Mindfully Masculine: Personal Growth and Mental Health for Men
Charles and Dan are just two guys talking about relationships, masculinity, and authenticity. Join them as they discuss books and media, as well as their (sometimes messy) personal stories, to encourage men to join the fight for their mental, physical, and emotional health--because a world of healthy, resilient men is a thriving and more secure world for everyone.
Mindfully Masculine: Personal Growth and Mental Health for Men
Want to be Attractive? Drop the Act.
In this episode of Mindfully Masculine, Charles and Dan dive into Chapter 10 of Dating Essentials for Men by Dr. Robert Glover: "Activate Women's Basic Biological Urges."
We explore why confidence, competence, and authentic self-expression are essential for real attraction—and why just being "nice" can backfire.
You'll learn:
- The key differences between niceness and true kindness
- Why honesty and directness are more attractive than playing it safe
- How confidence and competence build magnetic status
- The dangers of the "friend zone" and why pretending not to care never works
- Why embracing authenticity beats trying to please everyone
We also share personal stories about overcoming fear of rejection, building real-world confidence, and why living authentically—even if it turns off a few people—is the only sustainable path to connection and success.
If you've ever wondered why women seem to respond to boldness over politeness—or how to break free from the "nice guy" trap—this episode is for you.
Keywords: dating advice for men, confidence and attraction, nice guy syndrome, friend zone, Dr. Robert Glover, Dating Essentials for Men, how to build confidence, male self-improvement, authenticity in dating, social anxiety tips
Yeah, I would say, if everybody likes you, then yeah, you're either being an authentic or I would say that the majority of the cases you're being an authentic, the other I guess there's a chance you just might be super boring, I mean.
Dan:For whatever reason. I mean, it could be any number of reasons why they don't like you, I'll say when everybody does like you, I'll say it.
Charles:If absolutely everybody likes you, you're either being an authentic or you're just a very boring person. All right, welcome back to the Mindfully Masculine podcast. This is Charles. In this episode, dan and I will finish our discussion of part one of Dating Essentials for Men by Dr Robert Glover, and the topics we address will include niceness versus kindness, honesty and authenticity, confidence and status, competence and attraction, the fear of rejection, avoiding the friend zone. Authentic can find our full audio and video episodes and anything else we decide to put up there, which is not much right now other than our audio and video episodes. Thanks and enjoy hey, charles how are you?
Charles:I'm okay, dan, thank you. Let's get into chapter 10. This is our last chapter of first part of dating essentials for men by dr robert glover. This one has the cringy title of activating women's basic biological urges not super cringy, not the cringiest thing in this book, but still kind of all right. So we're going to discuss why things like confidence and sexual intent are key to attraction and why in in either suppressing or or not giving adequate space to these characteristics, where we're doing worse with the ladies than we have to. So first let's talk about the lie of nicenesseness, and if you want to figure out how the impulse or the drive to be nice can definitely hurt men and limit their positive outcomes, read no More.
Charles:Mr Nice Guy by Dr Robert Glover, first book that he really got famous for, talks about that a lot, lot. And let's let's adequately define niceness versus kindness. Where kindness is the, kindness is the goal. Kindness is the, the way that you should be and should appear to people. You should, you should appear to be a kind person and a kind man. Where niceness is trying to appear kind, for all the benefits without manually authenticity. Yeah. So a nice guy is a guy who's trying to look kind even though he's not, and that not only is that usually seen right through. Real quick it's uh, it's hard to maintain it. It leads to acting out, it leads to resentment and leads to blowups. It leads to feeling like you're being taken advantage of. Niceness is not the goal here.
Dan:You're putting on an act.
Charles:Yes, the goal is to be a legitimate, a genuinely kind person, not to be someone who looks like they're kind when when it helps them, okay. So keep in mind that when we talk about nice guys especially when you hear the term in a negative connotation yeah, it's talking about a guy who's playing it safe to get what he wants out of people, not somebody who is legitimately selfless or kind. Those are positive attributes that everybody is able to admire, respect and be attracted to, where doing it in a way where you're trying to get something out of it is the opposite.
Dan:And the kind of another way to think about this is when somebody tries to set you up with somebody and you ask them to describe them to you. If they were to tell you that oh they're nice versus oh they're kind To me, inherently those words have significantly different impressions in my mind in terms of who that person is For me as well.
Charles:Yeah, yeah, there's just a. There's a. There's a weakness and a blandness to the term nice. That is not.
Dan:It's like yeah, I don't know what else to say, so I'm going to kind of cover up any imperfections by saying that they're nice.
Charles:Yeah. So let's, let's learn to and in part of the, you can be a very kind person and also be a very honest and direct person. Where, with niceness there's there's just an implication of that You're not really that direct and you're not really that honest. You're nice and and that's another reason that you should shy away from behaving in a way that gets you labeled as nice, and that's the thing. Honesty and directness are very attractive. That's something that when, when somebody is honest and direct, there's sort of a an unspoken message of I'm going to be me and if you don't like it, that's okay.
Dan:I have self-confidence in myself and what I'm, what I'm conveying to you.
Charles:Yes, where the opposites being dishonest. I was having this discussion with a friend the other day, like why is it that people are dishonest? Why is it that people lie? And I think the core of that is a belief of if Dan knows the truth about me, then the world's not as safe for me, the world doesn't have as many options for me. So I'm going to hide the truth from dan so that I can have a little bit more control over how the world is and I can feel safer where.
Charles:If, if you don't have that insecurity, if you're not worried about what you know oh thanks, because the truth about me is known and dan thinks about me in the way that I really am then that's going to take away options and that's going to take away resources from me. So if you can live your life and be like no, I don't care who knows the truth about me, I am what I am, and if everybody knows it, I'll be okay, anyway, that is inherently more attractive and desirable because you're not. You're not living your life in a way that you're you're in danger of being found out and yeah, that is. That's an exhausting way to live.
Dan:Yeah.
Charles:Yeah, like, oh, if they knew who I really was, they'd all hate me, or the very least, they wouldn't love me. Is is not a way to live your life.
Dan:And it's, and again, you're making assumptions. The same thing that we talked about recently, too, is is you are your brain is going to worst case scenario, because that's what it does. Based on not enough information, you don't know how that other person's going to necessarily think or react based on you have an idea, based on what you're saying, but you have an idea, but you don't know for sure.
Charles:And you're doing yourself a disservice because you're now taking a risk of acting on your inaccurate or not complete information and there's consequences for that yeah, and I I think we all, I mean at least most of us struggle from time to time with feelings of what if I'm not prepared? What if I'm not good enough? What if they don't look at me like I'm worthy of fill in the blank? But to think that way and then try to fix that problem or manage that problem or sue that, however you want it, whatever language you want to use by saying, oh, if I just tell things that aren't true about myself, then I can avoid those problems, that's the jump.
Charles:Years ago I decided I'm not going to ever make that jump. I'm not going to. Yes, I might feel like I'm unprepared or well ill-prepared or not good enough for fill in the blank, but I'm never going to try to mitigate that by lying about it. Oh yeah, and that really does simplify your life. And and also just adopting a policy I'm going to tell the truth all the time, no matter what, does make you less anxious in some ways of okay, I'm just taking this, this maladaptive behavior that I know won't work for me in the longterm. I'm taking it off the table completely. So I'm just not going to lie to people, I'm going to tell them the truth and then I'll deal with whatever happens as a result of that. It does make life quite a bit easier and it does allow you to go through life with a certain level of confidence too, to say a bit easier, and it does allow you to go through life with a certain level of confidence too, to say, yes, there's.
Charles:Things are never going to get so bad that I feel like I have to lie about it. They just don't get that bad for me. I mean, fortunately I'm not. I'm not having not nazis knocking on my door asking me if I've seen anne frank it's more like hey, hey, charles, did you forget to?
Charles:you told me you fixed my computer today. Did you forget to do it? Yeah, sorry, I did, instead of oh, yeah, I fixed it, it's not what happened, it's not working. Oh, that's weird. And this broke after I left. Yeah, I never find myself in a position having those conversations because I'm just not willing to do it.
Charles:Okay, the number one aphrodisiac that Dr Glover mentions is confidence. Women in particular respond to confidence in a way that is hard for us to understand. Sometimes, when you behave in a way that communicates you're a secure person to be around and you're a confident person to be around, the natural conclusion of that is oh, this is a man of higher status than the other people around him, and that's the interesting thing about status is it is so context dependent where to have high status, you don't have to be famous. You don't have to be a powerful politician. You don't have to have a Ferrari in your garage or a Rolex on your wrist. You just have to be in the situation that you're currently in. You just have to be the among the most well-regarded people and he uses examples in this book even if you're in a Dungeons and Dragons group that meets on a regular basis.
Charles:If you just know your crap and you're better at it than the other people in the group, then you've you've got status in that group so it can be in your your board game club, it can be in your run group, it can be in whatever group you volunteer with and this is this is my. My advice to young men in particular is just find something that you're into enough to get really good at it, and it doesn't matter what it is, whether it's a game, a physical activity, a hobby, a volunteer opportunity, a church group, whatever it is. Care about it enough that you, that you want to learn about it and get good at it and practice at it, and you will have the kind of status that will attract a potential partner and new friends.
Dan:And you're going to be doing something you enjoy along the way Exactly. It's not going to be a struggle to get there.
Charles:Exactly. And when it comes to keeping it in context of I'd like to meet new people for romantic possibilities, then, yes, maybe also factor in not just is this something that I'm going to enjoy, but is this something I'm going to enjoy that the boys or girls that I'm interested in also enjoy? And keep that in mind. If it's, if it's something, if you're into girls and you're in a hobby that there are literally zero girls showing up for, then keep that hobby, but also think about maybe adding one that has a little bit more participation from the kind of people that you're interested in, Right?
Dan:Right. And if you struggle with confidence, you can borrow what you've built in the previous area. That might not have a lot of wisdom. You borrow that confidence and you borrow that memory that you started at some place.
Charles:I used to be a complete rookie at this thing complete newbie, and I'm not anymore.
Dan:I have the skill set to get better at something and become really good at it, and so I just need to apply that skill set to this new endeavor.
Charles:Yeah, that relationship between confidence and competence is. It's unbreakable. And the more time you spend getting competent at something, the more confident you'll feel when you do it. And and the more time you spend getting competent at something, the more confident you'll feel when you do it. And the more confident you feel, the more likely people are going to be like, oh, he looks like he enjoys this and is good at it. That's the kind of person I want to be around, because maybe I'm new at this and I'd like to learn from somebody more experienced than me. And yeah, start with. The confidence is portable, the competence not so much. I mean you can bring confidence from another area into the new area. The competence, it only grows by the reps. You just got to that new thing that you're first trying. You're not going to be competent until you practice at it and get good at it, but the confidence, like you said, you can't borrow from other domains.
Dan:And that signals to other people that you can build that competence in other areas. Right, it's the potential. I think Glover or somebody else had said basically, a lot of the most attractive traits that men can display for women is not necessarily being successful, it's having the potential to be successful, having that potential to achieve the things that you want to in life and by having confidence in one area. That signals that you have the ability to build competence in whatever area or in a number of different areas, and I think that also tends to be an attractive quality and trait that it might be. It's kind of be under the surface a little bit in terms of why people or why women would be attracted to yeah.
Charles:I it's. It's interesting how we are the more interested we are in a girl, the more afraid we seem to be to express that interest and the more scared we are where it's so I mean it's counter I mean it's counterintuitive right we're in how it runs counter to success.
Charles:Sure, I was trying to say yeah, it's, it's. It's like we build up these stakes in our mind and the more we want the thing, the less likely we are to behave in the way that gets us the thing we want so much. And and that's one of the things that he tries to reframe in this book and in this chapter is this idea of you can't pretend to be uninterested in a girl and expect her to be interested in you. Part of what gets her interested in you is the fact that you're willing to communicate your interest in her, and the more you try to hide that because of your fear of rejection or whatever, the less attractive she's going to be. Now he says something in this chapter, and the way he says it I don't completely agree with. He says women don't sleep with men that they know they get to know the men that they want to sleep with.
Charles:I'm a guy who's been friends with a woman who I eventually started dating. What I would say more than this is women don't find the men they already know to be exciting. Women want to get to know the men that they find exciting. So if you're already in a relationship where you've basically painted yourself into a fairly boring role in this person's life, the amount of anxiety that it would sort of create in you to think, oh, I've got to do something exciting. So she sees me in a completely different way, like a guy who has put himself in the friend zone. It's very hard to say I've got to do something so big, yeah. And so brandios, grant, yeah, like, so such a grand gesture that she no longer looks at me this guy, she as this guy, she looks at me as this guy instead. Yeah, that is, it's.
Charles:It's hard to come up with something that's that big, that will reframe you in that way, and it's also anxiety inducing to think, okay, I've got to do this. And then there's also a bigger potential for the downside of oh you, you were never my friend, you've just always been interested in me, but you've been afraid to tell me that's kind of a bummer and that turns me off and that makes you unattractive to me. So, yeah, there's. It's much better to start off by being the kind of person that the woman, women that you're interested in, find exciting, find interesting, than it is to get to know them very, very well and then decide one day.
Charles:Oh, I've got to be exciting now because I want her to turn on a dime and start looking at me as a man that she's attracted to. So don't do that. That is a failing strategy. The idea of I'm going to cozy up to this person and be in her life as often and as much as I can and help her move and watch her cat when she's out of town and do all these nice things that a buddy would do, and then at some point, either she's going to decide that she's in love with me or I'm going to have some grand romantic gesture that tries to convince her that I'm boyfriend material.
Dan:Yeah, I think. I think the thing to think about here is the trust that you are creating or getting or or reducing in that relationship. And it's really important to begin that relationship where you know, yes, they, they don't trust you with everything, but they, they trust the intentions that you are coming across with right, and that's that's the trust that they are coming across with Right, and that's the trust that they are having. And I think a lot of times women talk about getting the ick and when it be guys. And I think that's when the guy does something that is out of character for them Correct, right, you know like, oh, he just gave you an ick, like everything's going well, but he does one little thing and all of a sudden they have the ick. And it's because he's behaving in a way that is inconsistent from the impression that he already gave. I think, yeah, I think it's.
Charles:If I had to try to describe it yeah, it's, you're right, and and the goal should be just be yourself all the time. Now that be yourself, be a good version of yourself that you've worked hard to build. Yeah, not just the the be yourself.
Dan:Advice is not an excuse to be lazy right is that the show up in sweat how you're like lounging around your house, right, Like exactly.
Charles:Like, yeah, be yourself, should be. I'm a guy who who puts some effort and work into my first impressions. I'm a guy who puts some effort and work into it's the way I dress, the way I communicate, yeah.
Dan:It's, it's be yourself, not make yourself at home. Okay, it's be yourself, not make yourself at home. Okay, let's be clear.
Charles:Exactly. Yeah, don't be the laziest version of yourself. It's work hard to be yourself and then do it. Put in the effort to figure out who you are and an act to that you find yourself having to to maintain, because that just communicates a lack of confidence. I mean, there are things I do on a daily basis that I was just thinking yesterday one of the things that I've read online that can give women the ick a man eating an ice cream cone I never even thought about that.
Charles:The cup is okay, right, but not not picking on an ice cream cone.
Dan:I could see that being like a, like a little kid, like a little boy ish type of thing where you can kind of get a little bit of an ick from that yeah okay, yeah I could see it.
Charles:I don't care like ice cream cones any. Any girl that gets the ick from me enjoying an ice cream cone, she's not the girl we're basically gonna have Any girl that gets the ick from me enjoying an ice cream cone she's not the girl.
Charles:We're basically going to have to put that in the cup and the cone on. Absolutely not, oh, no, god, no, it ripped on me. It turned off 99 women out of 100. I'd still eat ice cream cones because I like them, so I don't care, I'll hold out, but Google I that'd be the top 10 things I wouldn't give from the Chad GBT.
Dan:What gives him a bit? What gives me a?
Charles:we should, yeah, but whatever it is about the, the, the jokes I laugh at the, the way I am with animals, the way I am with Taylor Swift music, I mean there's a whole lot of those things that plenty of women can be like. Oh, I mean, there's a whole lot of those things that plenty of women can be like, oh, I can't believe he's into that. Good, you should know that. The sooner you know that about me, the less time we're going to waste of each other.
Dan:Right, you can Right. I mean, if that's what you like, then own it and like it, and you'll find somebody who also appreciates that about you.
Charles:Yeah, I have no interest. There is no girl. Girl, that is pretty enough for me to spend the time and ever pretending that I'm somebody. I'm not. Yeah, that she doesn't exist. I mean, think of the hottest celebrity, the girl that you think's the prettiest in the world for me.
Charles:She's not pretty enough for me to well, that's my girlfriend, so I mean yeah, your girlfriend's not pretty enough for me to act like I'm not me, which she will attest to when we hang out. At no point your girlfriend ever thought charles is acting like somebody. He's not correct.
Dan:I'm absolutely correct well, you got respect for that yeah and I.
Charles:I was in a class recently where me and the other people in the class gave each other feedback on how we sort of come across and how we present ourselves and from the anonymous feedback I got, it would seem to be there was one person in the group of 10 or 11. That kind of wasn't into me and at first it bothered me a little bit. I was like man, I can't believe they said that about me. But then I thought you know what if I'm in a room of 10 people and one person is not on board with how I am acting or who I am amazing.
Dan:Completely fine with listen I've heard one time if heard one time if you go through life thinking everybody's going to agree with you on stuff, then you're completely deluded Because a landslide victory in a political campaign is 51% to 49% on a presidential race. So go out into life thinking most people are not going to agree with you. If you find one that does like and it's a, or if you find one out of every two, that's amazing. Like so I think the problem is we always want to. We're coming again from our primitive brains. We want to be liked by the group. So, yeah, our brains are seeking out approval from everybody. So we got one person. That's why negative feedback stings so much harder. Like a hundred good comment, right, even the one bad one you're with yeah, exactly and that's amazing.
Dan:So, yeah, well, 90 of the people liked you okay yeah, they're pretty good.
Charles:Yeah, that is pretty good, and I would think even, but you still spent time wondering why and like what happened?
Dan:did I do something? Whatever I'm get, that's natural. I mean our brains do that exactly.
Charles:but you gotta, you gotta be okay with the idea that when you're being yourself, you're not going to appeal to everybody and that might be even a great witness.
Dan:Test is to say hey you know what, if everybody likes me, maybe I'm not being my authentic self, maybe I'll. Maybe I am leaning unconsciously, trying to please too many people. Maybe more people shouldn't like me.
Charles:Yeah, I would say and I speak for myself on that, because I tend to do that too- yeah, I would say if everybody likes you, then yeah, you're either being inauthentic or I would say that the majority of the cases you're being inauthentic. I guess there's a chance you just might be super boring.
Dan:I mean For whatever reason.
Charles:Reason I mean it could be any number of reasons why they don't like you, I'll say when everybody does like you, I'll say it if ever, if absolutely everybody likes you, you're either being inauthentic or you'll be, or you're just a very boring person, and and I would say I don't think anybody is actually that boring, I think they're just going to be expressing everything Correct, exactly, yes, I think. I think inauthenticity is the more sure path to everybody liking you, but liking you in a casual way, not liking you in a deeply connected way. I think when, when you show yourself to people for who you really are, there's going to be some people who are just like, that's not my kind of person. Not like, oh, he's a terrible person or he's a scumbag or anything, but just like, eh, charles, I could take it or leave it, he's, he's fine, I guess, but he's not my kind of guy. It's okay for people to have that opinion.
Dan:That doesn't define the one person like were they giving you like comments on things? Well?
Charles:it was comments across multiple exercises and I just there was always one that had a certain vibe to it and I assumed it was the same person.
Charles:Okay, could have been different people, that I wasn't an expert nobody kind of like you is just in the voice that it was written and the way that it sounded, I I kind of got the vibe like, okay, there's one person who thinks, okay, I might be a little bit of a prick and I am a little bit of a prick, so it's okay. If one out of ten people catch that, it means you're authentic yeah that's fine.
Charles:Yeah, yeah, at first I was like, oh, I can't believe it. And like, oh, yeah, now I can believe it. Yeah, I just gotta think. I just had to think about it for a second. I was like, yeah, I could see the way, see the way I dress, the way I talk, the things I say, the jokes. I tell it's completely reasonable for 10% of people to be like, no thanks.
Dan:You could please 90% of the people 100% of the time. Yeah, you need to run.
Charles:Well, I feel like, yeah, I feel like even more time and more social time with me, the number would have gone down. That's fine, that's a-okay. I do want to tell you about some. I was at a conference last weekend and the conference included these little lunch passes where you got to enjoy a buffet lunch on Friday and Saturday. You get in line, you'd walk through the buffet, you'd prepare your plate and then there was just a big room around banquet tables where you just go sit down and eat with strangers and I skipped lunch on both days because I did not want to do that. Oh man, it was.
Charles:I wouldn't say it was social anxiety, I guess I wouldn't say it was social. I just like, oh, I'm not doing that. It wasn't like, oh, I'm scared to do that. Oh, I'm not doing that. It wasn't like, oh, I'm scared to do that. Oh, I feel uncomfortable. It's just like I'm not doing that. I did think to myself. I wonder if this is something that I could or should work on at some point, where the idea of just being turned off by sitting down with strangers is something that I should maybe work on why, why would it be important?
Charles:there could be a good conversation that okay add with a person that I did not yet know, okay, where it was. It's funny though, cause, like in the, I guess it's not funny in the breakout sessions of this conference I had no problem, like I tried to sit in the front row for everyone because I wanted to be closer to the instructor, I wanted to be closer to the action. I think it also does. It communicates a level of interest to the speaker, like, oh, this is, this person wants to sit in the front row. I have no problem sitting in the front row, sitting next to someone and even having some little comment or remark, or hey, how's it going? Or what I introduced.
Charles:Not really introducing myself, I wouldn't do that, but I'd make some sort of an introductory statement. That didn't bother me because the pressure was so much lower, because hey, we're, we're talking for two minutes and then the person's going to start the presentation. We don't have to talk anymore. So I'm down for that. Yeah, the idea of sitting down at lunch next to strangers and having them want to talk to me and me being expected to talk back to them, and even if they're boring or weird. I still have to talk to them because we're sitting here with a plate full of food until it's gone. Yeah, yeah, that was that does not appeal to me, so I'm trying to decide, should that matter?
Dan:And should.
Charles:I change it? Or should I just be like okay, that's just how I am.
Dan:Yeah, I guess you gotta figure out what your why would be Is it. Is it worth it for you to work on that?
Charles:What would you potentially be getting out of that? I guess at a professional conference there's potential to meet somebody that I may want to work with in the future and they may want to work with me. Good point, okay, it could fairly directly go straight to money in my pocket, yeah, and so that's a pretty good why.
Dan:And I feel like this is pretty low investment. You're just sitting there eating something and you don't even have to say anything, anybody else. If somebody asks you a question, okay, yeah, or you can overhear something.
Charles:That'd be my approach yeah, if I'm sitting at a table of people, though I would feel like it would be, and we've thought about this before. When you put yourself into social situations, sometimes the downside of mishandling them is worse than not putting yourself in the situation at all. Could be so if I sat down there and I was the guy that was just playing on his phone the whole time while the whole table was talking to each other and I'm just kind of isolating and stuff, it would be better if I never sat down at the table as far as the impact on my reputation and my career as far as the impact on my reputation and my career, the people that were there.
Dan:Was it similar to like a podcast conference where everybody was kind of outgoing At the podcast conference? I mean, that's, people interview people and connect with people for a living. That's what they do, that's true. I was just curious Did you get the same vibe from the people at this conference where they were kind of because it was so easy for me to connect and talk to people at the podcast conference? It was a lot different, coming from the Nike conferences we've been to when we were previously, where it was really awkward all the time because nobody was kind of used to working with machines, not necessarily people, right, Difference with this conference and I don't want to get too specific, but I will say the mix of attendees.
Charles:There were people at the comp, there were people at the comp. Essentially, when you go to a podcast conference, there's not like you're not going to have a thousand potential listeners sit down at the table next to you, where you feel a little bit like, oh, if I come across the right way, this could lead to. This could lead to a big bump in our business where, at this conference, there were some people in the, there were some people in the attendance that it was like, man, if they, if they, if they take a shine to me, that could have a major impact on my career. Okay, and if they, if I come across as the previously mentioned, prick to this person, that could really hurt my career opportunities. So the stakes are a little bit higher and, yes, everybody was outdoing, everybody was nice, but the stakes are a little bit higher and, yes, everybody was outdoing.
Charles:Everybody was nice, but it was also a little bit of pressure of if I come across in a way to these people that is not great, then they could.
Dan:How many people were at the conference?
Charles:Good question.
Dan:I'm just wondering. I would think it would be 500 to 1,000?. I would think it would be a smaller to a thousand. I would think I would be a smaller industry. That podcasting no or not? I mean it's been around long, Maybe it's not, I don't know. I was just curious.
Charles:Good question.
Dan:Curious, I don't know.
Charles:Okay, yeah, but anyway, that's getting late. We should stop soon, yeah. Just, I think the message of this one is be confident, be authentic and be willing to take some risks, and it will make you more attractive and have better results with the kind of people that you are interested in attracting, where, if you shy away from being authentic and taking some risk and being direct about what you're looking for, it's going to turn people off and your results are going to go down. So so don't play it safe the way. Don't do what you think is safe, cause in the longterm much like hiding money under your mattress is inflation is going to take away all your money.
Charles:Yeah, if you just do that right, we're playing it safe with interactions with women. Eventually it's going to take away all your money with women. Eventually it's going to take away all your money. You're going to look back 20 years ago and say, man, I wish I took some risks because I got a lot of girls that I have crushes on, who think I'm their friend and nothing else. That's a shitty place to be.
Dan:Yeah, yeah. The other thing too is age takes a toll on us all and as we get older and we're going to have less ability to, I feel, be young and vibrant and and healthy, and so we might have a little bit more work as we get older in terms of being able to make those connections and and foster that attraction. So I'm not saying you can't, I'll, but it's definitely easier when you've got the side of time on your side.
Charles:Yeah, and even if you feel like you're old because you're 50, 60, 70 years old listening to this, the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is right now. Right, so we're all, we're all. The arrow of time moves in one direction for all of us. So now is is always, wherever you're at, is always the best time to start, and so read this book, get started. That's it for us, and the first half of dating essentials for men. We will come back with our next episode on a different topic, which we're going to surprise you with, so I'm excited for that too. Yeah, so listen and you'll see what it is next time. Thanks, dan, bye-bye, bye.
Charles:You'll see what it is next time. Thanks, dan, bye-bye, bye. All right, there's another episode and another subject in the books. Thanks so much for listening to the whole thing. We certainly appreciate it. Again, check out our website, mindfullymasculinecom, where you can find our full episodes in both audio and video format. Thanks, and we'll talk to you next time.
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