"Whatever You Wanna Do..." Kills Your Relationship

In this episode, Charles and Dan continue their discussion of masculine leadership in relationships by examining the role of direction and structure—and what happens when men avoid it or misuse it. Drawing from The Masculine in Relationship by G.S. Youngblood, they explore how everyday indecision, conflict avoidance, and over-assertiveness quietly undermine trust, intimacy, and attraction.

The conversation breaks down the difference between leadership and control, and why insisting too loudly on being “in charge” often signals insecurity rather than confidence. Charles explains how leadership is communicated through action, competence, and calm initiative—not dominance or entitlement—and why women respond more positively to clarity than to either passivity or authoritarian decision-making.

Dan shares personal insight into conflict avoidance and how early family dynamics can shape a tendency to defer decisions. Together, they unpack how the absence of honest opinions can trigger deeper doubts in a relationship, leading partners to question communication, emotional safety, and even sexual connection.

The episode also highlights a common relational trap: waiting for instructions or clues instead of taking initiative. Charles argues that simply offering a genuine opinion—without clinging to it or forcing it—creates structure, reduces emotional labor, and keeps polarity alive. The goal isn’t to win decisions, but to move the relationship forward with clarity and mutual respect.

This conversation is about avoiding two damaging extremes: “I don’t care, you decide,” and “I’ve decided, end of discussion.” Healthy masculine leadership lives in the middle—where initiative, openness, and emotional steadiness support long-term connection rather than eroding it.

Chapters

• 1:57 What Direction and Structure Actually Mean
• 3:25 Leadership vs. Entitlement
• 7:31 Conflict Avoidance and Over-Deferring
• 13:05 Having an Opinion Without Forcing It
• 15:10 When Authority Signals Insecurity
• 16:59 Why Indecision Erodes Trust
• 26:40 Structure, Polarity, and Desire
• 27:43 Avoiding the Two Dead Ends

Transcript

Charles (00:00)
When you're putting it on too thick about how in charge you are, she notices that and it doesn't make her feel like you're in charge. It makes her feel like you're not. Welcome to the Mindfully Masculine Podcast. This is Charles. In this episode, Dan and I dig into a core relationship skill that's easy to misunderstand and even easier to avoid. Taking initiative without being controlling and offering structure without disappearing into passivity. Using the masculine in relationship by G.S. Youngblood as a lens.

We talk about how every day in decision, conflict avoidance and overcompensation quietly damaged trust, intimacy, and attraction. We explore why having an honest opinion matters, how leadership shows up through action rather than authority, and how the absence of direction can trigger deeper doubts about communication, safety, and desire in a relationship. This is about avoiding the two dead ends most couples fall into. I don't care. You decide.

and I've decided end of discussion. If you want a clearer understanding of how healthy masculine leadership supports emotional stability, polarity, and long-term connection, this conversation goes straight there. If you want to go deeper into these ideas or catch any past episodes, audio, or video, visit mindfullymasculine.com. Thanks and enjoy.

Dan (01:21)
Good evening, Charles Howari.

Charles (01:23)
Good evening Dan, I am well, thank you, how are you?

Dan (01:25)
I am also doing well.

Charles (01:27)
It's a Friday, December 5th as we record this 5 45 at night. Mm hmm. Still getting used to the new schedule, but I like it. Yeah. Cause I roll around for, we just get on the mics whenever we feel like it. right. ⁓ all right. So let's, let's get into chapter 12, which, ⁓ this introduces the second element of what, ⁓ our author, Mr. Youngblood calls the masculine blueprint, which is providing direction and structure.

Dan (01:36)
You too.

Charles (01:57)
And, ⁓ it's really, I mean, at its core, would say it's about just kind of taking stuff off of the plate of the romantic woman in your life, your romantic interest, who's a woman and taking care of stuff for her so that she doesn't have to worry about doing it herself. Being thoughtful. And, ⁓ I think for most men, ⁓ a part of masculinity, at least traditional

Dan (02:15)
been a little thoughtful.

Charles (02:27)
healthy masculinity is wanting to take on a leadership role. don't know any, I don't know any men that I would say embody what I consider to be a healthy version of masculinity that aren't comfortable with some level of leadership in their relationship, in their career, in their, you know, whatever organizations they belong to. ⁓ they're certainly not scared of it and they certainly don't try to wrestle it away from people when they don't have it coming to them. But

When they're called to lead, they don't shy away from it. think, I think I'm comfortable saying that that's a, a healthy attribute of positive traditional masculinity. Yep. And so if you are, if that appeals to you and you're with a woman that you taking on that role appeals to as well, then here are some of the ways that you can do that in a way that she will very likely appreciate and respond positively to. ⁓

Dan (03:07)
I absolutely agree.

Charles (03:25)
He defines the structure as part of the direction structure as setting the direction, trying to simplify decisions whenever you can, establishing processes and expectations, setting boundaries and offering clear communication. And those all sound great to me. ⁓ In this case though, the problem that men can run into is

basically doing a half-assed or lazy version of this that they treat as an entitlement where they don't really care to learn about how to do it right, how to do it well. They just think, it's my job to always pick where we live or where we eat or where we send our kids to school or fill in the blank, like just I'm the man, so I get to choose this without cultivating the necessary skills to actually be good at it.

so that you can handle it with confidence, with competence. I mean, when somebody is good at something and they offer to do that thing for me, my answer is going to be yes, please, 10 out of 10 times.

Dan (04:35)
Really you? I feel like you want to be the one making the decision.

Charles (04:39)
of the time. I know that somebody can...

Dan (04:42)
I feel like you can do it better than just about everybody else. that's the question, right? Can you ask? Are there people on the planet that you feel like can actually do something better than you?

Charles (04:51)
I don't cut my own hair.

Dan (04:52)
Okay, alright, fair enough. Alright, you got one. Alright. Four.

Charles (04:55)
I don't give my- Anymore?

Yeah, in fact, like, since the flow be broke out last time, and we couldn't get it repaired, um, yeah, I mean, look, if, yeah, if there's something, there are things I will definitely pay someone to do for me. Um, when I had a house with a lawn, I didn't mow my own lawn. I didn't have anybody else do that for me. Well-

Dan (05:16)
Was that because you didn't want to do it or because you felt that they could actually do it better than you?

Charles (05:23)
They certainly could do it more efficiently than me. Okay. All ⁓ you know, because they had better equipment. don't know that their skill was much better than me. You know, if I, if I dropped 12 grand on a running lawnmower, I could probably do it as fast as they did. I just didn't want to. Right. ⁓ so, ⁓ yeah, but there, there are certain things, I mean, like, you know, we've, we've talked about outsourcing some of the production of the podcast before where...

It's like, no, I don't think anybody is going to decide on what stays in and what gets cut in a way that's consistent with the voice I want to put out there as good as me. So I feel like I have to do it. Yeah. And for the person who would be good enough to say, no, I think I've got a better feel for your voice than you do. And I think I can edit the podcast better than you do. I can't afford them. Yeah. So I know they're probably out there. Right. But they're not out there at a rate that I'm willing to pay.

Dan (06:13)
Yeah, that's something you gotta think about.

Charles (06:16)
where, ⁓ you know, if it came down to, I mean, back in the day when you had to hire travel agents, because you couldn't just do everything by yourself online, made sense to say, okay, I'm comfortable with just telling them what I'm looking for and letting them make the commission off the airline or the hotel chain. And that's fine with me. They could just take care of it. Now I don't see that as being necessary. I, I don't know that many people our age still use travel agents. I I don't know anybody our age that

or younger that does, but it's certainly a possibility. That does, I do wonder about, know, once the boomers all die off, like, who's going to be using travel agents at that point? I guess maybe they got really complex, you know? But I don't know. I I've looked at, you know, flying over to Africa to hike Kilimanjaro, and that's a pretty complex trip, but I still think I could manage to organize it myself. reading reviews and articles and learning what I needed to learn.

And I think part of it, part of the part I enjoy would be figuring out the logistics of how to make it work. But anyway, what about you? You, you would agree that if you've, if you've got a partner that is really much better at doing something than you are and they ought to do it, you're going to let them do it.

Dan (07:31)
Yeah,

yeah, probably more to my detriment that I would do that more often than not. Like if, know, I probably undervalue any skills or contribute contribution that I could bring to the table. Right. And then I will, I have a, ⁓ I think of a history of just like letting other people, you know, just take control a lot more often than I should. And that's something for me. ⁓

Charles (07:55)
Where does that come from? Like the attitude of, whatever they come up with will be good enough. I mean, is that part of it?

Dan (08:01)
Part of it is probably conflict avoidance. Thinking that if I were to say, no, no, you know, let me do it, or I'm happy to contribute to whatever that it could cause a conflict. So that is a little bit more of where I'm coming from in terms of not wanting to upset the other person because I don't want to make them feel bad because I am questioning what they're going to contribute by offering to help in a weird way. Right? ⁓

So yeah, I think that's kind of where it comes from. Um, and also, I, know, I've, I've also, I've also grown up around people who are a little bit aggressive when it comes to taking control of things. And that could be like my German background. Yes. You can call, you know, it's a stereotype there, but yeah, some of, some of my family from, from Germany, absolutely very much set in their ways and they want to do things their way. And it should be done this way. And it was just better for me to go, okay.

You know, I'm not going to question. I'm even a question anything. Many of the asked questions about why you're doing it in this way. Otherwise it could come across as, them getting offended with, certain things, you know? And then again, it comes from a, from childhood, not as an adult anymore, but yeah, it's definitely planted its roots and seeds in me. And, and because of that, I've, I've a lot of times let other people just take the lead on things. Cause I don't want to upset anybody, you know? Yeah. It's not that important to me to, basically take that lead and have things.

Cause most of the time, yeah, whatever, a lot of times those experiences also they've worked out well. Like I've enjoyed and, know, I've benefited from like letting people do the things they, the way they want to do them. Yeah.

Charles (09:42)
Yeah, I think, ⁓ I mean, part of my challenge is I am very particular. I can kind of plant my flag on some Hills that there's no need for flag planting, but, ⁓ yeah, I do have, I get set in these preferences for ⁓ like, like some very small things that I have big opinions on and like, this is the way I like it. This is the way I want to do it. And, ⁓

Dan (10:08)
Pineapple

on pizza?

Charles (10:10)
That's funny, that's one of the ones on, ⁓

Dan (10:14)
Is it a hinge? What are they dating apps? Yeah.

Charles (10:15)
Was that one of the- Yeah.

It like, what's your most controversial opinion? Yeah. It was like, my most controversial opinion is I think pineapple ⁓ pizza. It's fine, I don't care.

Yeah. Like, Yeah. It's good. It's not bad. ⁓

Dan (10:32)
Meh.

Charles (10:34)
If I ate out, three pizzas show up and they're all pineapple and ham, then no problem, I'll eat it. I don't care, that's fine. But I don't think I've... Other than the first time that I ordered it because I wanted to try it, I don't think I've ordered pineapple on pizza since. Yeah. And again, if I show up at a place where there's free pizza and that's what's on it, I'll eat it, no problem. Yeah. But if I'm in charge of ordering it, probably not gonna order pineapple on pizza. Probably not gonna go Hawaiian style. No. What's your favorite pizza topping?

or toppings, combination of toppings.

Dan (11:05)
I

mean, I'm always a fan of a meat lovers. Yeah. Where they do a little combination of everything. That's probably my favorite. In it's my go to.

Charles (11:07)
Okay.

My favorite, if we're talking about like a real boutique pizza shop where you can really pick exactly what you want. Well, number one, that one we eat out occasionally when we go to downtown Orlando was the comedy club's not there anymore. It moved, but it was right next to Sack Comedy Club on Orange Avenue. And they had, I think it was the lasagna pizza I got. Number one night where that was so good. Cause it had like, had the flat ribbon noodles. had.

The ground beef it had ricotta cheese that was amazing that delicious. Yeah, my go-to is ⁓ meatball and onion

Dan (11:46)
Yeah, that's good. Yeah, like, I like definitely like some onions. Yeah.

Charles (11:50)
Yeah, that's my favorite. That's my favorite meat to get out of pizzas. Meat like cut up meatballs.

Dan (11:54)
Onion just brings out the flavor of

Charles (11:56)
You

know, it might be my favorite vegetable. You really only eat it with other stuff though. Right. It's not a primary vegetable. That's a good point. yeah, whenever I rarely make scrambled eggs without some sauteed onions.

Dan (12:17)
Yeah, sauteing is the best. That's my favorite form. Other than fried with like on a green bean casserole, I like those frizzled and ⁓ I love-

Charles (12:25)
I'm

like on burgers or on casseroles. Yeah, I don't like the consistency of that. But yeah, I do like, man, I haven't had pizza in months and months and months and months. Feels like I've never had pizza before. It's been so long and I'll never have it again.

Dan (12:48)
or even in New York, you're not gonna go for a slice?

Charles (12:51)
My New York City. mean, New York City pizza is amazing, but the list of other amazing food in New York is too long. Is that an idea? I don't think so.

It, something Daughters, something in Daughters. Yeah, it's like a famous one. I had like a white fish bagel sandwich. yeah. And Russ and Daughters, I think it is. It's name of it. And it was good. It was, it's very unusual, but it was tasty. So the point is that, ⁓ if you're not driving the...

I don't want to say decision making, but certainly the decision suggesting. that's what, you know, a good part of leadership with a partner who trusts you and this, you know, could apply in a business relationship or a romantic relationship. If. If you put yourself out there to say, I'm going to be the leader through your actions, not through your words, and you've got a track record of being good at it. think we said last week or the week before.

Really all you have to say is, think we should do X. And if you've got that competence and that reputation for being good at it, and you've got a woman who prefers the man in the relationship to take the lead, that's all it takes. And she will agree with what you want to do and go along with it. But part of that is, if you say, we're going out back for dinner tonight, and that's that, then you're more likely to get a, whoa, I don't feel like out back.

Where if it's more like, I kind of feel like a steak. think, ⁓ I don't feel like spending a bunch of money. So how about we do Outback tonight? That's kind of what would work for me. I think you're more likely to get sign on when you bring it, when you introduce it that way than just surprise, we're going out back tonight and that's final. I mean, people, all people have a tendency to want to push back at somebody that just makes up their mind in a way that says, and by the way, you have no say in this.

Dan (14:54)
Yeah, I mean, almost even if you do want to go, you almost want to recoil and reject it just out of principle or just out of being like attacked almost or like having your, you know, your hands tied.

Charles (15:10)
Right?

And I think part of that is, on a very basic level, trying to put your opinion forward in that super, like, inappropriately authoritative way, that communicates weakness to me. If somebody, like, goes out of their way to say, I'm in charge and here's what I've decided. Yeah. My first thing is like, okay, what's going on with you? What's wrong with you that you feel like you had to bring it up that way? Yeah. Like, you don't know that there's a better way to say it than that? That's kind of weird.

Dan (15:37)
or that you're so sensitive that right. You're not being open to any, type of variation or just go, right. that's. Yeah. think what most people want are just, just take some effort off of their plate, right. Just a little bit of just, Hey, you know what? Here's a couple of suggestions, right? So I'm narrowing down all the millions of choices here to a few.

Charles (15:41)
I guess I'll read ⁓

I

put in the minuscule amount of effort it takes to have a version one opinion on something. So you don't have to have the version one. If you had respond to it, you could agree with it. You can provide an alternative to say, I'd rather do this. You know, the floor is wide open once you say, but like we said in the last episode, it's like, just put in the effort to have an opinion and be honest about your opinion. And in a healthy relationship, that is all the leadership that you need to express.

And that will allow your partner to either go along with it or suggest an alternative plan. ⁓ yeah, but the, don't know what you want to do. I don't know what you want to do. Nobody wants that. And nobody wants the, I've decided we're going to do this and I'm not, and the floor is not open to discussion. Nobody wants either of those two weird extremes. So just don't be weird and just have an opinion, express it honestly. And then you can have a conversation with somebody. Yeah.

Dan (16:59)
So in your mind, what does that do when you do for the relationship, when you do one or the other, like in terms of the state that you're putting your partner in when you are just going, Hey, well, what do you want to do? I don't know. What do you want to do versus actually making a few suggestions and being open to, to some flexibility? Why is it? Why do you think that's important?

Charles (17:29)
Like you and I've talked about

Dan (17:31)
for a romantic relationship.

Charles (17:32)
bring

up all the time that, ⁓ you know, we're always looking for shortcuts. so the idea that a man is incapable of having an opinion and honestly expressing that opinion leads, can lead a woman to the cognitive shortcut of what else can't he just say or do ⁓ when asked? Like he can't, he can't throw out the name of a restaurant that he would feel like eating at. What else is he not?

telling me or what else can't he tell me? Yeah. What else can't he express? And good question. What else? And that's the thing, because yeah, if you're, if you can't come up with a, Hey, I'm kind of feeling like typhoon. Let's go to that Thai place. If you can't come up with that because you're not comfortable being the first one to throw an idea out there, you're probably also not sharing that thing you want to do in bed that you feel a little awkward about bringing it on, you know, or

that strong opinion you might have about why your kids not, you know, excelling in the math class that they're taking, even though they do great in every other subject. Like, is there some opinion you have on that that you're just not comfortable bringing up? Like, that's what I would be worried about if I was in the position of being in a relationship where I felt like my partner, you know, had some stuff.

Either they didn't know what they had going on under their surface or there was nothing going on under the surface. I'd be like, ⁓ boy, what other balls are going to get dropped because they just don't care to burn the cycles to have an opinion.

Dan (19:04)
Yeah, so would you say that actually starts to violate their trust a little bit? Actually, like, potentially, you know, you don't really know the person that you've been with or that you're dating at this point because they've been hiding things or they almost appears like they've been hiding or huddling back?

Charles (19:21)
Especially if it's somebody who's like, wait a second.

He used to have an opinion on everything and now he doesn't even want to tell me where he wants to go out to eat? What's that about? You know?

Dan (19:32)
Yeah, then mine can jump to conclusion.

Charles (19:34)
Decentment.

And so, yeah, I would say, and again, when it comes to that stuff, just role play, just think to yourself, okay, if I didn't have her here to help me make decisions, what would I do on my own? If I was in this position of choosing a restaurant or choosing a place for my kid to go to school or whatever it is, and I didn't have her to rely on, what would I do? And then just say that. again, don't plant your flag at it and take it to the grave, but just say, ⁓ I think we should.

have a barbecue for dinner tonight. What do you think? So, yeah, and that's something that I would encourage every guy, if they're not in that habit of coming up with an opinion, stating it honestly, and not being married to it like you're going to die if you don't get your way. Just be willing to throw something out there and start the conversation.

Dan (20:26)
And what you're doing is you are creating structure. may not feel like it at the time, you know, may seem so minuscule that you're, creating structure by throwing out a couple of ideas for dinner, but that is in effect what you're doing. And, and if you think of it that way, maybe that helps you get over the hump of, of resisting doing those things.

Charles (20:45)
Yeah, and it's important. mean, I think we've touched on the fact that this isn't about domination. This isn't about making mountains out of mohills. This is about taking the lead to say, all right, I will be the one to open up the discussion with one suggestion. And then you might have a better suggestion. You might have no suggestion. You might have whatever, but I'm going to open this up by saying, hey, here's what I think we should do and not, here's what we must do. Yeah.

And because that's not what this is about and that's not what women are looking for.

Dan (21:16)
No. And you know, there's so many different opportunities and situations where you can take advantage of providing that relief in that structure a little bit, whether that's, you know, how do you handle, you know, just planning a kid who's been misbehaving or not just dinner, but, you know, financial planning, you know, just, even, even opinions of like things that she's wearing or, know, for, for, or, or, you know, what color paint you're going to use on the wall. Like,

Charles (21:40)
Right.

Dan (21:44)
Be there, you know, show that you have an opinion and show that you care about what's going on, you know, in life there. And that's the best way to show that you are loving and that you care about the relationship, you know? So look for those little things that you might be ignoring or not paying attention to, or you don't think really matter, right? Like the color of the paint on the wall, right? Whether it's eggshell or cream or whatever color it is, right? Just be there and pick something.

Charles (22:13)
Yeah, because in a lot of those cases, she's going to do so much of the work for you. She's not going to say, let's go to Home Depot and stand in front of the giant display of paint chips.

Dan (22:24)
She might... But be okay with it!

Charles (22:27)
It's not that big of a deal. She's not likely going to do that and tell you, haven't thought about this at all, I have no references, I have no ideas. It's more gonna be, I'm thinking a blue, which blue do you like? Or it's, I'm thinking blue or green, do you like blue or green? It's very rare that when it comes to a decision, like really anything that she brings to you for a decision, that it's going to be the infinite universe of choices and you have to start from scratch. Like when she comes to you with...

Hey, what do you think we should do about blah, blah, blah? She's usually going to say enough in that, introducing that conversation to give you an idea of where you're starting from, especially if it's on something aesthetic or that just comes down to preference, like a paint color or a fabric or something like that.

Dan (23:15)
Now there's a chance she might come to you and what do you want for Christmas dinner? Right. And so at that point you could start out with something like, Hey, what are we talking about here? We're talking about meats. So we're talking about sides. What do we notice? So it's really a ping pong of just kind of filtering down to get to where you guys both meet in the middle, right. Or meet somewhere, right. So just, you don't have to like, yeah, there's going be a universal thing. So for me, I was just like, well, I don't want Turkey. We just had that for Thanksgiving. So many people make freaking Turkey on for both. And I'm like, I know I don't want it.

You know, ⁓ which is it doesn't seem like it's that much help, but at least I limited one choice out of the plethora of things, you know.

Charles (23:52)
Yeah, you think. Probably where it's the best true Christmas meal is. ⁓ could be. I think it's up there. Yeah. I mean, or... Nice beef welly. wow. Yeah, I might, ⁓ Yeah, if I was...

Dan (24:01)
wow. I'll do a beef Wellington any time of year.

funny how this this is rotated so much around freaking food hungry right now clearly I'm getting hungry too that's that's the downside of doing the podcast later in the day

Charles (24:17)
I had a, uh, a coworker that, uh, recently made her own, her first beef Wellington for a little grats. And she said it came out really well. She's nice. I'm bringing it in to share with anybody, but she said it came out. Uh, I think she followed the Gordon Ramsey recipe for it and it came out really well. And, I haven't had it in some time. It used to be my favorite thing to get at, uh, one of the food and wine festivals. Uh, I think it was America, the America Pavilion. Okay.

May not have been food and wine. Maybe one of the other festivals, like, because they're always running some kind of festival at that time. And the America Pavilion had a beef Wellington that was ridiculous. You only get like this much of it, but it was so good. Oh, OK. So, yeah. And again, the last thing I want to say about the, you know, the domination or the superiority and why that can't factor into it. Really, anything you say or do that communicates.

I'm desperate for you to know that I'm in charge of this decision. It looks weak. I mean, whether in a, in a corporate setting or in a romantic setting, when, somebody like, can tell, boy, they really need me to know how in charge they, they want to be. It's like, okay, the people who know they're in charge never have to act like that or never have to speak that way. It's only, it's always the people that are fighting for the image of looking in control that do that. So if, if you're a guy that.

You know, if you can honestly evaluate the language you use and the way you behave to say like, okay, yeah, maybe I do put on a little too thick so that she knows I'm in charge. Well, that's cause you're not comfortable being in charge. And that's, that's a skill that would be worth it for you to develop. ⁓ because she knows what's going on, you know, in, that role of Oracle that we talked about last week. like, when, when you're putting it on too thick about how in charge you are, she notices that and it doesn't make her feel like you're in charge and it makes her feel like you're not.

The man neglects this role in a traditional masculine, feminine relationship. Well, ⁓ either she's going to pick it up. All pick up the role and become the masculine person in the pair. ⁓ which will certainly have impacts on other areas of your relationship. You know, if she's making all the logistical decisions, cause you can't be bothered that will have an effect on the bedroom and other areas as well. Yeah.

Dan (26:20)
up the rule.

Charles (26:40)
⁓ or she doesn't pick up that role. just, nobody does anything like nothing gets done at all, which that can happen sometimes too. Like, I don't know what you want to do. I don't know what do you want to do? And then, you know, you're eating baloney sandwiches because nobody had a plan to cook and nobody had a plan to go out. And so you just kind of rooting through the pantry to see what's already there and eating chips for dinner.

Dan (27:01)
that does.

Yeah. know, and it certainly doesn't promote any type of sexual activity or, know, like it just, I don't know. It's just, it's, feel like when that happens, it's just lower energy, lower energy, lower energy. And there's no tension there. There's no, there's no tension of any sort in hospital bed. Right. And I mean, you're like, basically during the matrix, at that point, right. You know, it's yeah. So I think, and he, I think he talks about also is that if, ⁓

if you're not providing structure, you're kind of losing some polarity there. You're losing a little bit of, which is necessary for that sexual tension to be there. that's why most of us are in relationships.

Charles (27:43)
You know? Yeah, his, one of the things he says to close out the chapter is to basically stop waiting for her clues or her orders to take action, really any area. It's like, as soon as you decide you want to do something or something has to get done, then vocalize it and then do it. Because that gives her the opportunity to say, no, wait, hold on. I don't think we should do that. Cause she might have a strong opinion that's not the same as yours. And then you guys can have a discussion about that. And.

When you do that, you will get closer than rounds of, don't care whatever you want to do. That doesn't generate anything good. All that generates is laziness and indecision and, you know, dead bedrooms and roommate scenarios and stuff like that. So that's the biggest thing to avoid is these two extremes of or er. You know, I mean... Well said. Thank you.

Yeah. These two screams of I'm too lazy to do anything or I'm too controlling to hear anything other than what pops into my head. And those, yeah, those are no, no place to be. ⁓ anything else from this chapter that's still after you want to mention?

Dan (28:53)
No, I think we nailed it.

Charles (28:55)
Alright, we should probably get some food in our bellies. Sorry, I'm starving. I talk about food too much. Alright, thanks, Dan. We'll talk to you next time. That wraps up this episode of the Mindfully Masculine Podcast. We hope this conversation gave you a clearer understanding of how leadership, structure, and honest initiative shape trust, polarity, and emotional safety in relationships, and how avoiding both passivity and control matters more than most people realize.

Dan (28:58)
Let's go.

Charles (29:24)
If you know someone who might connect with or benefit from this episode, share it with them. It's one of the best ways to support the show and keep these conversations growing. Thank you for listening to the entire episode. We appreciate it and thanks for being part of this community. We'll see you next time.