Female Anatomy 101

In this episode, Charles and Dan tackle the often-overlooked topic of female anatomy with a mix of humor and practical insights. From debunking common myths to encouraging open communication in the bedroom, this episode dives deep into the anatomy lessons many of us missed in school. If you’re looking to strengthen intimacy, increase your confidence, and become a better partner, this one’s for you.

🔑 Key Takeaways:

• Three Holes, Not Two: A surprising number of men misunderstand basic female anatomy. Charles breaks down the difference between the vagina, urethra, and anus.
• The Clitoris is Key: Why understanding the clitoris (and how sensitive it is) can transform your sex life.
• Learning from Memes & Books: The guys recommend Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski for a deeper dive into female physiology and sexual health.
• The Power of Communication: Why asking your partner for guidance is crucial—and how it can lead to better intimacy.
• Variety & Exploration: Discover why switching things up and avoiding routine can keep things exciting in the bedroom.

🛠️ Tools for Better Understanding:

• YouTube Tutorials: Visual aids can be incredibly helpful for understanding anatomy.
• Book Recommendation: Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski – A comprehensive guide to female sexuality.
• Diagrams & Graphics: Don’t be afraid to research and study diagrams to familiarize yourself with anatomy.

📚 Additional Resources:

• The Man’s Guide to Women by John Gottman – The book that inspired this episode.
• Robert Glover’s work on positive emotional tension – Creating excitement and emotional safety in relationships.

🤔 Why Listen?

• Gain Confidence: Feel more assured in your knowledge of female anatomy.
• Enhance Intimacy: Learn practical ways to improve intimacy and communication.
• Lighthearted & Informative: Charles and Dan keep it real (and funny) as they navigate sensitive topics.

🔔 Subscribe & Share: If you found this episode helpful, don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and share with someone who could use a little anatomy 101!

🎧 Listen Now: Available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your podcasts.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction and Chat
• 15:17 Introduction to Female Anatomy
• 17:33 Misconceptions
• 19:41 The Vulva vs. The Vagina
• 21:41 The Clitoris and Erogenous Zones
• 25:11 Communication and Exploration
• 29:21 Understanding the Spots: G, A, and U
• 30:55 The Role of Humor and Awkwardness
• 34:42 Balancing Safety and Excitement
• 36:43 Postive Emotional Tension
• 37:17 Investing in Knowledge for Better Intimacy

Transcript

Charles: 0:00

Welcome to the Mindfully Masculine Podcast. This is Charles. Okay, in this episode, dan and I will continue talking about the Man's Guide to Women by the Gottmans, and I wouldn't say that I've been dreading the next two episodes, but I have not been looking forward to them because they're on the awkward conversation of sex and the female anatomy. So in this one we will cover female anatomy and misconceptions, the vulva versus the vagina, erogenous zones and clitoris, sensitivity, communication and exploration, and sexual relationships, the role of humor and awkwardness plenty of awkwardness coming the G spot, the A spot and the the U spot, balancing safety and excitement in relationships, the importance of female pleasure and other topics. Please check out our website, mindfullymasculinecom for audio episodes, video episodes and anything else that we feel is worth sharing.

Dan: 0:57

Thanks and enjoy Good morning sir, how are you, hey Dan, doing well. How are you, I'm doing well.

Charles: 1:02

How are you, I'm doing well I drove over this morning, left my place around six and I forgot how much of a pain it is to drive east during sunrise, especially if there's any traffic. You got to have a clean windshield to drive east for two hours when the sun's coming up. Good point there, man, yeah was awful. And my car has these razor thin little sun visors that do nothing at all. Oh, the index cards you've got there, yeah, pretty. Yeah, I don't even know I don't know if there is if they go as far down as a three by five index card. Oh, my car, they're so narrow. Yeah, I've got a little bit of a headache from just having the sun blasted in my face for two hours. Oh, my God, I think what I might do is get some of those. You know the solar shields that old people wear over their eyeglasses. Okay, I might get a pair of those to wear over my sunglasses. There you go.

Dan: 2:03

When I drive over here on Wednesdays to record the podcast. I don't have to deal with that the whole way. I believe the leading company was blue blockers. Back in the day I remember a lot of watching no blue blockers did make a version that fit over.

Charles: 2:11

Yeah, I remember seeing that solar shields are the sort of dark gray sunglasses that go over your eyeglasses. Oh, and you get those at walmart walgreens at least you used to. We look out on the walgreens. Way back in the day when I was a pharmacy cashier at Walgreens in high school what job haven't you had?

Dan: 2:30

Yeah, I've, I didn't really. Every once in a while they tell a story. Oh yeah, back when I was a Lego assembler at Legoland.

Charles: 2:38

Like what? Bat Boy and Easter Bunny are definitely the most exciting ones to talk about. I was a bad boy for the Red Sox for spring training, and I was a Easter Bunny for a couple years, and did it in high school and college. Oh my god, that's amazing. I worked for Lego. My first job ever, though, was working for Walgreens. I was a pharmacy cashier, though, to be honest, I did most of the work of a pharmacy tech, even though I wasn't supposed to. We need to sit down one day and list out all of the work of a pharmacy tech, even though I wasn't supposed to.

Dan: 3:05

We need to sit down one day and list out all of the different jobs that you had.

Charles: 3:09

Yeah, I never did any food service, though. Okay, you did plenty of that when you were younger, right, actually?

Dan: 3:16

not service. They kept me well Relegated to the kitchen. I've never worked in a restaurant. I always wanted to be food service because they made the money Like we got minimum wage. You had the personality to Clearly not. I couldn't even be a busboy. That was because you get tips I filled in once in a while. So that was the hierarchy. Like you were a dishwasher and then you could go be busboy and then eventually to become a server. You did some food prep too. I was all food prep in the back, yeah yeah, I moved up in the back, not they wouldn't let me go in the front, but again in the back. You might've made like an extra 50 cents an hour more than an minimum wage just going from dishwasher to food prep.

Charles: 3:52

Okay, things are maybe a little bit different now, but yeah, uh, I never had the interest to go to be in the food industry at all, I or hospitality. I really just wanted to do retail and which, yeah, it seems like most people in high school they go one of those two paths right Either go to retail or you go into the food service. Yeah, I definitely went the retail route, but anyway, yeah. So driving, driving over with the sun in my face was brutal. It was hard to even just see what traffic was doing, hard to stay up on my text conversations. It was a real challenge. I'm glad you made it. These are the things we're willing to do.

Charles: 4:39

Today I got a fairly busy schedule. I'm leaving town on Friday, going away for the weekend, going on a cruise this weekend. So I'm getting my hair and my beard trim today, spending an hour in the barber's chair over at Eleanor's, the place I've been going lately and doing that from three to four. Wow, an hour yeah, that's how long they allocate for a beard trim and a and a hair All right. So that's a nice little relaxing experience. I'm imagining he'll do a good job on getting the beard and the mustache and the hair photo ready. Cause cruises, there's always those surfers around constantly.

Dan: 5:20

So on this cruise there's a formal night or no?

Charles: 5:23

Yes, there are three theme nights First night's 80s. Second night's formal. Third night is Caribbean. Oh, very nice. Yeah, that's great. So I'm looking, yeah, bringing all the outfits, and had a couple issues with my tuxedo with the hem around one of the sleeves had gotten loose and the hem behind the collar had gotten loose too. Every time you leave it with Q strings come out.

Dan: 5:51

You know, I know what are you talking about Q Bond, oh okay, oh, my God, you've got the Bond car I'm trying to make. You've got the taxi.

Charles: 6:00

I spend a lot of time on Star Trek groups on Facebook. Dan, okay, I thought you meant Q from Star.

Dan: 6:05

Trek, the Next Generation, oh my gosh. Okay, I didn't realize. Honestly, I didn't watch enough Next Generation. I forgot it's bullshit Back in the day, back in the day, but I completely forgot. Yeah, I didn't even make that connection. Maybe that's.

Charles: 6:19

Yeah, that's why you like both. Yeah, my mind went immediately it was oh, wow, you from star trek. Okay, yeah, I've. That's the kind of nerd I am today. So anyway, it turns out my, my girlfriend is quite the seamstress. So I told her what was wrong with my tuxedo, that I was worried I wouldn't have enough time to take it to somebody to get fixed. And she's yeah, let me take a look, that's me as a sewing kit. I was like, no, but walmart does, let's go. And yeah, few minutes later, watching her work the magic, take a look, it was perfect.

Dan: 6:50

Fantastic.

Charles: 6:50

Yeah, it's good to have skilled labor.

Dan: 6:53

Now are you thinking about letting her wrap your car after she?

Charles: 6:56

showed off her skills there. No, she already said the shape of mine would be very difficult. You have to do little nooks and crannies. That's the challenge. A lot of supporting lines that they put on that car. No, I'm going to stick with the paint color I have until I'm done with the car and then when I get the next car I'll make sure to get it in the color I already like. Yeah, I'm not about to spend $4,000 to wrap my $4,000 car.

Dan: 7:25

Sounds I'm not about to spend $4,000 to wrap my $4,000 car. Sounds like a bargain to me. $8,000 for a car. It looks beautiful.

Charles: 7:29

Yeah, I will. I will decline on that, I'm sure. I'm sure. She said she could do it, she could do it, but she's already been like, nah, it would get too much, yeah, to get right now. Although in the past, when she was wrapping, she was doing a lot of wrapping for advertising where there would be like logos and stuff on. So it uses the same stuff but instead of just getting the rolls from the company in the color already, you would have to print the logo on and then wrap it in such a way that you made sure everything lined up so that the logo looked good. Sure, so I imagine solid colors are probably easier to do than the kind of work that she did. But yeah, she did that work back, I think, when she was in high school or college, so it's okay.

Charles: 8:09

It was a while ago that she was a vehicle wrapper, so I would not inconvenience her by asking her to do that for me for free, but she's quite a seamstress, yeah, so I'm doing that today. And then tonight I got my men's group meeting. I'll be driving home this evening. It was 35 degrees. When I left my camper this morning, I scraped ice off my car yesterday, did you really?

Dan: 8:31

Yesterday I did and I had and it didn't come right off. I had to sit there for a while and, with the windshield, washer fluids and ironically, that's the story I always tell about why I moved down from Jersey so you don't have to do that. And now look, it's only a few days a year. It's only a few days a year, yeah, and I have a nice little benefit of having my car, my garage, occupied by a different car right now. So I'm not complaining.

Charles: 8:55

That's a good problem to have. Yeah, I do. It's funny, being a longtime Florida resident, I call it a cold day If it's if I would be uncomfortable wearing shorts. That's how I define it as a cold day. Okay, if I could go outside and I'm generally cool. If the temperature starts with a six or higher, I'm fine with just t-shirt shorts. If it's 61 out but it's sunny, I can walk around in t-shirt shorts, no problem, all day long. Yeah, but once that temperature starts with a five, oh man, I got to wear sweatpants.

Dan: 9:26

What the heck is this? Yeah, I'm dusting them off, I'm searching, so I'm like what? Where are my lawn clothes?

Charles: 9:31

Yeah, I'm actually thinking about buying a new pair of sweatpants to match my Aviator Nation hoodie, but I'm still a little bit hesitant to spend that much money on a pair of sweatpants. You know they're really cool looking. Yeah, anyway, there's something else I was going to tell you. Oh, I'm going to start. I'm going to try, with my first pair of ruined shoes from the hurricane. I tried to see if I could rejuvenate them on my own and no, I can get the leather looking good.

Charles: 10:01

But the outer soles there's some areas where they're separating from being wet and heating, cooling, drying out, getting wet, all that stuff. So I'm going to send them off to Allen Edmonds for their prestige recrafting service, where they will basically remove all the bottom of the shoe completely, recork them, resole them and I mean I can actually even unsew upgrade the soles of the out soles of the shoes. I'm going to go from having most dress shoes come with a leather sole. Yeah, I'm going to go to day night rubber soles. So, okay, from the outside you won't be able to see anything different, but on the bottom it'll have a little bit of grip and tread on the bottom instead of just being smooth. Is that a free service from them.

Dan: 10:45

No, it's uh 175 dollars now that even if you didn't want to do the upgrade, it still costs money.

Charles: 10:53

Yes, on top of that, okay, got it. So to have your shoes just redone is $175. And then the upgrade of the soles is another $40 on top of that, so it's $200. Okay, I got the money from my insurance company to reimburse me for the shoes being essentially destroyed and they retail for about $450. And so, sending them in to have them recraft the upper soles, the leather soles are still perfect, but it's just the guts of them that it kind of ruins.

Charles: 11:26

So I was weighing it. I was like, okay, do I buy a new pair of shoes or do I send in the existing one? So I'm going to try it with one pair, the pair I like the most of the four that were ruined, and I'm going to let them work their magic and verify that I'm happier with, because my favorite pair is also a pair that's been discontinued, so I can't get that exact, okay. So that's, there's some value there. Yeah, there, it's the. Yeah, get the name of the shoe. It's, it's an allen edmonds and it's the. It's a black oxford that is whole cut leather, meaning it's made from one piece of leather instead of multiple pieces sewn together. They don't make it anymore and so, yeah, I want to give them the chance and then, if comes great, then I might also have that done to to some of the other pairs.

Charles: 12:13

I don't know, we'll see. I don't want to. I don't want to build up my shoe inventory to what it was pre-storm. I don't. I think I can consolidate a few pairs, but I do miss not having I don't have any dress shoes right now, and that's inconvenient, for I had to order a cheap pair of tuxedo shoes to go on the cruise with and that's not optimal because the pair that I'm going to get fixed are formal enough that I could very easily wear them with a tuxedo if they were available, but we'd have some mildew on the inside and see that the soles, the out soles, are separated. They're not wearable right now. So, anyway, that's what's going on with me.

Charles: 12:55

You got any updates before? Do we talk about thanksgiving already? I think we did. Uh, nope, but I'm, I'm good, okay. Yeah, my pumpkin bread pudding was quite a hit at my girlfriend's family house, so, uh, I'm gonna be doing another bread pudding for christmas and I'm probably gonna do a few versions of it. So, um, I will try to remember to bring one over. So don't do any, you're not gonna do any kind of diets or anything. Are you this time of year?

Dan: 13:20

why would? I okay, because I'm dumb and I do those things. Yes, that's why you, that's why you asked me I have a little reputation for doing this.

Charles: 13:27

I'm to try a peanut butter banana bread. Oh my God, dude, it's a. Sign me up Now. I will bring one over for you. You can be my first tester. I'm trying to decide is I don't know how all of them feel about Nutella, but I was thinking about doing peanut butter, banana and Nutella. Oh, who cares what they think? You don't think that'd be too much of that, all three flavors? No, I could just do the banana and the nutella, or the band and peanut butter, or maybe do half with nutella, half without. It'll be mixed. Oh god, the into. Okay, the sauce that I like. With the other one, the one I just made, I mixed in, like sugar, butter, pumpkin puree. You mix all that in and then you pour that over the pieces of bread and then you bake it, got it. So I'll be mixing in the bananas and the peanut butter and then deciding maybe I could just make a nutella sauce to go over the top of it yeah, there you go and I make that optional, like a hot accolades ball exactly.

Dan: 14:21

I think that would be great. Okay, I'll do, because you don't want it because it could take over the flavor of everything else too strong, and then that way you can portion out and it's a little bit or whatever you need. Yeah, I was gonna.

Charles: 14:31

I like that idea either, and yeah either a vanilla sauce to go over the top or a nutella sauce my ass, or both. I guess I could do both. Interesting, I'll have to. Uh, I have to think that I grew. But yeah, I baked three loaves of bread for all of my uh, thanksgiving cooking, and the challah bread was definitely the best. That was the one where I added the extra gluten to the recipe. Yeah, and that made a big difference. It actually popped up the top of my bread maker, oh my, as it rose. Oh my, oh my. Yeah, I had to drape a towel over the bread maker so all the heat didn't get to. Oh, it was so soft on the inside. It was so soft on the inside. It was so tasty. Great, yeah, it was good. I might experiment with making some chocolate hollabrae, I'll tell you how that comes yeah now we're talking.

Charles: 15:17

All right, let's get into this next chapter. And I should warn everybody if you're triggered by grown men stumbling over their words when it comes to female anatomy and physiology, watch out, because that's what we're going to do. At least, that's what I'm going to do in this one. Dan's cooler about this stuff than I am, but I'm still, you know, the Lutheran school boy and he comes out when I start talking about PPs and wheeze, and so I might get a little weird and I might blush a little bit during this one, but that's why you listen to this podcast. Yeah, so I might blush a little bit during this one, so that's why you listen to this podcast. Yeah, so this yeah, this is going to mainly be this chapter is mainly an anatomy lesson, so that we tell you some of the things you might not know about the female body. There's a couple of nice graphics in this one that have everything nice and labeled so you can see where things are and where things aren't. On a lady's underwear parts, there's also a picture of male versus female erogenous zones, where the male is all concentrated in one particular area. Yeah, the female erogenous zones are a little bit more dispersed around her body pretty Pretty evenly dispersed, I would say, yeah, I would say so too, based on the picture. I should say that, yeah, we were talking before we started recording some of the jokes that he made in this chapter.

Charles: 16:41

Again, I don't have many criticisms of Dr Gottman compared to other books we do, but it's the jokes, but it's the jokes. When you're doing a scientific chapter on female anatomy in the context of sexual relationships, go ahead and resist the urge to make a ton of jokes because they're probably not going to fall well. Some of the ones that we are about to make are probably not going to fall too well. But yeah, we don't have a doctor in front of our name and, like I told you, he's. It's definitely that reminder of oh, this is an older Jewish man who thinks he's funny. I don't know if he wrote all these jokes himself. Uh, as a quarter funny, quarter Jewish person, I can certainly relate to the instinct of oh, what I'm about to say is going to be hilarious, it's going to kill that it doesn't't? Uh, but yeah, cricket.

Charles: 17:33

So I do want to mention a couple of things that guys will often get wrong about the female anatomy that he doesn't mention in this chapter, but I've picked up on and noticed mostly from memes. One is if you are considering the area below a lady's waist, there are three holes there, three total holes, not two right which I read some survey online that like half of men don't know that, like half of guys say that there's two holes and half guys say that there's three. Yes, there are three holes the vagina, the anus and the urethra. The urethra is where the pee comes out.

Charles: 18:14

Another thing that I learned was many men don't believe women can pee if they're wearing a tampon. Oh my gosh, because they assume that the vagina is where the pee comes out and so she's got a tampon and how could she possibly pee? The tampon goes inside the vagina and the urethra is a hole that is outside of the vagina. Yeah, it's. If you don't know these things, certainly don't feel ashamed of not knowing them, because you probably learned them a long time ago and have not felt the need to revisit that knowledge. But if you want to be proficient much less good at sex with your partner understanding how everything's configured, I think, is a fair prerequisite for understanding those things. If anything.

Dan: 18:59

I think it just builds a little confidence, knowing you're familiar with the territory. Yes, and so then any interaction.

Charles: 19:15

at that point, then down there is you're going to, you're going to behave in ways, subconsciously, that you don't even realize. It's like driving around a town that you know very well you've been to before as opposed to just laying on the plate and picking up your rental car and trying to get around If you're following the GPS. Gps makes things a little bit easier these days, but then you're not really paying attention and this metaphor GPS is a partner who tells you when you're in the wrong place, and we don't all have those.

Dan: 19:33

Yeah, sometimes women don't like to do that, and then that can spur awkward conversations. And now you've ruined the moment yes, the.

Charles: 19:41

The other thing I want to say was we will often misuse words like vagina. I think back to back when paris hill and lindsey lohan and britney spears were all very popular and constantly going to clubs and getting in and out of cars not wearing underpants and the paparazzi would take their picture and the news story would be like look, you can see her vagina. It's like actually no, you can't see her vagina, you can see see her vulva. The vagina is the space where babies come out of and penises go in. The vulva is the outside stuff. That is what you would usually see on a naked woman. You're not going to see her vagina, you're going to see her vulva.

Charles: 20:23

If you'd like to learn about this in much more detail, there's a book by Emily Nagowski called Come as you Are and it's all about the anatomy, physiology of sexual reproduction and the female sexual response and all that. I've read it. It's very good, it's very well written and you'll probably learn things Really. It all goes along with this chapter and the next chapter. It just expands it out into a lot more detail. If you would like to become a student of female anatomy, physiology and sexual health, read Come as you Are by Emily Nagowski. It's pretty good. It's a little more detailed than I.

Charles: 21:01

Don't think it's the kind of book you and I would cover on the podcast, because that would be months of just talking about vaginas. I could think of worse, that's true. But yeah, it's a good book and it will let you know more about that area and how that area responds to sexual excitement and sexual activity than you've known before. I learned a ton of stuff from the book so, again, I highly recommend it. So let's talk a little bit about the anatomy. Some of the words that you may or may not have heard Monsvenorous Do you remember that one from middle school?

Dan: 21:38

I didn't, until he brought it up and I was like oh yeah, that sounds familiar.

Charles: 21:41

I was like okay, what is that? Yes, so that's the. That's the padded area above the vulva, usually where the majority of the hair grows. The hair will grow there and on the outer lips of the labia, or labia majora as it's called. The clitoris, or sometimes referred to as the man in the boat, is the female equivalent to the head of your penis. It's where all the nerve endings are, or many of the nerve endings are, and the part that feels good to being touched.

Dan: 22:14

Yeah.

Charles: 22:16

That is the most important part that you pretty much interact with, for your female partner's pleasure is going to be her clitoris.

Dan: 22:24

And to give you an idea of how sensitive it is right, compare an advertised penis to a clitoris and they, and if they, have the same amount of nerve endings in that tiny little concentrated area, right, think of how gentle you really need to at least start out being there, because it is super sensitive and most people have some sort of experience where, after sex, whatever like some part of their body is extremely sensitive and almost painful, correct? So if you were, my thought is here and I've been guilty of this in the past too is going in too fast, too hard, whatever initially, and that doesn't feel good, like if somebody like grabbing, like for me, like grabbing my nipples, and like yanking on them immediately, like not at the beginning. We don't always enjoy that, right? So, yeah, it's just all right, let's slow it down. Yeah, so once it's, it seems again it's like logical. But until I heard it in this way, it wasn't. It really didn't hit home and make me realize, okay, look, you really need to. You know, slow things down.

Dan: 23:24

Yes, and be very gentle, super gentle.

Charles: 23:27

Yeah, and keeping in with the sort of the difference between how the clitoris is similar to the head of a man's penis, the clitoral hood is similar to the man's foreskin, exactly To protect it Because it's so sensitive. Correct no-transcript. It's so sensitive, right?

Dan: 24:01

yeah, it'd basically be like if she you're, she's going right for the head of your penis, like I don't think I've ever had that happen thankfully exactly. And then if it did, I'd be like what's going on here? This is too much. We must instinctually know better than to do that, and not just in this way, sometimes not just in this way, absolutely right.

Charles: 24:19

So, um, yeah, it's, it's small, it's not always easy to find, and so, uh, this is a conversation you should be willing to have. Yeah, because they're again. Memes teach me so much there. There are memes out there of women who talk about guys just rubbing their left labia for 20 minutes, thinking that they're touching their clitoris when in reality, they're not. So if, if this is not an area that you're super familiar with and you don't know how to go where you should be for her best time, you should ask for some help, and you could do that either in the moment or you could do that while you're not having sex. Say, hey, grab my hand and put it where you want it to be, I'll stick around that neighborhood it to be.

Dan: 25:11

I'll stick around that neighborhood and I think what will actually help you in that conversation is doing what you recommended is looking at some of these diagrams and refreshing yourself with some of the terminology so that when you are having that conversation you are down there, you're going in with some confidence because, oh okay, and maybe some curiosity and like maybe practice labeling in your mind oh all right, all right, this is the labia, right, this is the vulva, and just try to get a little bit more curious. And that way I feel you're already in a mind state of where you're not being judgmental, you're not going to make her feel judgmental or weird because maybe she has some insecurities about some of the way things are shaped, perhaps you don't know that's a sensitive area, also emotionally, not just physically.

Charles: 25:54

So I think the more familiar you are with again the terminology, the more confident you're going to be and the better energy you're going to bring to a very sensitive conversation yeah, and another resource is youtube is fairly liberal with what they can show on their site for educational purposes, so you can look up videos to learn about female anatomy on youtube, and because for us it's easy, all the quote-unquote important stuff's on the outside pretty much and so you see your own on a daily basis and it's all just out there. Where their stuff is not just out there and you don't have access to it near as often, you don't see it every time you go to the bathroom, where yours you see every time you go to the bathroom or get dressed, or day and hour, and so it's even, yeah, if, even if you got a longtime partner and you live together, you're still not going to be as familiar with her equipment as you are with your own.

Dan: 26:50

And what was interesting is at the beginning of this chapter they talked about how it wasn't just men who were not familiar with the terminology and the anatomy of the woman's body parts, it was a lot of women were getting it wrong too, and so don't feel like as a guy you're coming into this completely ignorant or on a completely versus the woman. She might not even be that familiar with some of the terminology and some of the parts and everything else like that too, so just don't be surprised if she's coming from a place that seems a little bit more less informed than you would think little bit more less informed than you would think.

Charles: 27:30

Yeah, that's true, because it's not, I think. Yeah, I imagine women in their locker rooms are not spending 99 of the time joking about their privates, where for many of us guys that's what it was like in middle school and high school, yeah, and so, uh, yeah, there's not the same familiarity, I would say. And just, it's so easy to joke about your penis and balls with your buddies. Yeah, I don't think it is the same for women.

Dan: 27:56

And then, looking back, probably got one or two classes of health where we talked about that part, and it was usually run by a gym teacher, not a biology teacher.

Charles: 28:05

Very true.

Dan: 28:06

So it was very little education and very little follow-up. Unless you were intentional about it, that's true.

Charles: 28:11

Yes, I think a book like this you can. In one chapter, you can literally know enough that you'll be more versed than 75, 80% of guys on this topic, so it's just okay. Is it worth it or not? Watching the YouTube video, doing a search and watching the YouTube video on it for half an hour Again, you'll learn more than most guys know, and I don't. The fact that you're being compared to her previous partners may not be enough motivation for you to do this, but it's, yeah. Feeling like I'm the most informed and most proficient of all of the guys she's ever been with. That's a pretty nice feeling.

Dan: 28:50

But even that compels in comparison to being able to be more confident and a little bit more open and giving her more pleasure by being more familiar with what gives her pleasure. Yes, absolutely, and when she's having more pleasure, that means you're going to have more pleasure. It's absolutely going to be an investment ultimately in your relationship, but you're going to definitely be getting something good out of it. I think Lots of things good on it. Yeah, so do it.

Charles: 29:21

Just do the research. It's a good way to spend your time. For sure he gets into some of the spots the G spot, a spot and U spot which I've heard about these, but only through reading the book. I mean the G spot most people have heard of that one. I think I've heard of the A spot before, but not the U spot. I hadn't heard of anything other than the G spot. Superior fornix erotic zone, afv, discovered by a doctor in Malaysia located four to five inches into the vagina between the bladder and the cervix.

Dan: 29:56

Okay, that's somewhat difficult to reach, unless you have very long fingers or you're using a sex toy. I don't remember them going into many details about what those spots actually do for a woman.

Charles: 30:09

So if you hit the A and the G at the same time, it takes a screenshot.

Dan: 30:13

Oh my God. Yeah, so they mentioned the spots. They mentioned the scientific, the scientists, the researchers who found them, but they don't go into what kind of feelings that's supposed to. Yes, I feel good, but maybe not. Maybe wiggle good, maybe not. I want to know why. It all depends on the woman when the wire is going when you press that button. You know what I'm saying?

Charles: 30:34

Yeah, it's all about how it really does come down to how each woman's cells divided when she was being formed and where nerve endings are going to be Okay.

Dan: 30:44

So it's a little cluster of nerve endings. Is that If it feels good, it's got to be?

Charles: 30:49

All of them are going to be a bunch of nerve endings. Yeah, some of them may feel good. Some of them may feel painful.

Charles: 30:55

Yeah, like there are some women that enjoy it when their cervix is touched during intercourse, and for some it is profoundly painful is touched during intercourse, and for some it is profoundly painful Right and yeah a lot of that just goes it's a mix of nature and nurture into whether something's going to feel good or feel bad during or other sexual activities that some women enjoy and they feel good and some are like, ah, no, that hurts, don't do that.

Charles: 31:20

Yeah, and that's where communication is the only answer to figuring this out. Trial and error is probably not a great system for seeing if she's into something. Sure, I would say, if you're doing anything other than very vanilla, meat and potatoes, sexual stuff, kissing, fingering, intercourse before you try anything outside of those things, you gotta or even going after certain spots you want to have some communication about it first before you try something new. Oh, for sure, because you don't want to hurt somebody, because if you spontaneous, if you hurt somebody with a surprising amount of pain, then that's going to get written into her brain and that's going to be associated with sexual activity with you probably going forward.

Dan: 32:08

Yeah, so it might be good to be familiar with these spots so that you can communicate about them and also you don't accidentally Correct In you trying to bring new exciting things into the bedroom. Maybe you want to start dabbling in those areas. Being aware of where things might be more sensitive than others is probably a good idea.

Charles: 32:30

Yes, and yeah, also remember that some of these areas are going to be like. The clitoris, specifically, is usually the most responsive and the one that will most often lead to orgasm and being stimulated. But that doesn't mean you ignore everything else because of that. Like I, I like going to Disney Hollywood studios and my favorite ride is tower of terror. But you don't just go to tower of terror and ride a stand in line and ride it over and over again, Cause there's other fun things to do there as well. Okay, and if you just make it your practice of every time I go to Disney, I'm just on a nonstop rotation waiting in line riding Tower of Terror, waiting in line riding Tower of Terror, waiting in line riding Tower of Terror. Eventually you're going to get burned out on that. Yeah, Because there's other fun things to do too. Yeah, and don't find yourself. Oh great, Today I learned where the clitoris is. I'm going to ignore every other part of her vulva, every other part of her body, and just spend all my time there.

Dan: 33:39

I think as human beings, we are wired for variety and for changing things up, because, think about it this way A lot of drugs and also we have like receptors that get overwhelmed or whatever If you keep doing the same thing, keep taking the same drug, keep eating the same foods, a lot of times you limit the amount of progress or growth or excitement that you get or effectiveness, right? So I really think we as human beings, we are wired and as animals to to we are, but in certain things.

Charles: 34:11

Yeah, we also have some competing wiring that says I did this tour. That's one time she went crazy. I want to repeat that feeling for her and me. I want to feel like, right, I, I got her to feel that good and so I'm just going to keep going back to the well over and over again so you got to be able to.

Dan: 34:27

I think you can keep going back to the well over and over again. You got to be able to. I think you can keep going back to the well, but you need to space that out. I feel like it can't be the same thing every time, because then it's predictable, right, exactly. But don't get rid of it, but just add other things into the repertoire.

Charles: 34:42

A hundred percent? Yes, definitely. Okay, so let's talk about the cheat sheet at the end of the chapter here. A woman's mind is her most powerful erogenous zone. She needs to feel physically and emotionally safe and connected with you in order to feel aroused and experience pleasure. That's the thing about good relationships and this can be a challenge is, women want to feel safe and connected and they also want excitement, and it's our sometimes difficult job to figure out. How do we balance the connections of safety and connection and excitement and unpredictability and spontaneity? And if it was easy, everybody would have great relationships.

Charles: 35:26

Yeah, difficult, yeah, and it's. If it was easy, everybody would have great relationships. Yeah, difficult, yeah, I know robert glover's done some work on this with his I think it was either his follow-up book or seminar or whatever on positive emotional tension, where it's yeah, there can be. You can have an exciting relationship through negative chaos, or you can have an exciting relationship through negative chaos, or you can have an exciting relationship through positive emotional tension, and the positive emotional tension is the one that you want to cultivate, because the other kind is not sustainable and it's not much fun.

Dan: 36:00

And also leads her to not feeling safe. I feel Right.

Charles: 36:05

Yeah, safe, I feel right. Yeah, and yeah, you don't want a. I don't want a relationship defined by dramatic ups and downs, where sometimes we can't keep our hands off each other and sometimes we're fighting like cats and dogs. Yeah, I want the exciting we can't keep our hands off each other stuff without the fighting like cats and dogs stuff. And so I think, yeah, robert glover, just google his name and positive emotional tension and see what you can find either podcast appearances, books, whatever and you can get a little bit more into that, into that material. That'll help you balance the. How do I keep things exciting, but how do I keep her feeling safe and connected? Yeah, yeah.

Charles: 36:43

So I recommend that a woman's sexual anatomy is complex. You have to spend some time studying it to learn where everything is, and there's probably no easy way around that. I don't know that you could just sit down for a conversation with your buddy about this, because he probably doesn't know much more than you do, unless he's in a field where he spends more time. If he's a psychologist or a OBGYN, yeah, maybe he knows this stuff inside and out. But still do your own homework. It's your job to look this stuff up and learn about it.

Charles: 37:17

The final point in this section is her pleasure will increase your pleasure. If you having the confidence and the knowledge of her anatomy and how she responds to things is a part of your sexual relationship, she's going to want to be sexual with you more often there's no way that and she'll be more fun while you're having sex too, because she knows what she's getting out of it. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. This is a worthy area for you to spend some time and attention. If you enjoy having good sex which I've never met somebody who says that they don't yeah, so it's just how much. Do you enjoy laziness more? Do you enjoy ignorance more? Or do you enjoy taking a little time to learn some stuff? I like frustration the most. Yeah, that's the best. So, again, this was chapter eight in the man's guide to women, so this is a great place where you learn a lot more about the anatomical functioning of your lady's parts.

Charles: 38:13

Chapter nine is what we're going to come cover next. It is called becoming her best ever. A primer on passionate sex sounds great. So thanks for uh, sticking with us as we stumbled our way through this one, and we'll talk to you next time. Thanks, dan, bye-bye, okay. Thank you so much for listening to the complete episode, dan, and I appreciate it. We know you have lots of choices when it comes to men talking into microphones and we're glad you picked us. Please check out mindfullymasculinecom for our audio episodes, our video episodes and anything else we feel is worth sharing. Thanks,