's on bill he's on bill boards down here quite a bit

Charles:

he's on bill boards i believe

Dan:

uh

Charles:

all over the country because i think they have offices all over the country now

Dan:

oh

Charles:

yeah

Dan:

wow

Charles:

they're they're the nation's

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

largest personal

Dan:

m

Charles:

injury firm

Dan:

i did not know this

Charles:

start

Dan:

i

Charles:

started

Dan:

figured

Charles:

right here

Dan:

it

Charles:

in

Dan:

was

Charles:

orlando

Dan:

florida i

Charles:

no

Dan:

figured

Charles:

it's

Dan:

a florid i didn't realize

Charles:

it's pretty

Dan:

it was

Charles:

big

Dan:

nation wide wow

Charles:

but that said you know i would have no fear in go in head to head with john

Dan:

m

Charles:

morgan to attract a woman i was interested in

Dan:

m

Charles:

because i'm sure he's rich and powerful and interesting and carismatic and i've got a lot of those two and i know how to leverage

Dan:

oh

Charles:

my strength and so yeah i don't feel like there's i don't

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

feel like i have to compete with celebrities and even if i do i don't

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

know that they're going to win every time

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

so i mean all i said i've got a girl friend that i'm with and i'm very happy but

Dan:

m

Charles:

you know just to make the point

Dan:

m

Charles:

i don't

Dan:

m

Charles:

i don't worry about competition from other men because

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

when i'm feeling good and and i'm prepared to go out and make an impact in my social circle

Dan:

oh

Charles:

i feel like i can hang with just about anybody

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

and i think having that attitude is probably what makes it true

Dan:

okay so let's take john morgan out of the equation here and let's

Charles:

yeah

Dan:

say you're going ahead to head with a guy who's like ten years younger than you are

Charles:

okay

Dan:

you know and based on this chapter

Charles:

a

Dan:

oh what what you would you take away here in terms of where you actually have an advantage

Charles:

i mean certainly i've got some life experience i've

Dan:

hm

Charles:

you there's a good chance

Dan:

m

Charles:

that i've spent more time in my career there's a good chance i've spent more time

Dan:

m

Charles:

in

Dan:

oh

Charles:

figuring out the things i enjoy you know the kinds of the kinds of travel the kinds of books i like to read i know myself more probably than

Dan:

m

Charles:

he does and so i think

Dan:

m m

Charles:

that allows me to

Dan:

m m

Charles:

evaluate a

Dan:

m

Charles:

potential mate at a level that

Dan:

m

Charles:

he does not and so you know look if if

Dan:

my

Charles:

i feel like i'm in competition

Dan:

yah

Charles:

with another guy for the attention

Dan:

h

Charles:

of a particular girl

Dan:

oh

Charles:

then i'm going to be real sure that that's the kind of girl

Dan:

m

Charles:

that i should be spending my time with that we have

Dan:

oh

Charles:

you know similar value similar

Dan:

m

Charles:

interest similar thing other things in common where

Dan:

oh my

Charles:

yeah

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

it's hard for me to imagine getting myself

Dan:

m

Charles:

into a

Dan:

m

Charles:

a strict

Dan:

oh

Charles:

competition for a woman's attention i just

Dan:

yep

Charles:

i'm choosing with who who i want

Dan:

m

Charles:

the attention from and usual it's it's somebody that i have nothing common with that we share things

Dan:

m

Charles:

that she's not going to

Dan:

m

Charles:

you know find with the average guy again and look i i have never been the guy i'm not going out to

Dan:

oh

Charles:

bars trying to pick up girls that's just not who i am or who i've ever been

Dan:

oh

Charles:

and so being in that sort of one to one competition although i did do some speed dating which i real didn't enjoy

Dan:

ah

Charles:

and that kind of is a competitive scenario but again if you're if you don't look at it that

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

way if you don't look at oh i've got to put my best foot forward so i can get the most numbers or pick up the most

Dan:

yes

Charles:

girls

Dan:

okay

Charles:

no i'm interviewing

Dan:

oh

Charles:

women to find out why they're not the right person to spend time with

Dan:

m

Charles:

and

Dan:

m

Charles:

with that mind set you're

Dan:

m m hm

Charles:

you're not going to feel like you're in a desperate competition with

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

other guys you're just in a competition with yourself

Dan:

yeah and you know a thing here that kind of rings true here is that it all kind of comes down to confidence and so if you know old

Charles:

oh

Dan:

is messing with your confidence that's that's gonna that's going to translate and women don't care quite as much and actually a lot of them it's a lot more common to find younger women dating older men i think that's that seems to happen

Charles:

yeah

Dan:

quite a bit more than necesarily the other way around and a lot of that is because you know women aren't you know looking just at the physical side of things when it comes to men right they're looking at that wisdom that experience something they can learn from something that they can feel that they could be made to feel a little bit more secure because this guy has the wisdom the experience has the life experience has gone through things has dealt with things and is still here and is able to handle things right so a lot of those interactions the confidence comes across when you are laid back and you're not quite as necessarily up tight and

Charles:

yeah

Dan:

stuffy right you can

Charles:

right

Dan:

actually relax and have fun and and you know keep things fairly light hearted rather than you know being serious and concerned worried that they don't they don't want to bring that into your life and i wouldn't want to bring that you know i wouldn't want to date the same thing for a woman who is who is fearful and constantly know how full of anxiety or insecure about those things so a lot of what helps me think about hey you know what what would i want in somebody and kind of reverse put my you know go walk in their shoes a little bit and go okay what kind of you know person would i want to be with how would they make me feel how would they present themselves and once you kind of do that i feel it's not rocket science to figure out what kind of person you want to be and then you really kind of take age out of the equation for the most part

Charles:

yes and no i agree with most of what you said and there's no one thing i can point

Dan:

m

Charles:

to and say that's not true but you know what

Dan:

m

Charles:

what

Dan:

oh

Charles:

time does for men and women as well

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

as it does i

Dan:

m

Charles:

would say the equality and attractiveness of men does seem to diverge like on a road you know a path with two roads the older you get

Dan:

m

Charles:

it's like either

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

you've made choices and are continuing to make choices that

Dan:

m

Charles:

are taking down the road of being more attractive or you

Dan:

m

Charles:

made choices and continued to make choices that will make you

Dan:

m

Charles:

less

Dan:

oh

Charles:

attractive so while men

Dan:

oh

Charles:

you know can be at

Dan:

oh

Charles:

their most attractive in their forties or fifties that does depend

Dan:

m

Charles:

on what kind of choices they made both in their twenties and thirties and they're continuing to make

Dan:

a

Charles:

today

Dan:

correct

Charles:

where you know if if you've been just you know beating

Dan:

m

Charles:

up your body treating it like an amusement park putting you know every

Dan:

m ye

Charles:

every substance that

Dan:

m

Charles:

you can hand

Dan:

m

Charles:

that you can find

Dan:

hm

Charles:

into

Dan:

m

Charles:

your body to have a short term

Dan:

oh

Charles:

high or a short term you know enjoyment you

Dan:

m

Charles:

know burning out those

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

those dopamean processes

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

than that

Dan:

m

Charles:

could having an impact on your on your body

Dan:

m

Charles:

that makes it another

Dan:

m

Charles:

thing that a woman would have to look past to see your other attractive

Dan:

yhmshore

Charles:

trades so you know if if you've got a lot of lines on

Dan:

ye

Charles:

you face from smoking you spent a lot of time

Dan:

oh

Charles:

you know in the harsh sun without you know sun

Dan:

oh

Charles:

screen or moisturizers and

Dan:

oh

Charles:

and you're carrying you know the extra weight

Dan:

m

Charles:

and things that

Dan:

m

Charles:

you can still attract high quality of women but that it's

Dan:

m

Charles:

one more thing that you that you need to

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

overcome or that they'll need to overcome to

Dan:

m

Charles:

find you attractive and so you can turn a lot of those things around today

Dan:

oh

Charles:

i mean we all we all know stories of people who have been long term smokers

Dan:

m

Charles:

and they quit and they you know within a year they look unrecognizable because

Dan:

m

Charles:

you know they just their body's healthier and it

Dan:

ah

Charles:

translates to everything so i would say that

Dan:

m

Charles:

uh yeah you can

Dan:

m

Charles:

you can use getting older as an excuse

Dan:

m

Charles:

to just let your body go and fall off the rails or you can use in it as an excuse to say okay you

Dan:

m

Charles:

know

Dan:

m

Charles:

if i want to stay looking healthy and spry

Dan:

m

Charles:

and fit i'm

Dan:

yes

Charles:

going to have to work harder at it but it's worth putting in the effort

Dan:

ye

Charles:

because you know again women women don't value

Dan:

oh

Charles:

physical attractiveness quite to the same level as men typically do

Dan:

m m

Charles:

but you know why

Dan:

m

Charles:

why throw road blocks up in their way that's going to make it harder

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

for them to see the most

Dan:

oh

Charles:

active things about you because you've let your body go

Dan:

right and i think that the point of this chapter an a lot of these other chapters when it comes to things that we can't change such as our age is that one we need to kind of put in perspective

Charles:

ah

Dan:

and realize the amount of meaning we're giving it is really dependent on us and that we may perhaps we're putting too much importance on the fact that what whatever our age s and when we can do that then maybe we can also do things to minimize the impact that that

Charles:

uh

Dan:

factor has like your height you know other things as well and what are those things that we can do you can like you said we can take care of ourselves better and minimize the impact it has but by initially realizing maybe we're putting too much weight on this one this one factor

Charles:

sure

Dan:

that not all hope is lost that it

Charles:

oh

Dan:

is where

Charles:

yeah

Dan:

it is worth making a better choice when it comes to you know how you how you treat your body and so you know i feel like it's a little bit of a motivator to say okay you know we we can we can work with this

Charles:

yeah and

Dan:

don't

Charles:

i'm sure i'm sure i will bring up this example later on in some other chapters where it's

Dan:

oh

Charles:

a little bit more pertinent but look i've lived the last

Dan:

m

Charles:

five years of my life in nineteen foot travel trailer and for a lot of guys who don't understand how attraction works

Dan:

m m

Charles:

they would say

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

you know well how could you possibly get any interest

Dan:

oh

Charles:

in girls at all i mean you're you're essentially

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

homeless living in our v parks and

Dan:

m m

Charles:

when i get to tell the story of why i

Dan:

m

Charles:

have decided on this life of minimalism and this life of uncomplicated residency where i could pick up and leave and go

Dan:

oh

Charles:

where i want to went want to and limit myself to owning fewer possessions i mean i find that just by honestly telling the story of how i got here that turns what

Dan:

m

Charles:

most guys

Dan:

ye

Charles:

would look at as a weakness in a lack in a in a road block to attraction it makes me more attractive because i have

Dan:

m

Charles:

an interesting story and i have a purpose

Dan:

oh

Charles:

and i have something that's driving the decii ans i make and again in my experience that seems

Dan:

oh

Charles:

to be something that women find attractive

Dan:

my

Charles:

and it

Dan:

m

Charles:

it works in my favor not

Dan:

m

Charles:

against me and i think you can you can turn any weakness into a strength based on the story that you tell yourself about it maybe not any

Dan:

h

Charles:

okay

Dan:

my

Charles:

i'll take that back if you know if you're if you're on your fifth d u i and you have

Dan:

right

Charles:

to ober everywhere because you don't have a driver's license

Dan:

oh

Charles:

and you've got a horrible cocaine addiction and you've got a bunch of kids that you never see your talk to i'm not saying you can spin those into a weakness or those weaknesses into a strength that's that's a little little different

Dan:

m

Charles:

but the your preferences

Dan:

m

Charles:

and your age and your

Dan:

oh

Charles:

hair style i mean anything that you feel up

Dan:

oh

Charles:

tight about you can figure out a way

Dan:

m

Charles:

to make that a unique selling point and and doing so in an honest way not

Dan:

m

Charles:

doing so in a sales b kind of way

Dan:

yeah yeah

Charles:

all right so let's talk a little bit

Dan:

m

Charles:

more about ating younger women

Dan:

okay

Charles:

so what's your experience with the dating gales that are younger than you dan

Dan:

i have dated a couple of girls that have been younger than i have most of my dating is experience are anywhere no

Charles:

oh

Dan:

longer term relationships anywhere from you know two to three years usually so the biggest gap i think was maybe eleven years and i did another girl who is about nine years younger than i was and there you know there were some differences in terms of the things that we were interested in for sure that probably played into why it didn't work out in the end but i have and in those relationships kind of what the author said is our best dates where when things were like fun and light hearted and not

Charles:

sure

Dan:

quite as as serious about things so that's that's kind of extensive of dating younger ladies

Charles:

yeah i was

Dan:

m

Charles:

i married

Dan:

ye oh

Charles:

my first wife was five and a half six years younger than me um m and i've

Dan:

oh

Charles:

dated mostly younger women that same that same range or more

Dan:

but

Charles:

my current girl friend is welve years

Dan:

m

Charles:

younger than i am i believe like twelve twelve and a half and

Dan:

m

Charles:

i noticed that it has so much more to

Dan:

oh

Charles:

do with interests and values

Dan:

ah

Charles:

and

Dan:

m

Charles:

and and the stages that you're in in your life i mean i think one of the reasons that i date women that are younger than me is because i don't have kids and so typically dating women

Dan:

m

Charles:

who don't have kids and women who

Dan:

m

Charles:

don't have kids

Dan:

oh

Charles:

and are available to day are typically younger women so i think that's probably a factor and you know there's things about youthful women in both attitude and appearance that i find attractive which you know doesn't make me special or unique by any means that's that's fairly common but i would say that ye never never have i hesitated to date a girl because i thought she's too young for me this will be weird bla bla i mean obviously i'm not attracted to very very i don't think i would find myself

Dan:

m

Charles:

in a relationship with a girl who was in her you know early twenties or maybe even

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

at this point mid twenties i just don't know that we would have as much in comment enough shared life experience things like that

Dan:

right

Charles:

but yeah i

Dan:

m

Charles:

i don't think that my age is a factor

Dan:

my

Charles:

because again

Dan:

m

Charles:

it's it's just the way things work in our society women are more likely to date

Dan:

m

Charles:

older men than men are likely to date older women so there doesn't seem to be uch

Dan:

m

Charles:

of a of a taboo or

Dan:

m

Charles:

a stigma around at all um and the things that younger women find attractive are masculine traits typically like leadership confidence decisiveness but what many guys will do and i don't know if i've if i could say i've done this as well but what what you have to look out for when you date a younger woman is what you attract her with is what you attract her to we did talk about this

Dan:

oh

Charles:

a little bit in more general terms of you know if you're a guy who's out there doing fun and exciting things all the time and traveling by yourself and going hiking or rock climbing or mountain biking and then you get yourself a girl friend

Dan:

m

Charles:

who thinks all those things are really cool and then you spend

Dan:

m

Charles:

all your time sitting on her couch couch watching t v instead and you give up all the things that you found funds so that you could spend time with her

Dan:

m

Charles:

then that's going to be a detractor for her just like dating an attractive young woman and then constantly being worried

Dan:

m

Charles:

that

Dan:

m

Charles:

other guys are going to be hitting on her and going after her and you know you might lose her to a younger guy

Dan:

m

Charles:

or guy you know who's as old as you but has more money status

Dan:

m

Charles:

than you you know once

Dan:

m

Charles:

you put yourself in that position where now all of a sudden you're you're worried about losing her

Dan:

m

Charles:

that's going to translate into

Dan:

yah

Charles:

the way you behave around her and also make you less attractive

Dan:

hm

Charles:

so knock it off if

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

if you're you know dating young attractive women

Dan:

oh

Charles:

can be a double edged sword for guys because that thing that you value

Dan:

m

Charles:

so much about them the thing that makes them so attractive to you can

Dan:

oh

Charles:

be the thing that causes you to put them on a

Dan:

oh

Charles:

pedestal and it generates a bunch of anxiety in yourself that you know makes you a lot less fun to be round because you're constantly worried that okay the same things that i like about are all these other guys like me

Dan:

m

Charles:

and younger are going to like about her too and now i got to worry about

Dan:

m

Charles:

guys hitting on r in blah blah blah you know so

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

i you can't let that go then you may need to look at dating

Dan:

m

Charles:

women that you are not quite

Dan:

m

Charles:

as enamored by their their physical age and beauty as as you might desire

Dan:

m m okay that's

Charles:

because there

Dan:

fair

Charles:

is something to

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

there is something to be said to having a partner that you're more comfortable and you can relax around so it's it's a matter of either finding the right partner or just get cool with you know these these things that could come along with dad younger attractive women and learn to be okay with it it

Dan:

yep

Charles:

seems to be

Dan:

yep

Charles:

because living in a

Dan:

m

Charles:

constant tantie anxiety of who am i still good enough if i still attractive enough if she's gonna leave me for somebody better

Dan:

m

Charles:

that's

Dan:

m

Charles:

that's no

Dan:

hm

Charles:

way to be in a relationship for you or for her that's going to make both

Dan:

m

Charles:

of you miserable

Dan:

for sure yep oh

Charles:

all

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

right anything else to

Dan:

yeah

Charles:

cover on agin and dating dan

Dan:

i don't have anything at this time

Charles:

mean either so if we think anything will bring

Dan:

m oh

Charles:

it up in the next episode but otherwise

Dan:

m

Charles:

we will let you guys go for now and we will see you again in the next one on

Dan:

okay

Charles:

a seductive voice

Dan:

sounds

Charles:

which

Dan:

good sir

Charles:

uh yeah well we'll get into that nice and deep so to speak

Dan:

well said

Charles:

all right talk to you later dan

Dan:

all right by byeƒ