75 Too Hard?

In this episode, Charles gives an honest post-mortem of his experience with the 75 Hard Challenge. He shares the struggles, lessons, and realizations he encountered while attempting this demanding self-improvement program. Charles opens up about his decision to step back from the challenge, citing the difficulty in staying motivated and the aspects that ultimately proved unmanageable, like the rigid water intake requirements. He also discusses the importance of honesty, especially in acknowledging personal failures, and why embracing setbacks can be a valuable part of growth.

Key Discussion Points:

• 75 Hard Challenge Overview: Charles and Dan break down the requirements of the 75 Hard Challenge, including the two daily workouts, strict diet, and gallon-a-day water requirement.
• Water Intake Challenges: Why consuming a gallon of water daily was the deal-breaker for Charles and how it disrupted his routine.
• Honesty in Self-Improvement: The significance of being truthful about failures and avoiding the temptation to lie to oneself or others.
• Lessons Learned: Insights into embracing a growth mindset, learning from setbacks, and adapting goals.
• Experimentation in Fitness and Diet: Charles shares his ongoing fitness and dietary adjustments post-challenge, emphasizing a flexible and sustainable approach to wellness.

Takeaways:

1. Honesty and Accountability Matter: Admitting failure can lead to more respect and self-growth than pretending everything is perfect.
2. Tailor Self-Improvement Plans: Personalize your goals and requirements to align with what resonates with you, rather than rigidly following someone else’s plan.
3. Failures as Content: Turning setbacks into learning experiences and sharing them openly can be empowering and relatable for others.
4. Importance of Self-Motivation: Ensure that your "why" is strong enough to keep you going, especially when the tasks become difficult.

Quotes from the Episode:

• "I'm a machine that turns failure into content—we're literally doing it right now."
• "If you're not convinced that you're doing something good for a good reason, just don't bother tricking yourself into thinking that you're going to comply."

Call to Action: Listen to the full episode for a candid discussion on the realities of pushing oneself beyond limits and how to approach self-improvement with authenticity. Don’t forget to check out our website mindfullymasculine.com for more episodes and insights.

Tags: #75HardChallenge #SelfImprovement #PersonalGrowth #MindfullyMasculine #FitnessJourney #Wellness #MentalToughness

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction
• 10:52 Resilience in Overcoming Setbacks
• 22:11 Finding Motivation Through Clear Goals
• 35:07 Honesty and Accountability in Self-Improvement
• 47:25 Personal Goals and Accountability
• 51:09 Healthy Eating and Sleep Habits

Transcript

Charles: 0:00

Welcome to the Mindfully Masculine Podcast. This is Charles. Okay, this episode is my 75 hard challenge, post-mortem. As you'll hear, it didn't work out for me, meaning it was too hard, so I gave up, and I will get into the specific details of which parts I was unable to keep doing or was too difficult or really a mix of both. So listen up and we will also do an episode on the summation of Dan's 75 hard experience. We'll probably release that next week.

Charles: 0:35

This one was recorded right before Hurricane Helene hit Florida, which turned out to be mostly a non-event for Dan and I. We were too heavily impacted. I didn't even lose power at the campground where my RV was parked, but I stayed at Dan's house anyway, just for safety reasons. But we'll get into that story. Hurricane Milton was a whole other kettle of fish, as they say. Enjoy the episode, Check out our website, mindfullymasculinecom, and thanks for listening. Good morning Charles. How are you? Good morning Dan. I'm okay. I'm getting ready to move my camper this weekend right after a hurricane, so that's a little stressful. We'll see how it goes. I'm sure it'll be fine, if not inconvenient for a day or two. I may not have power. We'll see.

Dan: 1:24

Okay, if you need a place, you're always welcome here.

Charles: 1:28

I know I appreciate that We've done that hurricane dance at your place before. I would do it again if I needed to, but we'll see. I'm sure it'll be all right. I survived without my air conditioning earlier this summer when it was broken and that kind of prepared me for the misery. But I don't know, we might not lose power. We'll see, It'll be interesting.

Dan: 1:50

All right, yeah, fingers crossed man.

Charles: 1:52

All right. So I let's see what. What day would today be If, dot, dot, dot, let's see? Today would be day 31 of the 75 hard challenge. Wow. So today would be day 31 of the 75 hard challenge. Wow, if I did not fail it already. And I wanted to talk to you a little bit about my experience. What day are you on? I'm on 59. Wow, so you're starting to see the home stretch.

Dan: 2:19

Yeah, I think once I hit the 60s that's really where. Yeah, but I've run into some, some issues myself that I I'll get into after you, after you share okay sure, yeah, yeah, there's a few ways.

Charles: 2:33

I and I think people will get some value out of hearing the story of both a loser and a winner.

Charles: 2:39

Nobody's won just yet, right, yeah, but I don't have to be real yeah, that's, but I see my I was the dark horse going into this thing in the first place, I would say, because I tried it before and the same goal did me in the first time as did me in this time, which is the water consumption. And I first will start about why I think that was my problem and you can respond to this based on your experience.

Dan: 3:08

Should we do a quick overview of the requirements for everybody who's not familiar with 75?

Charles: 3:12

hard, yeah. So if you haven't heard us talk about this before, with the 75 hard challenge, every day for 75 days, you do two 45 minute workouts, one of which has to be outdoors. You take a progress picture every day. You read 10 pages of nonfiction slash self-improvement material on a physical book or an e-reader Listening to Audible for 10 minutes doesn't count. You drink a gallon of water per day. You adopt some sort of a diet and stick to it, and you don't get to have any cheat meals or any alcohol.

Charles: 3:47

So that said, the realization I came to, which I think you and I have talked about before, actually, the last time we recorded a podcast at your house, that was the night that I failed where I was at After my men's group meeting. I got a hotel room over in Orlando and I was sitting in the room with a half gallon of water that I still had to drink at 1030 at night and I was like you know what I'm done? I'm not doing this anymore. And that was on day. I guess that was a week ago. So day 24, 25.

Dan: 4:18

Yeah.

Charles: 4:20

And here's what I've gathered and you can tell me if this rings true for you based on your experience. If you ever sign on to somebody else's self-improvement plan and you don't have total buy-in of all the aspects of it, then what's going to happen is the part of it that you find the most difficult and value the least is going to be what gets you, every single time, a hundred percent. And so that's where I was at. I liked the idea of completing this challenge. I liked the idea of saying hey, I finished this thing that's so hard to finish.

Charles: 4:54

But just the ego boost that I anticipated from being able to say that did not compare in pleasantness to the unpleasantness that I felt of drinking and peeing a gallon of water every single day. And again, I wasn't convinced. Listen, you tell me hey, charles, you should probably be drinking more water. Yes, you're a hundred percent right, I should probably be drinking more water. You have to drink a gallon of water a day. Because I said so. That is not a, that's not a recipe for me, for my compliance or my adherence, and so, even going into it, I was like I'll do this because it's part of it, but I think it's stupid and I don't want to.

Dan: 5:34

Yeah.

Charles: 5:35

And when the I don't want to, the thing you feel I don't want is about gets more and more inconvenient and more and more difficult to make happen, it's just the voice in your head that says why are you even doing this? It's just going to get louder and louder.

Dan: 5:49

Yeah, listen, man, I think there's two things here. One, it's not that I don't want to, it's the. I think it's stupid, I think that is the issue there. That's true, because there's a lot of things that I don't't want to do, but you've got that. Why that? Hey, yeah, I see some value in it, and when you were talking to me about it, like I could tell, not only did you think it was stupid, like you resented this guy for even suggesting doing this, and I was like uh-oh yeah, I had this gut feeling.

Charles: 6:20

I was like this is good Listening to Frazella's podcast when he specifically about the water. It was yeah, you should probably be drinking more water, okay, yeah, but the one gallon requirement just seemed like in round number that was easy to communicate to people. Yeah, and also the. And you should do it because it's hard. And, like I told you, waking up every morning and stepping on a rake in my front yard is also hard, because it's hard and, like I told you, waking up every morning and stepping on a rake in my front yard is also hard, but that's not enough reason for me to do it. And it was never got sold on it. And, yeah, I just every time I'm waking up at two 30 in the morning to go pee, I'm resenting the idea more and more until I finally was like I'm not doing this. So the water did me it.

Charles: 7:04

Now, and the rule is if you fail one thing one day, you're done. You start over from scratch, and I certainly buy into that. I'm I am not about to try to pretend like I'm someone who pulled this off and succeeded at it just because I. That was one thought that I had. Oh, it's just one day. I'll just start up tomorrow and drink all the water, and I'll tell you a little bit about my thought process for that. But I have stuck to the other parts of the plan because either they're easy or I see value in them, and that's the thing. Like reading 10 pages a day, no problem. Yeah, I feel like I get a more valuable experience out of an audible book and just going for a walk and listening to something. But I also don't hate sitting down with a good book before bed and reading a few pages. So I'm still doing it.

Charles: 7:48

But yeah, and the and the working out twice a day my main motivation for even considering doing this I wasn't looking to develop my mental toughness, I'm looking to get in better shape, and so the two workouts a day is a definite good way to do that. I'm putting a lot of steps on the board and I'm getting in the gym and lifting heavy things and I'm enjoying both of those things and I feel better for both of those things. So I'm going to keep doing them until what was going to be my end date of November 9th. I may do it even beyond that because it's working for me. But yeah, so it's just man that, oh God, even thinking back about all that water.

Charles: 8:26

It's I have. I have decided to. I drank my last diet soda a few days ago and I have not gone to the store and re-upped on it. So I am just sticking to my big four, which is water, black coffee, energy drinks and protein shakes, and that's all I'm drinking. I'm certainly not drinking a gallon of total volume by any means, but I'm trying to up the water and stay away from really between all four of those things, I would think you'd be close I maybe start tracking it I you'd be surprised, man, I think I bet you you're pretty close I don't know damn.

Charles: 9:00

My feet are really yellow compared to what it was when I was on the, when I was doing the challenge every day.

Dan: 9:05

If you're taking a multivitamin, it can be yellow even if you're really hydrated, so keep that in mind.

Charles: 9:09

No, multivitamins are also on my list of things I should do. That I'm not doing, but maybe I'll start, but anyway. So here's what I wanted to say, some of the things I thought about in the aftermath of my failure. On Wednesday night it did occur to me of, yes, okay, you missed today, but just pick up tomorrow and nobody will know. I didn't entertain that thought long, but when it popped into my head I said, okay, this might be interesting, let's go down this rabbit hole and see what this would look like. And so let's say, yeah, I decided to get back on the water the next day, and next time we hung out, next time we talked about it, I just pretended like I didn't miss a day and you certainly wouldn't know.

Charles: 9:51

Nobody would know, but I would still be in the same pickle. I was in dealing with the water fatigue every day and hating it and thinking it was stupid and all that. So I was like, ok, I'm not going to do that. Then what if you just decided to keep going with the challenge, but just give yourself just check off that water box every day, when you don't even really try to do it?

Dan: 10:12

You couldn't do that Okay.

Charles: 10:13

But then who exactly am I lying to? That was my question. Am I lying to the listeners of the podcast? Okay, Then how does that work? I decide I'm going to lie on the podcast, but I tell Dan the truth. And then Dan has to be my fellow liar when we do the podcast and now I've brought him into it as well. Okay, I can lie to Dan too. Then I have to tell my girlfriend hey, next time we hang out with Dan and his girlfriend, don't say anything about my 75 hard challenge, because I gave up on. You've not. You've seen me not walking around with my giant thing of water, and you know that I'm not doing it anymore. But Dan doesn't know. So you've got to be a liar too. And it's just.

Charles: 10:52

I started going through all those things that it would take to save myself from this trinket of shame or embarrassment. It's okay. Do I want to wake up six months from now and be that guy that is telling everybody hey, not only am I a liar, which, by all means, file that away, for when it comes to something important down the road that you are upset about or unsure, if you should trust me about, then you can go back to. He lied so easily about this. I wonder what else he can lie about.

Charles: 11:21

Yeah, I didn't really go through that exercise, for how can I make this work? I just had the immediate thing of oh what if I just start up tomorrow? And then I discounted that but I said, okay, for somebody who does decide that they don't want to live with the shame or the embarrassment or whatever, how would this look for them? And I just imagine having all those people that you're lying to in your life and you're also still trying to accomplish something very hard, which is get into the best shape of your life as a 46-year-old man. So you're still going to have to watch what you eat, You're still going to have to go to the gym twice a day. You're still having to do all these things.

Dan: 12:01

And then you've also got this emotional weight sitting on you of and I can't let anybody find out who I really am or what I'm really like did the opposite and were somewhat courageous at this point to say, yeah, you know what I messed up and I or I, just I, I, it wasn't for me. And that for most of us, or a lot of people, is the most difficult thing to do is to basically admit when you're not perfect, admit when there's something that went astray. So you took what could have been initially an avoidance of shame and you turned it into actually showing integrity and showing people who you actually are, versus laying this complicated web of covering things up and then eventually it's going to come out in some form or another anyway, or people will suspect it in some form or another in some way, and to me that's much more damaging to your self-respect than the path you took.

Charles: 13:28

Yeah, and I tried to look at this as an experiment, like we've talked about from so many of the books and things. If you can look at your own life whether it's personal improvement or relationships or your career try to look at your life from outside of your life, as a scientist would look at it and evaluate how things are going as a habit scientist or a behavior scientist or a career coach or whatever and just don't be so tied up in your identity and your outcomes. Like they're the same thing. And yeah, it's taken. I'm swollen a little bit of. I got a little egg on my face because I talked about doing this thing with people. It's not much, though, and it doesn't hurt that bad, and it's certainly having somebody catch me trying to get away with something would be so much worse than this exactly, but right, yeah, or turning myself into the kind of person and listen, here's the thing too.

Charles: 14:24

The reason we lie as a species is because we're afraid of what will happen to us If other people know the truth. And one of the easy ways to talk yourself out of telling lies to people is to believe and tell yourself okay, no, nobody is going to. Everybody has tried to do something and not gotten it right and nobody is going to judge me like okay, you tried to drink 75 gallons of water over 75 days and you couldn't do it Big deal.

Dan: 14:58

No, but you drank what 20-plus gallons I did and I resent every single one of them. Yeah Listen, you gained more respect in my eyes by saying I couldn't do it, because that's the thing that's really uncomfortable, that all of us try to avoid. But you were like you saw the value of actually admitting what happened and saying I'm strong enough to handle that and make adjustments and I'm still okay with that. I'm not pretending to be something. I'm not, and that is for so many people. So you like, literally you took an opportunity of you, took something that you failed at and you turned it into a way to garner at least in my eyes and probably other people like more respect, because you're not scared to admit that you couldn't do it and yeah, at the very least I and that to me, shows strength, that shows strength to me.

Charles: 15:53

I'm a machine that turns failure into content literally we're doing it right now.

Charles: 15:58

Right, yeah, I'm trying to. Yeah, and again, look, I'm trying to eat at. I'm eating at a. I'm on a eating plan. I hesitate to call it a diet. I'm on an eating plan to lose some fat. That is safe but challenging, and I would describe it as brisk. I'm eating around a 750, 800 calorie deficit every day, which is it's on the high side. It's not crash diet size, but it's big, it's a big deficit. Oh yeah, it's not crash diet size, but it's big, it's a big deficit. Oh yeah, and I can't.

Charles: 16:26

It is day 31 of I haven't had anything with added sugar no candy, no cakes, no pies, none of that stuff in 31 days. And since I started eating solid food, I've never gone 31 days without sweets. So this is the first time I've ever done that, and that's a nice way to edge some extra calories right out of the diet, because it's ridiculous how much the sweets that I would pick up at the gas station or at the Starbucks, just how many grams of sugar and how many calories those little treats have, and so I'm going to maintain that. Even I pretty much decided so my original end date was going to be November 9th. I think I'm going to maintain that. Even I pretty much decided so. My original end date was going to be November 9th. I think I'm going to wait till my birthday on November 20th to have a piece of birthday cake cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory, which is one of my favorites. It will probably make me sick, so I won't eat the whole thing, at least not in one sitting, but I'm going to try to wait until my birthday to get back on any kind of. I am having other sugar in the form of fruits and vegetables and things like that, but nothing where sugar is a cooking ingredient as part of the dish.

Charles: 17:37

The other thing I wanted to talk about was what happens now. I feel like your ability to bounce back from a setback, whether it's with your diet, your exercise plan, whatever you're trying to accomplish. That's difficult, man. Whatever you can do to mitigate the shame, the disappointment, the guilt as fast as you can, is going to directly determine how soon you can jump back on the horse again, and that was one of the things that one of the many YouTube people influencers that I watched their their workout and their diet nutrition videos like for sustained, long-term weight loss.

Charles: 18:22

One of the biggest factors is okay if you have a meal or you have a treat that you know does not comply with your plan and you're like, oh, I wish I didn't do that. How long do you take to get back on the plan? Do you get back on the plan the next meal, the next day, the next week, the next January 1st, because it's oh, I blew my New Year's resolution. I'll try again next year, next January 1st because it's oh, I blew my new year's resolution, I'll try again next year. And he said the people who are most successful with losing weight and keeping the weight off are the ones who the very next meal they look at as an opportunity to start over.

Dan: 18:55

Yeah, and I bet there's a direct correlation with how bad they feel about themselves versus, like, how resilient you are, because, as we've learned, it's very difficult to do anything. That is difficult when you don't feel good about yourself, when you're not happy, when all those that mental state, your body is in protect mode at that point. So to do anything new requires energy. You're not going to exert it to get back up on that horse. If you're beating yourself up about it mentally, it's going to be very difficult for you to do. So.

Dan: 19:29

I think, going into that program like you did, where you have that experimenter mindset, it already sets your intention and your brain to go hey look, you know what. This is not who I am. These are not habits, this is a routine that I am going through. I am experimenting. These are not habits. This is a routine that I am going through. I am experimenting with this and even though you have no intentions of failing at it or not completing it, somewhere in the back of your mind you had planted that seed and that will. I think it's better that it was planted there, even if it's not top of mind, than if it was never planted there.

Dan: 20:03

So then, when you are when you do. If you do need to then go back and start over again, you've got that to help give you that foundation to say all right, look, I'm going to keep going here. I'm going to make this little tweak, which is exactly what it sounds like you did. Okay, I'm not going to pay the water thing. I couldn't stand it. I don't understand. I don't understand. It's just not doing it for me, but it doesn't mean that all these other things don't have value. And then I'm not benefiting from all these other things and I want to keep doing these other things, which are all really great for you.

Charles: 20:35

Yeah and yeah, the thing that kind of jumped out at me was and I thought of this in terms of the way people think about food and diet specifically Because, listen, like I said, I'm trying to get in very good shape and unfortunately that is mostly a function of what goes on in my kitchen, in my crock pot, my air fryer, my microwave, and the levels that people are invested in their food choices, specifically, where, ideally, you eat something that is not, does not adhere to your program, and you can say, okay, I made a suboptimal choice compared to I made I ate a bad food, like looking at food in terms of what's good and what's bad, and then, even worse than that is, I did something wrong of I I cheated on my diet, I failed my diet. And even worse than that is I did something wrong of I cheated on my diet, I failed my diet. And even worse than that is, I am something wrong.

Charles: 21:32

There's something wrong with me that I can't eat the foods that I should be eating. I can't control myself, I'm a bad person, whatever, and it's like each of those levels just gets worse and worse and makes success harder and harder and not even really success, just adherence. It makes adherence harder and harder because you're spending so much of this valuable energy in your brain having all these negative emotions about yourself and trying to talk down to yourself but then comfort yourself, and then talking down to yourself and then using food to comfort yourself, and it's just. There's just a whole storm that can go off by identifying so closely with whatever you're putting in your mouth.

Dan: 22:11

Yeah, one of the things I learned from James Clear in Atomic Habits was the concept of simply, what are you voting for? Right? This behavior, this action that I took or I'm about to take, is that going to bring me closer to my goal or is it going to bring me further away from my goal? And so he looks at it as voting. So by doing this, you're casting a vote in one direction or the other, and I like that because it takes you out of the behavior in terms of your identity, whether you're a bad person, whether this is a bad thing or a good thing, and it's just. Is it bringing you closer or further away from your goal? And to me that goes okay. Look, even if you decide to go through with it and it takes you further away, to me it's oh, wait a minute. I just voted to have that ice cream sundae. I'm now eager to go the opposite direction, right? I'm now eager to vote consistently in a different direction every single time, and that frame of mind really helped me once I heard it from him.

Charles: 23:16

Yeah, I like that too. And then, yeah, because you're always an individual who's walking through time and space and no one's ever truly completely stationary right. You're always. Every decision you make, everything you do on a daily basis is moving you towards some things and away from other things, and just trying to calibrate where you want to go and where you're actually moving is a good exercise to see if you're making progress or not. Let's talk about the lessons that are available for us to pick up from this. Number one is, I would say, it's okay to stretch yourself, to do things that are uncomfortable or even unpleasant, but, man, if you're not convinced that you're doing something good for a good reason, just don't bother tricking yourself into thinking that you're going to comply.

Dan: 24:08

So would you say that's basically a prerequisite, a requirement to start, which is doing that seven levels deep exercise that we talked about. Before you even start, go through and make sure that why is clear, Otherwise don't even bother, because when times get tough you're not going to stay compliant.

Charles: 24:31

Yeah, and I mean you and I did that exercise that seven levels deep on the day that I gave up on this.

Dan: 24:39

Yeah, I feel like, yeah, maybe that was what convinced you. You're like what? My why isn't strong enough for this crap.

Charles: 24:45

Yeah, I mean it really Maybe that's what did it. Oh God, I had no why. When it came to drinking the water, I mean there was just yeah. There was nothing that was compelling me to comply with that requirement and the yeah. But you have to do this one thing if you want to get credit for the whole thing. And get credit from who, Like that doesn't matter enough to me. Yeah, too, I don't meet a lot of people that the first thing on their resume is I finished 75 hard most people haven't even heard of it when I talk about it.

Charles: 25:13

Exactly, yeah, most. Yeah. If we never brought it up on the podcast, I'm sure there's hundreds of people who would never have heard of it until you and I started talking about it. I'm certainly not worried about them not giving me the credit for completing this challenge, which, again, it just it doesn't move the needle for me, and especially, what does move the needle for me is all out drinking and pee it, but it moves in the wrong direction.

Charles: 25:36

So yeah yeah, if so, if anybody, if any coach, if any therapist, if any anybody gives you a program to try to fix something in your life and there's any aspects of it that you not only is. It's not only. I don't understand why you think it's important, because I do believe it's appropriate to say sometimes okay, the reason I'm paying this person or the reason I'm listening to this person is because they get stuff that I don't get. But that's not the relationship that I had with Andy Frisella, the guy that invented 75 hard. I was just one of the many people that he broadcast this challenge to and I, from what I have listened to him, I don't know that he would be capable of giving me a convincing argument why drinking this water would be important enough to me to get me to comply.

Dan: 26:26

Yeah, just like we talk about with mantras, where people say you should be saying this mantra over and over again, like I am healthy, I am rich or whatever, and it just it really it doesn't ring true because you don't feel it in your bones.

Dan: 26:41

Right, there's one thing to say it and even believe it mentally, but if you don't feel it in your bones, you don't feel it in your bones, right, there's one thing to say it and even believe it mentally, but if you don't feel it in your bones, you don't feel it emotionally throughout your body, that you actually believe it.

Dan: 26:53

I think that then don't even bother, because it's not, you're not going to, it's not going to do anything for you. And I think the same thing applies here is if you, like you just described for you didn't feel like it was valuable or necessary or appropriate for you, or it didn't ring true for you, the other things you saw value in and that's the difference maker. And so I think that whole exercise of going through and identifying, keep going and asking why, seven times, until you get to that emotion level. Then you decide okay, and that's okay. Like not every program and not every plan is going to that emotion level. Then you decide okay, and that's okay, like not every program and not every plan is going to be for you, but better to find out at the beginning then and then make an adjustment and figure out something that will work and work on that.

Charles: 27:37

You know I was thinking about what, what a version of that would look like, that I and again, I don't want to minimize. It was also very hard for me and that's another reason I didn't want to do it. It wasn't just that I like if it was super easy, but I didn't understand why it was required. I'd probably just keep doing it, but it was that I didn't understand, that I didn't believe that it was necessary. And it was also really hard, really harder than the two workouts.

Dan: 28:03

Yeah, no, we talked about tiny habits than the two workouts. Yeah, no, we talked about it with the tiny habits. They talk about that graph where the more difficult something is and the more motivation you actually need. And if you don't have motivation, it's gotta be super easy if you're gonna keep doing it right. If it's hard and you're not motivated, then yeah, you really need to have that strong. Why that? Actually that motivation?

Charles: 28:26

I'm wondering that's where the 10 pages a day fits in. It's yeah. I think this is dumb. I think this is silly. I think I get as much out of audible books as I do reading physical books. But it's so easy. It's so easy. Who cares?

Dan: 28:37

And it sounds like it sounds like enjoyable for you too.

Charles: 28:40

Yeah, a little bit for the most part, no bit for the most part. No, I would say no I. If you told me, okay, charles, you got to do 245 minute workouts a day and then you have to do a separate one hour walk where all you do is listen to a non-fiction book, I'd be like, fine, I'm in no problem. I would rather walk around and listen to a book for an hour than read the 10 pages, because I just one is a thing I find I'm passionate about and I really enjoy. Going for a walk and listening to an audio book is one of my favorite things to do. But the 10 pages is still easy enough that I just did it. Because I am doing it still, because it's just that easy.

Charles: 29:17

Where with the water, it was hard. So what I was thinking is okay, what's the version of this water consumption horse crap that I would actually do? If it was just log your water every day, I'd still be in it. If it was just make a record of how much water you're drinking, without trying to change it, then I'd be like, okay, I'm down for that. I don't find it super valuable, but it's also, I'm not. I'm not staying up all night peeing, and that was really the thing staying up all night peeing and having to. When I drive to your house, which is two and a half to three hours away, depending on traffic, I'm stopping four times to go to the bathroom. That's. That is a horrible use of my time.

Dan: 29:57

So here's another option or idea is maybe try to drink a gallon of fluid, and not necessarily just water try to drink a gallon of fluid, and not necessarily just water, so you have whatever you want coffee, soda, energy drink, protein shake, whatever liquid you are putting into your body that counts towards that gallon. So it's just another variation that's yeah.

Charles: 30:18

Here's why I already bristle at that, though, because at least with the water I fill up my insulated gallon jug, and when it's empty, I'm done All of the record keeping that would be involved for cans of soda, cups of coffee, 12 ounce protein shakes and then water on top of it. It would put an amount of administrative overhead on me that, yeah, I could probably do that for 75 days, but maybe not man it might.

Dan: 30:47

So that that also mentioned. To mention that you said you were not really good about tracking your calories, which is one of the things that you said you were going to do on this diet plan.

Charles: 30:57

So I did. Now I did say I from the beginning I labeled that as a best effort. The the primary thing was no sugar, no added.

Charles: 31:05

And then I also said and I'm going to do a best effort job of tracking my mac okay, I didn't realize there's a best effort, but because I think I knew there would be some, because the worst part for that for me, if you're eating at a small mom and pop restaurant, there's almost no way that you can. If you're really good at nutrition like you have a degree from Rutgers or something then maybe you can look at a prepared plate that you get at a small mom and pop Mexican restaurant and have an idea of how many calories it is. I cannot do that in the slightest, so here's the thing right, it's not even you don't need a degree.

Charles: 31:41

No, I'm sure you're lifting a diet. Experience probably helps you with that more than you're actually being diabetic actually.

Dan: 31:47

so I've needed so since I was and here's the thing, right, it's become a habit, right? So it's easy for me. So I get it like it's a. It's a pain in the ass to have to do it, but I, if I don't count my carbs and protein at least, then that will potentially screw up the rest of my day, yeah, or at least the next few hours, because my blood sugar is all over the place and I can't think clearly, I can't function clearly. So I've had to do that since I was like a little kid and figure that out. So, that being said, I don't enjoy it, but it's easy, so I do it, and the benefit for me is a controlled blood sugar state. So for you, I could see it doesn't make a difference.

Charles: 32:26

Yeah, and it's really you know developing that skill. It's like yeah, a few weeks ago my girlfriend made this really good like Greek pasta dish with turkey sausage and stuff and I'm looking at it, thinking in a nice big bowl. I'm like this is probably somewhere between 500 and 3000 calories and I have no idea where, idea where we fit in.

Dan: 32:48

Yeah, my girlfriend made some amazing chili the other day but, like when it's all in a bowl, like that, I can't figure that out. I had to ask her and I got to be a pain how many cans of this beans did you put in? How much meat did you put in? How many cans of tomato paste did you put in? Like all of that stuff needed, like I needed to get an idea and even then I'm not. Sometimes I'm not even close.

Charles: 33:10

So, yeah, when it's homemade stuff, sometimes if you're not looking at everything, like when it's a big like casserole type of thing, that's rough, that's really yeah, and knowing that is why I made my calorie tracking a, I told myself it would be best effort because, yeah, if I'm going through Chick-fil-A and I'm getting something off the drive, I just look it up on their app and I say, okay, no problem, I just. Or with chronometer, the track, the tracking app that I use, most restaurants, fast food places, grocery store, like even Publix brand stuff is in there. So if it's from something, some major corporation that has to publish it, then my tracker's got it. When I'm eating at somebody's house, it's okay. I got no idea where I'm at with this. Yeah, even the stuff I cook for myself.

Dan: 33:52

I can figure that out because I know what the raw materials are, but yeah, so so I guess the question for you is is 75 hard ever something that you're going to want to do again, or have you come to the conclusion? Look, I don't believe enough in this one aspect of it, so I'm not going to attempt this. This just isn't for me.

Charles: 34:14

Yeah. So I would say I don't know what the equivalent illness to diabetes is that would require me to drink a gallon of water a day to stay alive. If I contract whatever that illness is and I'm already drinking a gallon of water a day so that I don't die, then maybe I'll give 75 hard another shot. Fair, it would have to be like there would have to be an external reason that drinking that much water became a either requirement or something I enjoy, which I see no chance of that happening for me to. It would have to. The motivation side of the graph is never going to get high enough for me to try 75 hard again. The only possibility is that the effort side of the graph gets so low that drinking that much water becomes an easy task for me, and then I may figure okay, I'm already doing most of the. It was like the alcohol part of 75 hard. It's tomorrow or the day after is a thousand days since my last drink. Wow, congratulations, yeah, and so thank you. So don't drink any alcohol and don't have a cheat meal. That was probably the easiest part of the whole thing for me because it was like, okay, boy, I could really go for a Snickers bar. Am I going to let one Snickers bar derail this program? No, that's not even close. So there was no real threat of that happening and I think the evidence for that is I've been off the program for seven days and I still haven't had a Snickers bar or any kind of snack. So it was easy enough for me.

Charles: 35:42

At this point, I like the idea of having something sweet. I, at this point, I like the idea of having something sweet, but it just it's. I don't feel any of the motivation to actually go to the. You and you should probably do things they want you to do, even if you're not convinced. But and maybe I'm rationalizing here this doesn't feel like that. This feels like I went into this knowing this is going to be difficult and knowing that I don't buy into the reasons for it, but I'm going to try to do it anyway.

Charles: 36:20

That was a mistake on my part. I should not have made the attempt and I'm not going to make the attempt again, knowing how much of an inconvenience this puts on me. I guess I'm trying to think of circumstances where, if I literally had a work from home job where I never left my house except to maybe go to the gym. Maybe I could have mitigated the difficulties of this, but you know what? The driving and the being out and about all the time and driving around the whole state of Florida on a three times a week basis, it's yeah, it just didn't, it didn't feel valuable enough to put up with the hassle and, yeah, maybe that could change, but I don't see it changing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dan: 37:05

I think, yeah, yeah, yeah, I think, yeah. I think one of the things that was definitely difficult for you was the environment that you're operating in was constantly changing, right. It wasn't consistent because you were in the car or at somebody else's place, or in a meeting, or at an office, or in your RV or in the studio, like a lot of different places, and you add that to what's already a difficult challenge in and of itself and you're not having much motivation to do all of the tasks yeah, and that's tough.

Charles: 37:38

and listen, I'm sure other people have accomplished this with decks that have been stacked even higher against them than mine was, but I'm sure they cared about it more and I'm sure that it mattered more to them. There's you can't escape that graph of the harder something is, the more you have to care about it, and the easier something is, the less you have to care about it to be able to adhere to it. So the other big lesson was don't lie about your failures. When you don't get done what you want to get done, just be honest about it. Whoever you shared the aspiration with you got to share the failure with them too. At least I think so.

Charles: 38:15

Because otherwise you're fomenting this sense of shame and this sense of I'm not good enough, I'm not strong enough, I'm not smart enough, I'm not whatever enough, and carrying that around over the long term is way harder on you and way worse for you than carrying around the hey, I tried this thing and it didn't work out.

Dan: 38:31

Yeah, listen, a hundred percent. The other issue that covering it up and lying about it to yourself, even if it's just to yourself is that you are now almost putting a ball and chain around your ankle for the next thing that you're about to try. So you're already starting in a worse position than you would and, if anything, if, in a weird way, hopefully, you start to feel a little sense of pride for actually having the balls to admit that it didn't work out for you, that to me, is a little bit of a boost and actually going to help you with the next effort of whatever program you're going to do. It also, I believe, it opens you up to really looking back and going okay, what could I have done better or differently? And then that in and of itself, sets you up for more more likely to be successful in the next endeavor of whatever that is that you're going to do, cause you, now you're going okay, you know what.

Dan: 39:35

This really didn't work for me and I'm okay with that. It didn't work for me, like, versus feeling bad about it, like I'm not a good person because it didn't work for me. No, so that's the thing is, this whole experimental thing is because we are all special snowflakes in some capacity because we need to have things that work for us specifically. They need to resonate with us. They have to work in our lives and in the way we operate, the way we think and what is important to us, and the closer we can get to that, the more we bring that into our thoughts and existence, the more likely we are going to be successful with doing anything that is a little bit challenging or difficult in the future.

Charles: 40:17

Yeah, and I do want to take just one second to say I appreciate the kind words. I also want to temper that with just being an honest person is a very low bar and I realize that it's difficult. I realize that we all struggle with being honest, especially about our failures and the things that we wanted to do that we couldn't do. But telling the truth is also the bare minimum it should be these days, because there's a lack of accountability.

Dan: 40:48

There's a lack of consequences when we aren't and when I say we, I'm talking about humans as a general population when we aren't honest, when we don't do the right things, there's almost no accountability. There's no getting kicked out of the tribe anymore for this right. There's very little consequences. So, yes, I agree with you, it should be a low bar. I just don't think it's that common anymore for people to do that.

Charles: 41:13

No, I agree, and it's my opinion. I know you're going to say that I think you're right. Yeah, you can look all the way to the top of. I was going to say certainly one, but probably both major political parties in our country. No, I'm going to. I'm not going to both sides as well.

Charles: 41:29

There's one in particular where president Trump seems to have made the conclusion that it's better and easier for me to just lie about everything all the time than ever say, yeah, I tried to do this, but I didn't make it happen. My bad, I'll learn better and try to do it better next time. He just he can't do it Like it is more comfortable for him and the folks that are super into him and again, I'm not a track. I'm not attacking people that have or will vote for him. I'm talking about the people, especially in the government, that will apologize or no, I'm sorry, rationalize every thing that he gets caught doing wrong. And he does do some stuff wrong. I think most people are willing to admit that. Yes, I will literally adopt the identity of being someone who just lies about everything or most things on a daily basis that ever say, hey, my bad, I screwed up. Yeah.

Dan: 42:23

And what kinds of consequences?

Dan: 42:24

Yeah, and it trickles down and it normalizes it, and it normalizes it and that's what.

Dan: 42:30

And that's the thing that I don't appreciate. And I went through many years of my life assuming not that I'm I've always been a hundred percent honest and I've never lied about anything. Don't get me wrong, but I think I've done a little bit less of that, a little bit more of telling the truth most of the time, and my false assumption that everybody is like me until I got too old I got it was many years before I really came to the conclusion that's not the case. So, yeah, I think you do, and the reason for it is because it's usually not the easy thing to do to get uncomfortable and to say, hey, I didn't I, and it's not even to say yet to come forward and basically be proactive about look, I didn't do what I wanted to do or I didn't do it in the way I wanted to do it. That's uncomfortable, man, and the more times we can get comfortable being uncomfortable in that way, the faster we're going to get what we ultimately want.

Charles: 43:25

Right, yeah, and listen, I don't know anybody that has the kind of life that I want, that a big part of their life is making excuses and denying responsibility all the time, and that's what a lot of people can't really make peace with or believe. If I told you that I'm happier with my life as it is, being who I am, and I would not trade that to be a Donald Trump or an Elon Musk, I mean that 100%, and there's a lot of people that just can't possibly believe that I'm being sincere when I say that. I can't possibly believe that I'm being sincere when I say that, because my values matter a lot more to me than the potential fame or potential riches.

Dan: 44:09

Yeah, that's your why. That's what's important to you. Yeah, of course. So it's easy for you to make that decision that I'm going to operate in this manner, because it aligns with every thread of who you are and yeah, yeah, and look on the dark side some pride and some ego, and some of that does come into the mix.

Charles: 44:32

Like I, I think my way of operating is better than other people's, and so I get to feel good about myself for being the kind of person I want to be. And I'm by no means am I saying I'm some altruist, that I just value the truth so much that I blah, blah, blah. It's no. I've decided about what kind of person I respect and I'm willing to sacrifice things that other people are super into because I get to feel like the kind of person that I would respect, and so I. I don't. There's many people I don't align with what's valuable.

Charles: 45:06

Look, I've been a full-time RVer for almost six years now. I guess it's yeah, it's just about six years, and a lot of people would not opt into this lifestyle, but it makes living out my values easier for me, and so I enjoy it and I do it, and I'm going to continue doing it until I don't enjoy it anymore. And, yeah, compliance with other people's ideas of success or a full life just doesn't mean much to me. And so trying difficult things and then failing at them and then telling the story about it for an hour on a podcast. That's also one of the things that I've been to, so I'm going to keep doing that too. I don't know what the next challenge will be, but I hope I never stop taking on things that are so hard that I might fail at them, because once that happens, I feel like I checked out.

Dan: 45:56

Yeah, To me that's really the source of happiness is getting out of our comfort zone, and whether we are successful at that or not is irrelevant. It's the process of trying to get out of our comfort zone. That, to me, is where we stretch ourselves a little bit. That's what's exciting to me, that's what builds some pride, some self-esteem and some happiness, that you're even willing to take the risk of trying to get out of that comfort zone. And then there's just there's. And at that point that's where people somebody said life begins once you're out of your comfort zone.

Charles: 46:36

Yeah, I was thinking about it, we're. Our next book that we're going to do is the man's guide to women by Dr John Gottmanman, and the first time I listened to this book was when I was in the middle of my mammoth march up in tennessee, which is a 20 mile hike in eight hours and listen every single time I do one of these I've done three now. Every time I do them around mile number eight, I have the thought, oh, this wasn't a good idea. I don't know if I should have done this. But then I'm on mile eight and what's my choice? I'm going to walk eight miles back to the start, in which case I finished 16 miles.

Charles: 47:14

Or, like Winston Churchill's, credited with the quote I don't know that he actually said it, but he's credited with the quote of if you're going through hell, keep going, said it, but he's credited with the quote of if you're going through hell, keep going.

Charles: 47:25

And so, yeah, when I did my walk in Tennessee or my march in Tennessee, I listened to this entire book and yeah, it's stuff like that where I think I might enjoy this and I'm pretty sure I can do it.

Charles: 47:38

Those are the things that make life worth living when you take on those. I think after I'm done with this, I'll be glad that I did it and I'm pretty sure I can get it done. And that's where, if look, I know a lot of people that basically since they left college or they left the military, they have not tried anything that hard, since, like they're doing difficult things they're not sure that they want to do stops the day they get out of the military, the day they get out of college or the day they get out of high school, and then from that moment on it's just punching clocks and sitting on couches and I couldn't do it, man, that that would that would not be a recipe for the kind of life that I want, and or to be surrounded by the kinds of people that I enjoy being around with, because I don't have any of those friends in my life anymore that, thank god it's Friday.

Charles: 48:28

Oh god, it's Monday. Let me punch the clock and sit on the couch all weekend. That's, I don't have anybody close to me anymore. That is that way, yeah, because I don't attract this kind of people. They don't want to hang out with me and I don't want to hang out with them. That's's the way it's supposed to work, all right, so we'll stop there. I will continue letting people know how I'm doing on my project to try to get in good shape by my birthday. Let's see how many days do I have until then? Hey, google, how many days? Until November 20th? I got 56 days left. Wow, and a lot can happen in 56 days. Wow, and a lot can happen in 56 days. A lot of exercise and diet fatigue can kick in too, though. We'll see. I'm going to try to hit my calorie targets every day. I'm going to do my two workouts a day. I'm going to avoid sweets, and we'll see how good things can get between now and then. So two months is a short time horizon, but it's long enough to see differences, for sure.

Dan: 49:21

That's great. Yeah, Try to zero in on that that. Why seven levels deep for each one of these things that you're doing?

Charles: 49:28

Oh, I for the overall. Why do you want to get in such good shape by your 47th birthday, charles? You and I did that work already. I can say exactly why it is. I'm not going to on the podcast because once you get down past level three or four, it gets pretty personal.

Dan: 49:43

Oh yeah, oh yeah.

Charles: 49:44

Oh yeah, but yeah, you and I have done that, that's how you know it worked. I don't know if I let you, I don't know if I returned the favor and let you do all that, but I certainly got down to the nitty gritty with you. So we can talk about that between episodes today and see how you're doing. But did you have any 75 hard challenges you wanted to share you? You referenced some difficulties. What, what that look? What's it look like for you?

Dan: 50:08

Yeah, basically one of my challenges is to one of the things I said I was going to do an average of 2,800 calories a day for my, my diet plan, and it's I'm running a little bit over right now I'm I have a calculation and I'm I'm about 2950 or whatever, and I've cut back a little bit on some stimulants, so I've put on a little bit of water weight and my energy levels are dragging a little bit. So I'm needing to these last, like this last month or so or three weeks, whatever I've got left. It's been challenging, so I'm needing to adjust when I'm eating, how much I'm eating and and as well as like when I'm sleeping and that schedule. So that's, it's definitely been challenging and but I'm going to finish wherever I finish and I'm going to try to get down to that average of 2,800 calories, cause if I don't, then I failed.

Charles: 50:59

How do you feel about how that if you come in at 2802?

Dan: 51:03

Yeah, no, it's a failure. Yeah, so to me that's pretty strong. Why, when I am hungry, to say I'm going to hold off on having that snack right now, let's, or let's stop eating after 7 PM. So I'm going to implement some time restricted feedings. I'm going to try to stop eating at seven o'clock. I hadn't been doing that, yeah.

Charles: 51:26

Yeah, I've made some switches to some food products that are either low-fat or fat-free, just because, listen, those low-fat diets from the 80s were pretty much garbage. But, that said, the impact that fat has on your calorie totals it's significant it is very significant.

Charles: 51:45

You can't, you can't minimize that. You can argue about the effect of carbs and protein and fat on things like satiety and and all that stuff, but end of the day the thermodynamics stands where you just it's at some level it's going to be energy and energy out and you can't overcome that.

Dan: 52:04

For sure.

Charles: 52:05

Yeah, I don't like low-fat food, but I like carrying a spare tire around my belly even less.

Dan: 52:11

Yeah, yeah. The question is do you do one meal that's got a good amount of fat in it and it's delicious, or do you spread out that little bit of fat throughout the day? And because, if I don't do it that way, plan B, then that tastiness starts to creep in. Because, all right, I've just used all the fat for my day on meal one or two and now I have to have something that's just tough to get down for the last couple of meals and ironically, you don't want to wait.

Dan: 52:41

You don't want to do that because that's when willpower is at its lowest, when you're tired. At the end of the day, that's something I realized about myself too is when I'm tired, even if I don't want to eat, I want to eat, even if I'm not hungry. I want to eat to relieve that tiredness versus taking a nap. So I'm trying to go to bed a little bit earlier. The changing of the sun in terms of when sunset is and when sunrise is it's a little bit more difficult for me to get up as early and I was like, oh, I'll just, I'll get up a little bit later, and it's. That's not an option for me. It's not working well. So I need to go to bed earlier and that's something I'm struggling with myself A lot of times. I want to stay up and do things.

Charles: 53:19

My brain wants to research and look at stuff, and especially on my phone, and so it's I'm struggling with that at least your challenge will be over before the disruption of falling back on november 2nd or 3rd, whatever it falls on this year. Yeah, we got to do that again. Yeah, twice a year, every year. Yep, but yeah, I've. I definitely understand. One of the one of the guys I watch on youtube has his whole thing is eat a big satisfying dinner, then go for a nice long walk and then, when you walk back into your house, get in bed and go to sleep. I like that. I'll give that one a shot. If you can plan your day and you're eating in a way where a big satisfying dinner and a nice long walk and then you're ready to just go to bed as soon as that's over satisfying dinner and a nice long walk, and then you're ready to just go to bed as soon as that's over, that I could see the wisdom in that for both getting good sleep and getting to bed without being overly hungry. I like it. I like it. So, yeah, I would say.

Charles: 54:13

I think this guy was also in intermittent faster where he and I don't even remember exactly who it was or what his YouTube account name was, or I'd shout him out, but I think his thing was wake up, black coffee and then not eat anything until 12 or one in the afternoon, and then basically have breakfast for lunch and then good snacks during the day, but save enough calories so that you can have a big tasty dinner and then go for that long walk and then, as soon as you get back from that walk depending on the weather take a shower, go to walk and then, as soon as you get back from that walk depending on the weather take a shower, go to bed. And I could definitely see how that would work for people, because if I eat a lot and then go for a walk, I am really tired afterward. Yeah, yeah, for sure. All right, we'll. We'll come back to it and do one of these episodes again, I'm sure before or at right at the end of your and what's your end day?

Charles: 55:03

Again, october 10th, okay, and then your birthday is the 11th or 12th, hey, okay, wow, okay, you don't get to go hog wild for your birthday, do you?

Dan: 55:16

I do not, I do not, nope, but that's okay.

Charles: 55:17

Yeah, I will. Yeah, I will plan what day is my birthday on. It's a Wednesday. It's a Wednesday night, so I will probably be. My men's group meets on Wednesday night, so I will probably be stuffing my face with those guys and then maybe afterward hit a cheesecake factory. I'm not going to go to a cheesecake factory alone. That would be pretty sad. I've done it before, but I'm not going to do it this year, so you and I will record the podcast that morning, though.

Dan: 55:43

So maybe I don't know we'll have to see what the cookie lineup from crumble is that week, it may be maybe we'll open the dam a little earlier in the day.

Charles: 55:51

Yeah, there we go. I'll have a coffee and a cookie, and so are you going to be. You're going to be in a position where you can split a quarter of a cookie with me by November 20th.

Dan: 55:58

Okay, we'll have to see what the offerings are. Cause November 20th.

Charles: 56:00

Okay, probably We'll have to see what the offerings are, because I waste the calories on a mid-grade crumble cookie. By any means, it's got to be top tier for me to come off the wagon. All right, cool, you and I will take a little bit of a break and then we'll start back up and start talking about John Gottman's book.

Dan: 56:19

Sounds good, sir, we'll talk soon. All right, take it easy, bye-bye, bye.

Charles: 56:24

Thank you very much for listening to the entire episode of Mindfully Masculine Podcast, dan, and I certainly appreciate it. We know that there's no shortage of guys with microphones dispensing what they believe to be wisdom, and we're very grateful that you've chosen to listen to us. Please check out our website mindfullymasculinecom for audio episodes, video episodes, anything else we feel.