Are You Competing with a Baby?

Is your relationship struggling after the arrival of a baby? Do you feel like you've been pushed aside by your partner’s new role as a mother? In this episode, Charles and Dan break down the challenges men face when children enter a romantic relationship—whether you're a new dad, dating a single mom, or just trying to understand how priorities shift in family dynamics.

Drawing insights from The Man’s Guide to Women by Dr. John Gottman, the hosts explore:
✔️ Why it’s normal to feel neglected when a baby arrives
✔️ How a man's role in parenting impacts child development
✔️ The dangers of competing with children for attention
✔️ Why active listening and emotional support are crucial
✔️ Practical strategies to keep romance alive in fatherhood

💡 Whether you're a dad, a stepdad, or dating someone with kids, this episode will help you navigate the shift from partner to parent while maintaining a fulfilling relationship.

Key Takeaways from This Episode
🔹 Understand Biological Shifts: When kids enter the picture, a mother’s priorities naturally change. Recognizing this can prevent resentment.
🔹 Avoid Toxic Competition: Acting out for attention—whether through withdrawal or passive-aggressive behavior—only harms relationships.
🔹 Step Up, Don’t Step Back: Being emotionally and physically present as a father figure leads to better outcomes for kids.
🔹 Keep the Romance Alive: Thoughtful planning and intentional effort can help your partner transition between mom-mode and relationship-mode.
🔹 Communicate Like a Pro: Before venting frustrations to your partner, talk to a trusted friend, therapist, or mentor to refine your thoughts.

Resources Mentioned
📖 The Man’s Guide to Women by Dr. John Gottman
🎥 12 Angry Men (1957) – A surprising lesson on fatherhood
👥 Therapy & Men’s Groups – The importance of external support

Join the Conversation
📩 Have you faced similar struggles in your relationship? Share your thoughts with us at [your podcast email or social media].
🔗 Follow Mindfully Masculine for more episodes on personal growth, relationships, and modern masculinity.
⭐ If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review—it helps us reach more men on the path to mindful masculinity!

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction
• 4:03 Feeling Displaced in Your Relationship
• 5:33 The Myth of Fixing Relationships with Kids
• 7:51 The Reality of Fatherhood
• 10:58 Emotional Availability as a Father
• 13:18 Managing Feelings of Neglect
• 15:00 Seeing Your Partner as More Than a Mom
• 17:11 Helping Your Partner Shift Between Roles
• 25:44 How to Communicate & Listen Actively
• 27:20 The Importance of External Support
• 29:05 Final Thoughts & Closing Remarks

Transcript

Charles: 0:00

You might feel a little neglected or displaced when kids come into a woman's life. When you've been the primary relationship in her life as her romantic partner, well, when kids arrive, you're going to feel less like the primary relationship in her life, and that's kind of the way that it's supposed to work. Welcome back to the Mindfully Masculine Podcast. This is Charles. Back to the Mindfully Masculine Podcast. This is Charles. All right, in this episode, dan and I will continue to discuss the Man's Guide to Women by the Gottmans, and this chapter is all about motherhood and living in a relationship and probably a house with a mother. Topics that will be covered include impact of children on relationships, challenges of balancing romantic relationships and parenting, common mistakes in relationships after children. Role of fathers in child development. Emotional challenges for fathers. Maintaining romantic connection after children, avoiding negative behaviors in relationships, active listening and communication and support systems for fathers. Please check out our website, mindfullymasculinecom, where you can find all of our episodes, audio, video and whatever other stuff we want to share. Thanks and enjoy.

Dan: 1:17

Good afternoon, sir. I think we finally got it.

Charles: 1:19

Yes, yes, as I said in the last intro that we are not keeping. I am trying some new things with the video in our studio here and, as a result, we're struggling through. While we're in the in-between phase, I replaced my camera and ordered a replacement camera for you. That has not yet arrived, so we're making do with the webcam you use for your normal office tasks, and it's a little complicated, but we'll be there this time next week. Everything should be here permanently.

Dan: 1:52

Did you imagine trying to do this with Amazon? Honestly, like how long we'd have to wait for stuff, how long it takes to replace stuff, probably having an argument every time we needed to replace something. You know, going back to the store and like needing to prove, and there's also like if something didn't work, or it did you know?

Charles: 2:09

all right, let's jump into our material. We're still talking about the man's guide to women. We've only got two chapters left and then we'll be done and onto our next book. This chapter is about mother nature, specifically meaning the mother part of your relationship and what her relationship with her children's like, what your relationship with your children's like and what your relationship to her because of the children is going to be like as two men without children in our lives. Well, your girlfriend has kids, but you don't have any of your own. I don't have any of my own, my girlfriend doesn't have any of her own.

Charles: 2:45

So we can blow through this chapter with no guilt, because it doesn't apply to us, but we'll try to share the important parts that some of our listeners may get some value out of.

Charles: 2:56

One of the things that Dr Gottman and others emphasizes in this chapter is that if you are going to have a relationship with a woman who is or may become a mother, then it's pretty important to understand what's going to change and what life's going to be like having a mother and or a mother's children in your house, just understanding how her priorities will change or be impacted by the fact that she's got little ones that she's responsible for keeping alive and turning into useful members of society. So one of the things to keep in mind is that you might feel a little neglected or displaced. When kids come into a woman's life when you've been the primary relationship in her life as her romantic partner, well, when kids arrive, you're going to feel less like the primary relationship in her life, and that's kind of the way that's supposed to work, based on evolution and biology, and I mean logically.

Dan: 4:03

Logically speaking, think about it for itself right, yeah, yeah.

Charles: 4:08

Human babies are especially bad at that compared to other animals.

Dan: 4:11

Correct and so it needs that level of of care and attention and you don't Correct Exactly and and and. But that absolutely introduces a lot of challenges and a lot of times it's a challenge to try to find that balance between, you know, having that romantic relationship and attending to needs for the relationship, as well as also balancing and and and being able to take care of that kid in the right way, right, so that does become a good, you know. Contributing member of society.

Dan: 4:44

Yeah, that kid in the right way, right, so that does become a good, you know, contributing member of society, yeah, and doing in a way where you know the woman has enough energy to do both, I mean that's a crazy amount of work. Just thinking about that, not having to do, having to do it myself, just knowing people who've done it, it's holy cow. It blows my mind about like and then be able to like, switch your, your, your mode of thinking too. Like the way you're, you're interacting with a, you know, an infant or a child is a lot different than the way you interact with an adult, and a lot of times there's going to be some crossover, you know, some bleed over, I think, and it that just adds so many more challenges. So that's why, when people are like, oh, we're going to have kids because the relationship is needing something, they're trying to fix something.

Charles: 5:33

People will often express that in plain language, but we see so many couples try to pull that off, where they think that, well, the relationship's a little rocky so we should probably get married, or the relationship the marriage is a little rocky, so we should probably have kids.

Dan: 5:48

I think all that is is a distraction from the problems that are happening. Right, it's a way to take your mind off of it, because this is oh no, focus on the wedding or the marriage or the kids or whatever else, or this new pet that we got or whatever. So the dressing issues that you've got, you're figuring okay, we don't want to rock the boat or address them because it could mean the end of the relationship. So instead we'll kind of distract ourselves with something else that we both kind of like and then maybe we'll come together because we both like that thing and now we have a new way of connecting.

Charles: 6:19

But I don't know if that works, which is, yeah, it definitely doesn't, and it seems intuitive. I don't know if that works, which is, yeah, it definitely doesn't, and it seems intuitive. I mean, I know very little about home construction or building. But if you came to me and said, charles, I've been having a lot of trouble with the foundation of my house, so I think what I need to do is add a second story, I would say, dan, I know nothing about nothing when it comes to building houses. That seems like a pretty shitty idea. But yeah, we do make that mistake in our relationship.

Dan: 6:46

Sometimes, yeah, and I think it's different. You know, when we're talking about like a hobby right, something that right like, oh, we're both going to join the bowling team or we're going to go and we're going to have, you know, we're going to take salsa lessons or something like that, right, there's a lot less obligation. That and stress that comes from that. So, yeah, I'm not saying don't find things do in common, but just look at the other person might not be on the list yeah look at look at all the things involved in taking care of that other active.

Charles: 7:12

Yeah, and I would say you know, if you're already struggling with some feelings about you know how your needs are being met or how loved you feel, or whatever. I mean, if you're struggling with any issues of what I'll just call immaturity your own or your partner's it's you had a kid to the mix and it's very easy to go to wait a second. So now, so now this kid's shown up that you made with her and you're telling me she's going to need more of me and I'm going to get even less in return. Again, there's, there's a kid here that you're both ideally investing in and trying to keep healthy and safe and well-adjusted and educated.

Charles: 7:51

But yeah, that is kind of what happens. It's like you're going to have to pour more into your partner and this child and for a while, you're going to get less in return from both of them. And so, if you don't have a pretty good understanding and a level of confidence of, yes, this is expected, this is what I'm supposed to do, this is what I'm supposed to get back, it's always the unpleasant surprises that affect us the most. If you can go into it understanding, yeah, this is going to require a bit more investment on my part in both my wife or partner and the kid, and they're neither one of them are going to be in a place to give that back to me and that's just how it's supposed to work, then great. But if you're like this is unfair, I'm not going to stand for this Then you're going to find yourself in a in a world of hurt.

Charles: 8:40

And so, yeah, know that when kids come into the mix either either new ones or you've started dating someone or getting seriously involved with someone who already has kids like, yeah, you, you are going to have to invest in supporting her as a mother and supporting the children in whatever way is appropriate given the situation, and you're not going to get as much back as it feels like you're putting in. That's's how it's supposed to happen and you should get used to that. And also, you know it's not just you supporting her. You should understand that you play a pretty critical role in the child's development. Whether it's your biological kid or you adopt a kid, or it's a stepchild from her previous relationship. Your amount of involvement in their life and what you're willing to invest in them is going to have some real serious impacts on what the outcome is when they stop being a kid and start being an adult, and he goes down the list of some of the outcomes you can expect. I mean kids who have dads that are around and active in their life are going to become better people and healthier people and happier people than what I thought was interesting was that the studies showed that they became more empathetic yes from having fathers around and I you know, and that just kind of that was just interesting to me, why that is yeah

Charles: 10:02

I would say I would have thought it'd be the other way around. No, I think it makes sense because the more safe and secure you feel, the more you can Think about Pour out empathy to other people. And when? Perfect sense, when you're an absolutely, when you're not completely.

Dan: 10:16

When you're worried about yourself, the last thing you have is extra energy for anybody else. Yeah, you, literally you know our brains and our eyes, our vision, everything kind of closes in so physically. But also thinking about being able to extend that in a energetic way or, you know, a vibe way type of thing, where you're thinking about somebody else is if you are constantly feeling like kind of closed in and being attached from the outside or stare yeah you're going to can't go out very far and see what's around you or feel what's around you, or even have the space to bring in other information other than you protecting yourself.

Dan: 10:56

So, yeah, okay, I can see that.

Charles: 10:58

And it matters the kind of father that you are, too, and how open you are to being available for your kids' emotional needs as well as their physical needs. I was watching a movie, an old movie, and I don't watch a lot of old movies because usually I find them kind of boring. But I was going down the IMDb top 250 and looking to see, okay, what's high on this list that I haven't ever seen before. And so the other night my girlfriend and I watched 12 Angry Men the original one from like 1957. And it was really good. I enjoyed it way more than I thought that I would, but there was one. It's about 12 guys on a jury trying to determine this defendant's guilt or innocence, and there's this one guy on the jury who is talking about his son and he's like he said something to the effect of you know, I decided that I needed to do whatever I had to to make my son, you know, grow up essentially to be a real man. I'd break him down in whatever, whatever way I had to to set him right and make sure that he turned into a real, you know, solid man. And he hasn't talked to me in two years. But I did. I did what it took and it's like that's a I'm kind of surprised for a movie set in 1957 that was made in 1957 for this guy to and it he was not the hero of the story by any means. It was like this guy was very emotionally volatile, very kind of out of control with his feelings and it's like, yeah, he, he had, he built the relationship with his son that you know today. All this time later, we would say, yeah, that's exactly what happens. I mean, god, that's almost 70, 70 years ago, right. And yeah, it's like you decide you're going to be the kind of dad that's going to break your son down to turn him into a real man and, yeah, the result is eventually you're going to break your son down to turn him into a real man and, yeah, the result is eventually you're going to have a blow-up, he's going to take a swing at you and then he's just never going to talk to you again and that's that's what happened and yeah, so it's not just it's not just the physical presence that is required to, oh, yeah, turn a kid into an adult that anybody wants to be around and anybody can interact with and and you know, have have a healthy relationship with it's, it's you. You've got to be physically around and you've got to be emotionally around too, which, for most of us, is the harder, the harder part of this mix if you're feeling left out when the kid comes along, that is something you should.

Charles: 13:18

Probably the advice in the book is talk to your partner about it, and I would agree, talk to your partner about it, but don't just talk to your partner about it. I mean, you should have somebody in your life where you can say hey, I'm feeling a little bit neglected or unloved or pushed to the side because of her giving all her time to this kid. What should I do about that? So you're going to want to have that conversation with somebody who knows how to answer that question and I would say a therapist would probably be a good person or a friend that has the relationship with the wife, mother and children in his life that you would want to have and say I'm struggling with this, how would you deal with it? And then, after you've had the conversation with those people, then have the conversation with your partner to say, hey, this is the way I'm feeling. Some of my needs aren't getting met. I understand that we've got to pour a lot into this kid to keep it healthy, safe, alive, but I'm still feeling this way. What can we do about this? That's that's a conversation you shouldn't be scared to have. But again, I wouldn't have that conversation in a way where you put an all on your partner to say what are you going to change so I can feel better. It's got to be the whole team coming together to figure things out wife or partner, as a woman, and not just now she's a mother. So I only treat her like a mother, because you still need to have a partner that you are romancing and taking out on dates and having romantic interactions with, and not just and now she's made this change from the woman who meets my needs to the baby factory, because that's that good either.

Charles: 15:00

You don't want to find yourself in that position. It's important to recognize yes, I'm important as a father, I'm important as a husband or a boyfriend, and she's also important as a woman, as a partner, as a wife, as a mother. And it does take a little bit more abstract thinking and a little bit more effort to be able to view people as all the things that they are and not just the one thing that you rely on to get your needs met. And yeah, that is not a position I found myself in. I've not dated somebody with kids and I've not had any children, so that's not been a challenge, but I know your girlfriend has kids. Do you ever find yourself having to check your own behavior or expectations in order to give and receive what you need out of the relationship?

Dan: 15:47

Thankfully, Okay it's. I feel very lucky because I don't think that's common. My girlfriend handles being a mother and her own personal interest better than I've seen anybody do it with or without kids, I'll be honest with you, and it's impressive and it's something that I really admire in her. And she's also got endless energy and plans a lot of variety of different things, both with the kids, both with me, both all of us together. So there's a lot of variety in our relationship and I love it. And the the best part is that it doesn't take much for her to kind of, you know, move from like mother role to, you know, to girlfriend role, and I think it might be different with younger kids, like kids are older so it's a little bit easier, you know, she's not talking to them like little kids, she's not in that mental state where they're completely hopeless and hopeless.

Dan: 16:45

So there is less time, you know, in that respect. So the fact that they're teenagers is you know, makes it a lot easier. I think One thing though, as a guy, is if I was in a relationship with somebody who had very young kids, as a guy, if I was in a relationship with somebody who had very young kids, I would try to come with solutions and ideas of ways that she could change back or shift into.

Dan: 17:11

Oh, in and out of the different modes, in and out of the different modes right, and not just go to her and go hey, listen, you know we need to. You know I feel like you're a mom all the, you're a mom all the time and I miss you know, our, our relationship, our partners. Don't just come with that. Come with some, some ideas and some solutions, things that you know that she enjoys, that you guys perhaps did when you were one-on-one and then arrange for you know the child to you know a babysitter and you know, or or somebody to watch the kid and you know, or, or somebody to watch kid and you know. Make it as easy as possible. Like iron out all the details, like figure out, you know you know, reserve the dance class or the, the painting class you guys could do together or whatever, arrange everything.

Dan: 17:50

All she has to do is say yes and help her get out of that mode.

Dan: 17:54

Make it as easy as possible for her to do that, because if she now has to arrange the you know a babysitter and care for the kid and may prepare meals or whatever, that is, the more work that she's got to do, the more difficult it's going to be for her and the more guilty she might feel, you know.

Dan: 18:14

You know taking that time away from from the child. So know that you know you're going to need to work you know, pretty hard to keep that part of that relationship alive, I think, and not just expect. You know she's doing the work in both areas and, yeah, obviously, as a good father you or you know a partner you'd also be helping out too. But I think most of the time it falls on the mother and that's where you really need to kind of step up and take as much off of her plate as possible, especially if it's going to be not related to her being a mother, because that's, you know, that's where her focus most likely is going to be. You know 90% is going to be in that motherhood role and and so to step out of it is going to be an ask.

Charles: 18:57

Yeah, and there may be some. There may be some skill you can leverage already in this area, which you know if you, as most of us in the West most men and women have full-time jobs that they're trying to succeed at or their own business or whatever, and you should probably have some experience with. Okay, she just came home from her stressful day. What are the things I can do to get her out of work mode into relaxing at home mode? And so, yeah, you may, you may already have some skills in that area that you can then modify and transition as you need to to okay, how do I help her get from, you know, chaotic running the household, keeping the kids healthy, fed, educated, into right this is a woman who I enjoy doing fun things with, and how do I help her get back into that mind space?

Dan: 19:45

You know, and it's a great opportunity then to connect with her by asking her about what her day was like and the things that she needed to do during that day, and then you can take an inventory of some of these things that she has to do on a regular basis and figure out where you can maybe step in and do some of those, those other tasks, to kind of lighten that load right. You might have some creative solutions on maybe a new tool or a gadget that might you know, might make things a little bit easier. You know some sort of maybe video baby monitor or something like that, or some setting up some cameras in the playroom where you didn't have them before.

Charles: 20:20

Whatever is like or services and tasks that you might be able to outsource exactly.

Dan: 20:25

He's like that as well, where it's for meal prep stuff, whatever, whatever that is, so she's not making dinner for you. You've now gotten a service or whatever, or you just even an eats order right, just just, yeah, so great, you know.

Charles: 20:40

Great thoughts there what he does at the end of all these chapters is he. You know he does the. You might be a hero if. You might be a zero if and the. The list of negatives is a lot longer and I want to go through those because these are. These are some.

Charles: 20:52

These are some things you can avoid doing. That will will make things better if your partner is exhausted and needs your help, but you don't take over or lend a hand, that's a problem. If you do things like compete with the baby or children for attention which, yeah, that is definitely a sign of, I would say, emotional immaturity but, look, you may be losing out on a relationship, or at least it feels like I'm losing out on this person, this relationship that I had, and I need to claw and fight to get some of this attention back. And that could find you doing some things like just behaving badly, acting sick or injured, when you're not actually and it may feel real to you. But look, these are things that new dads struggle with sometimes, where it's like if nobody's telling you, hey, your life's going to change in these ways and you need to be ready for it, then you could spiral out of control and start doing some pretty wacky stuff, and that's why it's so important to have friends and coaches and therapists in your life that can say hey, listen, you know you're going to have some pretty weird feelings and you're going to feel pretty bad about some of this stuff and you want to be a good dad, you want to be a good husband, but you gotta, you gotta watch out for these things, these thoughts that could turn into behaviors that could turn into patterns that are really going to make life hard on you and your partner. And so just have people in your life that you could talk to about your experience.

Charles: 22:19

Who's not just your partner, other people too. If you exclude yourself or withdraw from family life, if you don't play with your baby or your child, if you bail on the family physically or emotionally again, these are all things you might be a zero if you think it should be all about you, even after children enter the relationship, if you're not kind or respectful of your partner or her slash your children, if you comment about a woman's weight while she's pregnant or after the baby comes yeah, there, we've said this before there. There are just such a limited number of times where the best plan is to make a comment about somebody's weight or appearance. It's really if you're not saying something nice, you shouldn't be saying anything at all. Yeah, people know what condition they're in and they don't need to hear it from external sources.

Dan: 23:09

And more often than not, they're beating themselves up much more and much more often than the comments they're getting from everywhere else. Just think about how you talk, about how we all think about ourselves. It's nasty, right. And you know, what breaks me out of that pattern of like, that self-negative talk, is what would you be talking, you know, what would you say to a friend who also is Right, right, just take yourself out and be like, oh my God, god, I'm being a jerk to myself. I would never say this to a friend, I would never say this to somebody. I care about why, you know, why am I saying this? And it, you know, as soon as I kind of come to that realization, gives me a, a break and I'm able to at least shift my thought, at least for a little bit, you know, and stop beating myself up a little.

Charles: 23:53

Yeah, and so turn that into you know, and as a man you might say well, listen, if I, if my wife told me I was carrying an extra 20 pounds, you know that wouldn't really bother me, so I don't see why it would bother her. Like, translate it to okay, what is the thing that you would take the most personally? If she came to you and she was like you know what, life would be a lot easier if you can make an extra couple, you know, five or 10 bucks an hour. This is harder than it has to be. If you could go out there and earn a little bit more, life would be easier. Or boy sex would sure be a lot better if your penis was two or three inches longer, or whatever.

Charles: 24:24

The thing is that you would take the most personally. It would bother you the most. Go ahead, assume that's how she feels about her weight. Don't say anything, because there's a good chance that that is the thing that would bother her the most. Or, you know I mean right up there would be. You know, I think if you put a little more work into it you could be a better mom and our kids would be happier and healthier if you worked a little harder. I mean that and her weight are probably competing for number one and number two all the time about what would be the worst thing for her to hear. So don't say those things Some of the other things on the list.

Charles: 24:55

If you don't listen when your partner shares her concerns about being a mother or about your children's welfare which the biggest sort of thing to look out for in yourself is if she's got a concern about how she's mothering the kids or about something that could be affecting their health or wellness just giving a nah, it's fine, you're doing fine. I mean, you need to. You need to act as if you are actively engaged in the concerns that she has, whether it's about herself or about kids or whatever. Take it seriously, act like it's, don't just, oh, it'll be fine, you don't, yeah, there's nothing to worry about, definitely go in with. So it sounds like what you're saying is blah blah blah is bothering you, or you're concerned about blah blah blah. Is that correct? And let her verify that. Yes, you, you have heard her correctly. And then say okay, how do you, how do you think we should address this?

Dan: 25:55

exactly just google give listening skills, follow that, practice that and you'll already, you know, make a good impression because at least, at least, even if you're not processing and remembering everything, you're showing that you care enough to actually pay attention and listen to her. You're restating what she's talking about, yeah, at a minimum, you're allowing her to feel heard, and it goes with not just with women, I mean everybody in general, anybody, anybody you care about. Yeah.

Dan: 26:27

You want to, you want to treat that way. I know I come from this too is just, a lot of times you're thinking about what you're going to say next. You know, especially on this podcast, no, so so it's like so it's very difficult to really process and take that in, and it takes and it takes practice to do it. It does get easier, um, and, and you're not going to forget what you have to say, if it's, if it's that yeah, and yeah, you could like.

Charles: 26:47

The level one mistake is dismissing it. Oh, it's not a big deal, it's nothing for you to worry about. Level two is which is a little better is yeah, that is something to worry about. That's a big deal. Here's how I think we should fix it. And level three is the full active listening of hey. It sounds like, if I'm hearing you correctly, you're concerned about xyz. That sounds tough. That sounds difficult. I understand that it's bothering you. Where do you want this conversation to go next?

Dan: 27:12

yeah, that's the thing is. She just might've wanted to vent and not for a solution. But she might be looking for a solution, but then let her ask for that.

Charles: 27:20

Right, exactly, yeah. And then the last thing on the list is you might be zero if you don't talk to your partner, if you're feeling left out or pushed aside after the birth of a baby and again I'll reiterate what I said before is I think that is a conversation you should have with your partner, but I don't think the first time you ever verbalize that concern should be with your partner. I think you should bounce that off somebody else who is able to give you the same kind of active listening we were just talking about, where you say hey, dan, that sounds tough. I can imagine that feeling like you've been pushed aside for this baby is difficult and, yeah, I would probably feel insecure, uncertain, upset, just like you do, if I was in that position. Now, what do you think you can do to soothe yourself in this situation? Have that conversation with a trusted friend or a therapist or a minister first and bounce some ideas off them, practice putting that kind of a feeling out there again. So you got to pick somebody that's going to be, that's going to be able to hear you and be supportive, and then, once you've done that, then share it with your partner. I just don't think. I don't think your partner deserves the 1.0 version of that conversation. You know what I'm saying. I don't think your partner deserves the 1.0 version of that conversation. You know what I'm saying. I don't think she deserves the alpha or the beta. I think she deserves the production version of that conversation. So have people in your life that you can bounce concerns and issues like that off of first and then share it with your partner. So I'm definitely not saying don't share it with your partner. I'm saying it would be best if you could share it with somebody else first, get some support and some encouragement from that somebody else and then spring it on your partner and you'll be better at delivering it and because you'll be better at delivering it, they'll be better at hearing it and responding to it. So that's where we are for this chapter.

Charles: 29:05

It was a short one, but definitely one that's important because I think a lot of guys even though you and I haven't had to deal with it in the way that some do where it's like boom, a brand new person comes back from the hospital and now they live in your house with you I can see how that would be difficult and I could see how I would be challenged to deal with that situation. I like to think that I would be able to set my mind to it, have the resources in place that I would need and work my way through in a healthy way. But I also see it from the yeah. I would probably feel like I was. Where did all this attention? I was getting go. It's now. I got to share it with somebody and, yeah, that could.

Charles: 29:41

I could have some challenges with that. I think I'd be able to make it through. Obviously, I don't think I'd be like that's it. I'm moving to Alaska. Good luck, hope you can raise this kid.

Charles: 29:50

But it would be something that I would have to work through with my trusted friends, with my therapist, with my men's group, and say, hey, life has changed for me and I feel like I'm handling most of it, but here are the problems that I'm, here are the difficulties that I am experiencing. What do you think I should do? And just having that community around you to support you and encourage you is super important. So we'll be that for you in as limited a way as we can, to say, yeah, if you're having some complicated thoughts about the new kid in your life, that's okay and that's normal, and here are some healthy ways to deal with it. So that's where we're at. We got one chapter left called staying together loving a woman for a lifetime, and then we will be done. I'm looking forward to the albert einstein related parts of this chapter, because I learned I learned some stuff about old albert that really threw me for a loop me too.

Dan: 30:42

It's so funny how people are so smart in some ways and so dumb and others yes, and and how?

Charles: 30:48

just because he's so smart, you know, in the realm of mathematics and physics, like there are a lot of little quotes out there that einstein has about relationships and life and stuff like that, and we're willing to give them all this weight because he's albert einstein. But then when you find out what his relationship with his wife was actually like, it's like I don't need to listen to albert einstein's advice in anything except particle physics from this point going forward, because he was pretty wacky. And I would say the same applies to Stephen Hawking, whatever sports star or celebrity that you're into. It's like listen, you, you know them because they got real good at this one thing. So don't automatically assign to them expertise in some other areas just because they were really good at this one thing. And yeah, I look forward to getting into this story. I'm going to do a little bit of research outside of those books too to find out what else is out there about albert and his marriage.

Charles: 31:45

I feel like this could be a little bit more than what we learned in this book, even crazier than what we learned in chapter 15 of this book. So I look forward to getting into that with you next time. Dan sounds good, sir. All right. Forward to getting into that with you next time. Dan Sounds good, sir, all right, thanks everybody, we'll talk to you next time. Thank you so much for listening to our entire episode from start to finish, dan, and I certainly appreciate it. We know you have a lot of podcasts you could choose from, and we are thrilled that you picked ours. Please check out our website again, mindfullymasculinecom, for all of our episodes as well as anything else. We